Steve Martin
There is a form letter floating through the intercourse now. It is a letter that Steve Martin used to send to his fans. (The letter was recently immortalized at Letters of Note ).
He …that is Stephen Glenn “Steve” Martin (born August 14, 1945) … has moved up in correspondence with his adoring fans. Mr. Martin now gives out business cards, with the message “This card certifies that the holder had met Steve Martin and found him genuinely friendly”. What a wild and crazy guy!
This is becoming one of those really really modern days here. Listening to a djmix with a Lady Gaga song, drinking coffee out of a Mcdonalds plastic cup, and writing a tribute to Steve Martin. What a day! Oh, before we forget, there is the story about the drive in theater on I85 that was showing “Father of the Bride”. One day, the h fell off the marquee, and the title of the movie became “Fater of the Bride”. Good times.
The story of Steve Martin and PG began one night at the Great Southeast Music Hall. PG got tired of hearing how great the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band was, and decided to see a show. The show started when some guy in a white suit came out with a banjo. John McEuen stood next to him, and kept falling into the microphone stand and saying ” this guy cracks me up”. Soon, MeEuen left the stage, and the guy in the white suit comediated.
Mr. Martin said that he paid somebody five thousand dollars for a joke. He then took this arrow, with a coat hanger wire attached to it, with a shape for his head to fit in, and put it on. That got a laugh, but not worth five thousand dollars. There was another gag…”do you mind if i smoke, no do you mind if i fart”. That got a slightly bigger laugh.
In those days, you could not sell alcohol in public on sunday night in Georgia. To compensate, the Music Hall sold children’s tickets for the sunday night shows. Mr. Martin was not used to having children in the audience. “Hey kid I gotta joke for you. There were these two lesbians…”
The show went over well with the Nitty Gritty crowd. However, it is doubtful that anyone thought, this is the beloved entertainer of our generation.
Mr. Martin was not through for the night. At one point, the NGDB moved to the back of the stage, and a smarmy lounge lizard, in a white suit, came on stage. While the band played “The girl from Ipanema”, Mr. Martin sang about the girl with diarrhea.
This was one of the last shows that Steve Martin did as an opening act. ( He did return to the Great Southeast Music Hall. Once, he did a week with Martin Mull, called the Steve Martin Mull Revue.) Within two years, he was a guest host on Saturday Night Live, and a certified wild and crazy guy. A couple of years later, he was famous again as “The Jerk”. Steve Martin had arrived.
The historic pictures today are from The Library of Congress. The animated dentures are from chattering teeth. The check is in the mail. This is a repost.
Why We Call Football Soccer
The world cup is the largest sporting event in the world. They play football (futbol), not soccer.
In the 19th century, the english wrote the rules for something called association football. This was different from rugby football. Somehow, soccer, a nickname for association, became the name of this new sport. When the pastime spread from the upper crust schools to the working class, it became known as football. It made sense, being a sport where you kick the ball with your feet.
In the USA, there was another sport called football. It involves beer and steroids. The ball only gets kicked when it is time for a commercial. For some reason, when association football became popular here, the name soccer stuck.
PG thinks soccer is a terrible word, for a pretty good sport. All those guttural noises sound bad in the mouth, like something caught in your throat. Maybe, if the sport had another name north of the Rio Grande, it would be more popular. As it is, soccer is popular as a kids game, but strikes out as a spectator sport in the lower 48.
There was even a joke on laugh in once. It may be field hockey to you, but it’s soccer to me. If you get that, the social security office will be open at the usual time tomorrow. This is a repost.
Is T-SPLOST Toast?
On July 31, voters will consider a proposal with the clumsy acronym T-SPLOST. . This stands for Transportation Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax. It was a name given by a committee, just like the project list was created by a committee. Some say a camel is a horse designed by a committee. Perhaps the “regional roundtable” wants to have camel trails. Atlanta did not build roads, they paved the cow paths.
The Georgia Sierra Club is opposed to T-SPLOST. Their presentation will form the basis for this post. Not enough goodies are going to South Dekalb county, so the Dekalb NAACP is opposed. Chamblee54 has mixed feelings.
The project list was assembled by a “regional roundtable”. The ten counties of the region are Clayton, Cherokee, Cobb, DeKalb, Douglas, Fayette, Fulton, Gwinnett, Henry, and Rockdale. Sierra describes the sausage factory: “The Atlanta T-SPLOST project list was developed by a “regional roundtable,” a 21-member panel consisting of one mayor and one county commissioner from each of the region’s ten counties, plus the mayor of Atlanta. There was no attempt to apportion representation by population. As a result, the panel was dominated by smaller, more rural counties that do not prioritize transit. Twelve of the 21 panel members came from the six smallest counties, representing just 25% of the region’s population. Only nine of the panel members represented the region’s four biggest counties (Cobb, DeKalb, Fulton and Gwinnett) even though those counties account for 75% of the region’s population and 79% of the anticipated T-SPLOST tax revenue. The result of this disproportionate representation was an overemphasis on road projects that (unlike transit) have alternate sources of potential funding, and a series of political turf battles focusing on local demands rather than regional needs.”
It is like the old county unit system. Gwinnett county, with 805,321 people, had as much say so as Fayette county does with 106, 567. (Source of numbers.) Another problem is the way Local Assistance Road Program (LARP) money is distributed. 15% of T-SPLOST bucks will go to local governments. The problem is that several OTP counties will take in more money than they will generate. Fulton county is estimated to take in $88 mil less than it generates.
The Georgia Sierra Club has seven main objections to T-SPLOST. On their website, they go into luxurious detail. Here are the sloppy seven.
1 The Project List Does Not Present a Cohesive Transportation Vision, offering a hodgepodge of conflicting priorities when what is needed is a bold and consistent vision for a sustainable transportation future.
2 The Necessary Institutional Context is Not in Place, with the 2012 legislative session having failed to address serious questions about equitable regional transit governance and the ongoing second-class treatment of MARTA.
3 It Likely Kills Commuter Rail For Another Decade, taking off the table one of the most promising strategies for providing commute alternatives and promoting sustainable development.
4 It Does Too Little to Address the Current Road-Heavy Funding Imbalance, instead reinforcing a funding framework that already heavily favors highway expansion over commute alternatives.
5 The Road Funding Neglects Maintenance Needs to Focus on New Capacity, with five times as much funding going to expanded capacity than to maintenance and operations, further compounding an already serious backlog of asset management needs.
6 It Locks the Region into a Dysfunctional, Undemocratic Decision-Making Process, both through the highly politicized “roundtable” process and the blatantly anti-urban method for distributing local set-aside funds. (Fulton County alone would forfeit $88 million due to this inequity.)
7 The Transit Component Has Too Many Flaws, including vaguely defined project descriptions, underfunded capital expansions, and uncertainty about long-term operational support.
PG has a few things to add. The treatment of MARTA by the rest of the state is shameful. MARTA recieves no funding from the state. The same legislature passes laws telling MARTA how to spend it’s revenue. Fulton and Dekalb counties have had a one percent sales tax for forty years to support MARTA. While the system has it’s problems, it needs more support from the OTP crowd.
The Clifton Road Corridor is a big ticket item. This is a light rail system between the Lindbergh MARTA station and the Emory campus. GSC has concerns about whether this project can support itself after it is built. This is an ambitious project, and the demand for it is far from certain. It is currently planned to go in a railroad corridor, which will reduce disruption during construction.
There is a ton of information available about this referendum. Voters are encouraged to learn as much as possible before the vote. At this time, there is no Plan B.
Pictures today are from ” Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”
Hate Crime Laws And Double Jeopardy
The first mistake was reading more about George Zimmerman. PG went ahead, and read REPORT: FBI May Charge George Zimmerman With Hate Crime, Could Face Death Penalty. PG thought this was a bit weird, and did some research.
The FBI has a list of Federal Civil Rights Statutes. On several of these laws, the phrase “may be sentenced to death” appears. This expression does not appear in the description of “Title 18, U.S.C., Section 249 Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act.” This is the most recent expansion of the Federal Hate Crimes legislation. It expands the definition of hate crimes to include LGTB cases. (This possibility that Trayvon Martin was killed for being gay has not been mentioned.) The Matthew Shepard Act was added onto a defense spending bill, and signed into law October 28, 2009.
PG is not a lawyer. Reading legislation and court opinions makes his head hurt. He is not sure which of the hate crime laws would apply to George Zimmerman. The idea of Mr. Zimmerman being poisoned by the Federal government is unlikely.
There is another aspect of application of hate crime law to this case that is troubling. If you believe that Mr. Zimmerman is an icky person, who deserves whatever happens to him, this might not bother you. The trouble with crazy laws, meant for icky people, is that they might be applied to you some day. Mobs demanding vengeance are not known for careful thinking.
Does federal hate crime prosecution constitute double jeopardy? The idea is that if you are acquited of a crime, you should not be tried again for the same offense. What appears to be happening is the federal government supervising the state government, and if the verdict is not satisfactory, bringing more charges.
Other people are asking the same question. National Review Online posted Hate Crimes, Thought Crimes, Double Jeopardy. This article was written while the Matthew Shepard Act was in Congress. It was before the skittles shooting. “Among other things, the bill permits the U.S. Attorney General to initiate federal hate-crime prosecution in cases where “the verdict or sentence obtained pursuant to State charges left demonstratively unvindicated the Federal interest in eradicating bias-motivated violence.” In other words, if the Feds don’t like the state verdict, they will bring their own charges.
Another commenter notes “The bill would allow people who have been found innocent of a hate crime in state court to be reprosecuted in federal court. Many supporters of the federal hate crimes bill want to allow people who have been found innocent of a hate crime in state court to be reprosecuted in federal court. As one supporter put it, “the federal hate crimes bill serves as a vital safety valve in case a state hate-crimes prosecution fails.” The claim that the justice system has “failed” when a jury returns a not-guilty verdict is truly scary and contrary to the constitutional presumption of innocence and the right to trial by jury.
But it is a view widely shared among supporters of the hate-crimes bill. Syndicated columnist Jacob Sullum pointed out in 1998 that Janet Reno, Clinton’s Attorney General, backed the bill as a way of providing a federal “forum” for prosecution if prosecutors fail to obtain a conviction “in the state court.” Similarly, The Leadership Conference on Civil Rights wants to reprosecute teenagers who were found innocent of a hate crime against an illegal alien in a Pennsylvania state court.
As Sullum noted, the federal hate crimes bill exploits a loophole in constitutional protections against double jeopardy, known as the “dual sovereignty” doctrine. The Supreme Court created this loophole in its 5-to-4 Bartkus decision. (The original post has several links that provide more information.)
Pictures are from the ” Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”
Heather Has A Mommy And A Daddy
Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy
Deep in the heart of Dullsville, at the end of a cul-de-sac, behind a lawn of scratchy brown grass dotted with giant plastic butterflies, three flaking cement deer, and a philodendron the size of Bob Hoskins though with fewer decorative parts, lives Heather Thompson. Heather has a mommy and a daddy. Heather’s daddy is an accountant. Her mommy is a homemaker. Before Heather was born they met, fell in love, and got married. “I love you very much and I’m having your child,” Heather’s mom said.
Danitra is Heather’s best friend. One of Danitra’s dads is an empowerment facilitator. The other is an aura consultant. Danitra doesn’t know what they do at work, except they don’t need briefcases. Before Danitra was born her daddies met and fell in love, and after seventeen years spent discussing caring and support, handling acceptance, and negotiating intimacy, they had a commitment ceremony. “I love you very much and I’m designing the rings,” Danitra’s Daddy Mike said.
One day in school Heather’s teacher, Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez, tells the class to draw pictures of their families. Danitra draws two men, Julio draws two women, and Heather draws a man and a woman. Keanu points at the woman Heather drew, with squiggly yellow hair, a crude red dress and simple brown shoes. “This dad here’s got some ugly drag going on,” he says.
At lunchtime Danitra sits on the bench next to Heather and pulls a sandwich out of a brown paper bag.“Want to trade?” Danitra asks. “I’ve got grilled eggplant and goat cheese on marjoram foccacia.” “Um, I didn’t bring lunch,” Heather stammers, kicking her brown paper bag out of sight. “I’m … uh … on a diet.”
“Diet?” Danitra asks. “Haven’t your dads told you not to buy into that patriarchal looks-based chauvinism? And anyway, what’s this then?” she asks, holding up the bag with “HAVE A SUPER DAY!” written in sparkle marker on it.
Julio, who was listening nearby, runs up and grabs Heather’s lunch. “Yeah, what’s this? It’s somebody’s lunch!” Heather jumps at the bag but Julio holds it out of reach. “You give that back!” Heather yells. “Try and make me!” Julio chides. He pulls Heather’s sandwich apart and drops it like it was electrified. He wobbles away, holding his stomach.
“Oh my God!” he cries. “There’s like dead stuff in there!” Danitra looks at the sandwich lying on the cement. “Is that MEAT? Is that like SPAM?” Claudia, sitting quietly at the other end of the bench, bursts into tears. “Heather’s eating BAMBI!” “It’s friggin’ Wonder Bread!” Julio scoffs. Keanu walks toward the bread and peers at it. “And it’s got LUBE all over it!” “You idiot, that’s MAYONNAISE.” “What’s mayonnaise?” “It’s like goat cheese for heterosexuals.”
“Heterosexuals?” Keanu asks. “Heather’s mommy and daddy are heterosexuals?” Heather starts to yell. “No! I don’t have a mommy and a daddy. I’ve got two daddies!” “Hell-OOOO!” Danitra says, drawing the word out to twelve syllables. “We can see your clothes!” “Um . . . “ Heather stalls, “then I’ve got two mommies.” “And we’ve seen you play baseball,” Julio answers.
Heather, unable to think of a response, sits on the bench and starts to cry. Danitra pulls a robin’s egg blue bandana from her pocket and dabs at Heather’s face. “Maybe your mom’s not really a woman,” Danitra offers. “Well,” Heather says, sniffing, “she cleans the house, and cooks, and does the laundry.” Danitra fumes. “We’re trying to establish that she’s female, not that she’s an idiot.”
“Maybe your dad’s not really a man,” Julio suggests.“Well,” Heather answers, wiping her nose. “He’s big and strong and he’s got a mustache.” Several of the children wonder what this proves but nobody says anything.
“So let’s say you’ve got a mom and a dad,” Keanu says. “Then where did you come from?”Heather thinks for a minute. “They went to bed together, and then I was born.” Some of her friends express further interest, but Heather doesn’t have a brochure. “Daddy put his thing in mommy — “
“Oh, man,” Keanu interjects. “Is that legal?” “HelLLLLO!” sings Danitra, who gets the word up to eighteen syllables this time. “We’re in CaliFORnia!”
“And nine months later I came out of my mommy’s tummy,” Heather adds. Several of the children wonder why they didn’t hire a surrogate with a vagina but nobody says anything.
Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy, Part Two
One night there’s a dance at Heather’s school and her parents offer to chaperone. While Heather’s dancing with Danitra she sees from the corner of her eye her mom and dad moving onto the dance floor. She watches in horror as her mom just sort of stands there swaying, her gingham granny dress limply hanging to the floor. She grimaces as her dad starts chopping at the air like Jackie Chan being attacked by locusts.
Occasionally their movements coincide with the beat. Heather runs to the bathroom crying.“Heather, don’t feel so bad,” Danitra says. “Lots of kids have embarrassing parents.” She starts to lead Heather out of the bathroom, then stops. “Um, maybe we should stay in here a while longer. They just started doing the Bump.”
One day the class projects are due. Heather brings in the model she’s made. It’s a lump of brown Play-Doh with ketchup poured over it and dotted with marshmellows stuck on with toothpicks. She sets it on the table as her teacher comes over to look.
“Why, Heather! That’s . . . nice! Very very nice!”“What the hell is it?” Tommy asks. “TOMMY! Heather’s parents had me over for dinner once. This is what they call ‘Salisbury steak.’” Heather bursts into tears. “NO IT’S NOT! It’s a VOLCANO! That’s lava, and that’s steam coming out.”
Danitra enters and places her project next to Heather’s on the table. “Why, Danitra, what’s this?” Danitra delicately removes the sheet protecting her project. “Versailles.”
Heather takes one look at the tiny replica of Louis XIV’s summer home, constructed by Danitra and her two dads out of two hundred cubic yards of teak plank, thirty square feet of gold leaf, sixty pounds of Italian travertine marble from the same quarry Michelangelo used, tiny topiary and functional miniature fountains, and cries even harder.
“Why did I have to have a mom and a dad?” Heather sobs. “Why can’t my family be like all the rest?”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez pulls Heather close. “Children,” she says,”every family is special, including those conforming to the rigid, stereotypical standard of male domination.” She starts to tell the class about her own family, including her hearing-impaired Hispanic mother, her height-challenged Israeli father, and her Gypsy recovering-substance-abusing brother-in-law and Armenian sex-addict half-sister, but stops, realizing the school year is only 4,074 hours long.
“Just because Heather’s parents are heterosexual doesn’t mean they’re slow-witted philistines, though there are strong correlations you don’t need a PhD in statistics to understand. But Heather is lucky to have a sweet mom and a wonderful dad and a dog named Molly and a hamster named Samson, and they all live together in a lovely house. They’ve got interesting avocado-colored appliances, carpet as long as your hair, and furniture that‘s by-and-large wood that must have taken them hours to assemble. There’s a big plastic sofa that turns into a bed, and a La-Z-Boy — ”
“A what?” Keanu asks. “A La-Z-Boy,” Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez repeats. “It’s a big vinyl chair that reclines.” “Oh, man!” exclaims Keanu, covering his face with his hands. “And I thought our Herman Miller reproductions were embarrassing!”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez continues. “But the important thing is, they’re a family. They’re a group united for a common purpose, where each individual is given a sense of empowerment and their shared bonds are formalized in a ritualistic manner.” “Oh,” the students respond in unison. Everybody hugs.
THE END
The story was borrowed from World Class Stupid.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
Unfortunate Laws Part Nine
Here is part seven of state laws that some might find peculiar. Parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight precede this feature. Today will will look at Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. These regulations are borrowed from Bored. This is the last installment in the series. Washington “It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election.” ~ A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.” ~ All lollipops are banned. ~ All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle. ~ An old Washington law sent duelists to jail for ten years, assuming they didn’t lose the duel. ~ A proposed Washington law protects sports referees from civil suit unless their actions were “willful, wanton, reckless, malicious or grossly negligent.” ~ Auburn: Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. ~ A Washington state law offers the presumption that youngsters will read comic books. ~ Bremerton: You may not shuck peanuts on the street. ~ Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. ~ If the honey you are eating in Seattle is a blend of honey from or more types of flowers, it’s illegal for the honey to be labeled as having come from one type of flower. ~ In Electric City, WA, it is illegal to “keep[ ] or permit[ ] to remain, in any location . . . anything whatsoever in which flies or rats may breed or multiply.” ~ In Olympia, Wash., minors are prohibited from frequenting pool halls. ~ In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. ~ In Spokane, Wash., it used to be illegal to interrupt a religious meeting by having a horse race. ~ In the state of Washington it’s illegal to catch a fish by throwing a rock at it. ~ In Washington state it’s illegal to sleep in an outhouse without the owner’s permission. ~ In Washington state it’s illegal to sell to minors comics that might incite them to violence or depraved or immoral acts. ~ In Washington it’s illegal to pretend you’re the child of a rich person and entitled to his estate. ~ In Washington, anyone under the age of 18 must have parental permission to throw a tear gas canister. ~ In Washington state, until quite recently, you could have been fined up to $500 for removing or defacing the label on a pillow. ~ It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag. ~ Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment. ~ People may not buy a mattress on Sunday. ~ Spokane: TV’s may not be bought on Sundays. ~ The state of Washington doesn’t allow marathon dancing–or marathon skipping, sliding, gliding, rolling or crawling. ~ Under the law of the state of Washington, any restroom with pay toilets has to have an equal number of free toilets. This law came to pass after the speaker of the state House of Representatives raced to an all-pay facility without a dime. ~ Waldron Island: No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. ~ Washington state doesn’t allow fake wrestling. ~ When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed. ~ Wilbur: You may not ride an ugly horse. ~ You are not allowed to breast feed in public. ~ You need a license to sell condoms in Washington state. West Virginia ~ According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag. ~ A person may not hold public office if they have ever taken part in a duel. A person may be jailed for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challenge. ~ Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present. ~ Huntington: Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse. It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps. ~ If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined. ~ In Alderson, West Virginia, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger or leopard in the city limits, even it is on a leash. ~ In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humerous stories from the pulpit during a church service. ~ In West Virginia it is illegal to dig for ginseng on your neighbor’s lawn without their permission. ~ In West Virginia, it is legal for one to take roadkill home for dinner ~ In West Virginia you cannot fly a red flag in front of your house if you are disappointed in your sherrif. ~ It is against the law for men to have sex with any animal over 40 pounds in weight. ~ It is illegal to put an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays. ~ It is illegal to snooze on a train. ~ It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down. ~ It is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8AM and after 4PM. ~ No children may attend school with their breath smelling of “wild onions.” ~ When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers. ~ Whistling underwater is prohibited. Wisconsin ~ As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. ~ At one time, margarine was illegal. ~ A Wisconsin legislator in the 1970s proposed a law providing that no woman over 21 be required to divulge her age. If age information were required by law, women could use an alphabetic code: women in their ’20s would use ~ A Wisconsin legislator recently introduced a bill making it illegal to tattoo someone under the age of 18. He was quoted as saying, “I’m going to save the buttocks of a few juveniles.” ~ Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. ~ Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday. ~ Cheese making requires a cheese maker’s license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license. ~ Citizens may not murder their enemies. ~ Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter~ In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm. ~ In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public. ~ In Wisconsin you are allowed to marry your house. ~ In Wisconsin, after 3:00 a.m., you have to send a rocket signal in the air after every mile you drive. ~ It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. ~ It is illegal to kiss on a train. ~ It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. ~ Kenosha: No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public. ~ La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip). It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. It is illegal to play checkers in public. You cannot “worry a squirrel.” ~ Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car. It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention. If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day. It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. ~ Next time you start a riot in Wisconsin remember that it i illegal to use a laser pointer to do so. ~ Racine: It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man. ~ State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. ~ Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. ~ Wisconsin law provides for a fine of $2 to $20 for anyone under age 17 caught jumping onto a railroad car while the train is in motion. ~ You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Wyoming ~ An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in meat freezer! ~ Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays. ~ In Wyoming it is illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner. ~ It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. ~ It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement. ~ Wyoming required that every inmate of the state’s training school for girls be issued crinoline bloomers. ~ You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.
Help Al Qaeda Succeed
There is some talk in the media about what are tastefully called drone strikes. Unmanned airplanes are piloted by remote control. The focus on a target, and fire a AGM-114 Hellfire II Missile. Often, a second strike is made, after rescuers come to the scene. When the dead are buried, there is sometimes a strike on the funeral.
This kind of warfare costs money. The Hellfire II Missile costs $40,000. The drones use lots of fuel, and require maintenance. For a broke government, this adds up.
The moving lips in Washington say that no civilians are killed by these attacks. The dead are labelled militants. Anyone speaking out against this can expect to be denounced by the government.
“More recently, on February 8, the Times reported the BIJ’s findings that the CIA’s drone attacks in Pakistan “have repeatedly targeted rescuers who responded to the scene of a strike, as well as mourners at subsequent funerals.” But after highlighting BIJ’s report, the article then allowed a “senior American counterterrorism official, speaking on the condition of anonymity” to not just question the report’s findings, but to state: “One must wonder why an effort that has so carefully gone after terrorists who plot to kill civilians has been subjected to so much misinformation. Let’s be under no illusions — there are a number of elements who would like nothing more than to malign these efforts and help al Qaeda succeed.”
Code Pink has a few comments on why drones matter. “The difference with drones is that drones make these wars possible. From being able to wage them without even having to go to Congress, because according to the Administration’s definition of war, war is when you put your own soldiers’ lives at risk. And since we’re not doing that with drones, it’s not war, it doesn’t have to be agreed in Congress. It doesn’t even have to be open to the people. It can be carried out in total secrecy.
And as some people said in the conference, drones are the only way to wage some of these battles because of the issue of national sovereignty. You could never get away with the boots on the ground. And because, for example with the terrain in Yemen, you wouldn’t be able to do it any other way than with drones.”
The use of drone warfare has increased dramatically under BHO. This tactic is employed against populations in countries like Yemen, Somalia, and Pakistan. America is technically not at war with these countries.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. They are Union Soldiers, from the War Between the States. Drones were not used in this conflict.
The Lady In The Lake
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKDw2hwi5I%5D
PG recently used a few hours of his life to read The Lady in the Lake . It is a story by Raymond Chandler. As you might expect, the central figure is Philip Marlowe. It is set in Southern California at the start of World War II.
Mr. Marlowe is hired by a wealthy man to find his no good wife. When Mr. Marlowe starts nosing around, bodies start to show up. Mr. Marlowe almost becomes one of the deceased. After a few plot twists, a meeting is held in a mountain cabin, and a finger is pointed at a suspect. This person storms out of the meeting, and dies.
This may not be the best plot ever. There are a few too many coincidences. One character is Mildred Haviland. First, she is the wife of a drunken caretaker who drowns. Then we learn she was the nurse/gf of a doctor who specializes in narcotics. This doctor lives across the street from a boyfriend of the rich man’s wife. A crooked policeman gets involved in the story. It turns out he was married to Mildred Haviland. After a while, you wonder just how small Los Angeles was in 1942.
You don’t read Mr. Chandler for the logical plots. You read him for the way he massages the language. Take this description of Chris Lavery, the ill fated lover of the runaway bride: “The man was a hefty dark handsome lad with fine shoulders and legs, sleek dark hair and white teeth. Six feet of a standard type of homewrecker. Arms to hold you close and all his brains in his face. He was holding a pair of dark glasses in his hand and smiling at the camera with a practised and easy smile.”
The story was made into a movie in 1947. Robert Montgomery played Mr. Marlowe. The text is available online. Pictures today are from the The Library of Congress.
Happy Birthday Mr. Ginsberg
Allen Ginsberg would be 86 today, if nature had not made other plans in 1997. The son of Louis and Naomi Ginsberg arrived, in Newark NJ, June 3,1926.
Allen Ginsberg had a part in many new age dramas, with a few musicals and comedies thrown in for good measure. Hippie, beatnik, gay, artist, peace promoter, Buddhist convert…these are a few of the labels. He became famous for being famous, well known to people who never read a word of his poems. Two of the more famous were howl and kaddish.
Howl became scandalous in 1956 when it was busted for obscenity. It is mild by today’s standards, but almost landed Mr. Ginsberg in prison. PG heard about howl in the early nineties, and looked high and low for a copy. He could not find one. Today on the internet, not only is the text widely available, there are recordings of Mr. Ginsberg reading his work. (Here is an updated version, Howl 2011.)
The original plan was to listen to Mr. Ginsberg read while editing photos. PG was going to listen to the words, and think of something to say while listening to the bard. About the seventeenth time Mr. Ginsberg shouted “Moloch”, the plan began to fall apart.
The next poem was Kaddish. This is about Naomi Ginsberg, the mother of the poet, who evidently had some issues. This was tough for PG to listen to. The other night, PG had a disturbing dream about his own late mother. In this dream, a fearsome shouter came in wearing a black suit, which meant that he intended to do some scary shouting. PG went into another room, where his recently deceased mother was laying on a table.
In the aftermath of his mother’s passing, PG worked closely with an aggressive Jesus worshiper, who enjoyed humiliation for Jesus. This person declared war on PG, when asked to turn his radio down. PG feels like Jesus let him down, and finds it difficult to forgive the so called son of G-d.
1956 was the year of the obscenity trial for howl. This took place on the other side of america, from the Brookhaven where PG was two years old. This was the year when his brother was born, the year when the Georgia legislature voted in a new flag, for whatever reason. In 1955, President Eisenhower had a heart attack. Many wondered if it was a good idea to have Richard Nixon as the vice president.
Finally, PG could stand no more of that voice. The player was turned off, the files stored on an external hard drive, never to be heard again. PG just is not a poetry person. The pictures, edited while listening to Allen Ginsberg in performance, are from the “Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library” The text above is a repost.
The Eleven Rules
You have probably heard about “The speech Bill Gates gave at a High School”. PG saw an image on facebook, and the BS detector went off. When did he make the speech? What high school, in what location? Was this the same speech we heard about a few years ago, when Microsoft was being sued for antitrust violations? Are these questions fair? Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!
These days, the answer is easy to find. Snopes is a friend of Mr. Google. The authoritative word is “misappropriated”. Bill Gates did not make a speech to a high school. Nor did Kurt Vonnegut. The eleven rules came from a newspaper column written by Charles J. Sykes. The column was published in the San Diego Union Tribune on September 19, 1996. The fourteen rules in that column were taken from a book Mr, Sykes wrote, 50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School: Real-World Antidotes to Feel-Good Education.
“Charles J. Sykes is senior fellow at the Wisconsin Policy Research Institute and a talk show host at WTMJ radio in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” “The Institute is guided by a belief that competitive free markets, limited government, private initiative, and personal responsibility are essential to our democratic way of life.” Mr. Sykes is probably not a liberal.
The eleven rules have been floating from one email address to another since the Clinton administration. Ann Landers has printed them several times. They have been the rest of the story for Paul Harvey. “The prize for misattribution, however, has to go to the Atlanta Journal and Constitution, which published the list twice in the space of three weeks in mid-2000, the first time crediting it to “Duluth state Rep. Brooks Coleman of Duluth,” and the second time to Bill Gates.” The footnotes say “Brack, Elliott. “Legislator Offers Teens No-Nonsense Advice.” The Atlanta Journal and Constitution. 14 June 2000 (p. J3).” and ” “Advice from the Experts.” The Atlanta Journal and Constitution. 2 July 2000 (p. R1).”
The book has fifty rules. The column has fourteen. These are the three rules left out of the emails.
Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you’re out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That’s what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for “expressing yourself” with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.
Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven’t seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.
Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You’re welcome.
Maybe someone should take a critical look at these rules. If you get tired, and think this is negative, then you are free to skip ahead and look at the pictures, from The Library of Congress. The LOC is part of the big government in Washington. It is an very valuable resource. 
Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase “It’s not fair” 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.
No argument here. This is a catch 22 whenever you find a contradiction in the rest of the rules.
Rule No. 2: The real world won’t care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it’s not fair. (See Rule No. 1)
If you start to feel good about yourself, don’t worry. Between the church, radio talk shows, and back stabbing co workers, someone is sure to bring you down.
Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won’t make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a Gap label.
Conservative rules for living do not age well. Today, everybody eating solid food has a cell phone.
Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait ’til you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you feel about it.
This is the rule that set off the BS detector. In the “real world”, it is not what you produce that counts. It is how well you kiss ass. If the boss is impressed by you, you can screw up from now until bankruptcy. Ditto if you are a minority, and the company is recovering from a lawsuit. LINF
Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren’t embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.
Your grandparents had a different word for your dark skinned co worker. Not all political correctness is bad.
Rule No. 6: It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of “It’s my life,” and “You’re not the boss of me,” and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it’s on your dime. Don’t whine about it, or you’ll sound like a baby boomer.
Fifty years ago, the parents of baby boomers said things like this. The younger generation is always going to hell, and somehow they manage to get it together. The baby boomers are the generation who was ordered to go to Vietnam and kill Asians. They said “hell no we won’t go”.
Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
Your parents got to be boring by listening to motivational speeches.
Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. In some schools, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone’s feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)
Teachers have a tough job. They are an easy target for criticism. Some of this whining is fair, even if life isn’t. Mr. Sykes has written several books lambasting the education system. There is a saying, those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Maybe this could be amended to say: those who can’t teach, whine about education.
Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we’re at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)
If you are the buddy of management, you sometimes take the afternoon off to play golf with a client. You go to conventions, while someone else works to produce. LINF
Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.
Life is not a motivational speech. Those after dinner platitudes are entertaining, and make you feel good about yourself. They have little to do with real life.
Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
One more time, LINF. Regarding Rule No. 14:, this sounds like privilege speaking. If parents are human, they are possibly doing some very dirty things to their kids. This includes abusive religion, alcoholism, drug abuse, and conservative politics. The other kids can be pretty rough. Your preacher says you are going to hell. Since the real world does not care about your self esteem, you may be tempted to end your life. A smarmy list of rules is probably not going to help.
When writing a blog post, go ahead and publish before you read the one star reviews. There is a reply, from a teacher, about the list of eleven. The title is A teacher’s response to a mean man. This post is more thoughtful than the collection of one liners above. The post you are reading is already too long. Follow the link to read something better.
There is one review that needs to be shared. (This is from the amazon page for the book, 50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School: Real-World Antidotes to Feel-Good Education.)
And I thought liberals were condescending?!, Watujel (San Antonio, Texas) October 12, 2007
The reason you don’t get this stuff in school is because any savvy teacher knows that trying to motivate 30 restless kids with Sykes’ hoary platitudes and nagging tone will inevitably have the opposite effect. Everything’s here in cliched condescension except for maybe “back in MY DAY”
Rule number one of imparting advice to anyone of any age – gain their trust first. If you blunder in, wagging your finger as Sykes does, you’ll just get a backlash. It’s actually worse than keeping your trap shut.
Sykes should try his material on a classroom of average eighth-graders and see if he can get them to do anything close to what he intends.
Sykes expresses resentment toward teachers for getting tenure and suggests that this is not part of the “real world.” I envy teachers’ schedules (but not their jobs) as well, but just because you resent these perks doesn’t mean you can simply write them out of the “real world” unless you’re in serious denial. Without tenure, how many people would choose to become teachers what with so many other options available? That’s the real world.
It’s ironic that he claims to want to instill respect for authority but encourages his young readers to devalue what they’re learning from those who are acting in loco parentis. Teachers don’t create the curriculum. Changes in curricula are driven by administrators and education colleges. Blaming teachers for teaching too much self-esteem doesn’t make any more sense than blaming cops for giving illegal immigrants a pass. In both cases, the priorities are set elsewhere.
In one rule, he complains that kids are too materialistic. Then in another one, he complains about their idealism. Frankly, the Millennial Generation works hard, serves its country, and in general is the most bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I’ve seen in quite a while. They’ve really done their best to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of a generation of broken homes left by Sykes’ fellow Baby Boomers. But not many of them are going to respond to something this unfocused and mediocre.
The Eyewitness Is Dead
These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fc), All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph), Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York (ony). Attempts to maintain a no profanity blog will be suspended for this post. ~ @bukquotes “these demons have staying power.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “I was easy to please. It was the rest of the world that was the problem.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “there was always the danger of men who originally wrote things down well of becoming professional writers.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “But what did it really matter who screwed who? It was finally all so drab. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “to walk a city street is to see hell early.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~@Enernoj “Wanna come back to my place and violate the sanctity of marriage?” – #FloridaPickupLines (tw) ~ @david_arnott #FloridaPickupLines Are those Skittles in your hoodie, or are you just happy to see me? (tw) ~ @jimray Isn’t Amercia the name of that Caribbean nation where Mittens keeps his money so he doesn’t have to pay taxes? #mitt2012 #withmitt (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport My phone autocorrects “Amercia” to “America,” and autocorrects “Romney” to “Blow me.” (tw) ~ “Mistakes happen,” Andrea Saul, Romney Press Secretary , said in an appearance on MSNBC Wednesday morning. “I don’t think any voter cares about a typo.” ~ @MittRomney The iPhone app is here – download it & tweet your photos using #WithMitt. Will RT some favorites tomorrow http://mi.tt/WithMitt (tw) ~ @alaindebotton (For no good reasons) the greatest taboo in the eyes of the art establishment is the suggestion that art should be ‘useful’. (tw) ~ @MlTTR0MNEY So what if I can’t spell America? California elected a Gov. who couldn’t pronounce their state and it worked out…uh oh. #Amercia #withmitt (tw) ~ @PassingWhite 32 plural wives MT @nojorising @mittromney I’m with @mittromney. Here’s a photo showing my support. #mitt2012 #withmitt http://pic.twitter.com/amVAgBjC (tw) ~ @alaindebotton To judge from a lot of modern parenting, psychotherapy will continue to be a growth area deep into the 21st century. (tw) ~ You must have purchased items from Amazon to post. ~ Do you have a Hot topic on your mind that you just want to rant about… DISH DISH DISH!! I have some myself. about certain people i know. But i don’t know where to begin. He makes me so angry. But as i said i dont know where i should start. In the beginning the middle or the ending result of why we fell out. And if you must know. i Despise LIARS and THIEVES!! (fb) ~ Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain. -Anonymous (fb) ~ I am out of the country until May 27th and will be checking my email periodically. If your message requires a timely response, I will get back to you within a few days. Otherwise, I will respond to emails upon my return home. (fb) ~ A sleeper from the Amazon Put nighties of his gramazon. The reason? That He was too fat To get his own pajamazon. (fc) ~ Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship (tln) ~ You say you’re gonna take rehab seriously… but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia. (tln) ~ So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that “I’d need a glass of water after that” (tln) ~ New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now (tln) ~ I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing. (tln) ~ All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it’s inside of a body builder’s asshole. He’s doing squats. (tln) ~ It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before. (tln) ~ theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours? (tln) ~ Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket? (tln) ~ My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I’m chugging wine. (tln) ~ Climbing out Mr. Friday night’s bathroom window. He thinks I’m puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that’d be dandy. (tln) ~ Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I’m starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he’s better than. Just for comparison purposes of course. (tln) ~ @bukquotes “How odd that everybody was younger than I.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “I’ve got to get back to the typewriter, I thought. Art takes discipline. Any asshole can chase a skirt.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes A guy on the bus next to me asked, “What are you reading?” Saw it was Women, and said, “Yeah, I can usually read women pretty well.” (tw) ~ Lady at shop: Are you Mexican? My ex was Mexican. He was shorter than me, but I loved him. Until he stabbed someone. (pause) Sweetheart, I need a lot of napkins–I don’t have my top teeth. (ony) ~ 20-something dude, talking to couple: I’m not sure if I want to go out with her. She has the kind of STDs that Ben Franklin had. (ony) ~ Angry suit on cell: I can sue you for defecation of character! (ony) ~ Naked guy to fellow naked guy, about boss: He’s so dumb! Why won’t natural selection just step in and make him walk in front of a bus? (ony) ~ Irate black man on cell: I love you, but you’re fuckin stupid. (ony) ~ Guy: People see me in a nursing uniform and they expect me to help. But I have a philosophy: stupid people deserve to die. (ony) ~ Old guy to young couple, upon departing train: Have a good night, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and if you do, wash your hair! (ony) ~ Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex (tln) ~ Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. (tln) ~ Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week! (tln) ~ Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes. (tln) ~ I’m gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground. (tln) ~ This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies (tln) ~ Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low. (tln) ~ We’ll talk about this tommorrow when I’m not mistaking my fingers for French fries…. (tln) ~ You didn’t act like you were blacked out yesterday…I didn’t know (tln) ~ I know it’s not technically the “Mile High Club” but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened. (tln) ~ I’m worried my skin won’t stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? (tln) ~ I’m pretty sure every guy I’ve been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant… (tln) ~ The fact that you can’t sell your daughter for three goats and a cow means we’ve already redifined marriage.(fb) ~ “It is easy for those who do nothing to criticize. Those who do much and love much, make mistakes” — Elbert Hubbard (fb) ~ “Nature is as prolific with man as she is with the seeds of the Maple, spores of the mushroom, and eggs of the Salmon. Too create a perfect man, she must make a million boobs.” — Elbert Hubbard (fb) ~ “FEAR – A method devised by Region and Government to keep the people from taking back what is theirs.” — Roycroft Dictionary (fb) ~ “We’re All Gonna Die” — anonymous (fb) ~ “The French have no word for Entrepreneur” —- Boy George Bush (fb) ~ “Fighting for Peace is like F**king for Chastity” —- Bathroom wall in Bloomington IN (fb) ~ Better bread with water than cake with trouble….. Russian Proverb (fb) ~ Small fish live in shallow water. (Aph) ~ You take people’s word and soon find that you’ve appropriated their whole vocabulary. (Aph) ~ The fear of falling in love with yourself is that you will displace no one. (Aph) ~ When you are washed up you never realize the extent of shoreline you have to yourself. (Aph) ~ The faith you lose in people is almost enough to start a religion elsewhere. (Aph) ~ Too many women around a man always camouflages his inability to make friends. (Aph) ~ No matter how we talk a thing to death, death always has the last word. (Aph) ~ @tejucole From five floors up, Sophie fell into Orchard Street, but was only slightly bruised. (tw) ~
What we want to hear determines almost everything people say. (Aph) ~ You get carried away less often the older you get despite being closer to ending up on a stretcher. (Aph) ~ We are always at the mercy of our inability to give it. (Aph) ~ Murmurs often appear in those hearts that have no say. (Aph) ~ That life is almost meaningless in its brevity naturally shortens the attention span. (Aph) ~ A person’s pride is accountable for almost all their loneliness. (Aph) ~ What you love never leaves you, who you love always does. (Aph) ~ Mom with stroller to another: Am I the only one who thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes you a raging alcoholic? I mean… What else are you supposed to do with your time? (ony) ~ Basketball teen to friend, on girl who betrayed a best friend: We’re still friends on Facebook, but we not friends on Twitter. (ony) ~ Lady to stranger petting her dog: He’s great. I like him more than I like my friends. (ony) ~ Girl to friend: We’re not really dating, we’re not really friends either, we have a sexual acquaintanceship. (ony) ~ Asian girl on phone with her mother: He’s not a regular Hispanic, you know, he speaks English, recycles, and likes museums. (ony) ~ Potpourri: 1) I would like for all the gay stuff to calm down. I think giving attention to a few crackpots who say wild shit doesn’t really advance anything. 2) They found Etan Patz’s killer. I never knew about that til recently. 3) Space stations? 4) Remember also that truth is stranger than fiction. 5) Have a nice weekend. Memorial Day is a nice holiday.~ Today (May 25) is the last day in the Gregorian calendar in which the month number is the square root of the day number. The others are January 1, February 4, March 9 and April 16. ~ how would you feel if your name was Ludmila? ~ also: the difference between doing it and not doing it is doing it. -grant henry ~ More pourri and less pot is suggested. (fb) ~ I keep forgetting to avoid Walgreens on coupon day. Only the flashing red light in my own palm keeps me shut up around the arguing old biddies. (fb) ~ This is how people become gay ~ @TheDanielNavy #iUseTwitterBecause you guys are as appalling and abrasive as I am :’) (tw) ~ @tejucole To two of her daughters, Elizabeth and Clarine, Mrs Warner, of Los Angeles, willed $250,000, and to the third, Edith, $5. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport RT @MittRomney I apologize for “Amercia” misspelling. The staff member who did it was foreign and has now self-deported. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton We study biology, physics, movements of glaciers… Where are the classes on envy, feeling wronged, despair, bitterness… (tw) ~ @mystie03 #iUseTwitterBecause my real friends are not as cool & as funny as my followers!! (tw) ~ @watsonheart #iUseTwitterBecause i can tweet every minute. If i were to do that on facebook you would look like a complete idiot. (tw) ~ @GirlsAloud_USA #iUseTwitterBecause it gives me a chance to speak my mind with less consequences than reality (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport It’s weird that the candidate who was born in Kenya is the one who can spell America. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton ‘Freedom of speech’ obscures difference between what you can say in theory – and what you can say and retain any friends. (tw) ~ Men see themselves in women’s eyes; women trust the mirror. (Aph) ~ People who argue whether the glass is half empty or half full are probably not thirsty. (Aph) ~ People drown in shallow thoughts. (Aph) ~ It’s easy to write history. All the eyewitnesses are dead. (Aph) ~ @BorowitzReport I’m glad the Library of Congress is storing tweets so alien scientists will someday know why our civilization fell. (tw) ~ @NikkiMJFisher Do you feel comfortable knowing Thomas Donilon &John Brennan have the power to decide who lives and who dies? #killist pic.twitter.com/9uI4UOg1 (tw) ~ @Trendeh #IUseTwitterBecause people have to keep their stupid drama to 140 characters or less. (tw) ~ @iiiRelate_ @BorowitzReport It turns out that Mitt Romney also had a Kill List, and Chrysler and GM were on it. #killist (tw) ~ @Lprice3 Everyone who tweets #killist is going to end up on the DHS watch list – new “monitor” word? (Hello “the man”!) (tw) ~ 1- This is fun to listen to. What I really want to hear is another conversation between Ms. Hurlburt and Eli Lake. 2- Talk about revealing your age. The actual counter slogan in 1964 was “In your guts you know he’s nuts”. Which rhymes, and should be used in every Presidential election. 3- Ms. Hurlburt refers to a PG link. As the reader(s) of this blog know, PG is the stand in for the blog owner. In any event. PG is not Bolton curious. 4- This is another appalling visual. chamblee54 ~ “The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” Oscar Wilde (tw) ~ It all depends if the displeasure is because your ego has stopped hearing itself in the other voice or that the conversation has becomes a monosyllabic joust of quotidian half hearted pleasentries. (fb) ~ Clothes we buy at sweatshop labor, drugs we buy from corporate enablers. We’re not living the good life, unless we’re fighting the good fight– you and me, just trying to get it right. (fb) ~ I haven’t been up this early since earlier (fb) ~ Most of all I rely on our spiritual connection with each other. I have long believed that beyond any religious teachings, dogma, principles, cannon laws or words written in stone it is the quality of love and respect with which we treat each other (including the plant, animal, mineral, and other elements of the natural creation) that best allows the God of my Understanding to be present in my life. Thank you for the degree to which you participate and share in that with me. (fb) ~ Whenever I try to understand the world, often I find myself thinking, “Why would healthy, well-adjusted people do ________? And then I realize that the world is not composed of healthy, well-adjusted people. And THAT’s why the paparazzi exists. (fb) ~ “Love, friendship, respect, do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.” — Anton Chekhov (fb) ~ I shared with a bar mitzvah student that God would have better off if S/He had taken anger management. (fb) ~ A wise man once said, “If you really, really wanna piss people off … just change your name on Facebook.” (fb) ~ Warning- Any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental, public or private structure including but not limited to the United States or Canadian Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including……, ……but not limited to…… my photos, and/ or the comments made about my photo’s or any other “picture” art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one. Thank you. FB is now a publicly traded site. Protect yourself. (fb) ~ @tejucole Visiting Chicago, Reverend Heck was hit by a falling window washer. The reverend’s injuries were serious, the washer’s fatal. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton We study biology, physics, movements of glaciers… Where are the classes on envy, feeling wronged, despair, bitterness… (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause I hate my Facebook friends. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton It’s a homage to all the really great ones that even the worst books are hard to throw away without guilt. (tw) ~ @_TheOneWho #iUseTwitterBecause I can relate to my followers more than my real friends. (tw) ~ @ComedyTruth #iUseTwitterBecause if I updated my facebook status as much as I tweet, then everyone would think I’m annoying (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause I can talk to myself without looking stupid .. (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause my family has used Twitter since coming over to America on the Mayflower, and I dutifully continue our proud tradition (tw) ~ Selah
I Sing The Body Electric
1
I sing the body electric,
The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul.
Was it doubted that those who corrupt their own bodies conceal themselves?
And if those who defile the living are as bad as they who defile the dead?
And if the body does not do fully as much as the soul?
And if the body were not the soul, what is the soul?
2
The love of the body of man or woman balks account,
the body itself balks account,
That of the male is perfect, and that of the female is perfect.
The expression of the face balks account,
But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face,
It is in his limbs and joints also, it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists,
It is in his walk, the carriage of his neck, the flex of his waist and knees,
dress does not hide him,
The strong sweet quality he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,
To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more,
You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side.
The sprawl and fulness of babes, the bosoms and heads of women,
the folds of their dress, their style as we pass in the street,
the contour of their shape downwards,
The swimmer naked in the swimming-bath, seen as he swims through
the transparent green-shine, or lies with his face up and rolls
silently to and from the heave of the water,
The bending forward and backward of rowers in row-boats,
the horse-man in his saddle,
Girls, mothers, house-keepers, in all their performances,
The group of laborers seated at noon-time with their open dinner-kettles,
and their wives waiting,
The female soothing a child, the farmer’s daughter in the garden or cow-yard,
The young fellow hosing corn, the sleigh-driver driving his six horses
through the crowd,
The wrestle of wrestlers, two apprentice-boys, quite grown, lusty,
good-natured, native-born, out on the vacant lot at sundown after work,
The coats and caps thrown down, the embrace of love and resistance,
The upper-hold and under-hold, the hair rumpled over and blinding the eyes;
The march of firemen in their own costumes, the play of masculine muscle
through clean-setting trowsers and waist-straps,
The slow return from the fire, the pause when the bell strikes suddenly again,
and the listening on the alert,
The natural, perfect, varied attitudes, the bent head, the curv’d neck
and the counting;
Such-like I love—I loosen myself, pass freely, am at the mother’s breast
with the little child,
Swim with the swimmers, wrestle with wrestlers, march in line
with the firemen, and pause, listen, count.
3
I knew a man, a common farmer, the father of five sons,
And in them the fathers of sons, and in them the fathers of sons.
This man was a wonderful vigor, calmness, beauty of person,
The shape of his head, the pale yellow and white of his hair and beard,
the immeasurable meaning of his black eyes,
the richness and breadth of his manners,
These I used to go and visit him to see, he was wise also,
He was six feet tall, he was over eighty years old, his sons were massive,
clean, bearded, tan-faced, handsome,
They and his daughters loved him, all who saw him loved him,
They did not love him by allowance, they loved him with personal love,
He drank water only, the blood show’d like scarlet
through the clear-brown skin of his face,
He was a frequent gunner and fisher, he sail’d his boat himself,
he had a fine one presented to him by a ship-joiner,
he had fowling-pieces presented to him by men that loved him,
When he went with his five sons and many grand-sons to hunt or fish,
you would pick him out as the most beautiful and vigorous of the gang,
You would wish long and long to be with him, you would wish to sit by him
in the boat that you and he might touch each other.
4
I have perceiv’d that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them or touch any one, or rest my arm ever so lightly
round his or her neck for a moment, what is this then?
I do not ask any more delight, I swim in it as in a sea.
There is something in staying close to men and women and looking on them,
and in the contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well,
All things please the soul, but these please the soul well.
5
This is the female form,
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot,
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor,
all falls aside but myself and it,
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth,
and what was expected of heaven or fear’d of hell, are now consumed,
Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it,
the response likewise ungovernable,
Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling hands all diffused,
mine too diffused,
Ebb stung by the flow and flow stung by the ebb, love-flesh swelling
and deliciously aching,
Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love,
white-blow and delirious juice,
Bridegroom night of love working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn,
Undulating into the willing and yielding day,
Lost in the cleave of the clasping and sweet-flesh’d day.
This the nucleus—after the child is born of woman, man is born of woman,
This the bath of birth, this the merge of small and large, and the outlet again.
Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest,
and is the exit of the rest,
You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.
The female contains all qualities and tempers them,
She is in her place and moves with perfect balance,
She is all things duly veil’d, she is both passive and active,
She is to conceive daughters as well as sons, and sons as well as daughters.
As I see my soul reflected in Nature,
As I see through a mist, One with inexpressible completeness,
sanity, beauty,
See the bent head and arms folded over the breast, the Female I see.
6
The male is not less the soul nor more, he too is in his place,
He too is all qualities, he is action and power,
The flush of the known universe is in him,
Scorn becomes him well, and appetite and defiance become him well,
The wildest largest passions, bliss that is utmost, sorrow that is utmost
become him well, pride is for him,
The full-spread pride of man is calming and excellent to the soul,
Knowledge becomes him, he likes it always, he brings every thing
to the test of himself,
Whatever the survey, whatever the sea and the sail
he strikes soundings at last only here,
(Where else does he strike soundings except here?)
The man’s body is sacred and the woman’s body is sacred,
No matter who it is, it is sacred—is it the meanest one in the laborers’ gang?
Is it one of the dull-faced immigrants just landed on the wharf?
Each belongs here or anywhere just as much as the well-off, just as much as you,
Each has his or her place in the procession.
(All is a procession,
The universe is a procession with measured and perfect motion.)
Do you know so much yourself that you call the meanest ignorant?
Do you suppose you have a right to a good sight,
and he or she has no right to a sight?
Do you think matter has cohered together from its diffuse float,
and the soil is on the surface, and water runs and vegetation sprouts,
For you only, and not for him and her?
7
A man’s body at auction,
(For before the war I often go to the slave-mart and watch the sale,)
I help the auctioneer, the sloven does not half know his business.
Gentlemen look on this wonder,
Whatever the bids of the bidders they cannot be high enough for it,
For it the globe lay preparing quintillions of years without one animal or plant,
For it the revolving cycles truly and steadily roll’d.
In this head the all-baffling brain,
In it and below it the makings of heroes.
Examine these limbs, red, black, or white, they are cunning in tendon and nerve,
They shall be stript that you may see them.
Exquisite senses, life-lit eyes, pluck, volition,
Flakes of breast-muscle, pliant backbone and neck, flesh not flabby,
good-sized arms and legs,
And wonders within there yet.
Within there runs blood,
The same old blood! the same red-running blood!
There swells and jets a heart, there all passions, desires, reachings, aspirations,
(Do you think they are not there because they are not express’d
in parlors and lecture-rooms?)
This is not only one man, this the father of those who shall be fathers
in their turns,
In him the start of populous states and rich republics,
Of him countless immortal lives with countless embodiments and enjoyments.
How do you know who shall come from the offspring of his offspring
through the centuries?
(Who might you find you have come from yourself,
if you could trace back through the centuries?)
8
A woman’s body at auction,
She too is not only herself, she is the teeming mother of mothers,
She is the bearer of them that shall grow and be mates to the mothers.
Have you ever loved the body of a woman?
Have you ever loved the body of a man?
Do you not see that these are exactly the same to all in all nations
and times all over the earth?
If anything is sacred the human body is sacred,
And the glory and sweet of a man is the token of manhood untainted,
And in man or woman a clean, strong, firm-fibred body, is more beautiful
than the most beautiful face.
Have you seen the fool that corrupted his own live body?
or the fool that corrupted her own live body?
For they do not conceal themselves, and cannot conceal themselves.
9
O my body! I dare not desert the likes of you in other men and women,
nor the likes of the parts of you,
I believe the likes of you are to stand or fall with the likes of the soul,
(and that they are the soul,)
I believe the likes of you shall stand or fall with my poems,
and that they are my poems,
Man’s, woman’s, child, youth’s, wife’s, husband’s, mother’s, father’s,
young man’s, young woman’s poems,
Head, neck, hair, ears, drop and tympan of the ears,
Eyes, eye-fringes, iris of the eye, eyebrows, and the waking
or sleeping of the lids,
Mouth, tongue, lips, teeth, roof of the mouth, jaws, and the jaw-hinges,
Nose, nostrils of the nose, and the partition,
Cheeks, temples, forehead, chin, throat, back of the neck, neck-slue,
Strong shoulders, manly beard, scapula, hind-shoulders,
and the ample side-round of the chest,
Upper-arm, armpit, elbow-socket, lower-arm, arm-sinews, arm-bones,
Wrist and wrist-joints, hand, palm, knuckles, thumb, forefinger,
finger-joints, finger-nails,
Broad breast-front, curling hair of the breast, breast-bone, breast-side,
Ribs, belly, backbone, joints of the backbone,
Hips, hip-sockets, hip-strength, inward and outward round,
man-balls, man-root,
Strong set of thighs, well carrying the trunk above,
Leg-fibres, knee, knee-pan, upper-leg, under-leg,
Ankles, instep, foot-ball, toes, toe-joints, the heel;
All attitudes, all the shapeliness, all the belongings of my or your body
or of any one’s body, male or female,
The lung-sponges, the stomach-sac, the bowels sweet and clean,
The brain in its folds inside the skull-frame,
Sympathies, heart-valves, palate-valves, sexuality, maternity,
Womanhood, and all that is a woman, and the man that comes from woman,
The womb, the teats, nipples, breast-milk, tears, laughter, weeping,
love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,
The voice, articulation, language, whispering, shouting aloud,
Food, drink, pulse, digestion, sweat, sleep, walking, swimming,
Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,
The continual changes of the flex of the mouth, and around the eyes,
The skin, the sunburnt shade, freckles, hair,
The curious sympathy one feels when feeling with the hand
the naked meat of the body,
The circling rivers the breath, and breathing it in and out,
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips,
and thence downward toward the knees,
The thin red jellies within you or within me, the bones and the marrow
in the bones,
The exquisite realization of health;
O I say these are not the parts and poems of the body only, but of the soul,
O I say now these are the soul!
Text for this adventure is from the Project Gutenberg.
The text was reformatted by Chamblee54.
“I sing the Body Electric” was written by Walt Whitman.
An audio version of this poem is available from Librivox.
Reposted May 31,2012. Walt Whitman’s 193rd Birthday.
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