Chamblee54

What follows are selections from The Devil’s Dictionary, by Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce. TDD began as a newspaper column, and was later published as The Cynic’s Word Book. TDD is in the public domain. TDD is a dictionary, going from A to Z. Today’s selection covers T to U. More selections are available. A – D E – G H – I J – L M – O P – R R – S S
TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
TOPE, v. To tipple, booze, swill, soak, guzzle, lush, bib, or swig. In the individual, toping is regarded with disesteem, but toping nations are in the forefront of civilization and power. When pitted against the hard-drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scythe. In India one hundred thousand beef-eating and brandy-and-soda guzzling Britons hold in subjection two hundred and fifty million vegetarian abstainers of the same Aryan race. With what an easy grace the whisky-loving American pushed the temperate Spaniard out of his possessions! From the time when the Berserkers ravaged all the coasts of western Europe and lay drunk in every conquered port it has been the same way: everywhere the nations that drink too much are observed to fight rather well and not too righteously. Wherefore the estimable old ladies who abolished the canteen from the American army may justly boast of having materially augmented the nation’s military power.
TREE, n. A tall vegetable intended by nature to serve as a penal apparatus, though through a miscarriage of justice most trees bear only a negligible fruit, or none at all. When naturally fruited, the tree is a beneficient agency of civilization and an important factor in public morals. In the stern West and the sensitive South its fruit (white and black respectively) though not eaten, is agreeable to the public taste and, though not exported, profitable to the general welfare.
TRINITY, n. … In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one.
In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.
TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.
TURKEY, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally, it is pretty good eating.
TWICE, adv. Once too often.
TYPE, n. Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment, despite their obvious agency in this incomparable dictionary.
TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature’s most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
UN-AMERICAN, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
UNCTION, n. An oiling, or greasing. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying. Marbury relates that after the rite had been administered to a certain wicked English nobleman it was discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other could be obtained. When informed of this the sick man said in anger: “Then I’ll be damned if I die!” “My son,” said the priest, “this is what we fear.”
UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.
UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one’s own wife. … Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. John Vachon took the social media pictures in April 1940. “Transient men waiting in line for evening meal served at 5 p.m. at the city mission. Dubuque, Iowa.”
©Luther Mckinnon 2026 · selah

0626-1020 Today is 62626. This is about as palindromic as the dates are going to be this year. … This is the first walk of the journaling week. Last week is online as we speak. This is a good excuse to sit down in front of the keyboard. … The walk today was pretty good. There was mild dizziness on the second lap through the fourth lap, but it never went beyond the nuisance level.
The podcast today was from Deep Cover, The Murder of Lita McClinton, Part 2: The Hitman. Ms. McClinton was murdered January 16, 1987, at 3085 Slaton Drive NW, Atlanta, GA 30305. After a few twists and turns, the bad guy got caught. James Vincent Sullivan is now GDC ID 0001211423 at Augusta State Med Prison. (There are 7 James Sullivans in Georgia Prisons) Phillip Anthony Harwood was convicted for his role in the murder, and was released from Coastal State Prison May 25, 2018.
The Fulton County DA for this case, Paul Howard, is a piece of work. Mr. Howard’s conduct was especially bad after the shooting of Rayshard Brooks. Mr. Howard charged Ofc. Garret Rolfe with felony murder, before the GBI investigation of the case was complete. Mr. Howard was succeeded as DA by Fani Willis, who has her own set of issues.
0627-0941 – The walk today sucked. The dizziness started on the first lap, and continued to get worse. I stopped after 26 minutes. The podcasts were boring. Maybe tomorrow will be better. … After sitting down for a while, I did two more laps, to finish the 36 minutes on the timer. The dizziness was back on the second lap. I might could have done more, but did not feel like fighting it.
0628-1030 – The walk today was fabulous. I was worried after the disaster yesterday, but the dizziness stayed at nuisance level, and eventually went away all together. I did 42 minutes, and could have done more if I wasn’t eager to write about the podcast. The show was a special episode of Bad Gays, Liza’s Bad Gays. It is about the ultimate fag hag, Liza Minnelli. Judy’s daughter was married four times. Peter Allen (hubby #1) and David Gest (hubby #4) were raging homos. Liza has a book out, Kids, Wait Till You Hear This! There are some jaw dropping quotes.
“Judy Garland reportedly told Liza Minnelli that, and I quote, “When I die, they’re going to fly the flag at half mast at Cherry Grove. They’re going to be standing half erect in the meat rack singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”
About Peter Sellers: “I don’t know if this was the most jaw-dropping moment for me, but it is the part that made me put the book down because I was laughing so hard and I literally couldn’t continue was when she talks about dating Peter Sellers … And he obviously was crazy. She talks about him being kind of abusive and larger than life and really intense, but there’s one point where she goes like, I was always a prankster and I couldn’t … be myself around him. Like the time I pulled his hairpiece off at a dinner party. … could you imagine going up to of all people Peter Sellers at a packed dinner party in his home … and snatch him bald in front of all of his guests. … And she talks about it as if it was like well how could he have been mad? … “Lady, you literally snatched this straight man bald in front of a room full of people.” And I was just like, “April fools.”
About Peter Allen: “I thought it was really interesting how much Liza really wanted us to know that they [ __ ] … because also the idea that he was somehow holding his nose while he wanted to be intimate with her. … “No, we had a very active, vibrant sex life, which also makes it more shocking to her when, drum roll please, she comes home from an errand and he is fully having sex with a man in their bed.” importantly fully bottoming in her bed.”
About David Gest: “ Oh, if I could wave a magic wand, I would have avoided this creep like Salmonella. I’d have kicked his bony ass to the ground wearing stilettos. Which is something he accused me later of doing. How absurd. Why on earth would I ruin a perfectly beautiful shoe?”
0629-1011 – Today’s walk went pretty well. There was mild dizziness between lap two and lap four. I can live with that. The podcast was Episode 314: Authentic Authenticity On A Silver Platner, from Blocked and Reported. The topic was Graham Cunningham Platner, who is running for the US Senate in Maine. Jesse Singal did most of the talking.
I have a rule for jury trials and elections: If I don’t have a vote, then I don’t have an opinion. The election of GCP would be inconvenient for a few powerful players. As a result, his life is being held under a microscope. … The BAR show description is full of parentheses. In case you are new here, (((x))) means that x is Jewish. … “This week on Blocked and Reported, (((Jesse))) and Katie dig into Graham Platner: the oyster farmer, Senate hopeful, and working-class rich kid whose Nazi tattoo and wandering eye were so rudely surfaced by the (((lamestream media))) in an effort to protect the (((billionaire class))).” Whatever.
0630-0944 – The walk went well. There was mild dizziness for the first four laps, and the summer heat is kicking in. The first podcast was “Pig Lab” from The New Yorker. This is a confusing tale. The author, Will Mackin, is a veteran of America’s west asian wars. The story takes place in either a war zone, or pig farm stateside, or both. It was unpleasant to listen to, and was turned off quickly.
The second podcast was The Limits of Manifesting Success with James Forman, Jr., from Deep Cover. This was an addendum to the series about the Boonie hat bandit. James Forman, Jr., is a law professor, and he discussed the case. In one of his trials, Keith Giammanco served as his own counsel. There is an old saying … a man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
0701-1014 – The walk went well. There was mild dizziness on laps 2-4, but it never went beyond being noticed. I did a double victory lap, finishing after 49 minutes. The podcast was Emmy-Winner Jeff Hiller Returns! Talking Bodies and Money in a Changing Hollywood from Death, Sex & Money. I had never heard of Jeff Hiller (no middle name), but he was reasonably pleasant to listen to. JH is a gay man, 6’5”, with issues about the amount of hair on his body. We have things in common.
JH was recently in Celebrity Autobiography, reading selections from books. One of the books he read from was VS. It turns out I read VS. Vanna White was from Myrtle Beach SC, and moved to Atlanta to attend fashion college. She lived for a while in Brookhaven, with Gordon McGregor, who may have been a year ahead of me at Cross Keys.
“Like, my friend was doing this Google predictive text. I didn’t write about how there was one celebrity … When you write his name, the first thing that comes up is the word bottom. I was like, that’s the first thing people ask the Internet about this celebrity who I will not mention anyway.”
0702-1040 – The walk today was a hot time in Georgia. The dizziness took a day off, and was not missed. The podcast today was Junk Science Sent Charles McCrory to Prison — Alabama Won’t Let Him Out from Gone South.
Charles McCrory was convicted of murdering his wife. The primary evidence was bite marks on his wife’s arm. The forensic dentist who testified later recanted his testimony. The state of Alabama stubbornly refuses to let him go, even after 40 years in prison.
Bite mark evidence was once a big thing, but is largely considered junk science today. BME might have cleared Carlton Gary, in a sensational Georgia case. Instead, Mr. Gary was executed at 10:33 pm, March 15, 2018. … Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Dorothea Lange took the social media picture in February 1939. “Nebraska farmer come to pick peas. Near Calipatria, California” ©Luther Mckinnon 2026 · selah

This content was published July 14, 2018. … The GA06 election is moving on. The incumbent, Karen Handel, is a terrible person. Kevin Abel and Lucy McBath will be in the Democratic runoff to face Mrs. Handel in November. I have not been paying much attention. One exception was receiving a phone call from the Abel campaign. This annoyed me, and made me not want to vote for Mr. Abel.
On friday the 13th, mailers came from both candidates. Kevin Abel had a pink bordered message, “Women deserve to live free from fear.” Lucy McBath said “When her son Jordan Davis was murdered for listening to his music too loud, Lucy McBath turned her grief into action.” I heard about the 2012 incident in Florida, and started to look for information.
“Michael Dunn … pleaded not guilty to murder in the death of 17-year-old Jordan Davis … Lt. Rob Schoonover of the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office said … Davis was sitting in a parked SUV with three other teens, when Dunn parked next to their vehicle and made a comment about the loud music the group was playing. The 45-year-old apparently got into an argument with Davis, who was sitting in the back seat. … Dunn allegedly took out a gun and shot into the vehicle, striking Davis twice.”
During the trial, one of the teenagers offered this testimony. “Thompson told the court that Dunn said: “Turn your music down I can’t hear myself think.” Thompson says he obliged, but that Jordan Davis objected, saying, according to Thompson, “F**k that, n****r, turn it back up.” Thompson turned the music back up … Davis and Dunn began “having a conversation back and forth.””
After the first trial, a juror offered an opinion of what Mr. Dunn could have done. “ABC: What were his options? VALERIE: Roll the window up, ignore the taunting, put your car in reverse, back up to the front of the store, move a parking spot over. That’s my feeling.”
In February 1999, I was working with someone who played a Christian radio station. When I objected, the co-worker lost it. It was the worst temper tantrum I had ever seen. The hysterical abuse continued, in one way or another, for the next six years. The co-worker never forgave me. What would it be like, to have a carload of teenagers go off on you like that?
Shooting someone is not justified, with or without a stand your ground law. But the saying, “You’re gonna get yourself killed” is not about justification. Mr. Dunn was coming back from a wedding, and possibly intoxicated. Mr. Dunn was armed, and according to a former neighbor, “could be pretty intense.” Mr. Dunn, on that day, was not someone who will “ignore the taunting.”
Getting back to the race for Congress, the runoff will be in ten days. Both candidates will have a tough time, in the heavily Republican GA06. I will, as usual, decide who to vote for on his way to the polls. Being reminded of a murder will not help. UPDATE: Lucy McBath won the primary and the general election, and has served in Congress ever since. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Jack Delano took the social media picture in May 1941. “Saturday afternoon in Greensboro, Georgia” ©Luther Mckinnon 2026 · selah