A Sad Event
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.
I am not clever enough to compose the above piece. Credit is hereby given to whoever wrote it. This is a repost. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. The spell check suggestion for Doughboy is Doughnut.
Squeeze Me
A new laptop has found its way into the world of chamblee54. The best way to make friends is to assign chores to the new device, and just do it. The first one was this poem. There were numerous challenges along the way. I never hesitated to take a break. Finally, the poem was finished, and posted. The next assignment is a book report on Squeeze Me, by Carl Hiaasen.
One challenge of working with Mr. H is the surname. The first google how-to, Pronounce Names, got it wrong, after running a popup ad for Lucy McBath. (The congresslady’s son was killed in Florida.) Finally, another video was found, where the man introduces himself. The proper way to say Hiaassen is HI-a-sin. High a sin. How could anyone mess that up?
SM is set in Florida, with most of the action taking place in Palm Beach. There are plenty of widows, with too much money, and way too much spare time. A group of them, called the Potussies, are Presidential groupies. A sometimes resident of PB bears a striking resemblance to a recent POTUS. The Secret Service code name is Mastadon.
Trump bashing has been the national pastime for the last few years. Most of it is unimaginative, featuring an unhealthy obsession with racial attitudes. Mr. Hiassen takes Trump bashing to a new level. Between the adderall, and the velcro wig holder, it is little wonder that POTUS cannot satisfy Mockingbird, his wife. She takes comfort in the arms of a Secret Service agent.
The plot centers around a Potussy, eaten by a Burmese Python. The snakes were imported to PB by Skink, a recurring Hiassen character. I have always thought Skink was one of Hiassen’s yuckier characters, and was happy to go through most of the book without him. Alas, when it became clear that the snakes were manually introduced to PB, it should have been obvious who was responsible.
SM is a wild ride. It is like eating a box of chocolates… you know you will run out soon, but cannot resist just one bite. Soon it will time to look up something else to get from the library. There are two volumes in the “Tales of the City” series to go. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Mandate Diversity Training
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Who Actually Gets to Create Black Pop Culture?
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I screwed up badly and did not live up to my values.
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spell check suggestion for #NationalTellAJokeDay is #Nationalistically
almost all eligible Georgians are registered to vote, data show
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Matt Drudge Gifts $700,000-Miami House to Man He’s Lived With For 11 Years
uga 1971 ~ ivermectin ~ bob & mickey ~ 285/400 ~ bestoink dooley
taco mac ~ repost ~ repost ~ tim dillon ~ baby elephant walk
current affairs ~ nathan robinson ~ andrew tanner ~ dumplings ~ jason raynor
smoke n’word ~ obf ~ punching in ~ 1210 zuber street ~ chromebook
The Georgia State University Library has a collection of photographs made in downtown Atlanta before the viaducts were built. ~ Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right. ~ @HereticusMonk Morality is doing what’s right regardless of what you’re told. Obedience is doing what you’re told regardless of what is right. ~ Stacey Abrams made “voter suppression” a fever pitch campaign issue. Now, we find out that GA has one of the highestvoter registration rates in the country. Something does not add up here. ~ When Stacey made her charges, she focused on voters who were “purged” from the voting rolls. Ballot drop boxes did not exist. They were a “temporary measure” in response to the pandemic. I have never heard anything about drive through voting. When was that allowed anyway? I certainly never saw a drive through voting facility at my neighborhood precinct. According to the fishwrapper, the big increases in registration occurred between 2016 and 2019. Brian Kemp was SOS for three of those years. He probably had little to do with voter registration anyway, but it was politically expedient to say he stole the election. Stacey knew a hot button issue when she smelled it, and played it for what it was worth. I thought it was fishy at the time. Today’s story does not make me change my mind. ~ If, with the literate, I am, Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it. ~ Increased Poison Control Calls due to Ivermectin Ingestion and Potential Toxicity Animal drugs are highly concentrated for large animals and can be highly toxic in humans. Some of the symptoms associated with ivermectin toxicity include rash, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, neurologic disorders, and potentially severe hepatitis requiring hospitalization. ~ @chamblee54 If I valued my brain, I would not listen to this show. you are the problem in your family ~ if you value your brain you don’t want to get covid ~ no recipe or kitchen skill required, steaming vegetables is great, chopping taters and greats is not tired, lots of vittles get put on the plate, bring the water to a boil, set the timer for 30 minutes, time to relax in a world of toil, nothing to do with a point of tennis, there is a burner on the range, frying the water with the fire, one sure way to make it all strange, turn the flames down when you retire, one day the timer goes ding ding ding, off to the kitchen you retreat, the smell of burnt veggies is a terrible thing, when you forget to turn down the heat ~ pictures today are from The Library of Congress. ~ selah
Conservative Liberal Racist
The management of this blog is not responsible for brain damage incurred while reading this post. Those threatened by this discussion, or not interested, are encouraged to skip over the text, and look at the pictures. These images, are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
There is a meme, with the text a conservative is a liberal who has been labeled a racist. A few comments followed publication. Someone was paying attention. Uhm…WTF?! ~ its a long story ~ All three labels are useless and misleading. I try not to let the labels of others describe me, but sometimes it happens. It is a bit of poetic license.
The words liberal and conservative are useless. When he started to make the comment, PG intended to refer to those two expressions. Then he started to type.The realization hit … the word racist was just as obsolete as liberal and conservative, and probably misused more often.
The next day at work, PG began to think. If you saw a mushroom cloud rising over Jimmy Carter Boulevard, that is what you saw. Random thoughts began to emerge.
A- The popularity of con, lib, and rac, derive from America’s blind allegiance to the belief paradigm The general thought is that what you believe is more important than what you do. The dominant religion in America is Jesus Worship, which is based on beliefs rather than practices. While America is not officially a Christian country, their thought processes dominate the way things work here.
B- The belief paradigm filters down to the popularity of silly labels.We have people who claim to be small government conservatives, and who support sending 200k troops to a war eight time zone away. You can treat your black neighbors with kindness and grace, but if you say the wrong things on facebook you are considered a racist. It is a funny system.
C- Conservatives use liberal as an insult. Liberals use racist as an insult.
D- No one is certain what the words conservative, liberal, and racist mean. You should beware of anyone who claims to be certain of what these labels represent.
The Ten Suggestions
The popular commandments are found in Exodus 20: 3 – 17. They are considered core beliefs of a religion that values belief over practice. In other words, just believe something, and don’t worry about what you do. There is also Exodus 20: 23. Ye shall not make with me G-ds of silver, neither shall ye make unto you G-ds of gold. This would seem to be worthy of inclusion in the big time ten. It might interfere with the capitalist free market economy, but you can always say you believe it.
When your religion is claimed by a majority of your neighbors, you enjoy #ChristianPrivilege. You can even whine about #WhitePrivilege, while enjoying the benefits of #ChristianPrivilege. One day, the pound sign will go back to meaning number, and #hashtag will be mercifully forgotten.
If you get past the religious whoopeedo, the Ten Commandments hold up as good rules for living. The fact that the self anointed religious people routinely violate many of these fine rules should not be taken into consideration. They believe in the commandments, and can, loudly, explain why their actions are not a problem. After a while, PG just wants freedom from religion.
1 And G-d spake all these words, saying,
2 I [am] the LORD thy G-d, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt,
out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt have no other G-ds before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness [of any thing] that [is] in heaven above, or that [is] in the earth beneath, or that [is] in the water under the earth:
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy G-d [am] a jealous G-d, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation] of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy G-d in vain;
for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 But the seventh day [is] the sabbath of the LORD thy G-d: [in it] thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that [is] within thy gates:
11 For [in] six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them [is], and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy G-d giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour’s.
A The ten commandos are not meant to be believed. They are meant to be practiced.
B If you take away the religious whoopdeedoo, the ten commandos hold up as common sense rules for living. People of the Book (أهل الكتاب, ahl al-kitāb) is not a compliment.
C If you meet someone who claims to practice all of the commandos, you are dealing with a liar.
D We are all G-d’s children. She gave you a heart and a mind. When in doubt, trust your heart.
E The first commando is powerful and under appreciated. It does not include books about G-d.
F There is an ongoing controversy about the public display of the ten commandos. Some say such displays violate the second commando.
G The third commando is more than G-d’s last name. It is about the proper use of a sacred name. In a perfect world, the word G-d would only be used for worship and respectful discussion. A “pledge of allegiance” to a nationalist symbol is not an appropriate use of a sacred name.
H Sunday is too fine of a day to spend inside a church house.
I When you are discussing religion, it is normal to be a hypocrite.
J If you disagree with someone, the easiest argument to scream hypocrisy.
K Whenever possible, show kindness to your neighbor.
L The text for Exodus 20 is courtesy of King James Bible Online. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
#NationalTellAJokeDay
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog? It was a shih tzu
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica … it was dreadful
How can a woman terrify her gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquists.
How do you circumcise a whale? A: Send down 4 skin divers.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?……………………………………………..
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I entered 10 puns into a contest. I hoped one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
I hate going to abortion clinics cause there’s never anything to hang your coat
I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
Randy once told a joke to the ruler of China. They didn’t get it because it wasn’t metric
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
The guy who invented a place to put symbols on a map, what a legend!
This guy walked into a bar one day. He should have looked in front of him
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal said to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
What concert cost 45 cents? 50 cents featuring Nickelback.
What did number 0 say to number 8? ….nice belt!
What did the policeman say to his stomach ….. you’re under a vest
What did the taxi driver say to the wolf? Where Wolf?
What do doctors give sick birds…. Tweetment
What do you call a bee born in May? A Maybe!
What do you call a guy with a spade in his head? Dug
What do you call a man with a tiny penis? Justin
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie. Happy #nationaljokeday
What do you call nasal sex? Fuck nose….
what’s the difference between a pregnant women and a lightbulb…. You can unscrew a lightbulb
Where do the Polish keep their armies ? in their sleevies
Where’s the best place to hide a dead body? Page 2 of Google search results.
Why are there gates around graveyards? Because people are just dying to get in.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!
Why did the duck cross the road …. to prove he wasn’t a chicken
Why did the duck get arrested?? Because he was selling quack
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn’t have an ear for music. ;)
Why do many bars not allow neutrons to enter? Cause they always refuse to be charged..
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
Why was the mermaid wearing seashells? Because she outgrew her B shells
Why was there guitar teacher arrested….. For fingering a minor
This is a repost. Pictures are from Georgia State University Library.
What Denomination Are You?
The fbf put up a link to an internet quiz, What Christian Denomination Should You Actually Be a Part Of? As the reader(s) of this blog might discern, PG is an acknowledged non christian. His favorite denomination is the twenty. They are easier to spend than fifties and hundreds.
The first question is “What is the source of your beliefs?” The choices include scripture, uncertainty, conscience, and people who talk about scripture. This question presupposes the omnipotence of the belief paradigm. In other words, not everyone feels that what you believe is a big deal.
PG has three “fundamental” beliefs regarding xtianity. G-d does not write books. Jesus has nothing to do with life after death. It is none of your business. Are these concepts an allergic reaction to years of christian noise, both joyful and joyless? Is it a weary soul talking common sense? Who came first, the chicken, or the egg? Do you really need to know?
The second question is “how is one “saved?”” This is a big deal to Jesus worshipers. The xtian obsession with life after death makes PG want to run screaming. The seldom heard option offered here is “I don’t know/no opinion.”
One concept is that what happens to the dead is none of the living’s business. Maybe, if you have faith in G-d, things will turn out ok. When you devote every sunday morning to screaming about so called salvation, you advertise a lack of faith in G-d.
Third is “what are your opinions on war?” This is one of those contradictions. You just have to understand. An abortion is bloody murder. When Israel shells a school housing refugees, it is justifiable self defense. The reconciliation of beliefs and practices is a source of brain damage. This is not a spiritually uplifting practice.
In many questions, you must choose the least bad answer. This is typical. For what type of worship suits you, being home churched is not an option. For what definition of the trinity best describes your belief, there are no good answers. PG feels that the concept of a triune G-d is a grotesque violation of the First commandment.
The first commandment says to have no other G-d before you. In Jesus worship, this one G-d expands to at least six: G-d, Jesus, Holy Ghost, The Bible, Satan, and Salvation.
There are a few more questions. There is a Catholic slant to this quiz, with emphasis on the Virgin Mary. There is the concept that authority in today’s church was passed down from the disciples. Hopefully, Judas was not included. Finally, there is a question about Gay marriage. Maybe this quiz was designed by a Catholic divorce lawyer.
The answer was probably as good as could be expected. “You should really be Non-Denominational! You’ve never understood why people get so caught up with labels, creeds, and institutions. For you, faith is what matters. You have a personal relationship with God and you’re not so worried about being a member of any specific group or sect. You enjoy Bible study, casual gatherings, and a church where everyone is welcome regardless of theological labels.”
Whatever. Why study a book that teaches people to hate you? Maybe the advertisers at this quiz are getting a spiritual return on their investment. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Richards
A comment at a recent post mentioned “Jenning’s Rose Room, a classic poor white juke and dance hall … where Trader Joes now sits.” PG had been in that building when it was called Richards. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
There is no telling what the original use of the building at 931 Monroe Drive was. It was across the street from Grady Stadium, and adjacent to Piedmont Park. The railroad tracks that became the beltline ran behind it. The parking lot was primitive, with a marquee sign built at some point. (PG drove by that sign several nights and saw that Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing.)
There was another nightclub building on the hill behind JRR. One night, PG went to see a jazz band there, accompanied by someone who lived in a nearby house. After seeing the band, PG was led to a horse stable behind the bar. The horses were not well maintained … you could see the ribs sticking out. There is a story of a goat getting loose from the stable, and being chased out of the jazz bar during happy hour.
Jennings Rose Room was before PG’s time. There is a story that some men had lunch there, and made a bet. The idea was to hit a golf ball from the JRR parking lot, and putt it into a hole at Piedmont Park. A biscuit was used as a tee. The first shot went across the street, onto the field at the stadium. Eventually, the ball was hit across Tenth Street, onto a green, and into the cup.
At some point, Jennings Rose Room closed. A gay club called Chuck’s Rathskeller was opened in that location. A rock and roll club or two did business there. Then Richards opened.
The first time PG was in the house was after a Johnny Winter concert at the Fox. There were rumors of visiting musicians dropping by Richards to play after their shows. Mr. Winter was only onstage for a couple of minutes after PG got there.
The most memorable trip to Richards was during the summer of 1973. The headliner was Rory Gallagher, who was ok but not spectacular. The opening act was Sopwith Camel, one of the forgotten bands of the seventies. They performed a novelty hit, “Hello Hello”. Someone in the audience liked it, and paid them to do it again. The band wound up doing “Hello Hello” five times, and said that was the most money they made in a long time.
Average White Band was making the rounds that fall, and had a show at Richards. A lot of the audience was black, and they hit the dance floor in unison when “Pick up the Pieces” was played. Fellow Scotsman Alex Harvey was in town, and joined AWB to sing “I heard it through the grapevine”.
Muddy Waters played at Richards one night. The band did most of the playing, with Mr. Waters tossing in a few licks on bottleneck guitar. He might have sang a couple of times.
About this time, Iggy Pop played a few shows at Richards. One night, someone snuck up on him, and gave him a hug. It was Elton John, wearing a gorilla suit.
PG saw three more shows (that he can remember) at Richards. Richie Havens was worth the two dollar admission. Soft Machine played in the winter of 1974. Larry Coryell played a show that summer, with the Mike Greene Band opening. PG got to talk to Mike Greene that night. The National Association of Recording Arts and Sciences (who do the Grammy Awards) had a President named C. Michael Greene at one time. PG thinks this is the person he talked to that night.
Two friends of PG went, as their first date, to see Spirit at Richards. They were married a few years later. Towards the end of 1974, Richards was running out of steam. They advertised a New Years Eve show starring B.B. King, and sold high priced tickets. When the crowd showed up for the show, they found the doors locked. Richards had closed.
The next tenant for 931 Monroe Drive was going to be Cabaret After Dark, a gay club. There was a fire the night before the grand opening. The building was never used again. Eventually, a shopping center was built on the site.
UPDATE: Here is an article, from the Great Speckled Bird, about Richards. The 010975 edition of the Bird had an article about Richards closing. This is a repost.
Choosing To Stop
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Hunter Biden Says He Lost *ANOTHER* Laptop to Russian Drug Dealers
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Herschel Walker ~ ketamine ~ Prokudin-Gorskii ~ parkside park ~ negotiation
smoke n’word ~ unvaxxed ~ homicide 0814 ~ demarkus brinkley ~ cheshire bridge
Secoriea Turner ~ magic word ~ dirty prejudice ~ sociology of monsters ~ scotus IU
GA population 2020 ~ hate not debate ~ bottom pride ~ fire island ~ bbq
gwtw trivia ~ gwtw casting ~ rella sloman ~ stephen molldrem ~ Kennedy Maxie
hiroshima ~ little richard ~ the scene ~ psychedelic attic ~ playroom
bird031069p10 ~ bird031069 ~ the playroom ~ dorothy parker ~ scott cochran
‘It Was Just Disbelief’: Parent Files Complaint Against Atlanta Elementary School After Learning the Principal Segregated Students Based on Race ~ @realchrisrufo Heartbreaking: a Loudoun County public school teacher resigns on the spot in response to the district’s critical race theory training program that designated her an oppressor and silenced all dissent. ~ @PoliticusSarah Peter Doocy tried to blame Biden for Fox viewers and the right not getting vaccinated. Jen Psaki replied with a #PsakiBomb “The former president was suggesting people inject versions of poisons in their veins to cure covid.” ~ “I had very seldom seen a pit or restaurant sign that used the dictionary spelling barbecue (especially in the Black community),” he wrote, explaining that “Bar-B-Que” and “BBQ” were coded to mean real barbecue. “I began to feel that the ‘cue’ spelling represented something drab, or even square,” he continued, suggesting that “barbecue” was meant for whites, and likely wasn’t cooked with wood.” ~ “they’re not going to find too many chinese authors on that list why do they not run screaming from the room that they don’t see themselves on the reading list” @chamblee54 They are too busy reading those books to run screaming from the room ~ @hadip 25 years ago Microsoft released Internet Explorer 3.0, its first real salvo in the “Browser Wars”. This launch taught taught me how a giant corporation could move at the speed of a startup. Here’s the story: ~ pictures for this monoweekly datadump are from The Library of Congress. ~ selah
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Part Two
Part Two of the 2020 chamblee54 report on The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is here. Part one is there. Pictures for this affair are from The Library of Congress.
With one bound she was at the bookcase reaching for the heaviest book she could find to halt her attacker, a thesaurus of indeterminate, inconclusive, or unstipulated weight, ponderosity, or heftiness, with which she intended to pummel, lapidate or belabor her assailant’s skull, cranium or brainpan. Stu Duval, Auckland, New Zealand
As the two beheld each other, Lady Asthenia’s bosom swelled with love like two perfectly popped pans of Jiffy Pop while Lord Mycort’s heart melted like butter, making their union complete.
Roni Markowitz, Brooklyn, NY
Brigid O’Hanion was the fairest flower of Southern womanhood, and Lt. Lance Beauregard was almost blind with lust for her, but after he slipped off her hoop skirt, unbuttoned her lacy blouse, untied her incredibly tight corset, dove beneath the rustling crinoline petticoats, and laboriously inched off her pantalets, he realized his mood had shifted and he now wondered if there was still some cold ham on the sideboard downstairs. Randall Card, Bellingham, WA
He had never seen such a beautiful woman, he thought to himself as his blind date was being escorted to their table at the restaurant, although unfortunately he hadn’t seen her yet and was just staring at a framed photograph taken three years earlier of a famous actress standing awkwardly with the restaurant manager. Izzy Maurer, Lincoln, England
The door to happiness, which was now closed so cruelly for Clare, had been slammed shut the day Jimmy died, yet she lived in hope that someday somewhere someone would come, not perhaps with that superior key of Jimmy’s, the one that fitted the compatible lock of her affections so perfectly, but one like the card-key that finally manages to open the door of your dreary motel room after a whole heap of jiggling and fiddling. David Hynes, Bromma, Sweden
Believe it or not Ripley refrained from firing her laser at the alien creature lurking in the starship’s ceiling above the crew’s happy hour gathering, its dripping secretions burning through the titanium floor like it was made of cheap wet toilet paper, when she discovered by sheer accident that just one drop of the oozing substance reacted with the contents of her cocktail glass to produce a martini so perfect that 007 himself would have betrayed Queen and country for just one sip, as long as it was shaken and not stirred. Reinhold Friebertshauser, Chagrin Falls, OH
Astronomer Herschel Williams deeply regretted notifying the Interstellar Patrol that he had discovered a microwave-emitting star, as his new duties consisted solely of piloting the cargo ship *Redenbacher* around the star three times a week, its holds filled with popcorn and that rancid-smelling butter substitute. Randall Card, Bellingham, WA
Post-game cake, long a clubhouse tradition for the Mudville Nine, was taken off the menu when new manager Sperb Farquhar made it clear that everybody, including the team’s sluggers, would be called on to sacrifice bundt. David Laatsch, Baton Rouge, LA
Virginia knew Gerald would make love like a recently released convict, probably because he was a recently released convict, and Virginia always fell for his type, not the least because the diner where she worked was between the gates of the penitentiary and the bus stop.
Peter Skrzypczak, Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Rocking contentedly on the front porch while watching Marvel’s pretty little baby girl pluck dandelions in the yard and poke them up her nose, Granny Witherspoon fondly recalled her wild weekend at Woodstock. Anna Franklin, Lubbock, TX
I’m a very smart and loyal dog, but when I found out that the average lifespan of a dog is about thirteen years and a human’s is nearly eighty years, I didn’t see the fairness in that at all, so on the day after his fourteenth birthday I lured Timmy to the old abandoned well and when he looked in I jumped on his back and knocked him in, his final words echoing from below: “Why, Lassie, why?” Randy Blanton, Murfreesboro, TN
Sonny hated life on the farm — the cloying reek of overripe figs, the acrid stench of chickens, the tangy funk of oxen, and the malodorous attitude of his older brother; nonetheless, he was grateful to be home after some riotous living abroad which had left him denarii-strapped, and his stomach growled at the sight of the fetid calf. Patrick James Plunkett, North Vancouver, Canada
“You’re a lazy, indolent, slothful, idle, good-for-nothing, work-shy, sluggish, inactive, bone-idle, inert, skiving, lackadaisical, listless, apathetic, lumpish layabout!” exclaimed Mrs. Roget when she saw the state of her son’s bedroom. Nick Stevenson, Sevenoaks, Kent, England
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