Florence Foster Jenkins
Useless Information had a show, The Patron Saint of the Vocally Challenged. It tells the story of Florence Foster Jenkins. She had a wealthy father, and hired vocal coaches to try and produce a good singer. She became somewhat of a concert attraction, and sold out Carnegie Hall. Accompianist Cosme McMoon did what he could to help. Mrs Jenkins was, by all accounts, very, very bad.
Here is more information about the talent. “Florence Foster Jenkins (1868–26 November 1944) was an American soprano who became famous for her complete lack of singing ability. From her recordings, it is apparent that Jenkins had little sense of pitch and rhythm and was barely capable of sustaining a note. Her accompanist can be heard making adjustments to compensate for her tempo variations and rhythmic mistakes. Nonetheless, she became tremendously popular in her unconventional way. Her audiences apparently loved her for the amusement she provided rather than her musical ability. Critics often described her work in a backhanded way that may have served to pique public curiosity. Despite her patent lack of ability, Jenkins was firmly convinced of her greatness. She compared herself favourably to the renowned sopranos Frieda Hempel and Luisa Tetrazzini, and dismissed the laughter which often came from the audience during her performances as coming from her rivals consumed by “professional jealousy.””
A cd of her product, The Glory (????) of the Human Voice, is available. Amazonians were not kind. “This is a recording that every serious musician should own, for a variety of (ahem) reasons. But by all means, buy the cheap one. If the sound is better on the remastered version, it could only be more painful.” “she gets points for effort” ” I appreciate camp as much as anyone, but my wife was ready to divorce me if I played another song from the album” “The whole matter stinks of making fun of a person afflicted by illness. What a cruel species we were – and still are.”
The legend is that she said “People may say I can’t sing, but no one can ever say I didn’t sing.” A quick google search does not reveal the source, or context, so this quote cannot be verified. Quote Factory has this available in eleven tasteful designs.
The Carnegie Hall show took place a month before her death. Here is the story.
“In order for a singer to succeed, they need to have a combination of talent, charisma, and interpretive quality. And, by definition, they need to be able to sing. Florence Foster Jenkins had none of these attributes. In fact, she was considered one of the worst singers of all time. She was independently wealthy and performed at the Waldorf and other places around town. It became a thing to do. You had to go and listen to Florence Foster screw up every song she attempted to sing.
She was having a great time and the audience was having a great time, so they kept telling her, “You need to make your Carnegie Hall debut.” So on October 25, 1944, she did, and it was sold out in just two hours. They came from everywhere. She walked onstage in these ridiculous costumes that she’d made herself. She’d throw roses out into the audience, her assistants would go out and collect them, and she’d throw them out into the audience again. The audience would not let her go home. They cheered her and clapped, and one month and one day later she died at the age of 76.”
The program for this performance had a note from the Fire Commissioner, Patrick Walsh.
“FIRE NOTICE – Look around now and choose the nearest exit to your seat. In case of fire walk (not run) to that Exit. Do not try to beat your neighbor to the street.”
The last.fm page with the information on F. F. Jenkins lists “similar artists”. The only two we will have videos from are Wing and Mrs. Miller. Slim Whitman and Tiny Tim, being males, were not considered.
This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Carsick
It was the monday after easter. History does not record what Jesus did on this day. After being dead forty four hours, he probably needed to take a bath, and trim his fingernails.
In modern day Brookhaven, PG is celebrating by getting his auto emission inspection. With his birthday a few weeks away, this is a chore that needs to be done. Go to the mall parking lot, sit in the trailer waiting room a few minutes, and go on about your life.
Today is the first time PG has had to wait for service. Usually, you just drive up, stop at the appropriate spot, and let the man do his thing. While waiting in line, PG read the last page of Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America.
Its about time. The library checkout has already been renewed, and is due back in just over a week. The shame of taking five weeks to consume 322 pages of John Waters! This is not James Joyce, but the Divine Doodoo Dietician, the Pope of trash.
The first part of Carsick was covered in the tastefully titled Gagless Oscillation. The last part is reality, the way things really happened. Never say “John Waters” and “reality” in the same sentence.
Mr. Waters is hitchhiking from Baltimore to San Francisco. This was in 2012, before the bi-coastal bonding the two cities experienced in the 2013 Super Bowl. He gets stuck in Ohio, and Kansas, and wonders if he will make it out alive. There are several unlikely rides. If he had not been famous/notorious, this trip might not have gone so smoothly.
At one point Mr. Waters goes by the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, and thinks it is a fabulous sight. In 1979, PG woke up in a Trailways Bus, and saw the Arch across the street. PG thought it was the most disappointing landmark ever. People do not always agree.
As the plot winds down, Mr. Waters is standing outside a rest area. He claims to know, by facial expression, whether a traveler is going to shit, or piss, when he goes into the facility. The amount of time spent iniside allegedly holds to answer to this question. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Mrs. Fenton
There is a bit of urban legend mongering on the innertubes these days. It shows a letter. It is from the manager of a Kmart in Reno, NV. It tells “Mrs. Fenton” not to go shopping there anymore. It seems as though her husband has been misbehaving.
Here is the text of the letter. Mr. Fenton: August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay-buy. October 4: Looked straight in to the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
The wet blankets at snopes say the letter is a fake. This page is sponsored by a book, Journey to the Cross: Reflecting on 24 Hours That Changed the World. You can’t make this stuff up.
Mrs. Fenton lived at 35 Rasmussen Street, Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503. Google maps has never heard of this address. Kmart Store 4855 was located at Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503. This is a side street, with no current signs of Kmarttage.
The letter is good for a laugh. The problems might come when some person is inspired to try one of the pranks. After all, an earlier title of the piece was “Things to do at Wal-Mart while your family is taking forever to finish shopping.” The person who has to clean up after “Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms” will not be amused. Maybe you should tell this person to lighten up, and get a sense of humor. Do not try this in a stand your ground state.
A similar lack of respect for humanity is seen in fake crime videos. In the one linked to, two men try breaking into a car. One is treated more rudely by the police. This video inspired much hand wringing about unfair treatment of minorities.
With all the real crimes being perpetrated, why are these pinheads staging a fake crime? They are making a video, to illustrate their social commentary. Police should be fighting real crime, not playing the bad guy in a youtube adventure. This makes about as much sense as “While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.”
This is a repost. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
#MemoriesPizza
Just when you think it can’t get any stranger, the bosslady at Memories Pizza said, on tv, ““If a gay couple came in and wanted us to provide pizzas for their wedding, we would have to say no.” You might wonder how many gay weddings are going to go to a Michiana pizza parlor to get pepperoni deep dish for their commitment ceremony.
The fun got started when an internet prankster saw that the domain memoriespizza.com was available. This person made a fake web site, complete with soft core porn.
When you go there now, you see this text. “Don’t discriminate.(It’s not nice.) Also, in all seriousness, it’s really dumb to not own a domain name for your business. Especially after you spew stupid shit on TV. (And my web host started getting a lot of abuse reports, and I like them. So.)
The next strange thing to happen is “Jess Dooley a Concord High School golf, softball and basketball coach, was suspended hours after … tweet about arson.” “@dooley_11 Who’s going to Walkerton, IN to burn down #memoriespizza w me? Agree with #FreedomofReligion bill? “That’s a lifestyle they CHOOSE” Ignorant.”
That is one documented threat. By the time the internet heard about it, thousands had been alleged. Twitter was ablaze with snarky comments about tolerance and hypocrisy. The O’Connor’s chose to close Memories Pizza because of all these threats. They may not reopen. Just who is making all these threats? People who can’t serve pizza at their gay wedding?
Dana Loesch is a Glenn Beck associate. She took up the cause of the embattled pizza people. A gofundme page, Support Memories Pizza, was set up. “Purpose: To relieve the financial loss endured by the proprietors’ stand for faith. After you donate please go “like” and combat the leftist hatred expressed on Dana’s page.” The take after 16 hours: $106,545. Miss Dana is on top of the situation @DanaTheBlaze ALERT: Hackers are trying to crack our #MemoriesPizza #Gofundme password.
At least one twitter warrior is suspicious. @Bipartisanism The #MemoriesPizza story is a scam. On the brink of bankruptcy they drummed up phony outrage with GOP host @DLoesch & raised $$ on gofundme. Just why did a South Bend IN tv station go to a small town pizza joint for a televised interview anyway? Inquiring minds want to know. Pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Lightning Bolt Of Despair
Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author. Please prove you’re not a robot ~ @avitable I want to do a TED talk on how to survive and succeed in life without ever watching a TED talk. ~ Hey man… Want to know a fast and easy way to get any woman turned on, attracted to you, and on her knees, begging to suck your dick? This Video Shows You How ~ @pourmecoffee I’ll say this about Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush, they don’t have a lot of boring letters in their name and that’s very refreshing. ~ “Stop trying to make intelligent facebook conversation happen. It’s not going to happen.” ~ Its OK. . I have to be in the proper mood to appreciate it. ~ our new registration system makes commenting easier and more enjoyable. Now, just register once and you’re done — you won’t have to enter an email address every time you comment. And, you can give a “thumbs up” to comments that are most interesting to you. If you haven’t yet, register now — it only takes a minute. ~ predicaments, striped, overlap, patrons ~ KimKierkegaardashian @KimKierkegaard Find comfort in the sadness of turtlenecks. ~ Maybe Jews are now forgiven for killing Jesus ~ IORAL I often resent a lawyer ~ carbs, psychiatric, platoon, softie ~ NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio. ~ Sometimes I type a comment below your post, savor it for a moment, then delete it. I don’t always need to share. ~ @postcrunk apathy is not a weapon ~ writing in all caps is a choice ~ @storybandit We dare you to write a 99-word poem using the following words: gringo, disturbed, underperform, colonizers. #writingdare ~ @ConnerHabib Being on PrEP doesn’t make you a sexual health expert anymore than being on penicillin makes you an infectious disease specialist.Calm down. ~ Thank you. This article deals with many of the contradictions of poisoning the condemned. It also has recent news about problems involving compounding pharmacies. ~ @Kool_Aid_Wino A lightning bolt of despair suddenly fried his brain into thousands of pieces of dancing bacon. ~ @clayboyatnight an unexpected bonus to me being a failure is my mother questioning how effective her praying is ~ is it the cat’s pajamas? ~ These actions will result in corrective action facilitated by the blog owner to restore the sanctity and flow of the comments section. ~ Do you have a source for the Mark Twain quote? Wikiquotes does not have it. ~ And the bad news is? ~ This does not specify that you read “a book that changed your life” ~ A few people are surprised to see Eric Clapton have a 70th birthday. ~ Free will is something that you do, not something you believe in. ~ @ComplexMag @Wilco has canceled its Indiana show to protest the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. @Wilco I wonder how many tickets they sold this may be a convenient excuse to cancel poorly attended show ~ @TheKevinAllison @Salon article re: politician compares him to Lester Maddox Lester at least could cook chicken ~ if you have a few minutes to spare, go to chamblee54 dot wordpress dot com i put up historic photography, graphic poems, opinions about current affairs ~ that is not the case with movies here for whatever reasons, i have about a 90% rejection rate for movies i submit to ~ there is a lot going on that the average viewer is totally unaware of ~ when i was in high school speech & drama class, this girl told about the time she was a dancer on channell 11 she said she had always had this idea about tv performers being put in a box after their show this girl found out that day that the weather lady goes to the bathroom just like anyone else … i don’t know what that has to do with a ballet dancerthat “falls apart” but it came to mind … maybe you could redo that with the soundtrack “i fall to pieces” by patsy cline ~ btw, the tv weather lady i mentioned is still at work, in sarasota fl she is in her seventies her name is linda carson she was in the classroom with george w bush when 9 11 happened after working at channell 11, she married the football coach at ga tech he got fired at tech, and became the defensive coordinator for the pittsburgh steelers when they were winning super bowls in the seventies ~ people have a characteristic aroma about them there are things that go into it, like diet, grooming products, smoking, but the body also has a way of combing these elements in a way that is unique for everyone. ~ David Crosby favorited a Tweet you were mentioned in 8m: “@chamblee54: @thedavidcrosby @emmaleigh6041 Did David Geffen think Jackson Browne was cute?” Duh ~ Pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. ~ selah
@HillaryClinton
Presumed POTUS candidate Hitlery Hillary Clinton has a twitter account. The address is @HillaryClinton. She has 3.04M followers for her 141 tweets. She is only following 9 accounts, including @billclinton, and @ChelseaClinton.
Miss Hillary does not follow @MonicaLewinsky. Miss Lewinsky recently extended her 15 minutes with an invigorating TED talk. (“Tyler’s tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me. It served to recontextualize my experiences…”) The twitter profile for Miss Monica reads “social activist. public speaker. contributor to vanity fair. knitter of things without sleeves. #clickwithcompassion.”
@HillaryClinton has a festive profile. “Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD…” PG wonders if this “glass ceiling cracker” business qualifies as cultural appropriation.
The concept of putting FLO (first lady of) in front of state abbreviations can create some fun acronyms. Some of the best are FLOCO, FLOGA, FLOHI, FLOID, FLOKY, FLOLA, FLOMI, FLOMO, FLONE, FLONY, FLOOR, FLOPA, FLOWI, FLOWA, FLOGU, and FLOVI.
The picture for this twitter account is lively. The black and white image shows Miss Hillary looking at a smart phone. It is not known what account she is accessing. She is wearing sunglasses, and a wedding ring. The crop line is at mid torso, so we don’t know if Miss Hillary is wearing a dress, or one of her famous pantsuits. The lighting conditions in this picture make a similar judgment difficult.
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Gagless Oscillation
One afternoon, PG was in the Kroger parking lot, waiting on his brother GP. This is a no-name Kroger, unlike Disco Kroger or Murder Kroger. It is on Buford Hiway, and has a very bad parking lot. Parking Danger Kroger doesn’t have the poetic allure of Murder Kroger.
On this fine afternoon, PG was almost two thirds of the way through Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America. The 66.6% number has nothing to do with pages. This book has three parts. One is a fantasy of good rides. The second is a fantasy of bad rides. This is the two thirds in question. The last part is the real rides. Trusting John Waters with reality is questionable.
On page 173, PG stumbled onto a good quote. JSW is riding with “Bristol,” an out of control animal rescue activist. This is probably not Sarah Palin’s daughter. At one point, a dog is seen feasting on roadkill, and a rescue begins. Once the critter is in the vehicle, JSW writes “I can see the stringy shreds of putrified fox meat still caught in the beast’s mouth.”
There had been other dandy quotes. Since PG reads to have fun, and is not writing a term paper, the majority of them will have to lie unmolested in the text. PG tried to dig up a few, like this on page 74. “Gasping for air, Buster returns the favor, twisting his long tongue around hers like a lasso and then deep throating it down to her tonsils with expert sword-swallowing, gagless oscillation.”
On page 190, the bad rides are hitting rock bottom. (Spoiler alert) “Randy’s dick seems to be leaking some kind of fluid, and its definitely not sperm. I scream for my life.” JSW is killed, and goes to the Pearly Gate. Art Linkletter is hanging out with G-d. JSW goes to hell.
There are other unmentionables in this story. The possibility arises that a freshly murdered JSW will wind up in Leakin Park, made famous recently in Serial. On page 163, a driver is said to smell worse than B.O. Plenty. This refers to a character in the Dick Tracy stories. Since comic book drawings are odor free, this man probably was not known for his poor hygiene.
This post needs a bit more text. We will apply the page 123 meme. “Before I can even attempt to pull the gun away, Stew gets a stunned look on his face and then projectile-vomits. I grab the wheel, he grabs it back. The stench of his puke covering his side of the windshield seems to give him no pause.” Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Chamblee54 
3 comments