Hocus Pocus Part One
There was a copy of Hocus Pocus on the shelf. It had been there a while. The fancy, cut out cover was half torn off. The Book Nook stamp, from the old location, said it been a while since it was purchased. The old Book Nook is a McDonalds now. The gentrification of the neighborhood marches on.
PG was not sure if he had read HP. He decided to start, and read until he was either bored, or saw that he had already read HP. It is about half way through now. The only familiar joke is prisoners calling AIDS the pb, or parole board. Since Kurt Vonnegut recycles his jokes, that may be in another book.
KV likes to refer to his other books. There is a text in HP, “The protocol of the elders of Tralfamadore.” At the point of HP where this book report is written (p.159 paperback, p.71 .pdf ) there has been no appearance by Kilgore Trout. The three word mantra, “so it goes,” does not appear. The paperback has 165 pages to go.
HP does not have much of a plot. The central character is Eugene Debs Hartke. Gene was born in 1940, which was fourteen years after the politician Eugene Debs died. PG was born in 1954, or fourteen years after Gene Hartke was born. Of course, PG is writing this book report, so he is probably a legitimate human being, whereas Gene Hartke is almost certainly a fiction.
Gene Hartke is not covered in glory. He stumbles into West Point. During his post academy military service, Mr. Hartke (his military rank is not easily available) goes to Vietnam, and kills a bunch of people. After leaving Saigon in a helicopter, with the American adventure crashing around him, Mr. Hartke gets a job at Tarkington College, in Scipio NY. Any relation to Fran Tarkington is ignored.
The college professor thing works well for a while. Unfortunately, Mr. Hartke enjoys adultery, and people want to get even with him. Mr. Hartke is fired by Tarkington College, and takes a job at a prison nearby. (The prison is called Athena, which sounds like Attica.) After a breakout, Mr. Hartke is accused of being a ring leader, and becomes an inmate. This is where the book stands now.
HP was copyrighted in 1990. (The mandatory New York Times promotional piece, written by Jay McInerney, is dated 09/09/1990.) The firing of Mr. Hartke takes place in 1991, and the book is set in 2001. HP was written during the last days of the cold war, and set at the start of the war on terror. This turn of events was not predicted by KV.
The late eighties were interesting times. There are lots of jokes about that era in HP, some of which will seem mysterious to younger readers. At the time HP was written, Japanese interests were buying large chunks of the world. In HP, they own the prison. Local debts are paid with yen, and fellatio.
The Reagan-with-Alzheimers era was also the time of leveraged buyouts, and hostile takeovers. The concept of buying stock in a company, in hopes of selling out for huge profits in a hostile takeover, was known as arbitrage. In HP, many rich people lost their money by investing in a flimsy company, Microsecond Arbitrage. This probably is not a joke about Microsoft.
As always, KV is up to his clever wordplay, and humanistic outlook. A devious conservative media star “gave him his supercilious, vulpine, patronizing, silky debater’s grin.” The recipient of this grin wanted to carve, on the walls of the Grand Canyon, “WE COULD HAVE SAVED IT, BUT WE WERE TOO DOGGONE CHEAP.” This was during a debate about the environment. When HP was written, there was concern about nuclear winter, and a coming ice age.
There are lots of factoids in HP, many of which check out. Napalm was, indeed, invented by Harvard researchers. Later,a minor character said the battle of the Alamo was about slavery. A google search was ordered. When you type in “the Alamo was abo” the two choices are “the Alamo was about slavery” and “Alamo abortion clinic.” It turns out that Mexico did not like slavery, while Texas did.
At the half way point of Hocus Pocus, it is still entertaining. PG will probably finish it, unless the Chamblee library has something entertaining. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Poetry Questionnaire
This just turned up on facebook. “just sent my students their first assignment for “introduction to poetry writing” !!!! it’s a “poetry questionnaire” smile emoticon” Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
01. What shape, color and smell is poetry? Bakery exhaust clouds
02. You’re sitting next to poetry on an airplane. How do you start the conversation? Please turn down the noise on your device. Those drum beats sound like marching ants.
03. What is poetry’s nickname? Fossil fuel
04. What does poetry sound like? Houseplants gossiping about last nights disaster in the kitchen.
05. What room in your house is poetry? Crawl space
06. How does poetry move in its body? Does it walk, gallop, stumble, dance? Slither
07. What are poetry’s five favorite words? Listen stupid help hamburger cow
08. Use those words in a sentence. Listen to grinder/scruff turn my stupid cow into hamburger help.
09. Poetry, music, art and science are high school classmates. Do they get along? During football season, if the team is winning. Otherwise, things change from day to day.
10. What are the politics of poetry? Poetry yearns for return of whig party, and does not see Donald Trump’s hairpiece as qualified. Sarah Palin’s wigs are more historically geographical.
11. Who does poetry follow on twitter? @whiteliesmatter
12. Earth, water, fire or air? Mud
13. “Doth Poets rime, and doth this Line / align, or just lay plain?” Plain does not hook up.
14. Who is the least poetic person you know, and why? Jesus He is boring and pretentious.
15. Surprise! They’re a poet. Ignore his followers when they ask for money.
16. *gargles water while juggling 6 chainsaws, slips on banana peel and falls into enormous banana cream pie, survives unscathed and wins the Pulitzer Prize for poetry* Secret is to use electric chainsaw cords for leverage. Try to fall into a chocolate cake.
17. “As yet, in Time, ye Poets may / forsake the Forms and never rime again.” That’s my story and i’m sticking to it. Don’t believe any of the other stories going around.
18. Are you enjoying this questionnaire? [HR requires me to ask] HR is the hamburger cow.
19. What question do you wish I’d asked? What do you have to do to get a sexual harassment complaint? It is an important item on my bucket list.
20. Answer it. Show up, stay awake, don’t kill anyone.
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2015
It is August. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Elvis allegedly died, and the day Madonna was allegedly born. But that is tomorrow. Today is part one of the annual chamblee54 celebration of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. This is a celebration of bad writing, coordinated through the English department at San Jose State University, San Jose, CA 95192-0090.
BLFC is named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, a 19th century perpetrator of bad fiction. Mr. Bulwer-Lytton is blamed for starting a novel with the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents.” As an added bonus, there is a quiz, Dickens or Bulwer? People with too much free time can read a quote, and choose to blame it on either Mr. Bulwer-Lytton or Charles Dickens.
Here are the funny names for 2015. No winners will be chosen. They are presented in the order in which they appeared in the BLFC post. Laura Ruth Loomis, Pittsburg, CA, gets special notice for being having two entries in the swinging 74. The 11 funny names: David Laatsch, Baton Rouge, LA, Myriam Nys, Mechelen, Belgium, Hwei Oh, Sydney, Australia, Rahul Kak, Ann Arbor, MI, Yap Tee Giut, Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia, Austin Stollhaus, Louisville, KY, James Pokines, Boston, MA, Kathy Minicozzi, Bronx, NYC, Anna Sagstetter, Fort Wayne, IN, Laura Ruth Loomis, Pittsburg, CA, Joseph Pramuk, Napa, CA, Susie Gawriluk, Presque Isle, WI, Clark Snodgrass, Huntington Beach, CA.
One of the value added features of this report is the list of funny names. Many of the contestants have names that make you wonder what their parents were thinking. Surprisingly, many of these odd names produced really bad prose. One of the chamblee54 value added services is to read all 74 entries (4137 words) in the 2015 “winners.” Out of all that punctuation, 26 entries, and a list of names, were chosen. Here is the first installment of the chosen entries. The first one recieves special notice for using the name Caitlin, and spelling it the same way as Miss Teenage South Carolina. The other Caitlyn receives enough publicity. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Caitlin was a Pop Tart kind of girl, but Kyle always ate four Aunt Jemima pancakes with Land o’ Lakes unsalted butter and Mrs. Butterworth’s maple syrup, so they knew they would never marry because of their differences, but they could still fool around. — Kathy Minicozzi, Bronx, NYC
After weeks at sea, Captain Fetherstonhaugh and his hardy crew had at last crossed the halfway point, and he mused that the closest dry land now lay in the Americas, assuming of course that it was not raining there. — David Laatsch, Baton Rouge, LA
Walking through the northernmost souk of Marrakech, that storied and cosmopolitan city so beloved of voyagers wishing to shake the desert dust off their feet, Peter bought a French-language newspaper and realized, with dizzying dismay, that “Camille” can be a man’s name.
Myriam Nys, Mechelen, Belgium
The doctors all agreed the inside of Charlie’s intestinal tract looked like some dark, dank subway system in a decaying inner city, blackened polyps hanging from every corner like tiny ticking terrorist time bombs, waiting to burst forth in cancerous activity; however, to Timmy the Tapeworm this was home. — E. David Moulton, Summerville, SC
Shortly after that interfering do-gooder Snow White had introduced Sneezy to non-drowsy antihistamines, he had to change his name to Brian, where he then left the mines with Ray (formerly Sleepy) who was now a caffeine addict and Bob (formerly Grumpy) who was on 100 milligrams of Prozac a day, and Doc whom Snow pointed out had never actually graduated from medical school and was being sued for malpractice–oh how he despised that high and mighty ho.
Hwei Oh, Sydney, Australia
As Granny sewed the bloody wolf pelt onto the stained red cape, Little Red downed another shot, reminding herself that even alcohol has a better taste than the gastric acid of a wolf.
Rahul Kak, Ann Arbor, MI
When the corpse showed up in the swimming pool, her dead bosoms bobbing up and down like twin poached eggs in hollandaise sauce, Randy decided to call the police as soon as he finished taking pictures of his breakfast and posting them to his Facebook wall. — Laura Ruth Loomis, Pittsburg, CA
When private detective Flip Merlot spotted the statuesque brunette seated at the bar of his favorite watering hole, he was drawn to her like a yellow cat to navy blue pants, and when he sidled up next to her he felt fuzzy all over, kind of like dark blue corduroys get when they’re matted with yellow cat hair.
James M. Vanes, La Porte, IN
With his lamp giving off a dull yellow glow General Washington sat up late into the night contemplating his problems: Not enough food, not enough clothing, not enough men, and that idiot Private Doodle who kept putting feathers in his cap and calling it macaroni.
Dan Leyde, Shoreline, WA
If Vicky Walters had known that ordering an extra shot of espresso in her grande non-fat sugar free one pump raspberry syrup two pumps vanilla syrup soy latte that Wednesday would lead to her death and subsequent rebirth as a vampire, she probably would have at least gotten whipped cream.
Margo Coffman, Corinth MS
He typed like a ninja with no arms, and the text flowed like a drop of blood down a katana blade sharpened with one of those automatic kitchen things you can buy on late-night television when you’re drunk but not too drunk to read off your 16-digit credit card number and security code.
Alex Dering, Brooklyn, NY
I never did see the last thing I saw, the truck and the red light, the last thing I saw was a plus-size girl in a petite ensemble, giving her the appearance of a marshmallow tightly wrapped in dental floss.
Ted Wise, Hanover, PA
Two Podcasts On Selected Tweets
PG likes to listen to things while working on pictures. Last night, the entertainment included an episode of Bookworm. This is a public radio show, hosted by agreeable fuddy duddy Michael Silverblatt. The show has run for years, and has accumulated an enviable archive. The current show features Mira Gonzalez and Tao Lin, talking about a book they produced, Selected Tweets. It is what it says it is, a collection of twitter product, without all the >140 character paraphernalia about favorites and retweets. Here is a brief sample.
The girl I babysit is telling me about her friend Emma who is 55, has blue hair and owns a dragon farm. She has one tentacle and one real arm. ~ This car drives like the baby I aborted. ~ Saw a guy sucking his own dick on Chat Roulette. ~ I wanna tweet something I’m gonna regret in the morning. ~ I’ve created a mess. There is paint everywhere, cupcakes are in the oven and I’m teaching myself chinese embroidery. ~ Generously applying chapstick to my nostrils.
Miss Gonzalez and Mr. Lin, who apparently are not a romantic couple, say strange things about themselves. They both admit to lots of drug use. Someone published a book about people who might be dead before forty. Miss Gonzalez said that might be her, and it might not be a bad thing if she were to die before forty. This is one thing many people change their mind about.
PG was working on Grievance Indication Industry while listening to the show. There were a lot of interruptions, and a few times when PG did not pay close attention. Mr. Silverblatt was good natured about the shenanigans of Miss Gonzalez and Mr. Lin. After you interview David Foster Wallace, it is all downhill. Mr. Silverblatt does not list a twitter handle on the Bookworm site, and may not be familiar with the >140 character lifestyle.
There was a tweet later. @otherppl “I want someone to write an essay/review comparing/contrasting my interview w/ @tao_lin & @miragonz and the Bookworm interview w Tao & Mira.” You are reading the result. PG will not listen to Bookworm a second time.
The host of otherppl, Brad Listi, is hipper than Mr. Silverblatt. Mr. Listi asks Miss Gonzalez and Mr. Lin if they are sober… Mr. Lin took a hit of weed in the car. Miss Gonzalez doesn’t like to get high during the day, or maybe that is during this day. Tomorrow is another day, as Margaret Mitchell observed. (Sunday, August 16, is the anniversary of the death of Margaret Mitchell. It is also the anniversary of Elvis Presley’s last trip to the bathroom. August 16 is the birthday of Madonna. That does not seem like a fair trade.)
Miss Gonzalez has quite the internet presence. She posts revealing pictures of herself, and then is offended when male strangers send her dick pics. Later she says that Jonathan Franzen famously hates twitter, but probably has a secret account. Miss Gonzalez says that she would like to get a dick pic from Jonathan Franzen, who is not Jewish.
There is a one star review at amazon. About as Good as Excrement on Paper for $16.10 At this point I think if I put excrement on paper in the shape of the letters that create “Worthless Dribble” (which would be quite the feat, more so than Lin’s attempt at prose) I could get it published by whoever it is that keeps promoting trash literature such as this, and anything else these two have ever done.
Mr. Lin became notorious a while back. He was in a relationship with a young girl. The couple went out stealing batteries together. After breaking up with Mr. Lin, the young girl became a young man. They is the preferred pronoun.
Some stories got out about this in the tabloid internet. The notoriety cost Mr. Lin considerable peace of mind. There is a statement, from Mr. Lin, at the otherppl site. It has links to all the sensational stories, and tells his side of the story. The tabloid internet moved on to other click bait. This unpleasantness was not mentioned by Mr. Silverblatt, while Mr. Listi did broach the subject.
@mirage (spell check suggestion:mirage) has a lively twitter account. Here are some recent entries. “i need a breakfast sandwich and a quick painless death ~ i used to smoke actual crack and feel fine the next day but now if i drink 2 glasses of wine i wake up all headache-y and complain-y ~ every time something good happens to me i’m just like ‘i hope this makes my ex upset’ then i go back to hating myself ~ i dyed my hair the same color as my bong ~ its really confusing for me to try to make a family tree because i come from a long line of extremely slutty people ~ young, wild and heavily medicated ~ straight outta reasons to stay alive ~ ‘my daily life is probably about as painful as that’ is something i thought while watching a person burn alive in game of thrones.”
Brad Listi paid Miss Gonzalez, and Mr. Lin, a sincere compliment. He left a copy of the book on the commode in the studio bathroom. A collection of tweets would seem to be a good compliment for bowel movements. There is none of the messy complications of a whodunit, nor the bodice ripping drama of romance novel heartbreak. It was noted in both shows that tweets, with the 140 character limit, is structurally similar to haiku. The evolution of social media zuckerbergs on to its lmao limit.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Seven
This is part seven of the chamblee54 circumnavigational retrospective of Kurt Vonnegut’s anti glacier classic, Slaughterhouse-Five. Parts one, two, three, four, five, and six have already seen the light of day. This installment will cover chapters nine and ten, and will probably be the end. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. The man in the last three pictures was Frank Gordy, the owner of The Varsity.
At the start of chapter nine, Billy Pilgrim has been in a plane crash. His wife, Valencia, is trying to get to the hospital. While en route, there is an accident. The Cadillac Valencia is driving is rear ended by a Mercedes. The trunk of the Caddy looked like ” the mouth of a village idiot who was explaining that he didn’t know anything about anything”.
The Caddy had bumper stickers, given to BP by someone in the John Birch Society. One said “Reagan for President.” In 1968, Ronnie had been Governor of California for less than two years. The idea of the former actor as POTUS was a conservative fantasy. Did KV have the imagination to see the future? In 12 years, Ronald Reagan would run for POTUS, against the former Governor of Georgia. Ronnie would win, and be re-elected in 1984. In 2015, Nancy’s husband would be revered as Saint Ronnie by the Republican party. The future is a strange place, if you haven’t time traveled through it.
Back in 1968, Valencia Pilgrim was in a hurry to get to the hospital. She continued to drive the Cadillac, even though the exhaust system was wasted. Valencia made it to the hospital, and collapsed in the parking lot. She died of carbon monoxide poisoning. This is the first time KV says “So it goes” in chapter nine. SIG081. It is not the last.
BP is, physically, in a hospital bed while all this is going on. His roommate is a dreadful fellow named Bertram Copeland Rumfoord. Dr. Rumfoord is a history professor, who is fascinated by war. Any actual combat service is not mentioned. Dr. Rumfoord does not suffer from false modesty. Nor is he impressed by BP … “I could carve a better man out of a banana.”
Dr. Rumfoord is researching a history of World War II. He has his wife read papers to him, while BP passively listens behind a white screen. The foreword to a book about the Dresden raid is read. The author laments the lives lost that night, but reminds us that two wrongs make a right, and that Germany killed a lot of the good guys. SIG082.
Another author compared the deaths in Dresden to Hiroshima and Toyko. SIG083. Comparing casualty statistics of the combatants in a war can give you a headache. The USA lost 415,000, mostly soldiers, which is nothing to be happy about. However, the Amerikan losses were a rounding error when considering the 25,000,000 men, women, and children believed lost by the Soviet Union.
Meanwhile, Barbara, the daughter of BP, is visiting her father in the hospital. She is not in good shape, which can be expected under the circumstances. Some doctor gave her medication, and she has a glassy eyed look. SIG084. Soon Robert Pilgrim, without the nacreous pink guitar, is back from Vietnam. This scene was in the movie. Robert Pilgrim says he is sorry about what happened in the graveyard. That incident was mentioned in the book one time.
Dr. Rumfoord is going to include Dresden in his book. The raid was little known in Amerika. According to Dr. Rumfoord, the military did not want to upset the bleeding hearts. At this point, BP speaks up. “I was there.” Dr. Rumfoord does not believe BP, and feels euthanasia is appropriate.
At some point in the proceedings BP is back in Dresden, on the morning after. He finds a horse cart, and then goes for a ride. Soon, an elderly German couple sees BP. The elderly Germans talk to BP in tones that might have been spoken to Jesus, as he was taken down from the cross. SIG085. The elderly Germans made BP aware of the wretched condition of the horses. When BP sees this, he cries for the only time during the war.
In a few days, BP is on his way back to Amerika. He is on board a freighter, Lucretia A. Mott. Miss Mott was a famous suffragette, who was dead. SIG086. Before long, BP is home from the hospital. We don’t know what vehicle took him there. BP sneaks out of the house, and goes to New York City. BP wants to find a tv show, that will have him as a guest. BP wants to share what he learned on Tralfamadore. When he starts to look at New York television, all the shows were about silliness and murder. SIG087. BP was used to having only 3 channels, and was perplexed by the abundance of choice in New York. He might have missed the good stuff.
BP goes out for a walk. There is a sign, with the news displayed in a streaming marquee. SIG088. There is a dirty book store, with Kilgore Trout novels in the window. This is another theme of KV…Kilgore Trout novels in front of dirty bookstores, to lend redeeming social value to the smut.
One of these novels is about a planet called Zircon-212. This was a few years before Frank Zappa recorded the dental floss anthem “Montana,” with the invitation to purchase zircon encrusted tweezers. This is possibly connected to a house PG once stayed in. The house was on Zircon Place, in a neighborhood was called Diamond Heights.
Another novel by Mr. Trout returned to the Jesus theme. It involves a 12 year old boy, who is being taught carpentry by his dad. Roman soldiers come in. They want a cross built, for an emergency crucifixion the next day. The carpenter is happy to get the work. SIG089. Another Jesus book involves a time traveler named Lance Corwin. He takes a stethoscope back to Cavalry, to see if Jesus was really dead on that not so good Friday. The heart was still, and Jesus was certifiably deceased. SIG090. One fact in this story corresponds to the information on the Shroud of Turin. Jesus was 5″3″ tall. The Shroud also suggests that Jesus did not have a navel.
Soon, the porn clerks wonder why BP is reading the redeeming social value books. They steer him to a magazine, with the lurid cover “Whatever happened to Montana Wildhack?” BP knows, but also knows enough to keep this knowledge to himself. The magazine says Montana Wildhack was killed by Lenny Bruce. He caught her stepping out one too many times. SIG091.
BP soon tires of the dirty bookstore. He finds a radio show that will have him as a guest. The question of the evening is whether, or not, the novel is dead. SIG092. BP tries to say that the novel was never alive on Tralfamadore, and is ushered off the show. To confirm this, BP time travels back to Tralfamadore. Montana Wildhack who is nursing their baby, is tired of BP.
That is the end of chapter nine. In the first part of chapter ten, KV mentions Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Vietnam, KV Sr., and Charles Darwin. SIG093. SIG094. SIG095. SIG096. SIG097. Another Kilgore Trout story comes up. The aliens ask the earth people about golf.
The story ends where it started, with KV going to German with war buddy Bernard O’Hare. Mr. O’Hare was not mentioned in the rest of the book. There is a passage from a book, that KV shows to the reader. So many babies are born every day. SIG098. So many people die every day. SIG099. The population of the world will be 7 billion in 2000. This speculation was before the internet. The current story estimates the number of earthlings at 7,359,240,848.
The story is almost over. BP makes one final trip to Dresden. It is after the raid, and BP is working with a Maori POW, helping to clean up. They find a hole, with a lot of dead Germans. The dead Germans stink. The Maori POW dies of the dry heaves. Edgar Derby steals something from the ruins, and is shot by a German. SIG100. SIG101. SIG102. SIG103. There are supposed to be 106 SIG in this text, which means that PG missed 3. Any reader worried about this can get over it.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Six
This is part six of the chamblee54 disposable dissertation on Slaughterhouse-Five, a novel by Kurt Vonnegut. Parts one, two, three, four, and five are available for viewing, and gentle criticism. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
This is a sunday morning in August. The sun is out, and the heat will be tough to take soon. PG is not in a good mood, which should surprise nobody. He realizes, on some level, that he should be grateful for a chore to give him something to do. The notes indicate that the first “so it goes” to be recorded in this segment will provide the opportunity to make cheap, smutty jokes.
Billy Pilgrim is on a plane that is going to crash. He knows the plane is going into the ski resort, but is helpless to do anything about it. A barbershop quartet is entertaining the optometrists, which should not be confused with optimism. The quartet is singing cheerful songs that are insulting to Polacks. This is another word that was popular in 1968, that is considered politically incorrect today.
Three days after arriving in Dresden, BP saw the public execution of a Pole. He was hanged for the crime of fucking a German woman. SIG067. The German lady was not inclined to disclose whether the Polish gentleman was, in fact, hung. Polack jokes were popular in 1968, when SF was written. PG did not know any Polish people, but thought the jokes were pretty funny.
The barbershop quartet is singing “Wait till the sun shines Nellie” when the airplane crashes into the side of a Vermont mountain. Everyone is killed, except for BP and the co-pilot. SIG068. The barbershop quartet performs at a party BP gave, which upsets BP. Time travel will do that to you. Especially when you are having brain surgery to save your life, and you go, uncontrollably, back to Schlachthöf-funf. The cart you are pushing is greased with the fat of dead animals. SIG069.
A young German named Werner Gluck was in charge of the POW. They were looking for the kitchen, and stumbled into a strange room. It was a communal shower, and was filled with naked German girls. They didn’t know to be wary when a Nazi said anything about taking a shower. The sight of these naked girls was educational for BP and Werner Gluck. Soon, the men found the kitchen. An old woman worked there. She was a war widow. SIG070. The old woman thought it peculiar that armies had young men, like BP and Werner Gluck, and old fogies like Edgar Derby. But she made sense of it all. “All the real soldiers are dead.” SIG071.
When BP was in pre-fire Dresden, he helped out in a factory that made malt syrup. BP helped himself to spoonfuls. His digestive system did not like malt syrup. This is the end of chapter seven.
At the start of chapter eight, the POW are entertained by Howard Campbell. He was discussed in a previous installment of this series, and in a later book by KV. In this scene, Mr. Campbell is recruiting American soldiers to go fight the Russians. A lot of people, including General George Patton, wanted to have it out with the Russkies after the Germans were dealt with. General Patton was in a convenient auto accident a few months after the war ended.
At some point during the remarks by Mr. Campbell, the air raid siren went off. Even though Dresden was thought to be unworthy of Allied attack, the POW went into an underground meat locker. A few dead horses were hanging from metal hooks. SIG072. Meanwhile, Howard Campbell stays upstairs, talking to the guards. It turns out he speaks excellent German, and was married to a German actress. The actress was killed, entertaining troops in the Crimea. SIG073.
The next night was the Allied bombing raid on Dresden. It is much discussed elsewhere. A lot of people were killed. SIG074. While hiding in a subterranean meat locker, BP time travels to his home in 1968. He is arguing with his well meaning daughter, who would like to murder Kilgore Trout.
This is when the reader gets to know the man behind the books. Kilgore Trout lives in Ilium NY. A horrible man, he makes money by supervising boys who deliver newspapers on bicycle. This is another concept that will seem novel to some… the custom of teenage boys having a paper route.
Kilgore Trout write a lot of books. BP is one of the few people who read them. One of these books was about a money tree. Twenty dollar bills grew on its branches. People would kill each other fighting over these twenties, and their blood would fertilize the tree. SIG075.
On November 13, 1787, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to William Smith. The letter is full of zesty quotes. “What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants. It is it’s natural manure.” A few lines above that, Mr. Jefferson said “God forbid we should ever be 20 years without such a rebellion.” Twenty years after he wrote this, Mr. Jefferson was President. He probably did not want to deal with a revolution.
BP met Kilgore Trout in 1964. This was around the time of the 18th anniversary of BP and Valencia Merble. The times are getting a bit fuzzy, which, acording to Tralfamadorian logic, is rational. The date of birth is anywhere from 1922 to 1925. BP was in the nuthouse in 1946, and somehow got married at the same time. At any rate, there was a big party for the anniversary, with Kilgore Trout invited. The other guests were charmed to have an author in their midst. One lady heard about a French chef that died. At the funeral they sprinkled herbs on his body. SIG076.
The barbershop quarter performed at the party, making BP physically ill. There are several possible reasons. Bad singing is must be considered. BP knew about the plane crash performance. Their were four guards in the meat locker during the Dresden raid. There were four Beatles, four horsemen of the apocalypse, four tops, and the four seasons. The barbershop quarter did a four seasons song, Sheeree, Sherree bayabee, Sher Sher Sherree, Sherree baby. It sounded better on the radio.
The next stop on the time travel was the meat locker in Dresden. A horrendous overbombing went on overhead, on the city with no war industries to bother. The fire storm was so intense that it ran out of oxygen. The German guards, except for the fab four in the meat locker, died. The German girls that BP saw naked in the shower died. Just about everyone in Dresden died. SIG077. SIG078. SIG079. The next day, Amerika sent planes to fly over the city, and shoot at people. They missed BP. SIG080. There was an inn outside of town, which somehow survived the raid. The inn took the guards and POW in, and gave them food. This is the end of chapter eight.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Five
This is part five of the chamblee54 modification and reconstruction of Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut. Parts one, two, three, and four have already been published. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Chapter six begins with Paul Lazzaro making a spectacle of himself. He is mad about something, as usual. The English POW, known here as the Blue Fairy Godmother, says something. Mr. Lazzaro says to go fuck yourself. The English POW says that he has tried. Being in captivity four years has it’s downside. Mr. Lazzaro goes into detail about the revenge awaiting the English POW. This inspires KV to say “so it goes.” SIG 057. There is no connection to Heinz 57 steak sauce.
Paul Lazzaro made friends with Roland Weary on the POW train. Mr.Weary and Mr. Lazzaro had a similar approach to etiquette, before Mr. Weary died. SIG058. Roland Weary is not related to Roland Kirk, aka Rahsaan, aka the modern miracle of the tenor saxophone. PG saw Roland Kirk the night Richard Nixon resigned. Roland Kirk played three saxophones at the same time, and talked a lot. Roland Kirk was blind, and said the audience was too ugly to look at. Roland Kirk said Stevie Wonder wanted to make a lot of money, so he could have an operation and see.
Billy Pilgrim, the protagonist of SF, is also on the Paul Lazarro’s hit list. BP can time travel, and has memories of the future. BP knows how BP is going to die. It will be February 13, 1976. BP will be a celebrity, and give a speech, in Chicago, before a large crowd. The USA will have been divided into 20 smaller nations. Chicago has been nuked by “angry Chinamen,” to use a phrase considered politically incorrect in 2015. SIG059.
As some of you may know, this was not an accurate prediction of life in 1976. This was the bi-centennial year. On February 13, people were just starting to take Jimmy Carter seriously as a Presidential candidate. It is probably just as well that Amerika was not divided into 20 countries. We once had the United States, and a Confederation of 11 states that did not get along very well. That did not work out very well, at least for the Confederate states.
After BP is finished with his speech, a crazy person shoots him with a high powered laser gun. SIG060. BP is dead for a little while, and then timewarps back to 1945. Even Jesus, when he made his much ballyhooed emergence from the cave, returned to 33A.D. Billy goes back to wartime Germany. The food was better than what was available on Tralfamadore, except for Montana Wildhack.
In 1945, the Amerikans are about to be shipped out of the intermediate POW care facility. The British are overjoyed at their departure. Paul Lazzaro is running his foul mouth, like a dog that will not quit barking. If Mr. Lazzaro was a dog, a policeman would kill him, and check for rabies. SIG061.
Maybe it was the British officer. Not the Blue Fairy Godmother, but the one who gave the POW a lecture on hygiene while in captivity. It is said that men, who lose pride in their appearance, soon die. SIG062. The British officer says that the men are going to Dresden, which will never be bombed. We will hear those famous last words a few more times.
The Amerikans go to the train. The dead hobo is beside the tracks, unmoved. SIG063. The trip to Dresden takes two hours. When they get there, the narrator says it is “Oz.” Another comment is made about the safety Dresden enjoys. SIG064. The POW are paraded through the town, to the amusement of the residents. These residents will be dead soon. SIG065.
The men are taken to Schlachthöf-funf. The english version of that should be obvious. The cattle killing place was mostly empty. Most of the livestock had been eaten, digested, and excreted by this time. SIG066. The umlaut was copied into this text from the online .pdf. Accuracy in media is not just for wingnuts and moonbats. Spell check accepts wingnuts as being a real word.
This is the last SIG of chapter six. It is SIG066, which contains 2, out of 3, of the digits in 666. It appears on page 144 in the dead tree SF used for this report. The number 144 also means gross, as a unit of measure. 144 is 12 times 12, or 6+6×6+6. If you add 1+4+4, you get 9, so 6 does turn out to be 9. Jimi Hendrix don’t mind.
OK. There are only 11 paragraphs here. If we are going to do the rainbow text thing, we need to have at least 12. If there are 13 or 14, that is even better. We can throw in the turquoise layer between the green and blue, which is pretty groovy. Originally, this filler was going to be from another blog. However, the blogger said “I’d appreciate it if you take out your reference to my blog since it’s a bit negative.” It its place we will have one star reviews from Amazon.
This was a book club selection, but always had thought of this as a classic anti-war book that I’ve heard throughout my adult life. I kept reading this hoping there would be some sort of plot line or hidden message, but didn’t seem to uncover it after reading the entire book. The end of the book was slightly easier to understand, however there didn’t seem to be a coherent paragraph in the book.
First off, in order not to offend anyone who loves this book and will rave about it at gallery openings and trendy wine book clubs, I do understand its place with readers as a literary classic. As an avid reader who cares more about quality writing, themes, plot, character development, etc this book was awful. Everything that can be complained about is why this book is acclaimed, but if you hate an incomplete story with no beginning or end, or just comprehensive storytelling, this book will make you wonder about the sanity and sobriety of its fans.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Four
This is part four of a Vonnegutian appreciation of Slaughterhouse-Five. Parts one, two, and three are already available for your amusement. This segment will deal exclusively with Chapter five. It is 45 pages long. KV says “so it goes” 19 times, which will be inventoried in this chapter. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
This chapter is going to be a new adventure. PG bought a laptop, which is currently on the work table in the middle bedroom. Since PG sits down too much these days, the idea is to have a stand up work station. This is a work in progress. Today is the first time that PG has operated this machine without having in plugged in. Portable work capability is essential to the useful operation of a laptop.
At the start of chapter five, Billy Pilgrim is on Tralfamadore. This is a new experience for him. BP notices that, instead of stars, the Trallie sky is full of luminous spaghetti. Some speculate that this is the origin of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
BP asks for something to read. The only thing available was Valley of the Dolls, by Jacqueline Susann. This is a trashy book that was popular when SF was being written. 11 pages later, BP is a POW camp hospital. There, the only book for him is The Red Badge of Courage, by Stephen Crane. It is about the horrors of war. TRBOC is loved by the same high school english teachers who sneer at VOTD. The soldiers in TRBOC would have enjoyed the drugs available in VOTD.
The neat thing about time travel is you keep moving around. Soon, young BP is with his parents. They are on a ledge in the Grand Canyon. Someone asks the guide if anyone ever kills them self by jumping into the canyon. The guide says they have about three jumpers a year. SIG037.
Soon, BP is back in the war. His uniform was been deloused, and all the little critters in it are dead. SIG038. After the uniform is put on, BP goes to a German official, he writes the name “Billy Pilgrim” in a ledger book. At this point, BP is no longer MIA, but is elevated to POW status. SIG039.
The next step in the process is giving BP a dog tag. It was made by a Polish laborer, who was dead now. SIG040. The dog tag has a split in the middle. When the POW dies, the tag is split in two. One half will identify the grave. This is what happened to Edgar Derby. SIG041.
The Amerikan POW were ushered into a shed with British POW. The Yanks were enthusiastically greeted by British POW. The limeys had been captive since Dunkirk, and were having a fine time during the war. The Amerikans were greeted with rodomontades, a form of jollyoldchap speech, and given soap. Nobody officially knew what the soap was made of. SIG042.
At some point BP began to spazz out. He was taken to the six bed hospital, shot up with morphine, and given “The Red Badge of Courage.” Edgar Derby came in to look over him. SIG043.
Before long, BP was on the road again, or whatever thoroughfare you use when time traveling. The scene was the mental ward of a VA hospital. It was 1948. BP thought he was losing his mind. The mental state of BP may, or may not, have been improved by his nuthouse roommate, Eliot Rosewater, the star of a later KV novel, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater.
Mr. Rosewater is another curious character. He is a science fiction fan, and introduces BP to Kilgore Trout. This is another recurring character in KV stories. Mr. Trout is a resident of Ilium NY, and might be a member of the Iliumnati.
Both BP and Mr. Rosewater enjoyed negative attitudes. They came by them honestly. Mr. Rosewater shot a 14 year old, thinking he was a German soldier. SIG044. A Trallie would say not to worry, that the young man would have been a soldier if he had lived. As for BP, he was in an underground building when Dresden was eliminated. SIG045. In a couple of paragraphs, PG sees a dead glass of water on a table. SIG046
The dead glass of water was next to a living cigarette belonging to BP’s noname mother. Eliot Rosewater talks to her, while BP hides under the covers. We learn that Mr. Rosewater’s mother is dead, SIG047, and that BP’s father is dead, SIG048. KV says it is a chat between a “dumb, praying lady and the big, hollow man so full of loving echoes.”
Before long, BP is back in the POW hospital. Somebody comes in, and talks to Edgar Derby, who tells the story of his capture. Germans were tossing shells around, and lots of people got killed. SIG049. Soon, BP is back in the nuthouse. His mother is gone, and is replaced by his fiancee, Valencia Merble. The young lady is rich and fat. It will be a good, practical, move for BP to marry her. This is not the same thing as wanting to do it.
Before much longer, Edgar Rosewater talks about a book. It is an alternative version of the Jesus story, where the murder of Jesus is a bad thing because the son of G-d is well connected. SIG050. SIG051. The reaction of Valencia Merble is not recorded.
Before you can say Tralfamadore, BP is in a geodesic dome 446 quintillion miles from earth. The atmosphere outside the dome is cyanide. BP is on display, a source of amusement for the Trallies. There is a non functioning TV in the dome. Taped to the picture tube is a picture of Cowboys and Indians killing each other. SIG052. The book was written in an innocent age. Even the most enlightened author thought little about referring to Native Americans as Indians.
The dome had a refrigerator. On the door of the device was a picture of a “gay nineties” couple riding a bicycle built for two. This is another expression you don’t hear much anymore. PG did a little math, and realized that the time from 1898 to 1968 was the same amount of time as between 1945 and 2015. Seventy years just doesn’t last as long as it used to.
BP has some conversations with a Trally, which are frustrating to both parties. There is talk about reproduction, and talk about killing. This is the historic yin yang, life death, egg and sword duality.
The Trally tells BP how the universe will end. Some careless Trally has an accident. There is an experiment for flying saucer fuel, and the universe is blown up. SIG053. This is the middle point for the 106 SIG in SF. If PG misses any, he is not going to go back and look for it.
The time travel unsticks again, and BP is in the middle of his wedding night. It is the night his son, Robert, is conceived. Robert is a troubled youth. In the movie he expresses regret for his misdeeds, when BP is recovering from the plane crash. Robert goes on to be a Green Beret.
At least Robert was not in a German POW facility. BP wakes up in the hospital, and needs to piss. He finds an improvised latrine, which is in shoddy condition. Another Amerikan says that he *excreted* his brains out, without the critical detail, number one or number two. This excretionary Amerikan is KV, the author of this chronicle.
The conduct of Amerikans concerned the British and the Germans. An officer produced a document about this shoddy behavior, written by Howard Campbell. He was an Amerikan, who was working for the Germans. Mr. Campbell will hang himself, while awaiting trial after the war. SIG054. Mr. Campbell had the highest IQ of any war criminal put to death by hanging. SIG055.
Howard Campbell is the primary character in another book by KV, Mother Night. In this story the Schenectady NY native makes radio speeches for Germany, which are coded messages to the allies. He lives after the war. While Howard Campbell is notorious, he is never tried for treason. Amazon one star reviewer Roy E Pratt said “This was pointless. No real plot to it. Just a bunch of ramblings. I do not recommend it to anyone”
Some have speculated that “Mother Night” is similar to the journey of Jane Fonda. The story goes that the trip to Hanoi was made on behalf of the American government. Miss Fonda was rewarded with two Oscars, marriage to Ted Turner, and the hatred of chicken hawk patriots.
Meanwhile, back on Tralfamadore, Montana Wildhack has been installed in the dome. The idea is to create live action pornography for the entertainment, and education, of the Trallies. We soon learn why BP was chosen for this adventure. The dude has a porn star penis. Why did we learn this with Montana Wildhack, and not with Valencia Merble Pilgrim? Does BP really stand for Big Penis, with Billy Pilgrim conveniently grafted on later to appease the censors?
In the movie, Montana Wildhack was played by Valerie Perrine. Her birth name is Valerie Ritchie Perrine. If you google the name, the suggested searches include photos, measurement, imdb, and net worth. Other prominent roles for Miss Perrine include Honey, the wife of Lenny Bruce, Eve Teschmacher in Superman, and Delores Pierce in As the World Turns.
BP had a 1968 wet dream about Montana Wildhack. When he woke up, he dressed and went to work at the Ilium Optometry shop. A lady came in, with her 12 year old son. The ladies husband had been killed in Vietnam, in a fight over hill 875. SIG056. This is the end of chapter five.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Three
Welcome to part three of the Vonnegutian excavation of Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut. Parts one and two have already been published. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. It is written like J. R. R. Tolkien.
It is a lovely last day of July in Georgia. This chapter will be include chapters three and four. This project is at a lovely interlude. The rythyms and methods have been established. It is still fun to write, without the dreary duty involved in the final chapters. Hopefully it will be fun to read. It is early enough in the day that the window can be left open. Joggers and dog walkers are in the road, accompanied by baby strollers and cell phones. It is a great day in post racial Amerika.
Billy Pilgrim (BP) has been captured by the Germans. It was the tail end of the war, and most of the elite soldiers were pushing up Russian daisies. The Germans who captured BP were teenage boys and toothless old men. Their uniforms were taken off of dead soldiers. This ghoulish bit of recycling was marked by the phrase “so it goes.” It is noted in this text as SIG020.
The commander of the unit, that captured BP, was a corporal. He had been wounded four times, and sent back into action. The corporal wore golden cavalry boots, stolen off a dead Hungarian colonel. SIG021. This theme of stealing footwear from prisoners will be played out soon.
Roland Weary is well equipped. He has a spectacular hunting knife, scarves, boots, and a bullet proof Bible. When he is captured, the Germans take all his pretties away. His combat boots are taken off his feet, and given to one of the teenage boys. The boy had wooden clogs, which were given to Roland Weary. It did not work out well for the captured Amerikan.
While admiring the manly footwear of the colonel, BP hears three shots in the distance. Two Amerikan scouts were killed. SIG022. These scouts had been with BP, and Roland Weary, and had left them. Roland Weary thought thet him, and the scouts, were the Three Musketeers. The scouts thought Roland Weary was an obnoxious jerk. As KV said in another book, some people are just no damn good. Some people say that KV had a negative attitude.
While the Germans were dealing with him, BP began to time travel. He wound up in Ilium NY, 1967, when BP was 44 years old. His apparent date of birth varies throughout the text, which is not a big deal on Tralfamadore. BP, a wealthy optometrist, drives a Cadillac El Dorado Coupe de Ville. It has a bumber sticker that says “Impeach Earl Warren.”
PG was 13 yo in part of 1967, and can remember Earl Warren. The man was Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. This version of SCOTUS handed down decisions about school desegregation, and Miranda rights, that upset conservatives. Before that, Mr. Warren was Governor of California, and the Republican Vice Presidential candidate in 1948. This was an election the Republicans had no business losing, but Harry Truman got the electoral votes. Earl Warren is little remembered today. The fact that PG recognizes the name, and the bumper sticker, makes him feel old in 2015.
BP had a good life in 1967. He drove a Cadillac, and made lots of money. BP went to Lions Club meetings, where the speaker said to bomb North Vietnam back into the stone age. His daughter was about to be married. One problem is the death of a beloved dog, Spot. SIG023.
1967 was much more appealing than the 1944 reality of capture by Germans. BP, however, was an optimist, and eventually an optometrist. It was all about how you see things. BP saw soldiers with piano teeth, and corpses with blue and ivory feet. SIG024. Soon, the captured Amerikans were paraded in front of a movie camera. There was no film in the camera, but the POW did not know that. On the horizon was a puff of smoke. A battle was being fought, and soldiers were dying. SIG025.
Eventually, the POW were loaded into train cars. The cars were marked with orange and black stripes, as a signal to the allied bombers. Later, when Barbara Pilgrim was married, the tents at the reception had orange and black stripes. The reception was in no danger of enemy bombers, even though it was hosted by a time traveling former POW.
While on the train car, BP had to endure a conversation with a geriatric Colonel, whose lungs rattled like greasy paper bags. The Colonel invited everyone to a barbeque in Cody WY. After a while, PG was ushered into a different train car from the Colonel, who outranked him. Soon, word arrived that a man had died in another car. SIG026. The deceased combatant was Wild Bob. SIG027. BP was chatting with a hobo, who said he had seen much worse than this. Little did he know what awaited him. Or maybe he did know. This is the end of chapter three.
At the start of chapter four, we learn that BP’s wife is named Valencia. Her daughter has just been married, before having a reception in an orange and black tent. BP is having trouble sleeping, and goes downstairs. There is a half empty bottle of champagne. Yes, the bottle is half empty, not half full, as if that is an important distinction on Tralfamadore. BP pulls the cork out of the bottle, and there is no fizz. The champagne is dead. SIG028.
Soon, the spaceshop … no mister clumsy typist, it is a space ship, not a space shop. … the spaceship from Tralfamadore lands in the back yard. Trallies do not speak. However, they have a voice synthesizer which imitates earthling sounds. This tactic is employed for comic effect in the movie. While BP is screwing Montana Wildhack, the voice machine asks if they are mating.
Nobody dies during the Tralfamadorian abduction, and there is no occasion for an SIG. This is made up for when BP returns to the POW train. First, the hobo says “You think this is bad? This ain’t bad.” SIG 029. Then, there is a death in the car ahead of BP. Roland Weary succumbs to gangrene, brought about by marching, in wooden clogs. SIG030. Roland Weary blames BP for his death.
This is one of the moments when PG feels a bond with BP, who, it should be remembered, is a fictional character. You meet someone, under bad circumstances, who is an asshole. Something bad happens to the asshole, who follows the asshole tradition of looking for someone to blame his misfortune on. The lucky person is you. It is not always pleasant. This thought may, or may not, be with BP as he finally gets off the POW wagon. BP is the next to last person off the train. The last person off is the dead hobo. SIG031.
When the POW arrive, they are led to a pile of clothing. It was overcoats, taken from other POW, who are now taking the German dirt nap. SIG032. BP gets a civilian coat, with a fur collar. It is way too small for him, and looks like a three cornered hat. SIG033.
BP meets Edgar Derby, who will play an important role in this story. We already know this. KV does not like suspense. Mr. Derby cradled the head of Roland Weary as the asshole left the planet. SIG034. KV cannot resist the temptation to tell us what will happen to Mr. Derby in sixty eight days. SIG035.
By now, BP is naked. This is part of the introduction to POW life. By coincidence, when BP went to Tralfamadore, the first thing they said to do was take off the clothes. BP is being deloused, which is an underrated function in wartime. The clothing of BP goes through a chemical process that kills lice, bacteria, and cooties. SIG036. This is the last SIG in this installment.
Before long, BP time travels back to Tralfamadore. The trallie is explaining a few basic things to BP. At this point we get the most important quote in SF. PG read this in 1978, and never forgot it. PG looked for this quote on the internet, and nobody thought it was important enough to share. It is amazing that this should be so esoteric, as this quote is at the end of chapter four.
“If I hadn’t spent so much time studying Earthlings,’ said the Tralfamadorian, ‘I wouldn’t have any idea what was meant by “free will.” I’ve visited thirty-one inhabited planets in the universe, and I have studied reports on one hundred more. Only on Earth is there any talk of free will.”
Slaughterhouse-Five Part Two
This is part two of an excavation of Slaughterhouse-Five, a story by Kurt Vonnegut. Part one has already been published. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. It is ok to skip over the text and look at the pictures.
The second chapter is the beginning of the story. The first eight words sum up the plot nicely. LISTEN: Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time. The first word is the most important, and the most likely to be ignored. People love to talk, but do not like to listen. If they do quit talking, and allow the other person to speak, then they are thinking of what clever comeback they can say. If only people were as proud of the ability to listen, as they are of the clever things they say.
Billy Pilgrim, or BP, is the main character of this story. By trade, he was an optometrist in Ilium, NY. BP led a reasonably pleasant life, in spite of, or perhaps because of, being shaped like a Coca Cola bottle. His father was a barber, also in the mythical town of Ilium, NY, until he died in a hunting accident. This incident motivates KV to write “So it goes.” This will be abbreviated as SIG006.
BP … which under no circumstances should be confused with British Petroleum … survives infantry duty in World War II and a plane crash in 1968. This crash killed everyone except BP and the co-pilot. SIG007. The plane crash is an important moment in the movie version of SF. PG saw the SF movie, while a UGA student, at the PJ auditorium. That is enough initials for one paragraph.
While recovering from the plane crash, BP’s wife dies of carbon monoxide poisoning. SIG008. (In the note taking that preceded this text, PG missed SIG008. If this was a scholarly dissertation, this would be a big deal. To a slack blogger, it is not. While PG will try to chronicle all 106 SIG in SF, he is not making any promises.) After the plane crash, BP comes out of the time travel closet. BP tells earth people about the wonders of Tralfamadore. These folks are two feet tall, green, and shaped like plungers. Tralfamadorians feel sorry for earth people.
PG has long suspected that he is a Zorlac, from the planet Thrunombulax. PG is quiet about this, as prejudice against Zorlacs is acceptable by polite people. Many white people are trying so, so, hard not to appear prejudiced against anyone. When they see an approved target for their tribal rage, white people lose it. Just look at the way people with deviant attitudes about race relations are portrayed. With this in mind, PG has learned to keep quiet about his Thrunombulaxian origin. The relationship of Thrunombulax to Tralfamadore is unknown.
A letter was written to the Ilium News Leader by BP. He tells about the lessons he learned on Tralfamadore. This was in 1967, on the eve of BP’s daughter’s wedding. Trallies see a person who is dead, and say that he/she is having a bad day. It is a Trally custom to say, about death, so it goes. SIG009. Number nine, number nine, number nine. Turn me on dead man. The Beatles white album was recorded at approximately the same time as BP going to Tralfamadore.
A wonderful tool is now available for the production of this SF commentary, and SIG inventory. The text of SF … not to be confused with science fiction or San Francisco … is available electronically in the sf_pdf. Alas, it is an imperfect tool. You can download a copy to your machine. On this copy you can highlight certain words in yellow magic marker, but you cannot copy text. You can copy text from the online version, but it comes out funny and you have to do so much editing that it might be easier to just manually copy the text.
While working on the letter about Trallies, BP is visited by his daughter, Barbara. At a young age, she had to manage her mother’s funeral, and take care of her senile father. KV, who has a way with words, describes the young lady as a “a bitchy flibbertigibbet … legs like an Edwardian grand piano.” Barbara … we might know her married name later … asks her dad why he waited until 1968 to talk about time travel. He did not think the time was ripe.
The tale segues into the first experiences with time travel. This was in World War II. BP was a chaplain’s assistant, which is not a well thought of position. One day on maneuvers, BP was playing A Mighty Fortress Is Our G-d on the organ. (KV made a mistake here. AMFIOG was written by Martin Luther, without any assistance from Johann Sebastian Bach.) A war game umpire showed up, and told everyone that they were dead. Before long, BP got word that his father had been killed while hunting deer. SIG010. The offending shot was fired by his human friend, and not by a deer.
When BP returns from the funeral, there are orders for him to go to Europe. A chaplain’s assistant has been killed in action. SIG011. Soon, BP participates in the Battle of the Bulge. BP has no weapon, helmet, or boots. BP looks alternately like a box of kitchen matches, and a filthy flamingo. BP meets foulmouthed Pittsburgh refugee Roland Weary, so saves BP numerous times before trying to kill him. Roland Weary was the only member of a gun crew to survive a 88mm German tank gun. SIG011.
The name Roland means many things to PG. Rowland NC, with an ornamental w, is the hometown of PG’s father. Roland Cofer is a former co-worker. Roland Cofer was the cheerful son of Willie Simpson, the store manager. The fact that Roland is black, and Willie is white, which should not concern the reader. It did not concern Roland or Willie.
The father of Roland Weary was a plumber. He collected guns, knives, and torture devices. The noname dad gave his wife a model of an iron maiden, which was a torture device before it was a heavy metal band. The device was a small chamber, with doors on hinges. The doors were lined with spikes, which impale the guest when the doors are closed. There is a drain in the bottom, for elimination of blood. SIG012. No mention is made of who cleans the iron maiden, or if it was cleaned. Eventually the smell would make the spikes redundant.
Roland Weary was a bully. He saw BP as a good target for his tough talk. Once, he described a torture where someone was tied down, with his eyes facing the sky. The eyelids are cut off, so there is no stopping the sun. SIG013.
BP is showing signs of common sense. He lets the motor mouth ramble without protest or argument. It turns out that BP is no stranger to gore. (This is blood and guts, not slick Willie’s VPOTUS.) BP had an explicit crucifix in his bedroom. Though nominally nondenominational, the Pilgrim family made sure young Billy knew all about the terrible things that happened to Jesus. SIG014.
Roland Weary had a pornographic picture, which BP saw numerous times. The legend was that André Le Fèvre an assistant to Louis J. M. Daguerre, was busted for selling a print of this photgraph. Mr. Le Fèvre died in prison. SIG015. A killjoy website, mental floss, says this never happened. Roland Weary later fantacizes being the only survivor of a German attack. SIG016.
It was about this time that BP starts to time travel. The first visit is to the YMCA, where his father is teaching him how to swim. The second adventure is to 1965, when BP is 41 years old. His mother is in an old peoples home. (PG once used the phrase “old folks home” at an estate sale, and was quickly told that OFH was considered rude.) While BP was at the OPH, a former marathon runner crossed the mortal finish line, and was wheeled out on a gurney. SIG017.
While sitting in a chair at the OPH, BP noticed a lump in the cushion. It was a book, The Execution of Private Slovik. Eddie Slovik was an American soldier, who was executed for desertion in 1945. SIG018. An excerpt from the court opinion in the case is quoted. It seems as though Pvt. Slovik was executed as a morale building exercise. SIG019.
The next time travel episode was a party in 1958. BP gets drunk, and screws a woman he is not married to. This is putting the tryst back in optometrist. When BP comes back to real time 1945, Roland Weary is about to kick him in the lower back. This effort at self expression is interrupted by the Germans, who take BP prisoner. This is the end of chapter two.
Slaughterhouse-Five Part One
In the first part of Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut goes to Dresden, East Germany. He rides in a taxi. The mother of the taxi driver died in the Allied bombing raid on Dresden, Germany. KV says “so it goes” on page 2, as a reaction to this information. The eight letters were a stand alone sentence .
This is the beginning of a chamblee54 reaction to Slaughterhouse-Five, hereafter known as SF. When PG reads a book by KV, the style of writing takes over. PG begins to think like KV writes, which is not necessarily a bad thing. This series should be easy to write, and hopefully not too tough to read. The idea is to stop reading, and start writing, every time KV says “So it goes.” This will be abbreviated as SIG. That is four abbreviations, and should be enough.
Soon after the taxi ride, KV is talking to a man. The subject is a book KV is writing about Dresden. “Is it an anti-war book?” “Yes, I guess” “Why don’t you write an anti-glacier book instead?” This conversation took place around 1967, or 48 years ago. With the Vietnam conflict escalating, anti-war stuff was popular. What few could have foreseen was the 2015 reality. War is just as painful, profitable, and prevalent as ever. Glaciers, on the other hand, are starting to melt. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but 350 ppm carbon dioxide has them both whipped.
SIG002 is on page 6. A rabid American has a quart of jewels, stolen off the dead of Dresden. SIG003 is on page 9. A man gets his wedding ring caught in an elevator, and is crushed to death by an automobile. It didn’t make much sense.
Years ago, a couple of years after the first reading of SF, PG worked at a department store called Davisons. They had these fabulous freight elevators, which you controlled by turning a brass knob. If wanted to go up, you turned left. If you wanted it to go down, you turned right. One of these elevators used to have a wooden gate in front of it. One day, a man stuck his head in the shaft to see if the elevator was coming. The elevator car cut his head off. The blood stains remained, between the third and fourth floors of the number 10 elevator.
PG first read SF a few years before working at Davisons. It was a tacky paperback. The current version is a deluxe, hard back, 25th anniversary edition. It has a new introduction, where KV calls George Will an owlish nitwit. PG remembers a conversation KV had with someone who was not pleased about another war book, thinking it would make killing seem glamorous.
Not to worry, the conversation is in chapter 1. KV promises that there would be no role for Frank Sinatra, or John Wayne, in the movie based on his book. This is ironic. For all of their tough guy posturing, neither Mr. Wayne nor Mr. Sinatra served in World War II.
After the conversation we have SIG004 on page 20. It has something to do with Sodom and Gomorrah. A few sentences later, Lot’s wife, who evidently had a job description but no name, was turned into a pillar of salt, thus begetting SIG005. This is more or less the end of chapter 1. The story of SF, such as it is, begins with the first line of chapter 2. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. The men shown were Union Soldiers, in the War Between the States.
The Harder They Come
T.C. Boyle wrote The Harder They Come. It is based on the story of Aaron Bassler. A young man takes the wrong drugs, is inspired by the wrong stories, kills two men, and is killed by the police.
In one book tour interview, Mr. Boyle talks about the violence in America. There usually is a recent event to refer to. With more guns, and more anger, people are getting hurt. Rather than deliver a lecture, Mr. Boyle tells a story.
Adam is a troubled young man. He prefers to be called Colter, in honor of a frontier hero. He spends most of his time in the woods of Northern California. Adam shacks up with Sara, another lost soul. Things go relatively smoothly until the house Adam lives in is sold.
While all this is going on, Adam’s father, Sten, tries to enjoy his retirement. One of Sten’s neighbors is fired up about the Mexicans growing dope in the forests, and wants to do something. The man goes hiking in the forests, looking for drug activity. He stumbles onto Adam, who is living in the woods. After a verbal confrontation, Adam shoots the hiker dead. Before long there is another killing in the forest, and a massive manhunt ensues. After coltering his way out of danger for a month, the police find Adam, with fatal consequences.
The story is well written and entertaining, as is all T.C. Boyle product. At times the plot takes twists that are tough to believe. Sara sees a police car in a parking lot, and wants revenge. People in this tale are always getting even for something. Sara goes into the police car, opens the cover to the gas tank, and pours a container of sugar water into the fuel. This does not seem likely.
There are no easy answers. Weapons are easily available to drug addled young men. Everyone who lives in a coastal paradise is angry. Eventually it all boil over, people get hurt, and PG has a story to read. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Chamblee54 
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