Chamblee54

PG keeps an open document on his desktop. When he feels the urge to comment somewhere, he composes the remarks in this document. Often, the comment is not posted, which is better for all concerned. This is an edited regurgitation. ~ There are three images in this feature. Does anyone know how to pronounce meme? Does is rhyme with theme, or Mimi, or Vajayjay? ~ I keep hearing that racism is prejudice plus power. How can You Tube commenters be said to have power? ~ Ms. Obama was performing at a fundraiser. The heckler paid to be there. Ms. Obama is fair game. If she wants to avoid controversy, then she can stay home and bake cookies. ~ Philosophy is the disease for that which it is supposed to be the cure. ~ What is “the Fuck”? Is there only one? Is it male or female? Is it a noun, a verb, a modifier, or a language functionary? When you give a fuck, do you gift wrap it?
We don’t know what Jesus really said. All we have to go by is how is he quoted in the Bible, aka the book that teaches people to hate me. ~ There is a citizenship test. One is the questions is a set of pictures of the Supremes, and you are asked to match the multiple choice name with the picture. Kagan looks gay, Sotomayor looks hispanic, and Ginsburg looks old and withered. I got Clarence Thomas and John Roberts, but missed the other ones. ~ If you don’t like the n word then don’t use it ~ Hypocrisy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. That may be the only thing those two concepts have in common. ~ Theology has become either nuanced to meaninglessness or stratified to viciousness. Stay away from other people’s opinion. Read your own Bible, form your own opinions and have your own relationship with G-d. ~ If Georgia ever goes majority black, it will be white people who want a voting rights act.
Here is a post about a street preacher. “Bro Cope” was working the Dragon Con Parade one time. There is a dialog in the comments. “Bro Cope” says “To be quite frank with you, our main purpose is to get people moving – towards God or away. We can not by our preaching put a particular direction in anyone’s heart. What we can do by our preaching is to ascertain what is already there, and then to magnify what is there. If going away from God, we drive them further away.” How selfish. It is all about his enjoyment. The people whose enjoyment he is affecting are not considered. It is as if he wants those people to go to hell. A street preacher is like a dog that will not stop barking. They create untold ill will for Jesus. When you preach without trust, you speak in vain. You might see what the third commandment says about that.
Christianism is not a faith. It is a scheme for life after death. ~ Or maybe the laziness of the press. Just hang out and say what your boss wants to hear. ~ This is not all white people. Generalized comments like that are misleading, no matter what adjective you put in front of people. ~ “hopelessly corrupt political establishment” Is there any other kind? ~ Rhyming Hasselhof with Mazel Tov is close to unforgivable. ~ This is a shakedown by a disgruntled former employee. America is being played. ~ “what would Jesus say?” Matthew 15:11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. ~ Using the nasty word, that demeans the speaker as well as the object, is not a privilege. When black people use the nasty word, white people don’t have to. ~ Rachel Jeantel and Rush Limbaugh would make a cute couple. RL is single, and has money. RJ is a fully equipped female. Both like drugs, which RL can afford. RL can afford to buy birth control for all the mad pnp sex they would have. Both have talent on loan from G-d.
Is Eli Lake jealous of Dan Drezner? Spell check suggestion: Drainer ~ After reading your bitchy rant I would say it is you who is the desperate one. Especially if you have the knowledge of knowing who posts “every hour on the hour” May I suggest you get a new hobby read a book, go volunteer, do something but please spare us all of your bitter drama ~ You should read the complete letter. The sample above leaves out important bits of context. I tend to disagree with the letter. I could live without writing, or editing photographs. I enjoy those activities greatly, and hope that I contribute something to the world through them. However, if they were taken away from me tomorrow … a highly unlikely possibility … my life would go on. It just would not be as much fun. ~ The more secrets you have, the more people are going to have access to them. Why did Private Bradley Manning have this capability?
While listening to Charles Bukowski read poems, PG remembered to put a replacement roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. ~ I decided a while back to write my comments out in a separate document before posting. If a conversation looks like it might be controversial, I like to make a copy of it before it is deleted. I would be interested in reading this exchange. I find that the concept of straw man arguments is frequently misunderstood. ~ I used to see his comments, and then they disappeared. Maybe I am on his list of terrible people. You can’t please everyone. ~ a conservative is a liberal who has been labeled racist ~ Mainstream Jesus worshipers poison more minds than WBC. It is easy to dismiss the clown antics of WBC. The problem is that the everyday Jesus worshipers are taken seriously, with devastating effects. ~ We don’t need to talk about racism. We need to listen. ~ July 17 is the birthday of Phylis Diller and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. Looks are not everything. ~ Selah

It is time for the 2013 edition of The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. This is a competition for bad writing. It is not known when the “winners” were announced. It was possibly announced in the dark of night, with hopes that no one would notice. PG has written about TBLFC twice before. If you want the history of this shameful display, you can read one of those posts.
Today, we are going directly into the slush pile. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”. Out of kindness to the reader, this is an pruned parcel of pasty pastel prose. There is nobody from Georgia. We can begin with The worst of the worst.
She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination. — Chris Wieloch, Brookfield, WI
The Chamblee54 report on TBLFC does not overlook the contestants with funny names. One hopes that these are pen names. Randal Pilz, Milton, FL ~ Thor F. Carden, Madison, TN ~ Helen Grainge, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario ~ Ward Willats, Felton, CA ~ Jessica Sashihara, Martinsville, NJ ~ Aishia Trueman, Canberra, ACT, Australia ~ Linda Boatright, Omaha, NE ~ Amy Torchinsky, Greensboro, NC ~ Kevin Hogg, Cranbrook, BC ~ Shethra Jones-Hoopes, Conestoga, PA ~ Jackie Fuchs, Los Angeles, CA
As the sun dropped below the horizon, the safari guide confirmed the approaching cape buffaloes were herbivores, which calmed everyone in the group, except for Herb, of course. —
Ron D Smith, Louisville, KY
Even though Letitia had brushed her teeth, Draco could still smell her garlicky breath, but assuming her blood would at least be toxin free, if not particularly appetizing – because of the antibiotic properties of the garlic’s allicin, an organosulfur compound – he gleefully plunged his incisors into her throbbing jugular vein. — Maggie Lyons, Callao, VA
Count Glandula’s castle flickered with eerie lights, where the immortal villain slaked his evil thirst in the dungeons with innocent victims – two moldy old peasants because the virtuous maidens had all been taken by the hot teenaged vampires down the road whose breath wasn’t so icky. —
Janine Beacham, Busselton, WA, Australia
Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul. — Howie McLennon, Ottawa, ON
Hotel exhibitionist looking for a voyeur. visiting one night, have the urge for a man/guy that is into peeping thru the window and watching me naked…got to be discreet. handsome/cleancut/bi guy, away from family, tall six ft w/m hwp one eighties 50 years old. must be discreet.
The sharks circled the leaking life raft like a pack of rabid personal-injury attorneys at a five-car pileup, and Clarence could just taste the fear (which tasted like chicken) and wondered morbidly if he too, might taste like chicken. — Wendi Tibbets, San Jose, CA
On their first date he’d asked how much she thought Edgar Allan Poe’s toe nails would sell for on eBay, and on their second he paid for subway fair with nickels he fished out of a fountain, but he was otherwise charming and she thought that they could have a perfectly tolerable life together. —
Jessica Sashihara, Martinsville, NJ
What the Highway Department’s chief IT guy for the new computerized roadway hated most was listening to the ‘smart’ components complain about being mixed with asphalt instead of silicon and made into speed bumps instead of graceful vases, like the one today from chip J176: “I coulda had glass; I coulda been a container; I coulda been some bottle, instead of a bump, which is what I am.” —
Brian Brandt, Lansdale, PA
Niles deeply regretted bringing his own equipment to the company’s annual croquet tournament because those were his fingerprints found on the “blunt instrument” that had caused the fatal depression in his boss’s skull and now here he stood in court accused of murder, yes, murder in the first degree with mallets aforethought. — Linda Boatright, Omaha, NE
Mrs. Irene Bartlett was so taken with the account of the annihilation of Sodom and Gomorrah, and the transformational moment when Lot’s wife was miraculously turned into a pillar of salt, that she became a Shaker. — John Holmes, St. Petersburg, FL
He spotted her as he left the Mudville baseball field, a handsome young woman sipping tea on the front porch swing of her house, and, though the boos and catcalls from today’s game still rang in his ears, the Mighty Casey decided that for the first time in his life he would not at all mind being associated with a swing and a Miss. — Tom Wallace, Columbia, SC
It was a dark and stormy night when, in the course of being snoopy, I happened upon the most extraordinary dog – sitting at an old-school typewriter upon the roof of his doghouse – who grumbled that he was working for peanuts.— Amy Torchinsky, Greensboro, NC
Although it was late at night and the snow was gently falling, Martin, who had gathered the young maidens together in the village church and was now, at the stroke of midnight, leading them across the town square, responded to the town constable’s enquiry as to what he was doing by replying, “I herd the belles on Christmas Day.” — Jim Tweedie, Long Beach, WA
It wasn’t sour grapes – Clementine knew that her parents just plum disapproved of her Kiwi lover; try as she might to explain that the love between the pair was all peachy, she might as well have been comparing apples to oranges, so although she was bananas for him, and the ring was certainly no lemon, she was forced to reply to his “Honey, do you?” with a mournful “You know I just can’t elope.” — Kevin Hogg, Cranbrook, BC
The veterinarian had suggested the tasty yellow fruit as a way to cure the undiagnosed lack of appetite that was ebbing away the very life of his fluffy little friend and Mark was fraught with anguish as he kept wondering, “Will a chick eat a banana?” — Nancy Hoffman, Peaks Island, ME
Betty had eyes that said come here, lips that said kiss me, arms and torso that said hold me all night long, but the rest of her body said, “Fillet me, cover me in cornmeal, and fry me in peanut oil”; romance wasn’t easy for a mermaid. — Jordan Kaderli, Dallas, TX
Derek squeezed through the narrow entrance past irate piles at the bar and pushed deeper into the tight, dark saloon, and brushing aside a stool and settling between ornaments that hung like polyps from the ceiling, he examined the texture of the walls with his fingertips while trying to avoid the gaze of the owner; the perfect bar, he mused, for the socially awkward proctologist. — Max Walker, Bryn Mawr, PA
Daphne had thoroughly researched the subject and concluded that, by all accounts, the medical procedure for reducing the size of her ample derriere was relatively safe but – and it is a big ’but’ – she understood there is always an inherent risk involving any surgery. — Clay Wach, Winnipeg, MB
Dark and stormy was her disposition; her hair cascaded evenly onto her shoulders in torrents – except at intervening occasions, when it was checked by a violent gust of air from a huge blower (for it is in Hollywood that our scene lies), rattling along her blouse top, and fiercely agitating the scanty fabric that struggled against her implants. — Lee Martinson, Yucaipa, CA
The dark and foreboding landscape was littered with crumbling castles, collapsed crypts, and earthworks for forgotten fortresses wherein lurked those most dastardly of degenerates, whose blood curdling cries made the lives of the locals a living hell – the historical reenactment society. —
Ted Downes, Cardiff, UK

A few minutes ago, this blog published the worst jokes from the 2011 Edinburgh Fringe Festival. As a public service, to distract readers from the circular firing squads being conducted about racism, here are the ten best jokes from the 2012 festival. The 2013 Edinburgh Festival Fringe will be held August 2-26. The winners have not been announced.
1. Stewart Francis – “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”
2. Tim Vine – “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the telly. ”
3. Will Marsh – “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
4. Rob Beckett – “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.”
5. Chris Turner – “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why.”
6. Tim Vine – “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.”
7. George Ryegold – “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.”
8. Stewart Francis – “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”
9. Lou Sanders – “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.”
10. Nish Kumar – “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism …
she wouldn’t fancy her chances.”
If this does not satisfy you, here is a feature about 100 best jokes. Included is number 19. “People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.” Joel Dommett. Pictures, from Gwinnett County, probably do not include any Scottish comedians.

This repost is borrowed from Twenty Two Words, who borrowed it from someone else. The pictures are from The Library of Congress. Every year, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival has a contest for the best joke. The 2011 winner was Nick Helm, aka “The Human Car Crash of Light Entertainment”.
1. Nick Helm – “The banking program needed a password eight characters long. I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”
4. Tim Key – “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought … once you’ve hired the car …”
5. Matt Kirshen – “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
6. Sarah Millican – “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
7. Alan Sharp – “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”
8. Mark Watson – “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”
9. Andrew Lawrence – “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”
10. DeAnne Smith – “My friend died doing what he loved … Heroin.”
PG did a bit of value added research, and found an article in The Telegraph about the joke contest. This article has the NINE WORST JOKES from the 2011 festival.
1. Tim Vine – “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”
2. V. McTavish – “The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map, well he nearly took it off it too.”
3. Josh Howie – I’ve got nothing against the Chinese. Don’t get me Wong.
4. Card Ninja – “I went to see this show and the guy said ‘Hey kid do you like magic?’ And I said ‘Yeah!’ So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said ‘Yeah!’ So he said ‘think of a number, times it by 2 and if it’s odd …’ Oh no, he’s a MATHmagician! “
5. Tom Webb – “Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles.”
6. Nathan Caton – “Postcode wars? That sounds like a really shit BBC game show.”
7. Andrew Bird – “My wife’s eating for two. She’s not pregnant, just schizophrenic.”
8. Mark Olver – “I was like a dyslexic having my back teeth removed … losing my morals.”
9. Andrew O’Neill – “Singing a song for the colour blind today: “And I think to myself … why did I become a bomb disposal expert?”