Bret Easton Ellis Or Dr. Seuss?
@BretEastonEllis I failed this: Bret Easton Ellis—Or Dr. Seuss? The Quiz. You can find curious things while trolling twitter. There really is a test comparing quotes from Bret Easton Ellis and Dr. Seuss.
There are seventeen quotes. They include: “You have brains in your head.” “The better you look, the more you see.” “We buy balloons, we let them go.” “I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.” “These things are fun.” “But this road doesn’t go anywhere.” “There’s no use in denying it: this has been a bad week. I’ve started drinking my own urine.”
PG got fifty three percent correct. The one about drinking urine was properly credited to Mr. Ellis. Was he eating green eggs and ham? We don’t know. Rumors of people scoring less than zero have not been confirmed. Spell check suggestion for BretEastonEllis: Breastbones. This is a repost.
Agent 99
Agent was hired to babysit Agent Maxwell Smart. She had his back at all times. Would you believe, when told to sing “99 bottles of beer on the wall,” Agent Maxwell Smart forgot the lyrics? KAOS was scared of Agent 99. They were not worried about Agent Maxwell Smart. Agent 99 was a former fashion model, and the daughter of a spy. Would you believe, Agent 99 did not have a real name? Agent Maxwell Smart was a bachelor until he married Agent 99. This is a repost. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Trivia is from the IMDB. One trivia item is fake.
Cemetery Blues
PG and Uzi had their usual Sunday phone call, and agreed to go to “Sunday in the Park”. It is a festival in Oakland Cemetery, with live music, people in costumes, open mausoleums, and lots of good clean fun. It wasn’t until that evening that PG learned that today is Dead Poets Remembrance Day. Edgar Allan Poe met his maker on this day in 1849. This is a repost.
There was a Chamblee54 post about DPRD two years ago. The idea is to go to a cemetery and read a poem. An effort will be made to do that tonight, although promises about dead poets are notoriously unreliable. The 2010 post is included as part two of this feature.
The first poem read that afternoon was “Looking for the Buckhead Boys” by James Dickey. In the intervening two years, PG listened to a podcast with Christopher Dickey, the son of the writer. Sometimes bard is short for bastard.
So PG, Uzi, and Hazmat went to a festival in Oakland Cemetery. Like everything else, it is more popular and expensive. You had to pay to park, which Uzi generously took care of. The brick walls around the boneyard have been repaired, and no longer look like they are going to fall down. Those walls are important, because people are dying to get inside. This is the second time that PG and Uzi have attended the October festival in Oakland Cemetery.
There are always things that you need to see at Oakland. Margaret Mitchell, the Lion Statue, and the mausoleums are important stops. PG followed the signs to the grave of Bobby Jones. It had golf balls and a putter, which was not necessary.
Don LeVert was a member of the Atlanta Sky Hi Club for many, many years before his departure in 1997. PG and Uzi always seek him out, and it is usually a bit of an adventure finding him.
After visiting Don, PG found the marker for “Brother John Wade”. His time on earth was September 23, 1865 to January 15, 1916. This was from the autumn just after the War Between the States until 37 days before PG’s father was born in Rowland, North Carolina. There was a renewed sense of connection to the stone monuments.
The facebook friend said “Today is Dead Poets Remembrance Day, Oct. 7th, the day Edgar Allan Poe died. Be sure to visit a graveyard and read some poetry today”. PG didn’t have anything better to do.
The first obstacle was finding a book of poetry. PG is not a poetry person. A look at the shelf turned up a paperback, “125 years of Atlantic “. Poetry was to be found between those covers.
The book had two stickers, both saying 69 cents. At the old Book Nook, this meant that the book was half the price on the sticker. With tax, that would be 38 cents.
125YOA had stayed in PG’s car for a few years. Whenever he was stuck somewhere with time to kill, this book was waiting. One afternoon in 1998, there was a slow day at work. PG read a remembrance by Gertrude Stein, about life in France at the start of World War II.
The cemetery of choice was connected to the Nancy Creek Primitive Baptist Church. PG has driven by this facility thousands of times. He walked past the graves until he found a fallen tree to sit down on.
The first poem was “Looking for the Buckhead Boys” by James Dickey. PG began to read out loud, and soon could smell the drug store air of Wender and Roberts. The author bought fifty cents worth of gas at a Gulf station. Today, fifty cents might buy a tablespoon of gas, and Gulf was long ago bought out by BP. Wender and Roberts became a bar, which was torn down, to make way for a shopping destination. One day the money lenders will allow construction.
Buckhead is not what it used to be. When Mr. Dickey was the bravest man in Buckhead (he took a shit in the toilet at Tyree’s pool hall), PG was not even thought of. The traffic jams on Peachtree Street are still there, as the blue haired ladies follow poets into the ground.
When PG finished reading Mr. Dickey, he put a teal postit in the book, where the poem stood. PG looked up, and the graveyard seemed different. Maybe the sun had sank a bit in the sky, and maybe the poem had changed PG in a way he could not put into words. Maybe another poem was the answer. Take the glasses off, open the book at random, and turn the pages until a poem shows up.
On page 404…the historic Atlanta area code…was “The Wartime Journey” by Jan Struther. The 1944 work was unknown territory. A group of people are traveling on a train. The wounded vet, the untried recruit, the salesmen shared the space with a lady, taking a baby for her soldier husband to meet. The theme of the rhymes was that America was totally at war, and that war is different from peacetime. Today’s war in Babylon is not like that.
Halfway through the reading, a freight train pulled by. Today, passenger trains are a novelty, and freight rules the rails. The shipment today was double decked containers, ready to pull off and slap on an eighteen wheeler.
Deaths are said to come in threes, and reading poetry in a graveyard should be the same. PG went on a random search for a Moe, to go with the Curley and Larry already digested. A page of poems by Emily Dickinson was the result. These pages left PG unmoved. It was as if he was back in the sixth grade, with a horrible English teacher forcing him to memorize Hiawatha. It was time to go home.
Winching The Dead
A recent post included the phrase “getting severely overweight dead people out of an apartment building.” Those are googling words. Most of the results are hand wringing about the number of overweight people. A couple of the results were worth clicking out.
The headline result is from Merry Olde England, which is becoming known as the fattest country in Europe. Fire service called in 50 times to winch fat people out.
“Paramedics in the West Midlands have had to call on their heavy-lifting emergency service colleagues, despite having extra equipment to help move extremely heavy patients themselves. Over a three-year period they called in West Midlands Fire and Rescue Service on 50 occasions, so the patients could be winched out with apparatus designed for lifting car wrecks. Sometimes morbidly obese patients, … can only be extracted from their homes after a window is taken out, say firefighters.
… Nick Harrison, chairman of the West Midlands Fire Brigades Union, said: “In most cases these people are quite elderly and are suffering from serious medical issues which have left them bedridden for a long time, and they have put on a lot of weight. “Many times we have to remove the whole window frame and get them out that way. It’s a lot safer both for them and for the rescuers.”
… Official statistics show the West Midlands to be the fattest region in Britain, which is itself the fattest major country in Europe. According to the Association of Public Health Observatories, about 25 per cent of adults in Britain are now clinically obese. In the West Midlands, the figure is 29 per cent. By comparison, across the European Union as a whole it is just 14 per cent. “
One of the commenters had a constructive suggestion: “The ‘feeders’ should be brought to court and punished. For every obese person there is one or more ‘feeders’, who shop, supply the food, help the person eat it etc. Being a ‘feeder’ should be a criminal offense.”
This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Riding The Hog
There is a web entity called the bitchy waiter. Yes, that might be redundant. This presumably male person has a blog, a twitter account (@bitchywaiter,) and a facebook page (Bitchy Waiter.) (The spell check suggestion for bitchywaiter is birdwatcher.) BW got his fifteen minutes recently. He wrote a *viral post* about a celebrity, who took up a table playing chess, while non-celebrities waited.
Today this waste of bandwidth is sponsoring a facebook contest. “Can you write a caption for this photo? The caption with the most “likes” by midnight EST tonight will win a Bitchy Waiter Bitch Proud bracelet.” The picture is embedded with this post, along with other pictures of people, dogs, and a mannequin. The pictures were taken at a neighborhood festival that charges admission.
PG’s entry was “This little piggy went to market.” He clicked “like”, which, while considered tacky, is not technically against the rules. Is a hog, big enough for a man to ride, a little piggy?
Another possibility is that the man is wrestling with the porker. This picture was taken at an opportune moment, when the human was on top, and seems to be winning. It is a bit of folk wisdom… You should never wrestle with a pig, You will just get dirty, and the hog will enjoy it. Porky does seem to be having a good time. Maybe the rider always leaves a good tip. This is a repost.
The Pursuit Of Truth
There is a podcast called The Fact of the Matter. It is about a man who likes to separate fact from fiction. “The pursuit of truth properly considered shouldn’t stop short of insanity.” After an hour or so plumbing the digital depths, PG began to appreciate the truth of that comment. Does anyone have a recipe that uses a can of worms?
The show is about a photograph from the Crimean War, The valley of the shadow of death. It was taken by Roger Fenton April 23, 1855, near a place called Balaclava. Today, this is in Ukraine. Balaclava was the site of a nasty battle, in a bloody, pointless war. Today, a Balaclava is a colorful ski mask. It is the fashion statement of Pussy Riot.
PG cannot understand why this picture is a big deal. The Library of Congress has a collection of the Fenton Crimean War Photographs. This Fenton pictures were one of the first collections in the LOC that PG worked with. The picture of a road, with cannonballs, did not catch his eye.
The more historic pictures PG edits, the better he gets. One thing he learned was to download the high resolution .tif pictures. When he did the Fenton pictures before, he used the lower quality .jpg images. When he paused the podcast, and went to the LOC to see “Shadow of Death”, he decided to download a few old favorites. These are the pictures that go with this post.
The podcast is a detective story. It seems that there are two versions of the photograph. One has the cannonballs in the road, the other doesn’t. Were the cannonballs tossed on the road to make the picture more dramatic, or were they removed? They could have been removed to clear the road for wagon traffic, or to recycle the balls. In 1855, people picked up used cannonballs.
A very good question is why anyone should care? A man named Errol Morris cares. The link is to a very long article at the New York Times about the picture. Mr. Morris went to Ukraine to investigate the pictures. It is possible that his pursuit of truth did not stop at the boundary of insanity.
So the podcast mentions this famous picture, with a second shot that casts doubts. PG went to the LOC, and found the famous picture right away. The second shot proved elusive. PG viewed all 263 pictures in the Fenton collection in a slide show, and could not find the second picture. PG began to think that maybe the second picture was the fake. The New York Times article by Errol Morris has a copy of the second picture. The possibility remains that the second picture is a fabrication.
The podcast says that the location of some rocks changes in the two pictures. In the picture without the cannonballs on the road, the rocks are higher up on a hill, than they are in the famous picture. To Mr. Morris, this is evidence that the famous picture is a fake. PG has examined the two images, and includes them here. Perhaps this search for truth will be called off before the onset of dementia.
Controversies about famous images is not new. The shot of the flag going up over Iwo Jima has long been suspected of being posed. Just today on facebook, there was a link to a feature, The Kissing Sailor, or “The Selective Blindness of Rape Culture”. The idea is that the nurse did not want the sailor to kiss her on VJ day. This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress
Dick Nixon TV Critic
The text below is a conversation between Mr. Nixon, John D. Ehrlichman, and H. R. Haldeman. The tape was made May 13, 1971. This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
NIXON: … CBS … glorifying homosexuality.
EHRLICHMAN: A panel show?
H. R. HALDEMAN: No, it’s a regular show. It’s on every week. It’s usually just done in the guy’s home. It’s usually just that guy, who’s a hard hat.
NIXON: That’s right; he’s a hard hat.
EHRLICHMAN: He always looks like a slob.
NIXON: Looks like Jackie Gleason.
HALDEMAN: He has this hippie son-in-law, and usually the general trend is to downgrade him and upgrade the son-in-law–make the square hard hat out to be bad. But a few weeks ago, they had one in which the guy, the son-in-law, wrote a letter to you, President Nixon, to raise hell about something. And the guy said, “You will not write that letter from my home!” Then said, “I’m going to write President Nixon,” took off all those sloppy clothes, shaved, and went to his desk and got ready to write his letter to President Nixon. And apparently it was a good episode.
EHRLICHMAN: What’s it called?
NIXON: “Archie’s Guys.” Archie is sitting here with his hippie son-in-law, married to the screwball daughter. The son-in-law apparently goes both ways. This guy. He’s obviously queer–wears an ascot–but not offensively so. Very clever. Uses nice language. Shows pictures of his parents. And so Arch goes down to the bar. Sees his best friend, who used to play professional football. Virile, strong, this and that. Then the fairy comes into the bar. I don’t mind the homosexuality. I understand it. Nevertheless, goddamn, I don’t think you glorify it on public television, homosexuality, even more than you glorify whores. We all know we have weaknesses. But, goddammit, what do you think that does to kids? You know what happened to the Greeks! Homosexuality destroyed them. Sure, Aristotle was a homo. We all know that. So was Socrates.
EHRLICHMAN: But he never had the influence television had.
NIXON: You know what happened to the Romans? The last six Roman emperors were fags. Neither in a public way. You know what happened to the popes? They were layin’ the nuns; that’s been goin’ on for years, centuries. But the Catholic Church went to hell three or four centuries ago. It was homosexual, and it had to be cleaned out. That’s what’s happened to Britain. It happened earlier to France. Let’s look at the strong societies. The Russians. Goddamn, they root ’em out. They don’t let ’em around at all. I don’t know what they do with them. Look at this country. You think the Russians allow dope? Homosexuality, dope, immorality, are the enemies of strong societies. That’s why the Communists and left-wingers are clinging to one another. They’re trying to destroy us. I know Moynihan will disagree with this, and Mitchell will. But, goddamn, we have to stand up to this.
EHRLICHMAN: It’s fatal liberality.
NIXON: Huh?
EHRLICHMAN: It’s fatal liberality. And with its use on television, it has such leverage.
NIXON: You know what’s happened [in northern California]?
EHRLICHMAN: San Francisco has just gone clear over.
NIXON: But it’s not just the ratty part of town. The upper class in San Francisco is that way. The Bohemian Grove, which I attend from time to time–it is the most faggy goddamned thing you could ever imagine, with that San Francisco crowd. I can’t shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. … Decorators. They got to do something. But we don’t have to glorify it. You know one of the reasons fashions have made women look so terrible is because the designers hate women. Designers taking it out on the women. Now they’re trying to get some more sexy things coming on again.
EHRLICHMAN: Hot pants.
NIXON: Jesus Christ.
Victory For Sister A. Roma
It was a magic moment. Wake up, look at the digital fishwrapper, and see Facebook apologizes to drag queens for name policy. Below is the AP text you find in a thousand other ad rags.
By BARBARA ORTUTAY The Associated Press NEW YORK — Facebook is apologizing to drag queens and the transgender community for deleting accounts that used drag names like Lil Miss Hot Mess rather than legal names such as Bob Smith.
The Atlanta division of monopolymedia did disappoint in one crucial area: consumer comments. This is the one place one can count on the truth, mixed in with enough lies to make Pinocchio grow a battleship. Leave it to the british. The Guardian comes through, with Victory for drag queens as Facebook apologises for ‘real-name’ policy.
rhetoric1 This comment was removed by a moderator because it didn’t abide by our community standards. Replies may also be deleted. For more detail see our FAQs
ArkEton I was looking for the Guardian. Did I land on the Onion by mistake?.
Anopheles I wanted to use my authentic name on my passport, but they weren’t happy about Bomby McPlanebomby. TerminalDecline that was probably more because you’re scottish.
stevied201 As a San Franciscan, I am so glad that David Campos has time to deal with issues like this since all the major problems of the City like human excrement on the pavement, erratic public transport, insanely high housing costs and all violent crime have been solved. The pseudo progressives in the San Francisco Board of Supervisors love to make empty gestures that have nothing to do with making the City liveable. We’re a “Sanctuary City” for undocumented aliens, we don’t allow plastic bags, and we soon will have a beverage tax on sugary drinks. But nothing can be done about homelessness and the woeful state of public tranport. Truly an overpriced corrupt techie cowtown.
okparanoid So, are they also actively policing people who go by names Hugh G. Cox, Jack Meeoff, Mike Hunt, Peter Wang, or Phillip McCoffecup? mgpdleft You forgot Hugh Janus, Ben Dover and Phil McCavity rollmop Simon Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzsimon?
jimmycracorn For all the problems in America I love this place. Nowhere else in the world would you get a corporate lawyer apologising to Lil Miss Hot Mess for his company being a bunch of jerks.
tonkatsu Bit curious as to why this is being sold as an LGBT issue. Would it be a racial issue if they banned hip hop artists from using their stage names? Would it be sexism if they banned knitting? Bit of a storm in a teacup really. Chloë James I think it says a lot about you and your mindset that the first example of sexism you thought of was banning knitting. Get a grip.
MigsterMMA Babies, babies, babies, wedding, babies, gurning fucktards in pub, babies, share to save this child’s life, babies, babies, bring back hanging, babies, babies, racist propaganda, babies, I love you grandad up in heaven, babies…Facebook isn’t for me.
Firesidechat Schwing Schwong, I see a dong, “Margery” needs a new tailor. She went to the shop, without getting the chop, and her attempt to ‘pass’ was a failure.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Watermelon Flavored Toothpaste
Some time it just doesn’t pay to look at twitter. PG was downloading pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”, the source of the pictures that go with this report. This requires being connected to the internet. This also means temptation, in the form of facebook, twitter, tv listings, weather radar, and the growing collection of sites where PG is banned.
So this man, The Field Negro, likes to tweet. Field is a Philadelphia lawyer, who likes to “call out” racism. Like in this tweet. @fieldnegro Maybe Boston Herald Cartoonist’s Dumb Watermelon Joke Was Just a Mistake via @intelligencer Or maybe it was racism.
There was a cartoon in a Boston newspaper. A man is taking a bath, while BHO brushes his teeth. The man says “Have you tried the new watermelon flavored toothpaste? The cartoonist was thinking of a brand of watermelon flavored toothpaste from Colgate.
PG gets whatever is cheapest to rub against his teeth. He asked Mr. Google about watermelon flavored toothpaste. Some of the related searches were scotch flavored toothpaste, coffee flavored toothpaste, flavored toothpaste for kids, flavored toothpaste for dogs, and weird flavored toothpaste.
As some have noted, BHO is a dark skinned man, with an African father. There is a stereotype about African Americans and watermelon. The fact that millions of PWOC also enjoy watermelon is not important. What is important is an opportunity to call out racism. Twitter is up to the task.
@tanehisicoates Get it? It’s funny because of the original, and informative, insight that only black people like watermelon.
@tanehisicoatesSorry, cartoonist claiming the “racial element” was nowhere in his head is lying. Lying is a thing that humans do. So is racism.
@CultureInStereo That is outrageous. My GOD. Where is the decency…
@Freefree0Bobbie Jesus, can we as a country sink any lower?
@keylimepolitic @CharlesMBlow @Greg_Reibman @bostonherald This is THE most messed up cartoon ever! ARE YOU SERIOUS? #NoRespect!
@GregT2U2 @CharlesMBlow @Greg_Reibman @bostonherald Boston Herald read Julia Pierson and follow suggestions offered. FIRE THE Cartoonist! Watermelon
@clapifyoulikeme You say unfortunate, I say racist…let’s call the whole thing off.
@clapifyoulikeme @Greg_Reibman @bostonherald By “whole thing” I mean, “systemic racism”.
@twitfe @CharlesMBlow @Greg_Reibman @bostonherald I have nvr seen so much disrespect in terms of a POTUS who just happens to be black. ridiculous!
@abs_tellthetale @baublelauble @Greg_Reibman @bostonherald Is there ANY PERSON in the USA that doesn’t know how racist that is?!


































































































































































































1 comment