Basket-Casery
The day starts quietly. It is cloudy outside, with the rains of last night moving on. Hurricane Irma is about to land in Florida, which will cause problems. These storms usually don’t make it as far as Atlanta. In 1995 Opal made it here, and took down trees all over the area.
The Library of Congress provides the images to be edited this morning. They are opened with GIMP, and cropped to an appropriate size. The light/dark levels are adjusted, and a label is pasted into the corner. The first pictures today are from a series shot “between 1896 and 1899.” U.S.S. Brooklyn, just before turning in. ” Edward H. Hart, photographer, Detroit Publishing Co. , publisher “
Miranda July Reads “The Metal Bowl” is the soundtrack. It is the story of a sensitive young lady, who made a porno video… “I was twenty-two when the video was shot. I needed quick money so I could get out of a bad relationship… I put the beer bottle into my vagina.”
Later, people recognize her from the video. She enjoys the attention. “There was only one boyfriend I didn’t tell. He was a very classy man, emotionally speaking, and I didn’t want to give him any indication of basket-casery.” While listening to the story, the phrase basket-casery jumped out at PG. Finding it in the text version was a moment of triumph.
U.S.S. Buffalo officers are the next picture. This is a group picture, which will be broken down into segments. When you take a group shot, and edit the image into individuals, you realize that every man in the image is a different human being. This is lost in a group photograph. Meanwhile, the story ran out of time. The young lady told her husband about the video, and got to see him re-enact it. The husband was the “one boyfriend I didn’t tell.”
How To Start A Fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift… The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
I took my wife to a restaurant.The waiter took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.” “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.”
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.”
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds .” I bought her a bathroom scale.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house… When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.” The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and then I discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.” My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
These human interest stories are borrowed from Expressing Myself. This is a repost, with pictures from The Library of Congress. “Halloween party at Shafter Camp for migrant agricultural workers. Shafter, California.” November 1938. Photographer: Dorothea Lange.
Dragon Con Parade
Labor Day Saturday got off to a shaky start. PG put the recharged battery in his camera, and noticed a white line on the monitor. A quick test shot was made, and the picture viewed on the computer. The white line is not on the picture.
Next was the fare machine at the marta station. PG does not ride very often, and loads the breeze card on a need-to-know basis. The fare machine was cranky, which is normal. All PG had was a ten dollar bill, and the machine gives change in Susan B. Anthony coins. PG did learn one secret of the turnstile. When the sign says to tap your card, that means to hold it flat against the pad for half a second.
The ride into town was unusually crowded for saturday morning. Of course, labor day saturday is not a normal day in Atlanta. There is Dragon Con, Black Gay Pride, and some kind of college football super game. It is a good day to stay in Brookhaven, but PG allowed himself to get talked into this.
The plan was to meet at the north end of the marta north avenue station, in the food court. Little did PG know that the station had been renovated, and the food court was closed. Of greater concern was the fact that Uzi was not there. A phone call was made, then another, then a text message. Uzi was at the other end of the station. The stress level was manageable.
The d-con parade … d con is a form of rodent poison, which somehow seems to fit this event … had already started. The idea was to walk down west peachtree a few blocks, and maybe it would be less crowded on peachtree when you walk up there. While it may have been marginally less crowded in the hospital-and-wino district, it was still packed. You can only see so much of the parade from the fifth row of the crowd, with or without big hair in front.
So the parade happened. There were starship troopers, barnyard poopers, medieval wenches, confederate trenches, loudspeakers playing the star wars theme, blondes making the team, ghost busters, crop dusters, trekkies, beckys, vlad the impaler, chad the inhaler, Lucy, Desi, Thurston, Lovie, Andy, Opie, and any other fantasy the costume cowboys can hot glue together.
On cue, towards the end of the circus, the jesus people came down the sidewalk, denouncing the harlots on television. The harlots walking down peachtree ignored them, as did most of the crowd. These idiots live for someone to pay them the compliment of arguing. When you wrestle with a hog, you get dirty, and the pig has a good time. Remember that the next time someone tells you about antifa versus the tiki torch bois.
Finally it was time to get on marta, and ride back to civilization. On the north line, you have one job. You get on the north springs red train, or you get on the doraville gold train. It is not complicated, except for today. The first train to come through did not have signs, indicating the destination. Nor did the conductor make announcements. PG somehow figured out that it was a red train, and that he needed to get off at lindbergh station. The next train to doraville had signs, and made regular announcements. The car waits in the parking lot undisturbed.
While editing the pictures that appear with this feature, PG listened to Shots Fired: Part 2. It is the story of a married couple. They have a fight, and the man goes off and gets drunk. Somehow, the police to go his house. His wife meets them with a shotgun. The police are offended, and shoot back. It is a *real story,* and a tasteful counterpoint to all the manufactured fantasy on peachtree street.
These Are The 10 Most
PG saw a facebook post from his cousin. It was about the town he lives in: Wilton Named 83rd Drunkest Place to Live in Connecticut: Report It was based on a bit of creative clickbait, These Are The 10 Drunkest Places In Connecticut. This is a repost.
The distibutor of this information is RoadSnacks. “RoadSnacks is based in Durham, NC. We aim to deliver infotainment about where you live that your real estate agent won’t tell you. We use data, analytics, and a sense of humor to determine the dirt on places across the country.” Other information opportunities include: “TAT10 Poorest Places In Kentucky”, “TAT10 Drunkest Places In Pennsylvania”, “TAT10 Dumbest Cities In Illinois”, “TAT10 Cities In New Jersey With The Most Ashley Madison Accounts”, “TAT10 Snobbiest Places In Louisiana.”
When PG saw the initial TAT10, he wondered about Georgia. A google search was made for “TAT10 drunkest places in Georgia.” Apparently, RoadSnacks is still crunching the numbers on that one. Three enlightening features were available: TAT10 Most Dangerous Places In Georgia, TAT10 Most Ghetto Cities In Georgia, TAT10 Most Redneck Cities In Georgia.
TAT10 lists are not scientific. The criteria varies from study to study. (For more information, be sure to check the actual post.) In dangerous places, “If any places tied, we used the violent crime rank as a tiebreaker.” In ghetto and redneck, it seems to come down to the number of retail outlets. Ghetto was ranked by convenience stores, drug stores, beauty supply stores, and discount stores. Redneck is determined by dive bars, mobile home parks, tobacco stores, guns and ammo stores, Walmarts, Bass Pro Shops, Dollar Generals and Piggly Wigglys.
In OTP Atlanta, many areas change names at the county line. When you leave Dekalb County for Gwinnett, you go from Doraville into Norcross. One road you can do this on is Buford Hiway, which is lined with Asian businesses like My Dung video. This area is home to one of the metro area international communities, and is well known for ultra authentic restaurants. Well known by everyone except RoadSnacks.
According to the TAT10 body of knowledge, Doraville is the 5th most redneck city in Georgia. When you cross the county line, Norcross is the most ghetto city in Georgia. People who are familiar with this area are probably laughing right now. Especially when they see that most ghetto Norcross is also 15th most redneck. Doraville did not make the 90 spot list for most ghetto.
The most dangerous city in Georgia is College Park, with East Point in second place. Neither city was on the redneck list. On the ghetto list, College Park is 67, and East Point is 72.
The city of Brookhaven evidently has not been in existence long enough to be rated. The only list that included Chamblee was ghetto, at 55. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Coat Of Many Colors
PG saw a story, and thought about the song, “Coat of many colors”. The b side was by Porter Wagoner, “Coat of many sequins”. COMC is about a woman who is too poor to buy her little girl a coat at the store, so she makes a quilt. The other kids make fun of her, but little Dolly knows that the coat is really made of love.
The song talks about a story in the Bible. PG had heard about the story, but didn’t remember the details. He must have been daydreaming in Sunday School when that story was taught. With the help of google, Genesis 37 appears, as if by magic. Pass the popcorn.
2 These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.
3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.
4 And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
Ok, hold on for a minute. Israel had at least two wives. The Biblical definition of marriage must be between a man and two women.
The story gets a bit weird here. Joseph has this dream, where he becomes the boss hog brother. The other brothers decide something needs to be done, that Joseph needs to die. Reuben tries to help Joseph, and has a plan to save him. Joseph is stripped of the coat of many colors, and placed in a pit, with no water. Before Reuben can sneak Joseph out of the pit, a camel caravan comes by. Twenty pieces of silver change hands, and Joseph is sold into slavery. The brothers decide to pull a cover up, and make it look like Joseph was dead. Reuben made another sandwich.
31 And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;
32 And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no.
33 And he knew it, and said, It is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.
34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.
This feature was originally posted in 2012. The pictures, from The Library of Congress, are 5 years older. Dolly Parton is 5 years younger.
A Sad Event
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.
I am not clever enough to compose the above piece. Credit is hereby given to whoever wrote it. This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. The spell check suggestion for Doughboy is Doughnut.
Who Ran The Slave Trade?
PG was just hanging out, minding his own business, when he saw a bit of twitter synchronicity. This is when you see two tweets together, with no apparent causal relationship, but that seem to make a statement. The two tweets were: @iamduanus The best lies are the ones so despicable people get ostracized for questioning their validity…..or so I’ve heard @brolykogan_ Jews started and monopolized the slave trade, Jews have always been the archenemy of African people. @iamduanus did not reply. @brolykogan_ did.
@BrolyKoganHotep Are you saying that the Jews who wrote of this in their own histories were lying? Wouldn’t that be antisemitic?
@chamblee54 do you have a link for that? this was twitter synchronicity, not a judgement of truth
Dr. Tony Martin – The Jewish Role in the African Slave Trade
@BrolyKoganHotep The Dutch West India company was a Jewish venture. Christopher Columbus was a Jew, Jews owned the sugar plantations and rum distilleries
@BrolyKoganHotep Slave auctions were never held on Jewish holidays, Jews manufactured the shackles and ships, Jews worked in tandem with Arabs throughout
Speculative history is a sketchy affair. When Jews are involved, it gets sketchier. PG found an item about the Rothschild bank recently, Why Was The War Fought? The concept here is that the Rothschilds made money on the War Between the States. This may, or may not, be true.
Did Jews “monopolize” the slave trade? A bit of research shows that while some slave traders may have been Jewish, the overall operation was not run by Jews. One claim may have a bit of truth to it. Some evidence suggests that Christopher Columbus was a Jew who converted during the Spanish Inquisition. As for slave auctions and Jewish holidays, who knows? (These two tweets provide a bit of information. Unfortunately, no source is shown.) Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Was Mae West A Real Girl?
August 17 is birthday 124 for Mary Jane “Mae” West. Of course, she died in 1980, so the party is off. PG saw a note on facebook, and made the comment “She was rumored to be a man.” One right click google search later, this post started to take shape. This is a repost.
There is a blogspot site, maewest.blogspot.com. It is still published, with a birthday post today. Five years ago there was a post, Mae West: Penis Rumors. It seems as though Miss West liked to say, to the press, “When I die, you are going to be very surprised!”
A hollywood gossipmonger had a story, Was Mae West…A Man?! Much of her information comes from the tasteful findadeath site. The story here is that Mae West died in 1950, and the death was kept quiet. Her brother made appearances in her place, until the final death in 1980. This would have been quite a feat, considering that John Edwin West died in 1964. That doesn’t stop people from talking.
“…the real Mae West died somewhere around 1950, give or take a couple years, and rather than let the show stop, it was announced that not Mae, but her brother, died. Of course, the brother then became Mae West and carried on until November 1980. If you look carefully at photos from around 1950 on it definitely looks like a different person not to mention the big hands and masculine features, bone structure, etc. I may not have all the details 100% correct but I would almost put money on the fact that the ‘Mae West’ ‘who died in 1980 had a weenie!!”
The hands were mentioned by Raquel Welch. The two were in Myra Breckinridge, the first movie Miss West had made in 27 years. (Miss West appeared on Mr. Ed in 1964.) Miss Welch appeared at a film festival in 2012, and had stories to tell.
“When I went over to say hello to her (one day) I said, ‘Hi, it’s Raquel, remember?’ She sort of extended her hand to me and I went to kiss the ring and one false fingernail painted silver fell to the floor. I looked at the hand and I thought, ‘Oh, I’m getting a vibe.’ I really think she’s a man! At this point in her life all bets are off and you’re not going to be able to doll it up that much. I would say it’s pretty accurate that she resembled a dock worker in drag.” …
“I had this beautiful dress and it was black with a big white ruffle around the neck and a black velvet hat … Apparently Mae got wind of the fact that I was wearing this exquisite dress and I went to the studio that day for our scene together. I got coiffed, got my hair done and went to the closet to get the dress and it wasn’t there. I asked my dresser what happened to the dress and she said, ‘It’s been confiscated. Mae does not want you to wear that dress. You can wear the red dress that you wore in the last scene!’ … Welch was so outraged that she stormed off the set and refused to return until the dress was back in her closet. … “For the scene, we never appeared in a two-shot together. She left after she did her lines and I had someone off-camera reading her lines and I had to pretend she was there.”
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Tiki Torch
There was a wild weekend in Charlottesville VA. You probably heard about it. The media… corporate, social, anti social … is not known for restraint. The click bait happy datamongers go crazy when a racial conflict emerges. Social media swarms with virtue signalling, as the insecure/insincere masses leap at the opportunity to be seen “on the right side of history.”
The tiki torch boys enjoy bad press, and see it as as proof that they are cool. People see negative reaction as an affirmation of their virtue. One example is this purple prose headline: Procter & Gamble Release an Ad About ‘the Talk,’ and White People Respond With the Wettest, Saltiest, Stupidest White Tears Ever. A soap company decides that the hardships faced by black people are a good marketing gimmick. It is assumed that some white people will not like it, and will make stupid comments on facebook. It is all part of the game.
The white people parade friday night was breathlessly reported. The alt-right children were routinely labelled nazis. The original nazis almost conquered Europe, killed twenty million Soviets, and were one of the fiercest war machines ever created. The star performer saturday flunked out of the US Army because he could not meet their standards. Why do people routinely label these obnoxious children nazis? The Germans had standards.
Let’s do a bit of speculation. What if the tiki torch parade had been ignored? Let the idiots have their parade. Surround them with law enforcement, and keep antifa away. Repeat this on Saturday. Keep the alt right far away from antifa. Have a media blackout… don’t give these clowns, both alt right and antifa, the attention that they crave. Let the counter protesters have their sign waving party. When the rally is over, James Fields will get in his Dodge Challenger and drive back to Ohio. Everyone can go back home, eat hamburgers, and be happy. White idiots will get less attention.
Which brings us to Donald Trump. The democrats made racism a campaign issue. The slimy crookedness of DJT was ignored, and replaced by screaming racist, racist. When he won, anything perceived as racist is suddenly his fault. The black people feel more alienated than before. The lingering liberals blame anything they don’t like on the bottle blonde butthead. People are blaming the tiki torch antics, of the slobbering mob, on Donald Trump. Critical thinking is called for.
America loves to talk about police brutality. The police had a slow day Saturday. Deputies shoot, kill man who lunged at them with knife, official says. A non African American, Hispanic, man, Eduardo Navarrete, was beamed out on meth. He lunged at police with a knife, with fatal results. This was the only officer involved shooting reported on Saturday.
The role played by antifa, or anti fascism, is uncertain. Apparently, they wanted to give the alt right a fight. Since this makes the alt right seem virtuous, the offer the fight was accepted. When you wrestle with a pig, you get dirty, and the hog has a good time. The alt right is taking the blame for this mess, along with DJT, the police, and, of course, racism. Antifa is getting a free ride. If antifa had not been there on saturday, the alt right would have had to fight with themselves. Maybe antifa, whoever they are, and whoever is funding them, needs to be held accountable.
This too shall pass away. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library.” The spell check suggestion for antifa is Tiffany.
#AbsurdObituaries
@Swalter255 He died in a freak accident, he and another freak ran into each other
@shellbell_xo Her stubborness killed her- She should have never said “Over my dead body.”
@farrfoxhake He died in most unusual circumstances: He was winning an argument with his wife. She’s now serving 20 for manslaughter.
@JennifersEyebr1
Nobody liked him, he was a grumpy selfish man and won’t be missed. – Love, your family
@JordanISaBEAR
She is survived by her pet hamster that subsisted on her flesh for ten days after her death.
@ESCapeditiea
When attending, we will offer complimentry wooden stakes and chainsaws. Just in case.
@ShotoDan2016 He was a dedicated bomb defusal expert. Even his Parkinson’s diagnosis couldn’t keep him from his job.
@loustweet Wanted man found in concrete vat. Called a ‘hardened criminal’ by police.
@twitsnotnice
Joe is survived by two cats, who at the time of his death, weren’t on speaking terms with him.
@TayBar80 Due to technical issues, the funeral has been moved next door to McDonalds parking lot.
@iwputt19 Restaurant in piece
@rhealyrhealy John had plenty of supplies to survive being trapped in his home for 7 days, but unfortunately, forgot to buy cat food.
@An_Enigma_2017 She died a horrid death when the green alien she coughed up and drank back down ate her from the inside out.
@NowhereManChild Local t-shirt printer falls into inking machine and dyes
@ShotoDan2016 He dyed, doing what he loved. He was a great hairstylist.
@Ollie_Llama …unfortunate beginner juggler decision to use weighted chopsticks…
@dragi_d It wasn’t his fault. He was left unsupervised at the strip club
@rllyfunnydragon R.I.P to a beloved Husband and Father. He used to drive us crazy telling Dad Jokes. Now all he can make is Dead Jokes.
@JohnJTerrible He died peacefully in his sleep, unlike his passengers, who died screaming.
@MajorChaotic666 His pronouns we’re zee and zeer
@atch00s She always wanted to be tall and thin. Unfortunately it took a sausage machine to make her dreams come true.
@Halloweeja Died texting while driving. A-hole always needed to have the last word.
@JohnJTerrible
Burial services end at 2pm. An additional hour is set aside for all who wish to piss on his grave
@EpicBngeWatcher He wanted everyone to comment, like, and subscribe to his funeral livestream.
@nosympathy82 Extreme sports athlete cheated death everyday slipped on a banana peel
@Megatallica118 26-year old male lost his head while brutally headbanging to Pantera. Parents are really concerned.
@silkysoul She died dyeing her dying cat’s fur
@abtsag He was born he drank he was boring
@PwrFulWmn She accidentally read “topical” as “tropical” and chugged the bottle.
@SethFromThe716 Whoever is still holding his beer, you can put it down now.
@yabbahead Died from a lack of retweets. God rest his tweety soul
@xcdntlcsmnt Sad he’s gone, but glad he got the answer to his question ‘How much ice cream is needed for brain freeze to be fatal?’
@JeFiggins1987 He died doing what he did best. Did I ever tell you what a great drunk driver Dave was? Well, up until that last time!
@JeFiggins1987 102yo Jerome Figgins died bedding his 18yo 7th wife. It took plastic surgeons 2 hours to remove the smile from his face.
@SethFromThe716 He once said, “YOLO”, and that was all he did.
@BeatusVon “He died peacefully in his beautiful mansion, which is now for sale. Further informations below.”
@robstewart100 You really can’t have Bacon at every Meal
@SethFromThe716 Oh well. The worms will eat a nice meal.
@lordtiddington After a life time of hard work and community dedication, John was found with a bowling ball protruding from his rectum.
@RanNewMan77 the family requests that no one bring tuna casserole or fidget spinners to the wake
@kenny_whiteman Thought that the Kardashians could use a little more mainstream media coverage
@thewritetbkeys You can find his official obituary on MySpace
@FrankRLax61 in death, as in life, he lies here doing nothing while other people do the work, and get stuck with the bill
@JoeCook80543637 died in mid sentence, while writing his final tweet. ” The secret to life is…..”
@BeverleyShaw17 Mother wishes her funeral to be held two weeks before she’s dies as she can’t bear to miss out on anything.
@hulga_hopewell Yesterday, some ugly annoying bitch died. On Saturday; main street will be blocked off for a block party, all are invited.
@in_the_ruins He is survived by some grass clippings and an unopened packet of instant oatmeal.
@ActionRation Went around shooting horses for a while, then ate the insides of a clock and died.
Pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. “This item is part of a collection of images of downtown Atlanta streets that were taken before the viaduct construction of 1927 – 1929. Later, some of the covered streets became part of Underground Atlanta.”
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2017
*Results* of the 2017 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. The XXXIVth Lyttoniad is a bad writing contest, named for Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton. Every year, thousands of writers-who-shouldn’t submit a first sentence, to a terrible novel. Chamblee54 wrote about BLFC in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016. Part two of 2017 is forthcoming.
As a value added service to the BLFC community, every year chamblee54 compiles a list of noteworthy names from the contest. This distinction is purely nominal, and is not related to the quality, or lack thereof, of their entry. Nine names made the cut in 2017: Beth Armogida, Sierra Madre, California, Clark Snodgrass, Huntington Beach California, Jackie Fuchs, Los Angeles, California, Michael Leshnower, Encinitas, California, Myra Vanderpool Gormley, University Place, Washington, R. D. Fish, Jr., Versailles, Missouri, Richard Bos, Emmeloord, The Netherlands, Samantha Bates, Columbia, Tennessee, and Tyson Canale, Rochester, Minnesota.
Pictures for this feature are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. These photographs were taken at the Krystal. What the BLFC is to english composition, Krystal is to nutrition. The onion anointed Krystalburger has been a staple of southern life for generations. White Castle rumors are yankee misinformation.
She was the most desired object in the room, not unlike the last deviled egg at an Easter Day potluck.— Christine Hamilton, Atlanta, Georgia
Detective Sam Steel stood at the crime scene staring puzzled at the chalk outline of Ms. Mulgrave’s body which was really just a stick figure with a dress, curly hair, boobs, and a smiley face because the police chalk guy had the day off. — Doug Self, Brunswick, Maine
As hard-boiled detective Max Baxter ate his soft-boiled egg, he thought about the gorgeous dame he’d found last night lying in a pool of her own blood—it being inconvenient to lie in a pool of someone else’s blood—and wondered how she liked her eggs.— Pam Tallman, Huntington Beach, California
Detective Robertson knew he had Joyce Winters dead to rights for the murder—at the crime scene he had found Winters’ fingerprints, shell casings matching the gun registered to her, and, most damning of all, a Starbucks cup with the name “Josie” scrawled on it.— Doug Purdy, Roseville, California
Nobody messed with Rocky “The Anvil’ Roselli, the toughest, badass mob enforcer that ever walked the mean streets of downtown LA, but for some time now he had been considering an alternative career in interior design, a secret kept well hidden from his felonious contemporaries; like a strawberry jam sandwich lying buried at the bottom of a sack of brussels sprouts.
Ted Downes, Cardiff, Wales
So many questions raced through the heiress’s mind: Who had killed the maid and which guests were lying to her and who the hell was going to clean up all this goddamned blood because it sure as hell wasn’t going to be her, she could tell you that much.— Samantha Bates, Columbia, Tennessee
The horizontal array of rectangular golden sunshafts that filtered through my shutters was interrupted by a statuesque silhouette appearing at my office door, her widow’s pillbox with netted veil only slightly obscuring her opalescent eyes, her alabaster décolletage accented by a sizeable amethyst pendant, and a silky floor-length ebony gown that revealed a muffin-top that clearly lacked of any kind of abdominal exercise regimen. — Peter S. Bjorkman, Rocklin, California
Replacing the Human Torch’s fireproof colostomy bag, teaching Iron Man how to use the TV remote, listening to Iceman complain that it’s too cold, searching in vain for the Invisible Woman after she’s wandered away yet again—life isn’t comical as a Marvel Universe hospice nurse.
Dan White, Clarendon Hills, Illinois
Vadblad the Bad had known for centuries that impaling his victims before draining their blood was extremely wasteful but somehow he could not stop himself reaching for his spear as he rose from his coffin; bad habits never die. — Ann Wood, Corrales, New Mexico
I looked up at her breathless “hello,” and knew I could never unsee her Bride of Frankenstein makeup, or the way she filled her clothes; which must have looked good form-fitting a younger, svelter her, but now resembled a sausage skin strained to its limits by a failure of the emergency stop on the filling machine; perhaps a developing grub, whose skin failed to molt, or a Michelin Woman, as imagined by Salvador Dali on acid. — Michael Newton, Vancouver, Washington
Meeting his fiancé’s parents for the first time, Damon felt no fear because she had accepted his marriage proposal, but he still hoped for the parents’ approval, so it felt good that Mr. Dracula shook hands with one hand while his other hand squeezed Damon’s neck and then Mrs. Dracula proceeded to place a gentle kiss on his neck that intensified so much that it probably left a hickey.
Randy Blanton, Murfreesboro, Tennessee
A sweaty Hector threw off his shirt, passion burning, skin glistening, his deodorant congealed to little chunks ensnared among the matted jungle of his armpits like so many crumbles of pungent blue cheese over a bed of sprouts, moistened with a dressing of perspiration, and lustily asked, “Are you as hungry as I am?” to the confused busboy. — Tyson Canale, Rochester, Minnesota
Like the smoke from a cheap corn cob pipe, the tragic events of the past week descended into Lloyd Mounser’s brain and stubbornly clung to his memory the way those little white styrofoam peanuts get stuck to your hands you when you’re opening a box of soft-white light bulbs that you got online with free shipping.— William Keegan, Pine Bush, New York
Killed By Police August 4, 2017
Killed By Police is a handy web page. It is a no frills list of people killed by law enforcement. Friday, August 8, 2017, was a busy day for the grim reaper. Eight people met their maker, with the assistance of a law enforcement officer. Pictures for this feature are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Using the links provided by KBP, we can learn a few things. All eight were men. The race was not specified in six cases. The other two were white men. Four of the deaths resulted from domestic disturbance calls. In all eight cases, the officer appears to be justified in using deadly force. Links to these cases are available at KBP, and will be provided in this story. Readers are encouraged to look into these cases more closely, if they have the time and inclination. If anyone finds any information that contradicts this post, please leave a comment, with a link.
Warren County PA Resident Dead in Officer Involved Shooting “54 year old Joseph Miller of Clarendon was stopped by a Warren City Police officer near the Dairy Delite at Routes 6 & 59 in Mead Twp at about 7:30 pm. The man was pulled over after witnesses had called the police and reported a maroon Jeep driving erratically. The State Police report that while the officer was talking to the driver, he allegedly became agitated and started loading an AK-47 rifle. The officer backed off and issued verbal commands to Miller, who ignored the orders. The suspect then exited his vehicle with the rifle. The officer fired his weapon, striking and killing the suspect.”
Texas Rangers Investigating Officer Involved Shooting in Kress “The Texas Rangers are currently investigating a deputy involved shooting in the city of Kress. Around 8:30 last night, officials say an off-duty Swisher County Sheriff’s Office deputy was involved in an altercation at a home on the corner of Moore and 2nd street. Police say the officer did shoot a man later identified as 33-year-old Garrell Byrd. Paramedics were called, but Byrd died on route to the hospital. …Neighbors say the house where the shooting took place constantly has people going in and out, and this isn’t the first time they have seen police activity at this home.”
Deputies Shoot, Kill Man While Serving Eviction Notice in Bankers Hill CA “Deputies shot and killed a man who was armed with a fake gun, while they were serving an eviction notice Friday, … “As they knocked on the door, the occupant who was the target of the eviction told them that if they entered he would arm himself with a handgun,” San Diego Police Homicide Unit Lt. Mike Holden Holden said. Once the deputies entered the apartment’s living room, the man ran into his bedroom and returned with what appeared to be a semi-automatic handgun. As he pointed the weapon at them, both deputies fired several rounds at the suspect.”
Allen County OH Sheriff Office Press Conference on SWAT Shooting on Michigan Ave. “According to the Sheriff they had multiple complaints of drug trafficking at the house at 218 W. Michigan. The West Central Ohio Crime Task Force and Ohio BCI investigated and they were able to make undercover drug buys of Fentanyl from the home. The SWAT team served a search warrant yesterday and gunfire was exchanged between officers and a man in the home, who was shot and killed. … the home is owned by Keith Burkholder”. (Mr. Burkholder is listed by KBP as the victim.) “a large amount of drug contraband was recovered after the home was searched.”
“Lima Police Department officers responded to a shooting at that residence on Oct. 21 of last year and found Travis Burkholder suffering from multiple gunshot wounds. He was transported to St. Rita’s Medical Center with non-life threatening injuries.”
Lauderdale County MS deputy shoots, kills armed suspect “A Lauderdale County sheriff’s deputy shot and killed a man who refused to put down his weapon Friday afternoon in rural Lauderdale County. Lauderdale County Sheriff Billy Sollie said the sheriff’s department responded around 1 p.m. Friday to a disturbance call at a home on Fred Haguewood Road. Sollie said a suspect had threatened to harm the family and himself. Sollie said the first deputy encountered the suspect brandishing a handgun “on the porch” when he arrived at the home. The deputy then instructed the suspect to “drop the gun, drop the gun,” … the suspect was “raising the gun in a threatening manner,” which prompted the deputy to fire his weapon “to protect himself.” (The Meridian Star has a pay wall. “Welcome! Please enjoy a limited number of articles over the next 30 days. You have 4 pages remaining”)
Suspect Dead After Washoe County NV Deputy-Involved Shooting in Spanish Springs. This case may be the closest thing to a “bad police killing” on August 4. “Around 9:30 a.m. the Sheriff’s office received a call for a disabled vehicle stuck. A deputy was dispatched and arrived several minutes later. Once on the scene, the deputy was able to identify the person and called for another deputy to “provide cover for him.” Before the other deputy arrived, Sheriff Allen says that “some sort of struggle may have ensued and ultimately many minutes later several shots were fired from the deputy, striking the defendant. The suspect was struck several times and died on scene. ”
Man shot, killed by police near Surfside Beach SC identified “A call for a possible suicidal individual in the Deerfield Plantation area near Surfside Beach early Friday morning ended with an officer shooting the suspect after the person brandished a weapon at law enforcement, according to Myrtle Beach Police Lt. Joey Crosby. … Chief Deputy Coroner Tamara Willard identified the victim as 33-year-old Aaron Payne. Crosby said the call came in at 12 a.m. and officers with the Horry County Police Department responded to 1000 block of Turkey Ridge Road. Upon arriving, police found Payne acting in an “erratic manner,” eventually firing his weapon into the air. … Efforts were made to talk with Payne, who reportedly continued to display aggressive behavior. Crosby added Payne continued to act erratic and pointed the weapon at officers while making threats. An officer fired at Payne, striking him. He was taken to the hospital and later pronounced dead around 5 a.m.”
Armed Man Fatally Shot by Officer in Venice CA Residence “A man armed with a gun died after he was shot by police Friday after a dispute at a Venice residence. At around 8:30 p.m., Los Angeles Police Department Pacific Division officers were called to a home on the 800 block of Venice Boulevard, where a female resident told officer a man was inside, destroying property …. The man was armed, It wasn’t clear what he did to prompt officers to fire. … Carol Vorhees, a woman who said she was the female resident’s mother, said her daughter met the man online and they had been living together for two years. Vorhees identified the man as 53-year-old Todd Hurlbert.”
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