Chamblee54

A recent post included the phrase “getting severely overweight dead people out of an apartment building.” Those are googling words. Most of the results are hand wringing about the number of overweight people. A couple of the results were worth  clicking out.
The headline result is from Merry Olde England, which is becoming known as the fattest country in Europe. Fire service called in 50 times to winch fat people out.
“Paramedics in the West Midlands have had to call on their heavy-lifting emergency service colleagues, despite having extra equipment to help move extremely heavy patients themselves. Over a three-year period they called in West Midlands Fire and Rescue Service on 50 occasions, so the patients could be winched out with apparatus designed for lifting car wrecks. Sometimes morbidly obese patients, … can only be extracted from their homes after a window is taken out, say firefighters.
… Nick Harrison, chairman of the West Midlands Fire Brigades Union, said: “In most cases these people are quite elderly and are suffering from serious medical issues which have left them bedridden for a long time, and they have put on a lot of weight. “Many times we have to remove the whole window frame and get them out that way. It’s a lot safer both for them and for the rescuers.”
… Official statistics show the West Midlands to be the fattest region in Britain, which is itself the fattest major country in Europe. According to the Association of Public Health Observatories, about 25 per cent of adults in Britain are now clinically obese. In the West Midlands, the figure is 29 per cent. By comparison, across the European Union as a whole it is just 14 per cent. “
One of the commenters had a constructive suggestion: “The ‘feeders’ should be brought to court and punished. For every obese person there is one or more ‘feeders’, who shop, supply the food, help the person eat it etc. Being a ‘feeder’ should be a criminal offense.”
This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

Did Jesus say to “Love your enemy”? Some believe this, and do it. Some claim to believe this, and practice the opposite. There are others who claim to love their enemies, but you have to understand what they mean by it. It can be very confusing. This is a repost.
I went to a source for documentation. Oh, the blessed conjunction of copy/paste with public domain. When I entered enemy (singular) in the search engine, 100 verses came up. When the request was made plural (enemies), 237 entries popped up. The last mention of enemies is Revelation 11:12 “And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them.” Loving your enemies does not include bringing them to heaven with you.There is also the star of the show.
Matthew 5:44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
There is scholarly debate about what Jesus did, or did not, say. The words available to modern man have been copied by hand, edited, translated, and interpreted. I do not know Aramaic from Alabama. Like anyone else, I can only read and listen, and think for myself.
In a sense it does not matter what Jesus “really” said. Christians are going to believe what they want to believe. More important, they are going to do what they want to do. As far as the difference between what Jesus “really” said, and what his believers say and do … they can explain.
What follows is a humble suggestion. Did the translators and scribes get it wrong? Maybe Jesus did not say to love your enemy. Maybe what Jesus said was to show kindness to everyone. This is a practice thing, rather than a belief thing.
It is not as much fun to be nice to someone, as it is to scream about life after death. Kindness does not need to be justified by a quote from a magic book. You just need to do it. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazillian.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way
So a squirrel living in a pine tree one day feels a shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel asks: “What are you doing climbing my tree?”
”Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears” “This is a pine tree, there are no pears.”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
Why can’t Ray Charles see his friends? Cause he’s married.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
When my Grandad was 65 he started running a mile a day to keep fit.
He’s 70 now and we have no idea where he is.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? …….because they’re really good at it.
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. it’s just something I could really see myself doing.
There are two monkeys in a bath tub. One says to another: oohoohahah!
The other says: Maybe add a little more cold water.
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean
So this guy walks into his bedroom with a chicken under his arm. His wife is laying in bed. The guy says, “This is the pig I fuck when you are not in the mood.”
”You fucking idiot. That’s not a pig!” “I was talking to the chicken.”
Two fish are in a tank. One is driving and the other one is operating the gun.
Two soldiers are in a tank. They both drown.
A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a bar. The priest says, “Well I believe Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God and my lord and savior, so I’ll have some wine.”
The rabbi says, “Well I don’t believe the messiah has yet walked the earth, so I’ll have Manischewitz wine.” The whale says “EEOONNHH”
What do you call a chicken coop with 4 doors? a chicken sedan.
Why aren’t there any knock knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings
What’s a hillbilly’s favorite thing to do on Halloween? pumpkin
What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.
Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store
What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish.
What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?
You’re just going to have to be a little patient.
A magician was driving down the road when he turned into a driveway.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
“I went to a zoo. It was completely empty, except for a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu.”
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.”
“I’m thirsty.” “Hi, Thursday, I’m Friday, let’s go out on a Saturday and have a Sunday.”
The only joke my dad ever told me was that he’d quit beating me. I was in stitches.
A man with carrots in his ears walks onto a bus, the bus driver says “Sir, why do you have carrots in your ears?” “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I HAVE CARROTS IN MY EARS!”
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? They say he had locomotives.
Nobody knows who to blame for these alleged jokes. Chamblee54 does not claim authorship, and would deny it if he did. This material was previously published. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.

Facebook brought some sad news Wednesday morning. “Dear Friends. On Saturday September 21st 2024, my beloved husband and best friend, astonishing literary talent, adored friend and brother and uncle and teacher, Tom Spanbauer, left us all to continue his exquisite dance beyond what his body could maintain. After years of struggling with Parkinson’s Disease he passed from heart failure after enjoying one of the calmest and most peaceful days he had had in a long time. …”
Tom Spanbauer (no middle name) had a rough old age. In addition to eight years of Parkinson’s, Tom was “diagnosed with “full-blown” AIDS in 1996.” In 2014, Chuck Palahniuk took a journalist out to Tom’s house. “Palahniuk is a little concerned about our arrival time: we are forty-five minutes early. Spanbauer is sick—he was diagnosed with AIDS in 1988—and has a strict schedule of when he must eat. We’ll be interrupting his lunch.”
Tom was a writer, who also taught “Dangerous Writing.” Working mostly out of his Portland house, Tom taught workshops for many years. His star student was Chuck Pahlaniuk, the author of “Fight Club,” and an all around piece of work. Chuck mentioned on Joe Rogan Experience that Tom was his teacher. This got me thinking. It turns out that Chuck Palahniuk … the man who invented the first rule of fight club … is gay.
Chuck wrote about Tom’s passing on Chuck Palahniuk’s Plot Spoiler, his substack. “He died two days ago of a heart attack, suddenly while eating, at home with family. As his students, we made buttons printed with the slogans of Minimalism, each a quote from Tom, and we wore the buttons for months. Mine read “Establish Your Authority, and You Can Do Anything” which was a Tom rule.” A year earlier, Chuck had some comments about Dangerous Writing.
“I wasn’t surprised. This is what it takes to write a good book. My best writing teacher, Tom Spanbauer, taught me as much. Tom called it “Dangerous Writing,” and by that he meant that a writer had to explore an unresolved personal issue that couldn’t be resolved. A death, for instance. Something that seemed personally dangerous to delve into. By doing so the writer could exaggerate and vent and eventually exhaust the pain or fear around the issue, and that gradual relief would keep the writer coming back to work on the project despite no promise of a book contract or money or a readership. … These people have no idea how unpleasant the act of writing can be. To go back to Tom Spanbauer, Tom calls writing a first draft “Shitting out the lump of coal.” Meaning it’s slow and painful. Even using the best metaphor in the world, Dangerous Writing requires long chunks of isolation. The isolation is the least of it. But at least when the draft is done you feel relief. It’s your shit. Since we’re on the subject, everyone’s shit smells good to them because it’s the smell of relief. Proof the pain is gone. On the other hand, someone else’s shit just smells bad.”
In 1993, Tom was the keynote speaker at the Gay Spirit Visions conference. Tom was riding high on the popularity of The Man Who Fell In Love With The Moon. I decided that I wanted to read TMWFILWTM, but could not find a copy. Finally, Buddy May agreed to lend me his copy, and I spent a few late nights reading it final-exam style.
After the closing circle, Buddy got Tom to autograph his copy of TMWFILWTM. When I looked at it, I noticed that my bookmark was still in the book. I got Tom to autograph my bookmark.
Pictures today are from Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library. These images are from “… a collection of images of downtown Atlanta streets that were taken before the viaduct construction of 1927 – 1929. Later, some of the covered streets became part of Underground Atlanta.” The renovation at Underground never stops.

The elephant in the room is a popular internet cliche. In this picture, the elephant looks like the ghastly wallpaper, both of which are best ignored. I wanted to make a comment. The only appropriate thing to do, in a situation involving wallpaper and an elephant, is to quote Oscar Wilde, on his deathbed. “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.”
When discussing Oscar Wilde, elephants, and wallpaper, it is important to get the correct quote. Mr. Google has a great deal to say, on the subject of last words. Peggy Lee sang about it. Unfortunately, the chanteuse was in very bad health at the end of her life. Peggy Lee probably did not say “Is that all there is?” on her deathbed.
On October 14, 1977, Bing Crosby “… finished 18 holes of golf carding an 85 … After his final putt Bing … remarked “It was a great game.” As he was walking to the clubhouse … he collapsed from a massive heart attack. … “We thought he had just slipped,” said one of his golfing companions.”
Adelaide Eugenia Bankhead “… first child, daughter Ada Eugenia, was born on January 24, 1901. The following year, Tallulah was born on their anniversary. Ada died tragically of blood poisoning just three weeks following Tallulah’s birth. On her deathbed, she told her sister-in-law to “take care of Eugenia, Tallulah will always be able to take care of herself”. This, like many other legendary last words, may too good to be true.
The Atlantic had a tasteful feature, “What Are the Best Last Words Ever?” Here are a few.
John Adams July 4, 1826 “Thomas Jefferson survives.”
Unbeknownst to Mr. Adams, Mr. Jefferson had died about five hours earlier.
Richard Feynman “I’d hate to die twice—it’s so boring”
O. Henry appeared to have stopped breathing, but was he really dead? Touch his feet, suggested one of the mourners clustered around his bed: Nobody ever died with warm feet. Whereupon, the short-story writer raised his head from the pillow, mumbled “Joan of Arc did,” and fell back dead.
Dylan Thomas “I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys. I think that’s the record.”
Union Major General John Sedgwick “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Said while reprimanding his men for ducking for cover, just before he was killed at the Battle of Spotsylvania.
Ludwig Von Beethoven “I shall hear in heaven.”
An unverified tumblr contributes a few more zingers.
Edgar Allan Poe “Lord help my poor soul.”
Thomas Hobbes “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark.”
Alfred Jarry “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
Washington Irving “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
Leo Tolstoy “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “More light.”
Karl Marx “Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!”
Voltaire “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”
François-Marie Arouet was asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
James Joyce “Does nobody understand?”
A certain popup crazy website has a few more last words. Some of these were really said. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
James Dean “That guy’s gotta stop… He’ll see us.”
Henry James “So here it is at last, the expected thing.”
Marie Antoinette “Pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose.”
George Appel “Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.” Mr. Appel was executed by electric chair in 1928; these were his last words. Here’s two more: “Gents, this is an educational project. You are about to witness the damaging effect electricity has on Wood.” Said by Fredrick Charles Wood before he was electrocuted in 1951. “Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries!’” James French, 1966.