Chamblee54

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: helllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppppppppppp
Stranger: im bored
You: A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t, not without your help, but you’re not helping. Why is that?
Stranger: omg im gonna cry
Stranger: that poor tortoise is gonna die )):
Stranger: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME??@?!?!?!
Stranger: NOW IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK
You: but we can make soup from her
Stranger: you btich
Stranger: hes a boy
Stranger: i spelled bitch wrong
Stranger: woops
You: ok so we still make soup from him
Stranger: THATS CANABILISM
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: asl
You: A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t, not without your help, but you’re not helping. Why is that?
Stranger: bc im hungry and turtles are in season
You: how did it get on his back?
Stranger: I kicked it
You: what did he do to you?
Stranger: raped my pet rabbit
You: was that the rabbit he was going to have a race with?
Stranger: no that was her husband
You: sounds like an unnatural act would that turtle make good soup?
Stranger: yesh
You: is there any other way to eat turtle than making soup? Maybe a turtle salad
Stranger: or flambeau
You: are you a turtle?
Stranger: no
You: good i hate talking to turtles
Stranger: me too
You: thank you for your help
Stranger: of course
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t, not without your help, but you’re not helping. Why is that?
Stranger: mmm… let me think
You: thinking is a dangerous activity
Stranger: well you are right
Stranger: but
Stranger: some times if you dont think enought you may die
You: getting back to the turtle
Stranger: ok
Stranger: it is a selfish person
Stranger: who dont care about other people
Stranger: well, in the lines you write, im the selfish guy
You: or maybe you prefer shrimp, and you are a shellfish guy
Stranger: hahahahahahahaha
Stranger: well i like shrimps, so, yes maby im a shelfish ;)
Stranger: and what are you?
Stranger: maby an owl
You: i am betting on the rabbit to win
You: and letting the turtle lay on his back increases the chance of that happening
Stranger: well, yes
Stranger: how ever, the rabbit is faster than the turtle
You: and tastier, and reproduces much much more
Stranger: lolol
You: i gotta run thanks for your help+
Stranger: no problem ;)
Stranger: run fast!
You: slow and steady wins the race
Stranger: that is how the tale end’s, so…?
Stranger: the turtle wins and the rabbit loose
Stranger: just for curosity, are you male or female?
You: male
Stranger: i think so lol
Stranger: well, see you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

A facebook friend posted this: “New hobby: giving chat bots a Voight-Kampff test. It goes something like this: “hey stud u wnt 2 see my webcam XOXOX???” “A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t, not without your help, but you’re not helping. Why is that?”
The VK test is designed to determine if someone is a human being, or another critter imitating a human. Once, Batman had a simple test for telling if someone was human or robot. He told the being a super funny joke. BM knew that robots don’t have a sense of humor. When the body inhabitant did not respond to the humor, BM knew it was a robot.
OK Cupid has a device, The Blade Runner Voight-Kampff Test. “A new life awaits you in the Off-World colonies…or does it? Can you prove your human, or even “more than human”? Pass, and you’ll be given your freedom; fail, and you just might get “aired out”. Reaction time is a factor in this.
The quiz is a number of multiple choice questions about the movie “Blade Runner”. Here are two.
6- What film had Harrison Ford finished before he began working on Blade Runner?
The Empire Strikes Back ~ Mosquito Coast
he was still working as a carpenter, like Jesus ~ Raiders of the Lost Ark
9- What does the Voight-Kampff machine register?
sexual preference ~ it’s a lie detector ~ psychic ability ~ empathy
There are 45 questions. PG has never seen “Blade Runner”, so he gave what seemed like reasonable answers. There was an opportunity to sign up for OK Cupid. PG chose to get the answers only.
Your result for The Blade Runner Voight-Kampff Test … Nexus 4.5. It’s too bad she won’t live, but then again who does? If you know what a Spinner is, and understand the implications of memory transfer, you are on your way! But you still have some distance to go. Mabey you can be trusted with designing eyes for “skin jobs”. You scored 43% on Blade points, higher than 8% of your peers.
This was written like Isaac Asimov. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. The test is not connected to actor Jon Voight.

Those fun loving merchandise mongers at Amazon have an amazing new product for the home, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. It is a piece of plastic, shaped like yellow fruit, with a row of teeth that separate all kinds of fruit into slices. The advertising above the fold says ” Faster, safer than using a knife, Great for cereal, Plastic, dishwasher safe, Slice your banana with one quick motion, Kids love slicing their own bananas.”
Of course, not everyone believes the hype. Don’t believe the lie January 3, 2013 r3ronald “Description clearly states “Great for cereal.” However, my experience subjecting cereal to the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer left me with nothing more than a milk-sodden shirt and bitter remorse.”
Some feel betrayed by this product. This product ruined my marriage August 29, 2012 Doubtful Divorcee “I met my husband years ago on a blind date at a tropical fruit convention. We instantly hit it off and he soon fell in love with my banana slicing skills, and we were quickly married. Every morning there were perfectly sliced bananas to top his waffles, his cereal, even as garnishes for his eggs. That’s why he loved me. My perfectly sliced bananas. We were in wedded bliss. But I was a fraud, I had been using this banana slicer instead of cutting up his bananas perfectly with a knife. Before he woke up I would sneak downstairs and use the Victorio 571B on the bananas, put them on a cutting board, and place a knife next to them and quickly hide the slicer. I loved how he would praise my banana slicing skills to everyone, anytime, even during our romantic embraces. One morning I came into the kitchen and he was already there, holding the slicer. He asked how long I had been faking my slicing skills, and told me I had betrayed him, our marriage, and everything that our relationship was based on. He called a divorce attorney that morning, and now I am alone and working three jobs to make ends meet.”
For every sad tale like that told by Doubtful Divorcee, there is an upbeat success story. Saved my marriage July 30, 2012 Mrs Toledo “What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!”
There are two more five star reviews on the front page of this ad, the fabled “Most Helpful Customer Reviews.” There are 2827 reviews of this product, with more written as we speak. Clearly, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer has made an impact on the quality of American lives. The use of reviewer stage names makes it impossible to know if Lorena Bobbit endorses this device.
GREAT Gift August 3, 2012 Uncle Pookie “Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using – it works much better. Ordering one for my nephew who’s in the air force in California. He’s been using an old slinky to slice his banana’s. He should really enjoy this product!”
Such a time saver September 24, 2012 lloydravn “No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!”
Outright fraud September 26, 2012 M. Heiss (REAL NAME) “This banana slicer comes with no bananas. The photograph clearly shows bananas. You mean it costs 5 bucks and I still have to go to the grocery store for bananas? Outrageous greedy 1%ers. The revolution can’t come soon enough.”
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011 SW3K “For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.”
Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”.
This is written like Vladimir Nabokov.

It is a question for the ages…why do telephones have 123 on the top row of the keypad, while computers have 789? The best answer is , we don’t know.
Calculator/computer keypads were an improvement on cash registers. These devices had a matrix of buttons, with the 9 row on top. The row at the far right had single digits, and the row next to them had digits ending in one zero. To ring up a sale for $1.95, you had to push 100, 90, and 5. This evolved into the adding machine configuration of three rows of three buttons, with 0 on the bottom row and 789 on the top row.
When we got started, the telephone used a dial. 1 was at the top, and 0 was at the bottom. The early phone systems used letters as part of the phone number. The first three letters of the seven digit code were two letters and five numbers. (This is what PG remembers from childhood. It may have been different before then).
The two letters referred to an exchange, or part of town where the number was located. The two letters referred to a word. An example would be PG’s grandmother. Her number was TR2 2345. The TR stood for Trinity. Many numbers in midtown Atlanta still start with 87.
In the sixties, ma bell started to develop a keypad to use for what were then called push button phones. In a break with the adding machine tradition, the numbers 123 went on the top row. There are a few ideas why this is, but nothing is certain.
In the early days, the phone switching equipment was not as fast as today. Some thought that by switching the numbers to the top of the keypad, people would have to slow down a bit to “dial” the number. This answer does not make sense to those of us who have grown up with these keypads, and who learned to punch in numbers fast, no matter what system is used. (Anyone using a rotary phone, after getting used to touch tone, is shocked at how slow it is.)
Another concept is the phone company wanting to model the new keypad after the dial phones. This would mean putting the 1 at the top, and 0 at the bottom. Also, with the letters assigned to each number, it would make a lot more sense to have 123/abc def ghi on the top row.
It was suggested that the calculator keypad was patented in the 789-on-top format. Western Electric did not want to pay royalties on this important piece of equipment, so it designed another one. There is also the thought that the calculator was on a desk shelf, where the lower numbers should be at the bottom of the keypad. At the same time, the telephone was on the lower part of the desk, and having 123 on top would be easier to use.
This is a repost. This comment was left on facebook, after the first post.
I won’t pretend to know exactly their reasons, but I will say that I can see some logic in doing it this way. In a numerical context (calculator/computer), you’d want zero next to one, which is where it is in the number sequence. However on… a telephone, 0 has a special meaning: call the operator (at least, it used to mean this).
The guys at Bell Labs took this into consideration when they implemented the “touch tone” or DTMF dialing system. Old style pulse dialing was annoying because it would literally send a pulse for each number (two pulses for two, nine pulses for nine, etc). I meant larger numbers took longer. To change this, and also in anticipation of the fact that eventually phones would be connected to computers, they instead put all the numbers on a grid with each row and column assigned a unique frequency. Each key on the pad combined the two frequencies to produce a tone. In order to accommodate ten numbers, you need a grid of at least 4X3, which they actually increased to 4×4 because they wanted some additional tones (A-D) for extra network functionality.
Pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”
This is written like Douglas Adams.

A recent podcast dealt with the New York accent. Someone did a study, where sales clerks were encouraged to say the phrase “fourth floor”. “He knew where the men’s suits were but he was trying to get people to say the words “fourth floor” to see if they dropped the Rs and said “fawth flaw.”
Twenty years later, and eight hundred miles south, PG was driving a truck for Redo Blue. One of the leading customers was a firm on West Peachtree Street. If you listened to the delivery radio, you would hear people say “Eerie eerie foth flow, eerie eerie sack and flow.” The driver knew to go to Heery Heery, both on the fourth floor, and the second floor.
In Georgia, people have their own way of saying four. The black people say fo, as in friend or foe. The white people make up for the R dropping elsewhere, and say fo-er.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. The spell check suggestion for fawth is faith.