Archetype
Maybe there is one for internet test taker. The fbf posted a link to a test, Which Jung Archetype Best Describes You? PG thought he would investigate the archetype concept before diving in.
Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) (pronunciation) wrote a few books. The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious is where he introduced the concept of archetypes. One definition: “archetypes are inborn tendencies which shape the human behavior.” If you want to read more, you can use the links.
As online tests go, this one is good. Many online test questions have no good answer, and one is left to choose the least bad option. Most of the questions here have a good answer available. Question three even has the option of “other/ none of these.”
Numver four is a favorite of motivators … is the glass half empty or half full? This is more a quirk of the english language than an indicator of personality. There are three options: half empty, half full, who drank the other half? If there had been a “who cares” option, PG would have chosen it.
The answer: “The Caregiver You’re the caregiver! Jung identified this archetype in many goddesses and female role models throughout history. You’re the mother figure: the selfless caregiver and helper. Everyone comes to you for advice. You truly love others as yourself and your greatest fear is selfishness and ingratitude. You manifest compassion and generosity. A Jungian psychologist would tell you to be careful not to be taken advantage of and never let yourself play the martyr.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
The Worst Jokes Of Scotland
This repost is borrowed from Twenty Two Words, who borrowed it from someone else. The pictures are from The Library of Congress. Every year, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival has a contest for the best joke. The 2011 winner was Nick Helm, aka “The Human Car Crash of Light Entertainment”.
1. Nick Helm – “The banking program needed a password eight characters long. I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”
4. Tim Key – “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought … once you’ve hired the car”
5. Matt Kirshen – “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
6. Sarah Millican – “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
7. Alan Sharp – “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”
8. Mark Watson – “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”
9. Andrew Lawrence – “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”
10. DeAnne Smith – “My friend died doing what he loved … Heroin.”
PG did a bit of value added research, and found an article in The Telegraph about the joke contest. This article has the NINE WORST JOKES from the 2011 festival.
1. Tim Vine – “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”
2. V. McTavish – “The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map, well he nearly took it off it too.”
3. Josh Howie – I’ve got nothing against the Chinese. Don’t get me Wong.
4. Card Ninja – “I went to see this show and the guy said ‘Hey kid do you like magic?’ And I said ‘Yeah!’ So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said ‘Yeah!’ So he said ‘think of a number, times it by 2 and if it’s odd …’ Oh no, he’s a MATHmagician! “
5. Tom Webb – “Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles.”
6. Nathan Caton – “Postcode wars? That sounds like a really shit BBC game show.”
7. Andrew Bird – “My wife’s eating for two. She’s not pregnant, just schizophrenic.”
8. Mark Olver – “I was like a dyslexic having my back teeth removed … losing my morals.”
9. Andrew O’Neill – “Singing a song for the colour blind today: “And I think to myself … why did I become a bomb disposal expert?”
How Southern Are You?
There is yet another internet quiz, How Southern Are You? When you get your score, you are invited to post the results on facebook. Do you add, or subtract, points for that?
There are ten multiple choice questions. The first one is “1. Which refreshing drink would you reach for on a hot summer day? Coca-Cola Sprite Sweet Tea Beer” If you are a retired drunk, who likes unsweet tea, it is ok to lie here. You have to keep up appearances. The same goes for question 2. The fact that the nearest Piggly Wiggly is one hundred miles away is of no concern.
Questions 5 and 8 are about language. Yes, the phrase “Bless your heart” means “I think you are ignorant,” but only if you are very polite. Number 8 is about Y’all, the word. The quiz only asks if you use it. It does not ask if you only use Y’all as a plural.
The first time around, PG got “You are 100% Southern.” Then he wanted to see if number 5 said “Bless your heart” or “Bless her heart.” You are probably more southern if you say the latter.
On this round, PG tried to be as unsouthern as possible. He knows better than to think a pig pickin’ is where you check out fat girls. Still, you have to do your research. On this round, the result was 3% Southern. “Well bless your heart! You don’t know the first thing about what it means to be Southern!”
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Eleven Thoughts About Communications
When you publish a list like the one below, you are placing a target on your back. Above the bulls-eye is the word hypocrite. PG does not claim to take all of these suggestions. What follows is a goal to work for, not a script for situation comedy.
When in doubt, shut up.
A halo is best worn over one ear.
If you want to be forgiven, forgive. If you want to be understood, understand.
There are few situations that cannot be made worse with anger and loud talk.
You have two ears and one mouth. Listen twice as much as you talk.
A douche is a hygiene appliance. The verb form refers to using this device for cleaning purposes. Neither the noun, nor the verb, is appropriate as an insult.
A sentence has one period, placed at the end. Do not place a period after every word to make a point. You should find another way to show that you really, really mean it.
Not everyone enjoys the sound of your voice as much as you do.
Ass is a noun. It refers to either a donkey, or a butt. It is not an adverb, nor an adjective. Do not place ass between an adjective and a noun.
Before you “call out” somebody for “racism”, drape a towel over your mirror.
The third commandment says to not use the word G-d “in vain”. The G word should only be used for worship, and respectful discussion. Improper uses include expressing anger, swearing, selling life insurance, and pledging “allegiance” to a symbol of nationalism.
Pictures are from the The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
Tiny Tim
There has never been a performer quite like Tiny Tim.
Herbert Khaury was born April 12 1932, to a Lebanese father and a Polish Jew mother. At an early age, he developed a love of vaudeville style music. He learned to play a ukelele, and began performing in his natural baritone voice.
One night, Mr. Khaury discovered falsetto singing. After trying numerous stage names, he settled on Tiny Tim. He got the attention of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In, and appeared on that show. Laugh In made Tiny Tim an overnight sensation. He performed “Tip Toe Through The Tulips”.
On December 17, 1969, Tiny Tim married Miss Vickie (Victoria Mae Budinger) on The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. The show attracted an estimated 40 million viewers. The couple had a daughter, Tulip Victoria, and divorced after 8 years of marriage.
Tiny Tim continued to perform up until his death November 30, 1996. He had diabetes and heart problems. As wikipedia tells the tale: “He continued to play concerts despite the warnings that, due to the fragile state of his heart, he could die at any moment. While playing “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” at a Gala Benefit at The Woman’s Club of Minneapolis on 30 November of that year, he suffered another heart attack on stage. He was led out by his third wife, Susan Marie Gardner (“Miss Sue”, whom he had married on 18 August 1995), who asked him if he was okay. Tim responded, “No, I’m not!”, his final words…He is interred in the mausoleum of Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis.
There is a live website, Remembering Tiny Tim. Under Tiny Trivia, the following items are listed.: 01. Tiny Tim was a devout Christian. 02. Tiny Tim had diabetes. 03. Tiny Tim was 6′ 1′ tall!! 04. One time, when Tiny Tim was staying at Ceasar’s Palace, he decided to have a little fun and order ONE OF EVERYTHING on the menu! 05. Tiny Tim used Eterna 27 by Revlon.06. He also used Jergen’s Body Shampoo.07 He used Vaseline Intensive Care: the yellow bottle for his upper torso and the green bottle for his lower half. 08. Tiny Tim also used Oil of Olay – eight times a day.09. Tiny Tim never ate cheese or meat. 10. Tiny Tim liked to use Viva papertowels after showering in hotels because he didn’t trust the cleanliness of hotel towels. .11. Tiny constantly washed his hands and “creamed” his hands with lotion afterwards. 12. Tiny Tim loved, in this order, #1 pizza, #2 chinese food, #3 popcorn.
This is a repost. Some of the websites quoted in this piece are now “frozen.” Some of the details quoted cannot be verified. Maybe popcorn was number one. Historic pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Author Insults
These author insults were borrowed from flavorwire. HT to Andrew Sullivan The pictures are from The Library of Congress This is a repost.
25. Gertrude Stein on Ezra Pound “A village explainer. Excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not.”
24. Virginia Woolf on Aldous Huxley “All raw, uncooked, protesting.”
23. H. G. Wells on George Bernard Shaw “An idiot child screaming in a hospital.”
22. Joseph Conrad on D.H. Lawrence “Filth. Nothing but obscenities.”
21. Lord Byron on John Keats (1820) “Here are Johnny Keats’ piss-a-bed poetry, and three novels by God knows whom… No more Keats, I entreat: flay him alive; if some of you don’t I must skin him myself: there is no bearing the drivelling idiotism of the Mankin.”
20. Vladimir Nabokov on Joseph Conrad “I cannot abide Conrad’s souvenir shop style and bottled ships and shell necklaces of romanticist cliches.”
19. Dylan Thomas on Rudyard Kipling “Mr Kipling … stands for everything in this cankered world which I would wish were otherwise.”
18. Ralph Waldo Emerson on Jane Austen “Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer . . . is marriageableness.”
17. Martin Amis on Miguel Cervantes “Reading Don Quixote can be compared to an indefinite visit from your most impossible senior relative, with all his pranks, dirty habits, unstoppable reminiscences, and terrible cronies. When the experience is over, and the old boy checks out at last (on page 846 — the prose wedged tight, with no breaks for dialogue), you will shed tears all right; not tears of relief or regret but tears of pride. You made it, despite all that ‘Don Quixote’ could do.”
16. Charles Baudelaire on Voltaire (1864) “I grow bored in France — and the main reason is that everybody here resembles Voltaire…the king of nincompoops, the prince of the superficial, the anti-artist, the spokesman of janitresses, the Father Gigone of the editors of Siecle.”
15. William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
14. Ernest Hemingway on William Faulkner “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
13. Gore Vidal on Truman Capote “He’s a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.”
12. Oscar Wilde on Alexander Pope “There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.”
11. Vladimir Nabokov on Ernest Hemingway (1972) “As to Hemingway, I read him for the first time in the early ‘forties, something about bells, balls and bulls, and loathed it.”
10. Henry James on Edgar Allan Poe (1876) “An enthusiasm for Poe is the mark of a decidedly primitive stage of reflection.”
09. Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac “That’s not writing, that’s typing.”
08. Elizabeth Bishop on J.D. Salinger “I HATED [Catcher in the Rye]. It took me days to go through it, gingerly, a page at a time, and blushing with embarrassment for him every ridiculous sentence of the way. How can they let him do it?”
07. D.H. Lawrence on Herman Melville (1923) “Nobody can be more clownish, more clumsy and sententiously in bad taste, than Herman Melville, even in a great book like ‘Moby Dick’…. One wearies of the grand serieux. There’s something false about it. And that’s Melville. Oh dear, when the solemn ass brays! brays! brays!”
06. W. H. Auden on Robert Browning “I don’t think Robert Browning was very good in bed. His wife probably didn’t care for him very much. He snored and had fantasies about twelve-year-old girls.”
05. Evelyn Waugh on Marcel Proust (1948) “I am reading Proust for the first time. Very poor stuff. I think he was mentally defective.”
04. Mark Twain on Jane Austen (1898) “I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”
03. Virginia Woolf on James Joyce “the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.”
02. William Faulkner on Mark Twain (1922) “A hack writer who would not have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven sure fire literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.”
01. D.H. Lawrence on James Joyce (1928) “My God, what a clumsy olla putrida James Joyce is! Nothing but old fags and cabbage stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.”
Bonus. Mary McCarthy on Lillian Hellman “Every word she writes is a lie, including and and the.”
Bonus two, a comment to the original post.: RomanHans Re “The Cardinal’s Mistress” by Benito Mussolini, Dorothy Parker wrote one of my favorite bon mots: “This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
Bonus Three, from Flannery O’Connor “I hope you don’t have friends who recommend Ayn Rand to you. The fiction of Ayn Rand is as low as you can get re fiction. I hope you picked it up off the floor of the subway and threw it in the nearest garbage pail. She makes Mickey Spillane look like Dostoevsky.”
Spelling Bee And Dee
There is a post to be considered, The Seven Deadly Spelling Sins. The first sentence should send any sane person running… “Because I am a writing teacher and a former editor, I am constantly exposed to the most egregious mistakes in writing, grammar, and spelling.” PG is not a sane person. Here is the post, with supplemental comments for your reading pleasure.
1. There, Their, and They’re These are three different words, and they are not interchangeable. “There” refers to a place and is the opposite of “here.” “Their” refers to ownership of something. “They’re” is a contraction that means “they are,” as in: They are having a spelling party.
This is what is known as a homophone. You might have thought that was a communications device in midtown. If you think about it a bit, you realize that one is possessive, one is a place, and one is a clumsy third person plural verb. They’re going to take their ice cream and go there with it.
2. To and Too “To” is the beginning of any infinitive form of a verb: to run, to be, to smile, to write, to blog. Taking foreign language classes is the best way to drive this one home. It is also a preposition. “Too” means “also” or “in addition to.” It can also mean “in excess,” as in: There are too many shoes in my closet. (Well, that’s simply not possible, but you get the idea.)
This forgets two, which is a number, but the spelling is so different that usually the distinction is made. Just like spelling, as in bee, is different from Aaron Spelling. He was the father of Tori Spelling, and a Hollywood producer. Aaron Spelling made lots of money, built the biggest house in California, and was married to Morticia Addams.
3. You’re and Your “You’re” is a contraction form of “you are.” “Your” again refers to ownership.
Words like this are a problem with spell check. If the word is spelled conventionally, it will not set off the device. This also happens when you mean to say to, but type do instead. This is a normal word, and spell check will not know the difference.
4. Judgment This word never ever (in the United States) has an “e” in the middle.
Words like this are pronounced in different ways by white people and black people. White people say “munt”, and accent the first syllable. Black people say “mint”, and accent the second syllable. The mint sounds like a brand of gum, like spearmint or double mint. Did you know that the doublemint twins have had substance abuse issues? They are currently in a twenty four step program.
5. Definitely I don’t know why, but some 90 percent of my students have difficulty spelling this word. There is it, in black and white. Memorize it. I have seen it misspelled as: Defiantly, Definately, Definetley, Definitly And so on. I’m sure there are numerous variations to a bad spelling.
PG is part of the ninety percent here. This is a toughie. Maybe if you break it down into parts, it will make sense. De Finite Ly. De is pronounced duh, which is smart. Finite means only so many, all there is and there ain’t no more. Ly is one of those suffixes that gets tacked onto everything.
6. Its and It’s Again, we have a contraction. The contraction means that two words have been combined, so “it’s” means “it is.” Now, the tricky part is the fact that possession usually uses an apostrophe. However, because this apostrophe is already taken for “it is,” “its” refers to possession.
This is one of those things that make you think English was invented by a race of drunks who call soccer football. To any reasonable person, a word meaning possession should have an apostrophe and s. Here, it’s means it is. Sometimes, the best thing to do is play along and don’t wonder why things are so screwed up. It is usually easier.
7. Lightning This one is my personal pet peeve. This refers to that giant flash of light in the sky that usually occurs during a rainstorm and is always followed by thunder. However, I see many people spell it as “lightening,” which can refer to making something lighter, in color or weight. However, it also means the dropping of the baby before a woman gives birth, and that’s what I always think of. So, when people write on Facebook, “The lightening was fantastic last night,” I can’t help but wonder if they are relieved to have finally given birth.
PG was going to end with a comment about religion, but was afraid of being hit by lightning. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
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