An Old Farmer’s Advice
Many of you have heard “An Old Farmer’s Advice”. This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled. Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. You cannot unsay a cruel word. Every path has a few puddles. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. The best sermons are lived, not preached. Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway. Don’t judge folks by their relatives. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time. Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’. Always drink upstream from the herd. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to G-d!
Know one knows who the old farmer is, or what he grew. Some say he really worked in an office writing ads for Massey Ferguson. Some say he had a bull farm, and believed in the product. In this age of industrial strength commodity wisdom, or glurge, the first reaction of some is to look to google. In this case, you can go to a forum at Snopes. No one claims to be the grandson of the old farmer.
My father in law is an old farmer. He’s given me some advice. It was more like: Don’t try to fix a broken porchlight in a rainstorm. corrolary: Disconnect power to the sprinkler system before fiddling with the wiring. If you wear longer socks, the chiggers won’t bite you. Cool Whip makes everything taste better. Do whatever your mother in law says.
quote: A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. ~ Yeah, but you try getting a bumble bee to plow your fields. With the tiny little plows attached to their wings, it could take days.
quote: Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly… ~ And above all else, verb adverbly … There’s my problem, I’ve been living deeply, loving simply and speaking generously.
quote: Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. ~ I’m not sure of the lesson here…you should leave a bunch of tree stumps in your farm fields? But then you lose valuable real estate, the crops have to compete with the tree roots, and combine harvesting is significantly more dangerous. Maybe, if you take just a little time to remove the stump properly, it pays dividends and saves you time and energy in the long run. … But life is a lot cooler, and more productive if you go down to the general store, buy a few blasting caps, and blow that mother to kingdom come.
The sentiments aren’t too bad, but they missed “Now get orf moy laaand!” from the end…
quote:Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway. ~ Oh, so I shouldn’t worry about not being able outrun a bumble bee on my John Deere tractor? Thanks.
quote: Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. ~ But not when the waitress is asking what you’d like on your pizza. … Unless the question is “what’s the maximum decibel level a human can stand.” … Especially if you are passive-aggressive.
quote: Always drink upstream from the herd. ~ But, unless your at the absolute source of the river, there’s always another herd further upstream.
This reminds me of the episode of Frasier where he first got paired up with the Standard Issue Sassy Black Woman (SISBW) who kept trotting out mindless aphorisms from her fictional uncle. Never have I felt so much sympathy for the character.
quote: The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’. ~ I knew it. I knew that SOB had a camera in there. I’m going to the police.
Keep It Safe And Simple
There is a formula for simplicity. Keep it simple, stupid. This saying is an acronym for kiss, which is a popular human activity. The saying is good for things where complications can cause problems.
PG first encountered this expression in Sports Illustrated. Some old quarterback, maybe Yelberton Abraham Tittle, was talking about how to score touchdowns. One illustration of the concept was when Mr. Tittle became known by his initials, Y.A.
The saying has a few flaws. Some people think stupid is a bad word. Others take the saying personally, and think they are being called stupid. It can get complicated, which defeats the purpose.
Yesterday, PG sat in on a “heart weaving workshop”. The idea was to create gimmicks to bring people closer. One of the things say was the intimacy breaks down into “into you I see”. At some point, someone started to write down stuff on a message board.
The words safe and simple were written down. Safety is a big deal these days. The idea of not being in harm’s way is very appealing.
At this point, the idea lightbulb went off in PG’s head. People in the room started to blink, and shield their eyes. Maybe KISS stands forKeep It Safe and Simple.
The KISS epiphany was on a saturday. The next day was the type of glorious sunday morning that was meant to be spent outdoors. In the outdoor office, the coffee ran out at the same time as the pictures to be processed.
But not before PG found one of the 10th Street Art Theater. This was on the strip, next door to the A&P. It was on Peachtree, between 11th and 12th. Or maybe it was between 10th and 11th. It was tough to tell the difference sometimes.
The 10th Street Art Theater showed dirty movies. In the sixties, pornography was gentler, and more innocent. This was the age of Russ Meyer. His flicks graced the screen at TSAT. When “Vixen” played, you could call a phone number and get a personal invitation to come down and see the film.
This is the part of the strip that is conveniently forgotten. There was an urban grunge factor. It was a transitional downtown area, with a lot of sleazy characters. As the summer of love faded into the winter of methedrine, it got worse. The strip became dangerous and complicated.
This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. This was written like William Shakespeare.
The Golden Calf
When PG was a kid in sunday school, he heard about the the golden calf. It turns out that, splendid allegory aside, he didn’t really know much about the story. With the help of google and Bible Gateway, the text of Exodus 32 showed up. G-d bless public domain, and copy paste. The Bible is the main source for this tale. It doesn’t really matter if it is the inerrant word of G-d, it is a pretty good story. And much of the message rings true today.
1 And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. 2 And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me. 3 And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron. 4 And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
This is a modern story. The church is begging the people for gold. The sons are wearing golden earrings. The church takes these ill gotten gains, and forge a make believe G-d. This time, it looks like a cow. Billy Graham will come much later.
7 And the Lord said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves: 8 They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt. 9 And the Lord said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people:
Moving down a few verses, the story gets good. 19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount. 20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it. 21 And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them? 22 And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief. 23 For they said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. 24 And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. 25 And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies) 26 Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the Lord’s side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. 27 And he said unto them, Thus saith the Lord G-d of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. 28 And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: there fell that day about three thousand men.
Lets get this story right. Moses comes back from somewhere, and sees a naked party by the golden calf. He has a hissy fit, threw the golden calf into the fire, and tells people to start killing each other. Over three thousand men are killed. This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Paul Krassner
Paul Krassner is alive at eighty three. He survives Lenny Bruce, Abbie Hoffman, Groucho Marx, and Lyndon Johnson. His magazine, The The Realist, is now available as an online archive.
PG was recently looking for background noise to compliment his photomongering. Somewhere along the way, he found episodes of WTF podcast to be available on Youtube. He made a list of shows he wanted to see, including Paul Krassner. When Mr. Google was recruited to find the show, other things floated to the surface. This is how Mr. Google operates.
An onion is more than an internet namesake. It lends a lively flavor, both cooked and raw. The onion consists of many layers of thin skin. These can be peeled off, as you get deeper and deeper into the root. A thin skinned root that gives you bad breath…. an aromatic symbol for the sixties.
When you go looking for WTF/Krassner, you are directed to issue 74 of The Realist. The feature story is the missing segments of a John Kennedy biography. On page 18, Jackie Kennedy saw more of Lyndon Johnson than she needed to see.
“That man was crouching over the corpse, no longer chuckling but breathing hard and moving his body rhythmically. … And then I realized – there is only one way to say this – he was literally fucking my husband in the throat. In the bullet wound in front of the throat. He reached a climax, and dismounted. I froze. The next thing I remember, he was being sworn in as the new President.”
Page two of issue 74 is the letters to the editor. The featured scribe is John L. Timmons, Secretary, Mattachine Society of N.Y. He wrote “Letter From A Homosexual,” in response to a cartoon page in issue 69, fag battalion. Using KY to lubricate a rifle is not a good idea.
At the time, America was fighting a war in Vietnam. Young men were given the choice of go in the army, or go to prison. It was ugly. There was a group, “The committee to fight the exclusion of homosexuals from the armed forces.”
The Mattachine Society was neutral. Some members supported the war, and some were opposed. It distracted from the overall agenda to take sides in other disputes. The editors at The Realist agreed. “… homosexuals who don’t want to be drafted will no longer be able to exploit their deviation rather than face the consequences of conscientious objection.”
When issue 74 was published, Walt Disney was still alive. This may account for the action on page 12. Maybe Uncle Walt did not want his animated actors to be drafted for active duty. The activities on page 12 might not be sufficient to have the players excused from active duty, however. By this stage of the war, the local draft boards were not accepting excuses.
Getting back to Paul Krassner… he founded the YIPPIES with Abbie Hoffman, took LSD with Groucho Marx, and published a satiric magazine without advertising. Only the last part can be confirmed. After the description of Lyndon Johnson’s post mortem dentistry, who knows what is real, and what is fake. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. The opinions expressed in this repost are in no way, shape, or form connected to that fine institution.
A Sad Event
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.
I am not clever enough to compose the above piece. Credit is hereby given to whoever wrote it. This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. The spell check suggestion for Doughboy is Doughnut.
Sixteen Transwomen
Yesterday was #transliberationtuesday. Rallies were held in major cities to express concern over the trans women, of color, who have been murdered in 2015. Today, a list of names was published.
Elisha Walker, Penny Proud, Lamia Beard, Mercedes Williamson, Ty Underwood, Kandis Capri, Yazmin Payne, Amber Monroe, Taja Gabrielle DeJesus, London Chanel, Ashton O’Hara, India Clarke, Shade Schuler, Tamara Dominquez, Papi Edwards, Keysha Blige.
A list of names does not say much, and tends to dehumanize the deceased. If you look at the stories of these sixteen people, you learn a few things. It is not known why these murders are happening. Every case is different. The conclusions taken below are based on rather shallow research. Police may have suspects in some of the cases, where initial reports say nobody knew who did it. None of the sixteen transwomen of color were killed by a police officer.
There is no suspect in eight of the killings. Again, this is based on the reports turned up by Google, and could have changed. These are the cases with no suspect. Penny Proud, Lamia Beard, Kandis Capri, Amber Monroe, Shade Schuler, Tamara Dominquez, Keysha Blige, and Taja Gabrielle DeJesus. In the case of Miss DeJesus, witnesses report that the killer was a black man. The stabbing took place on McKinnon Avenue, in the Bayview district of San Francisco CA.
In eight cases, there is a named suspect. Seven of the eight are black men. The eighth is Josh Brandon Vallum, suspected in the murder of Mercedes Williamson. “The Herald reports Josh Vallum is a longtime member of the Latin Kings street gang.”
Here are the other seven trans woman, followed by the name of the man accused of the crime. Elisha Walker, Angel Dejesus Arias ~ Ty Underwood, Carlton Ray Champion ~ Yazmin Payne, Ezekiel Dear (known on myspace as “Strength of God”) ~ London Chanel, Raheam Felton ~ Ashton O’Hara, Larry Gaulding ~ India Clarke, Keith Gaillard ~ Papi Edwards, Henry Richard Gleaves II.
Two of the trans women were believed to be in a relationship with their killer. These pairings are Ty Underwood/ Carlton Ray Champion, and Yazmin Payne/ Ezekiel Dear.
Two of the killings took place in Detroit MI. “Federal authorities are investigating the slayings of two transgender women recently found near one of Detroit’s red-light districts as possible hate crimes, local reports said. … The bodies of Ashton O’Hara, 25, and Amber Monroe, 20, were found only weeks apart at the city’s Palmer Park, an area plagued by LGBT violence.” Another, Tamara Dominquez, was in Kansas City MO. Comments suggest that she was in an area known for prostitution.
Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Another Word For Lie
I need to see this in person ~ #tweetthatgotmeblocked @chescaleigh when you say the n-word you demean yourself it is in your best interest not to use it ~ You are blocked from following @chescaleigh and viewing @chescaleigh’s Tweets. ~ POTUS KIA ~ I see that you have blocked me on twitter. You are within your rights to do so. I do regret missing your commentary. I find it interesting that the last comment I made was about the n word. I have felt for a long time than ridicule, rather than outrage, is the best approach to using this unfortunate word. I also feel that the use of those six letters degrades the user, no matter what ethnicity. I have written about this on my blog. The social justice movement is reaching a point where few are converted. Most anti racist talk is preaching to the choir. A lot of people are tired of the conversation. If your goal is to entertain those who agree with you, then preach on. You will get plenty to cheer. If you goal is to influence others, then you might want to talk less, and listen more. ~ I had never thought about William F. Buckley as a closet queen. Horrifying visuals aside, it does make a bit of sense. ~ White progressives trying to help minorities #FeelTheBern put in their place with #NotAnAlly hashtag ~ story is another word for lie ~ For every flag draped coffin, there are a hundred dead Iraqis. ~ You’re entitled to your own opinion, but not to your own facts. ~ It is a dilemma. You should be prepared for war. The problem is, when you have these science fiction weapons, you are going to look for ways to use them. Add to that a political/economic machine that is fueled by weapons spending. I am not smart enough to know the answer, ~ all things are possible in a world without g-d ~ @FrankConniff The most racism ever packed into one sentence: George Zimmerman selling Confederate flags at Muslim Free Zone gun shop. ~ KimKierkegaardashian @KimKierkegaard Without sin, there is no sexuality, and without sexuality, no history. ~ What about being annoyed by ugly graphics? ~ White progressives trying to help minorities #FeelTheBern put in their place with #NotAnAlly hashtag ~ @HrishiHirway Did you know? the origin of the word GODSPEED comes from this one time Zeus and Poseidon took a whizz on a bush ~ Would mojo help? ~ The “confederate flag” is also known as the St. Andrew’s cross. Do you ever see this symbol in St. Andrews? ~ a mexican a black and a chinaman walk into ~ I was in town last night. The Krystal on Peachtree at Seventh is about to become twenty luxury residences. Is nothing sacred? ~ Like that view of Peachtree Street today, the graphic poem will bear very little resemblance to the original. I was down there last night, and was heartbroken to see that the Starbucks/Krystal on 7th street was torn down to make way for “20 luxury residences.” ~ @nihilist_arbys Ash blankets a silent, ruined world. The slaves trudge through nuclear winter beneath a black scorched sky to the last Arbys Arbys is closed ~ #conservative #liberal #racist are obsolete insults their use should be discouraged ~ One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone. And do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, tomorrow is never promised, so make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. Happiness is a journey, just as life is. Enjoy the ride. ~ Ida Scott Taylor ~ Comments are disabled for this video. ~ I listened to this talk, and then stumbled into this thread. Is this synchronicity, or a conspiracy to keep people from their chores? ~ written about this video ~ jokes ~ is it appropriate to refer to this as a status? ~ @WernerTwertzog Please, no more trust-building exercises. I prefer to regard you all with suspicion And secret loathing. ~ Rachel Rosenthal is a comedian, improviser, instructor, and free-style rapper working in New York City. ~ The Free Dictionary says “shit” is derived from shitten, in Middle English. There is probably onomatopoeia involved, when you consider how much the act of defecation sounds like “shit”. If you are easily amused, try typing “shit” into google. As for “bull”, this is also credited, or blamed, on Middle English. For some reason, pronouncements by the Pope are called Papal Bull. It is not known if there is a connection to male cattle, or the excrement produced by these animals. ~ pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. ~ selah
Poetry Questionnaire
This just turned up on facebook. “just sent my students their first assignment for “introduction to poetry writing” !!!! it’s a “poetry questionnaire” smile emoticon” Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
01. What shape, color and smell is poetry? Bakery exhaust clouds
02. You’re sitting next to poetry on an airplane. How do you start the conversation? Please turn down the noise on your device. Those drum beats sound like marching ants.
03. What is poetry’s nickname? Fossil fuel
04. What does poetry sound like? Houseplants gossiping about last nights disaster in the kitchen.
05. What room in your house is poetry? Crawl space
06. How does poetry move in its body? Does it walk, gallop, stumble, dance? Slither
07. What are poetry’s five favorite words? Listen stupid help hamburger cow
08. Use those words in a sentence. Listen to grinder/scruff turn my stupid cow into hamburger help.
09. Poetry, music, art and science are high school classmates. Do they get along? During football season, if the team is winning. Otherwise, things change from day to day.
10. What are the politics of poetry? Poetry yearns for return of whig party, and does not see Donald Trump’s hairpiece as qualified. Sarah Palin’s wigs are more historically geographical.
11. Who does poetry follow on twitter? @whiteliesmatter
12. Earth, water, fire or air? Mud
13. “Doth Poets rime, and doth this Line / align, or just lay plain?” Plain does not hook up.
14. Who is the least poetic person you know, and why? Jesus He is boring and pretentious.
15. Surprise! They’re a poet. Ignore his followers when they ask for money.
16. *gargles water while juggling 6 chainsaws, slips on banana peel and falls into enormous banana cream pie, survives unscathed and wins the Pulitzer Prize for poetry* Secret is to use electric chainsaw cords for leverage. Try to fall into a chocolate cake.
17. “As yet, in Time, ye Poets may / forsake the Forms and never rime again.” That’s my story and i’m sticking to it. Don’t believe any of the other stories going around.
18. Are you enjoying this questionnaire? [HR requires me to ask] HR is the hamburger cow.
19. What question do you wish I’d asked? What do you have to do to get a sexual harassment complaint? It is an important item on my bucket list.
20. Answer it. Show up, stay awake, don’t kill anyone.
Richards
A comment at a recent post mentioned “Jenning’s Rose Room, a classic poor white juke and dance hall … where Trader Joes now sits.” PG had been in that building when it was called Richards. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
There is no telling what the original use of the building at 931 Monroe Drive was. It was across the street from Grady Stadium, and adjacent to Piedmont Park. The railroad tracks that became the beltline ran behind it. The parking lot was primitive, with a marquee sign built at some point. (PG drove by that sign several nights and saw that Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing.)
There was another nightclub building on the hill behind JRR. One night, PG went to see a jazz band there, accompanied by someone who lived in a nearby house. After seeing the band, PG was led to a horse stable behind the bar. The horses were not well maintained … you could see the ribs sticking out. There is a story of a goat getting loose from the stable, and being chased out of the jazz bar during happy hour.
Jennings Rose Room was before PG’s time. There is a story that some men had lunch there, and made a bet. The idea was to hit a golf ball from the JRR parking lot, and putt it into a hole at Piedmont Park. A biscuit was used as a tee. The first shot went across the street, onto the field at the stadium. Eventually, the ball was hit across Tenth Street, onto a green, and into the cup.
At some point, Jennings Rose Room closed. A gay club called Chuck’s Rathskeller was opened in that location. A rock and roll club or two did business there. Then Richards opened.
The first time PG was in the house was after a Johnny Winter concert at the Fox. There were rumors of visiting musicians dropping by Richards to play after their shows. Mr. Winter was only onstage for a couple of minutes after PG got there.
The most memorable trip to Richards was during the summer of 1973. The headliner was Rory Gallagher, who was ok but not spectacular. The opening act was Sopwith Camel, one of the forgotten bands of the seventies. They performed a novelty hit, “Hello Hello”. Someone in the audience liked it, and paid them to do it again. The band wound up doing “Hello Hello” five times, and said that was the most money they made in a long time.
Average White Band was making the rounds that fall, and had a show at Richards. A lot of the audience was black, and they hit the dance floor in unison when “Pick up the Pieces” was played. Fellow Scotsman Alex Harvey was in town, and joined AWB to sing “I heard it through the grapevine”.
Muddy Waters played at Richards one night. The band did most of the playing, with Mr. Waters tossing in a few licks on bottleneck guitar. He might have sang a couple of times.
About this time, Iggy Pop played a few shows at Richards. One night, someone snuck up on him, and gave him a hug. It was Elton John, wearing a gorilla suit.
PG saw three more shows (that he can remember) at Richards. Richie Havens was worth the two dollar admission. Soft Machine played in the winter of 1974. Larry Coryell played a show that summer, with the Mike Greene Band opening. PG got to talk to Mike Greene that night. The National Association of Recording Arts and Sciences (who do the Grammy Awards) had a President named C. Michael Greene at one time. PG thinks this is the person he talked to that night.
Two friends of PG went, as their first date, to see Spirit at Richards. They were married a few years later. Towards the end of 1974, Richards was running out of steam. They advertised a New Years Eve show starring B.B. King, and sold high priced tickets. When the crowd showed up for the show, they found the doors locked. Richards had closed.
The next tenant for 931 Monroe Drive was going to be Cabaret After Dark, a gay club. There was a fire the night before the grand opening. The building was never used again. Eventually, a shopping center was built on the site.
UPDATE: Here is an article, from the Great Speckled Bird, about Richards. This is a repost.
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2015 Part Two
Here is part two of the chamblee54 coverage of the 2015 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Number two might be more appropriate. Part one went up a few days ago. The explanation of what BLFC can be found at all three of those links. Pictures for this appalling waste of bandwidth are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Claire had more daddy issues than Boy’s Life magazine published in the late 1970s, but she was a perfect match for Donald, whose personality was vaguely sticky, like the outside of a squeezable honey container or anything handled by a three-year-old. — James Pokines, Boston, MA
Wilbur’s passionate kisses sent a warm shiver down Eugenia’s tender spine and made the coarse hair on her knuckles erect. — David Pepper, Torrance, CA
This is a story about love, but not just any kind of love like how you love the feeling of trading in a pair of soggy, old socks for fresh ones, or the taste of salty French fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake, I’m talking about the other kind of love. — Anna Sagstetter, Fort Wayne, IN
It was debatable what Felicity enjoyed most about the night – the delicious dinner, the marvelous movie, or the satisfying sex – but one thing was clear and that was that she hoped she wouldn’t be doing it alone again next time. — Randy Blanton, Murfreesboro, TN
Camilla was a strong, confident woman who ran a Fortune 500 company and made her own yogurt, but what she really longed for was a control-freak guy who would tap her phone, lock her in her room, and force her to listen to Gilbert Gottfried singing the national anthem.
Laura Ruth Loomis, Pittsburg, CA
Having eaten her fill of the town’s fils et filles, the French witch inspected her candy-encrusted house and decided she needed a grander lure to attract grander prey–perhaps she should build a homme depot. — Scott Britton, Boston, MA
Old Man Dracula forgot to put his teeth in one night, and so had to come home hungry, with a sort of “nothing dentured, nothing veined” look on his face.— Matthew Pfeifer Beaman IA
Spurs a-jangling, Black Bert sauntered to the bar and cried “this town ain’t big enough!”—then gulped a whisky, fingered his six-shooter, and belched—”so I say we annex Dry Gulch, thus increasing our tax base while simultaneously reducing fixed costs through economies of scale.”
Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ
“Pecos Mac” McCarthy index-fingered back the brim of his battered Stetson, squatted at the edge of the waterhole, cupped a handful of brackish water, squinted out over the shimmering alkali flats of the Badlands, and decided then and there that he had prit’ near had it with overwrought, hackneyed western imagery. — Joseph Pramuk, Napa, CA
Barnaby asked the counter girl for a pastrami sandwich on rye with heartbreak, onions, and ennui on it, wrapped to go in the soul of a sheep, to which she turned wearily and yelled, “Another number six!”— Jeff Coleburn, West Chester, PA
Stephanie did not intend to become an animal coroner when she went to veterinary school, but the workload was manageable and, for cats, she usually just had to check the “curiosity” box under “cause of death.”— Doug Purdy, Roseville, CA
Carlos stared in lust and amazement as she walked away, her spandex-covered body giving the impression of two well-oiled sumo wrestlers on stilts furiously going for the win.
Marlin Back, Columbus, IN
The Phylognites made love by intertwining their eyeball stalks, a most erotic sensation except occasionally when, due to inexperience or excessive ardor, their stalks became inextricably bound in what (unbeknownst to them) a species of obnoxious, quarrelsome little bipeds on an obscure planet circling a small star in the Milky Way might call a “bird’s nest.” — Wayne Carmichael, Tyler, TX
“You’re a dead man, O’ Flanagan,” said the mortuary supervisor to the corpse laid out before him, chuckling to himself at how comical that remark was, a sentiment not shared with the rest of the night shift who all secretly yearned for the day he retired, having heard the same joke on innumerable occasions with just the surname of the deceased changed. — Ted Downes, Cardiff, U.K.
Was Mae West A Real Girl?
Today would be birthday 122 for Mary Jane “Mae” West. Of course, she died in 1980, so the party is off. PG saw a note on facebook, and made the comment “She was rumored to be a man.” One right click google search later, this post started to take shape.
There is a blogspot site, maewest.blogspot.com. It is still published, with a birthday post today. Five years ago there was a post, Mae West: Penis Rumors. It seems as though Miss West liked to say, to the press, “When I die, you are going to be very surprised!”
A hollywood gossipmonger had a story, Was Mae West…A Man?! Much of her information comes from the tasteful findadeath site. The story here is that Mae West died in 1950, and the death was kept quiet. Her brother made appearances in her place, until the final death in 1980. This would have been quite a feat, considering that John Edwin West died in 1964. That doesn’t stop people from talking.
“…the real Mae West died somewhere around 1950, give or take a couple years, and rather than let the show stop, it was announced that not Mae, but her brother, died. Of course, the brother then became Mae West and carried on until November 1980. If you look carefully at photos from around 1950 on it definitely looks like a different person not to mention the big hands and masculine features, bone structure, etc. I may not have all the details 100% correct but I would almost put money on the fact that the ‘Mae West’ ‘who died in 1980 had a weenie!!”
The hands were mentioned by Raquel Welch. The two were in Myra Breckinridge, the first movie Miss West had made in 27 years. (Miss West appeared on Mr. Ed in 1964.) Miss Welch appeared at a film festival in 2012, and had stories to tell.
“When I went over to say hello to her (one day) I said, ‘Hi, it’s Raquel, remember?’ She sort of extended her hand to me and I went to kiss the ring and one false fingernail painted silver fell to the floor. I looked at the hand and I thought, ‘Oh, I’m getting a vibe.’ I really think she’s a man! At this point in her life all bets are off and you’re not going to be able to doll it up that much. I would say it’s pretty accurate that she resembled a dock worker in drag.” …
“I had this beautiful dress and it was black with a big white ruffle around the neck and a black velvet hat … Apparently Mae got wind of the fact that I was wearing this exquisite dress and I went to the studio that day for our scene together. I got coiffed, got my hair done and went to the closet to get the dress and it wasn’t there. I asked my dresser what happened to the dress and she said, ‘It’s been confiscated. Mae does not want you to wear that dress. You can wear the red dress that you wore in the last scene!’ … Welch was so outraged that she stormed off the set and refused to return until the dress was back in her closet. … “For the scene, we never appeared in a two-shot together. She left after she did her lines and I had someone off-camera reading her lines and I had to pretend she was there.”
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Caitlyn
When you type “Caitlyn Jenner is” into google, the two options are Bruce Jenner and Who. PG was looking for something else. On this weeks Bret Easton Ellis Podcast, B.E.E. – Sean Baker – 8/10/15, trans issues are discussed. BEE discussed an online post, Caitlyn Jenner Is A Dumb Cunt. Technically, stupid prick is probably more anatomically accurate.
PG has tried to ignore Caitlyn Jenner. The step grandmother of Kayne’s baby is everywhere. People are praising her for courage, saying she is pretty, or denouncing her as a terrible person. What PG heard from Sick Of Your Crap was not praise.
“So now that we all seem to finally be winding down from the exhausting, weeks-long Insincerity Parade, celebrating Caitlyn Jenner’s “coming out”, while tripping over each other in a rush to prove just how uber-modern, accepting, and progressive we all are towards a meticulously media-packaged, celebrity transsexual, I say we all get back to addressing the fact that Caitlyn Jenner is a dumb cunt. … You really want to know who Caitlyn Jenner is? Caitlyn Jenner is that driver that aggressively tailgates you on the freeway when you’re in the right-hand lane, but still chooses not to pass. … You know, that driver that you’d like to pull out of their fucking car and beat with a tire iron? Right. Caitlyn Jenner is THAT asshole. … Sure, trans people have it rough, and by conservative numbers, they’re the victims of at least 150-200 violent crimes a year – … Last year there were over 30,000 deaths via auto accidents. Auto accidents caused by assholes like Caitlyn Jenner. Maybe she should be speaking out about THAT. “
The February car crash has not gotten as much publicity as the sex change. PG just now heard about it. A surveillance video does not really show much. Mr. Jenner denies texting while driving. This type of aggressive driving is traditionally blamed on having too much testosterone in the system.
There are only a few comments at SOYC. Heidi Honeycutt You are disgusting! I seriously hope you know how degrading this is to all trans people who have fought hard for what they have. I hope you enjoy diminishing Caitlyn’s accomplishments. Mitchell Boone Just wait until she runs over your loved ones. Lou Rusconi You are a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, VILE man!! (way to start the blog off with a BANG) JLH I am a transgender woman (fully transitioned in my early 20’s) and I completely agree with this post 100%. In fact let me go further in saying that Ms. Jenner is one of the worst possible public faces of our community that I can imagine. In addition to the fact that she is 65 years old (why did you wait until 65 to transition, Caitlyn?!?) and I don’t think anyone should transition that late for a host of reasons I won’t go into now, she is a fame-obsessed narcissist and an abject idiot. I have been beyond annoyed with the fact that she KILLED SOMEONE and she seems utterly unconcerned about it. The media also is utterly unconcerned about it for obvious reasons. I knew the moment she started the process that she was becoming a woman despite the lies that everyone told about it at the time, and I also sighed a deep sigh because I knew our community was in for a long and bumpy ride. I only hope that she will fade into obscurity sooner rather than later. This is not at all the person who I want to be the face of our community.
The SOYC piece is tasteful compared to Disgusted By Amusement. ” JESUS, look at those horrible fake tits cemented to that chest. And let’s not even speculate on what’s down below. A dick and shriveled scrotum with no balls? No dick? A tattoo of Kris Jenner’s face for a cunt? JENNER, YOU ARE A GRUESOME, LOATHESOME, DETESTABLE EXAMPLE OF BARELY SOLID PUTRESENCE. If you GO AWAY I wish you luck. If you stay a cinder in the public eye, I wish you a fatal car accident from a driver just as self-involved and twisted as yourself.”
There will be just one more, before we go back to the pictures. A house in Massachusetts has a sign. “Caitlyn Jenner Donates Testicles To Cowardly Obama,” Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
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