Blonde Stories
A blond and her boyfriend are out in the woods hunting when the boyfriend collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The blond takes out her phone and calls 911.
She gasps: “My boyfriend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the blond says: “OK, now what?”
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident. The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!! Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My goodness!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.
One morning a blonde’s husband was watching the traffic report on TV. They were talking about some maniac who was driving along the highway in the wrong direction and disrupting traffic. He knew his wife would be on that highway on her way to work and he didn’t want her to get hurt, so he called her to let her know.
“Honey, watch out this morning, there’s a lunatic driving the wrong way up the highway” he said.
Sounding terrified, she replied “It’s not just one!”
On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, “Let me try.” He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.
But the blonde only replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.” Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.
“Wait a minute,” said the pilot. “Did you say she’s blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde.” So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
“I’m sorry,” said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
“What did you say to her?” ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
To which the pilot replied, “I just told her that first class isn’t going to Chicago.”
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble, and are down to their very last $600.00. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to bring the trailer with the truck to me so we can haul it home.’
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.’ Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’
The operator shakes his head ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’
The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very slowly… ‘com-for-da-bul.’
A blond was sitting at the local bar after work one evening watching the television. There was a news story on the tube about a man jumping off the roof of a ten story building. The bartender says “I bet $20 he will jump”. The blond says “you are on, I bet he won’t jump”. A few minutes later the man jumps and the blond starts to hand the bartender the $20 she just lost. The bartender confesses that the story was not live and he had seen it earlier in the day so he could not in good conscience take her money. The blond replies that he should take the money anyway as she had seen the story earlier in the day too and really didn’t think the guy would do it twice.
This is a repost. These whimsical tales were originally published at Rapture Ready. Pictures, from “Inter city beauties, Atlantic City Pageant, 1925,” are from The Library of Congress.
Andrew Sullivan Lives
How Trump and identity politics reinforce each other is a recent presentation of Blogginheads.tv. It is hosted by Robert Wright, and guested by Andrew Sullivan. @sullydish, as twitter affectionately calls him, was a pioneer blogger. In those days a weblog was considered a “vanity website.”
The Dish was shuttered a few years ago, and Mr. Sullivan continues to be a thorn in the side of polite society. Towards the end of this show, he said he was “just being a contrarian,” to which Mr. Wright replied “it’s a living.” There were a few other zesty quotes in this show, some of which can lead to unsolicited blogger commentary.
Mr. Sullivan does not appreciate talk of an LBGT community. For one thing, it is structurally impossible to be more than one, or two, of those initials at one time. This segment goes into being defined by your oppressors, and the difference between gay and trans. A young boy who likes to wear dresses may be pigeonholed as trans, when he would otherwise evolve into gay. While some enjoy these semantics, PG tends to find the whole thing tiresome.
“I’m an exception, because I think about this a lot.” Actually, if you think at all, you are an exception. When consuming social media content, you quickly learn that “The advantages of extremism are great, and the advantages of moderation are very small.”
Mr. Sullivan recently penned an article about opiates. In a Bob Wright moment, there was a comparison of meditation with opiate use. Mr. Sullivan replies with a few remarks about fenatnyl. Apparently, fenatyl boosted heroin is killing 60,000 people a year.
Talk about fenatyl tnds to go over PG’s head. After years of being lied to about drugs, this is to be expected. In the current situation, with thousands of fresh od’s every month, the loudest voices PG hears are people saying that when black people had a crack problem, nobody cared. Now that white people are dying from opioid use, people are getting concerned. This is just another example of the faulty logic running rampant on anti-social media. (The spell check suggestion for fenatyl is fealty.)
“The ability to say things that are stupid and wrong is essential to the advancement of knowledge.” Eventually the time ran out, though not before Mr. Wright was reminded of some of his former articles. It was Mr. Sullivan who defended saying things wrong, stupid, and republican. Some unkind people would say he has had practice.
The Library of Congress supplies the pictures for today’s frolic. “Group singing hymns at the opening of the Sunday school. While there are no churches on the project there are five or six in the area close by. This one is just off the project and is attended by many project members. Dailey, West Virginia” Arthur Rothstein took the pictures in December, 1941.
The Cheesecake Miracle
The Cheesecake Miracle
President Barack H. Obama gave a speech at the National Prayer Breakfast Thursday morning. Some are not happy with POTUS giving a speech reinforcing the belief paradigm, and including phrases like “people of faith,” “word of G-d,” and “children of G-d.” The name used today, for a higher power is dog spelled backwards. This is a double repost.
POTUS is an American politician. A certain ritual invocation of the G-word is part of the game. BHO is probably a hypocrite when he says “You know he’s not saying it because it helps him advance, or because somebody told him to. It’s from the heart.” It will be a long time before a professed atheist is elected POTUS. It is part of the ritual.
There has been blowback to the speech. When a Democrat POTUS says something, the Republicans feel obligated to criticize. It is how the game is played. This is where we get to hear someone really important, like the former Governor of Virginia. “He has offended every believing Christian in the United States. This goes further to the point that Mr. Obama does not believe in America or the values we all share.” That is telling him!
So what values is the former Governor talking about? The first thing BHO called for is humility. “And, first, we should start with some basic humility. I believe that the starting point of faith is some doubt — not being so full of yourself and so confident that you are right and that God speaks only to us, and doesn’t speak to others, that God only cares about us and doesn’t care about others, that somehow we alone are in possession of the truth.” It is easy to understand why professional Jesus worshipers don’t like talk about humility.
The speech lasted 24 minutes. It was two sentences that ruffled feathers. “And lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.”
Perhaps the most ridiculous reaction, or reaction to a reaction, was at The Atlantic. Ta-Nehisi Coates is fond of high octane rhetoric. He is in rare form in denouncing the linkage of Christianity to slavery. “The “all too often” could just as well be “almost always.” There were a fair number of pretexts given for slavery and Jim Crow, but Christianity provided the moral justification.”
The embrace of Christianity by African America is not mentioned. Black people might be the most Christian population in our Jesus-mad country. There is a poignant irony here. Mr. Coates notes “(Confederate Vice President Alexander) Stephens went on to argue that the “Christianization of the barbarous tribes of Africa” could only be accomplished through enslavement.”
The feature at the Atlantic is illustrated by a picture of a Klan rally. As we mentioned before, the loyal opposition is going to criticize the POTUS. And some are going to lose their minds, and compare this criticism to a cross burning. This, as Mr. Coates might say, “gives you some sense of the limited tolerance for any honest conversation around racism in our politics.”
Pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Birds spray Xanax, on the compulsive joker,
Who is afraid of the punitentiery.
When you drink like a land based animal,
Hit men would be cheaper.
The subliminal message in the cheesecake only works for low perbole.
The world knows, and does not care.
Frank Ancona
The body of kkk big dog Frank Ancona was found in a Missouri river the other day. People who like to say rude things about the klan celebrated the news. It is safe to say that few of these people had heard of Mr. Ancona before his demise. This is a repost. Some of the links are not dependable.
PG saw the headline, and remembered a story from last year. Mr. Ancona was quoted in that story. He was trash talking another klan organization. He said the klan is a secret society that shuns publicity. Mr. Ancona has a knack for getting attention, which may be a reason he was killed.
The murder might be the result of a marital dispute. Mr. Ancona’s wife, and step son, are in trouble. Malissa Ancona had a legally unwise chat with a tv reporter, Exclusive: Malissa Ancona, Wife of murdered KKK leader, speaks only to News 4. A twitter account, @malissa72, is still up. The picture shows Mrs. Ancona kissing Mr. Ancona.
Prosecutor: KKK leader may have been killed because he wanted divorce. The St. Lous Post-Dispatch has been on top of the story. This report has an interesting passage: “Mark Potok, of the Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate organizations, said that Ancona’s group was “not very significant at all. This was one of the smallest groups out there.” Potok said the members received a lot of attention because they frequently handed out leaflets. He said he would be surprised if there were 40 members spread out among chapters in Potosi, Hayden, Idaho and Pennsylvania.
Ancona had been in a dispute with other Klan leaders, Potok said, who accused Ancona of being secretly Jewish and Malissa Ancona of being a Wiccan. Both were untrue, Potok believes, but the accusations are typical of the Klan world today, which consists of 29 different named organizations, “each one claiming to be the one true Klan and denigrating the others.”
People who like to be seen denouncing racism love to hate the kkk. Nothing you say about the bedsheet boys is out of bounds. The truth is that the kkk has as much influence as the bad guys in professional wrestling. The kkk is a fashion challenged version of the westboro baptist church. You have to wonder why people get so much enjoyment from trash talking the klan. Maybe this is a distraction for their own unresolved racial conflicts.
“…the Klan world today, which consists of 29 different named organizations, “each one claiming to be the one true Klan and denigrating the others.”” How did all these groups, that hate each other, get together for a national meeting? Do they call it the grand dragon con? Was this the meeting where they endorsed Donald Trump? That endorsement was reported by the Washington Post, and Rachel Maddow. Millions of Trump hating patriots accepted this news without a moment’s hesitation. The spell check suggestion for Maddow is Maddox.
If P.T. Barnum had ever said “There’s a sucker born every minute,” he would have been correct. The truth is, there is little evidence that he did. Here is a phony quote, about suckers, that is widely accepted as truth. There is a bit of synchronicity there. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Another Message To #Resist
‘Resist White Supremacy’: A sign. A farm. And the fury that followed. This story floated onto facebook. The easily amused PG took the bait. Someone put a sign in the yard, saying #resist white supremacy. Some people did not like it, and said so on facebook. We are required to have an opinion.
“Maybe we should change ‘rise and resist’ to ‘resist white supremacy’…,” Lily Cox-Richard texted her. “That way, if someone takes a picture of one of our signs to post and says they are ‘saddened’ or ‘disappointed,’ they will be explicitly revealing themselves as the racist that they are.” … The vitriol only intensified in the hours that followed, which baffled Aaron. Who, other than a white supremacist, would be offended by a message condemning white supremacy? She also understood, though, that this is America in 2018, a time of such fierce division that even voicing opposition to the ugliest beliefs could be twisted or taken out of context.”
Putting labels on people, and using that label to justify badmouthing them, is an ugly practice. In Christianity obsessed America, what you believe is more important than what you do. When a person says, “Yes, generally speaking, we are comfortable excluding white supremacists,” the next step is to identify these horrible people, so you can hate on them, and feel good about yourself for doing so.
There is another reason for not appreciating the #rws message. Cox Farms appears to be located on a busy road. People have things on their mind when they are driving through there. The idiot behind you is upset because you are not driving fast enough. Your boss is insane, your co-workers are insane, and you are starting to fit in. Can I get ten percent off my auto insurance?
And now, some social justice poser is calling you a white supremacist. Did anyone ask for their opinion? Why should you care what those self important people think? This is just one more attack on your peace of mind. It is not always appreciated. And if you object, you must be a RACIST. Remember, RACIST is the worst thing you can say about someone in today’s America. If someone does not enjoy your unsolicited opinion, you respond by calling them the worst insult possible.
The average person sees thousands of messages a day. Most, though not all, are filtered out. Everybody is shouting, and very few are heard. When they don’t get the required response, they shout louder, and insult you for not having the correct reaction. Do we really need some self described hippie lecturing you on white supremacy, when you are just trying to go to the grocery store?
In the end, it did not really matter. “On Monday, Aaron wrote a follow-up post, thanking the thousands of people who had offered support (and who vastly outnumbered the critics)” This was a waste of time. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
#SignsOfANeighborFromHell
They invite me for dinner and I become dinner ~ Every time they have a party they rent an outhouse as a second bathroom & chain it to the telephone pole ~ While you’re in the hospital having heart surgery, he files a complaint with the city about your grass. ~ They were previously warned 3 times after killing chickens to keep the dog off your property. ~ The plywood skateboard ramp, held together with clothesline string and small 2x4s should have been the first warning sign. ~ When your company has to sleep on the couch because the busy prostitute who lives upstairs has a squeaky bed that is right above your guest bedroom. ~ Their kid rides a tricycle around your driveway screaming “Redrum! Redrum!” ~ The clothes on the clothesline are never theirs ~ The women wear daisy dukes with various NASCAR tube tops or tees. ~ They accuse you of not seeing it from their perspective, without even talking to you first. ~ You answer the door while drinking a beer. It’s a clean-cut man wearing a name tag and a back tie accompanied by a teenage wife and eight kids. He comes to the door to welcome you to the neighborhood toting the Book Of Mormon and says, “May we come in?” ~ Have a daughter who was just gifted a saxophone and has never had lessons… decides to wake up at 6am on weekends to “practice” ~ Their yard looks like a used car lot ~ They use your dumpster for all of the animals they’ve sacrificed. ~ Next door asshats own a beagle. In a metro city. Let it bark-howl outside for 30mins at a time. Think its fine because thats what dogs do, and I shouldn’t be working from home on a Saturday ~ When you go out to eat with them, they’ll disappear and leave you behind when it’s time to pay the check. ~ Have two stickers in the back window of their car: “Ask me about AMWAY!” and “Let me tell you about my personal relationship with Jesus.” ~ They’re so loud you started keeping score of who won the last argument ~ pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. ~ selah
Frank Zappa
The first time PG saw the word Zappa, it was on an item at the Poster Hut. It showed a man sitting on a commode, with the words Phi Zappa Krappa rendered above. The poser, Frank Zappa, later said “I’m probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do.”
It was 1969, give or take a bit. FZ was already well known in some hip circles. His band, the Mothers of Invention, played at something called the Cosmic Carnival at Atlanta Stadium, where the music lovers were actually allowed onto the field. PG paid $1.98 for a copy of We’re Only in It for the Money at the Woolco on Buford Hiway. Years later, he would pay $16.00 for a CD of this piece of work.
The records started to come out like clockwork, with or without the Mothers. FZ started to become a star, with an appeal to druggies who fancied themselves intellectual. It should be noted that FZ was notoriously anti drug. His music made fun of the establishment and counterculture with equal glee. FZ was also a capitalist, known to be tight fisted when it came to paying hired hands. He stayed with his second wife, Gail, until his death, and produced four children… Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.
The concerts came to town every year or so, and people liked them. A show at the Fox Theater in 1974 may have caught FZ at his peak. PG heard the raves about this show until he bought a ticket for his next show. This was in 1975, at the Municipal Auditorium. PG brought a half pint in with him, and didn’t remember a lot later, except some song about the Illinois Eneman Bandit.
Life goes on. Nine years later, FZ was in legal hell with a former manager, and could only make money by touring. One night, a friend had an extra ticket to a show. PG arrived after the band had started, and FZ was playing a fine guitar solo. This was going to be good.
Only it wasn’t. The rest of the show was social commentary. The man had opinions on everything, and was generous with them. At one point, the band started to sing “He’s so gay”, while a double headed dildo was lowered from the ceiling. PG thinks he heard FZ sing “one day you might be gay too”, but by then it really didn’t matter.
Frank Zappa was many things to many people. He had lots of opinions, which were dutifully recorded by the press. Here are a few .
Rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, in order to provide articles for people who can’t read. // I think that if a person doesn’t feel cynical then they’re out of phase with the 20th century. Being cynical is the only way to deal with modern civilization, you can’t just swallow it whole. // When God created Republicans, he gave up on everything else. // Let’s not be too rough on our own ignorance; it’s what makes America great! // The U.S. is a mere pup tent of a civilization. We’ve got two hundred years of stupidity behind us and we think we’re right up there with everyone else who’s been doing it for thousands of years. // Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die. // After all, he wrote this book here, and in the book it says he made us all to be just like him! So if we’re dumb, then God is dumb — and maybe even a little ugly on the side. // Remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. // Do you think you are protecting somebody by taking away seven words? // For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973. // If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT. // There is no hell. There is only France. // The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. // Children are naïve — they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you’re asking for trouble. // People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly ‘strange names’, but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble. //
The reviews at Amazon sometimes have insights into the truth about an artist. Here are a few one star reviews of We’re Only in It for the Money.
I just don’t get this October 11, 2010 By Neomorphus “Neomorphus” (Superior, Colorado)
This is unlistenable. I could only get half way through before giving up. Too clever for me.
Put the kettle on June 7, 2006 By Noddy Box (New York)
This high-pitched snit fit might rouse the odd smirk if all you’ve consumed is a cup of tea and a Digestive biscuit but on no account listen to it under the influence of anything stronger because then you’re liable to prang right into a hectoring bore who comes off like some renegade member of the school debating team rehearsing his–fnarr fnarr–naughty rhyming rebuttals. Farting around in Edgar Varese’s old corduroys is all well and good but this breathtakingly condescending harangue sounds depressingly like–dear oh dear–social commentary. Jacobs Cream Crackers but is there anything more tedious than windy social commentary set to popular music? And the exhortation to read Kafka in the liner notes? Please Frank, rock stars should never mix their drinks, or at least not so the stitches show. Zappa is much more bearable when he takes his own advice, shuts his cakehole and plays guitar. Like on Hot Rats, where the only vocal is the sublime Beefy on Willie the Pimp and Frank in the kitchen the whole time cooking up a kettle of wordless aural gumbo–a movie for the ears I think he called it, something like that anyway, it’s right there on the sleeve, good description at any rate of one of the authentically crunchy Zappa records. Well he did release over sixty of them after all, I mean he was bound to get it right once or twice, wasn’t he? So toss this turkey on the fire and get yourself out onna porch of the Lido Hotel.
This is a repost. one, two, three, four posts are used. Your archive is your friend.
Former Dunwoody resident Aquarium Drunkard weighs in today with a nifty video. It is Frank Zappa, appearing on a TV show discussing censorship. FZ more than holds his own, and makes many good points about the nature of language and censorship. His contention is that censorship is about words, and that words in and of themselves are powerless. Wikipedia contributes this quote: “What do you make of a society that is so primitive that it clings to the belief that certain words in its language are so powerful that they could corrupt you the moment you hear them?” FZ had a way with words… “Rock journalism is people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t talk for people who can’t read. ”
I was in high school when I first heard about Frank Zappa. It was in the original Poster Hut, a ramshackle building on Cheshire Bridge Road that is vacant 38 years later. There was a poster, with the words PHI ZAPPA KRAPPA Below the saying was a picture of Frank Zappa on a commode. To compare that image of FZ on the throne to the sight of him on a TV show surrounded by windbags…he is seated both times.
I did not get that poster of PZK, but I did get a dayglo poster of Janis Joplin. I didn’t notice the exposed nipple on the drawing. When Mom saw it, she was horrified. ” I trusted you!” In my shame, I took a magic marker and covered over the fluorescent fuchsia mammary.
Back to FZ on CNN. The guitar picker made a lot of sense. One of the pundits threw the founding fathers at FZ, who replied that the FF were slave owners and that Ben Franklin was a wildman. FZ said we were heading to a fascist theocracy. Are we there yet? One whiner mentioned that his band was called the Mothers of Invention. FZ did not mention that the original name had been the mothers, and a record label made them add “of invention”.Finally, the four man part of the show was over. The two primary whiners agreed that rock music had some gnarly words, but did we really trust the government to intervene.
Frank Zappa was a parent. His four children are Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva … Al Capp, born Alfred Gerald Caplin, was a piece of work. Mr. Capp did not keep his opinions to himself. When PG was a kid, he heard Mr. Capp appearing on an NBC radio show, Monitor. This was about the time he called Joan Baez “Joanie Phonie,” and got some bad press.
At the age of nine, a trolly accident cost Mr. troll Capp his left leg. Years later, an urban legend arose. “in a televised face-off, either Capp (on the Dick Cavett Show) or (more commonly) conservative talk show host Joe Pyne (on his own show) is supposed to have taunted iconoclastic musician Frank Zappa about his long hair, asking Zappa if he thought he was a girl. Zappa is said to have replied, “You have a wooden leg; does that make you a table?” (Both Capp and Pyne had wooden legs.)
Recently, the world of flaky internet quotes has discovered Frank Zappa. The “sexually incontinent rock innovator” died December 4, 1993. (His wife Gail passed away October 7, 2025.) Recently, some alleged quotes have hit the ether. Some people need to get out more. This is a repost.
This item was recently featured in chamblee54. @SlavojTweezek “”Communism doesn’t work,” Frank Zappa said, “because people like to own stuff.” Idiot. What do people’s likes have to do with communism?” This quote is plausible. Frank Zappa was a capitalist. He liked owning stuff, especially his own music. It should be easy to find a source. However, the best google can come up with is a compilation, “Quotes of Zappa,” in W. C. Privy’s Original Bathroom Companion.”
This morning, facebook had a meme. It had a picture of FZ, with the quote “Politics is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.” In the time that it takes to say Camarillo Brillo, Mr. Google turned up a reddit commentary.
“While the quote is frequently listed as, ““Government is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex,” I could find no primary source. It appears to contradict the actual quote from a 1987 interview with Keyboard magazine where he is decidedly pro-government but anti-bullshit politics.” (FZ did say “art in the service of politics usually makes for boring art.” Why do people make up quotes for memes, when the real thing is better?)
Speculating what a dead man would say is a tricky business. FZ was known for strong opinions, and a finely tuned BS detector. (That is bovine excrement, not Bernie Sanders.) FZ died while the internet was just getting started, and years before some of today’s permutations and perversions. It is easy to imagine FZ making rude comments about people misquoting dead guitar heroes.
Speaking of politics and cynical guitar cadavers, the current poster boi for trendy privilege is Bernie Sanders. If you “feel the Bern,” you might want to skip over the rest of this post, and look at the pictures. (These pictures are from The Library of Congress.) While BS is arguably less evil than Hitlery, he still leaves a great deal to be desired. BS is making extravagant promises that he will be totally unable to keep. BS is taking the concept of telling people what they want to hear to new depths. Yes, this is part of what FZ meant when saying rude things about politicians.
Today, PG saw a fundraising appeal for BS. Against his better judgment, PG made the comment “Bernie $anders.” The fun started almost immediately.
This campaign is for monthly recurring contributions. And Luther, campaigning requires money. The alternative to grassroots support is a country run by wealthy interests. Which would you prefer? ~ I realize that campaigning for political office requires money. My comment was a bit of recreational $nark. B$ can take a joke. … “The alternative to grassroots support is a country run by wealthy interests.” I am not sure about that comparison. Hitlery can make more in one corporate blowjob than BS can in a month of grass roots support. BHO did not get a billion dollars for his reelection from five dollar contributions. While the concept of grassroots support is uplifting, the sordid reality is that we live in a bribe-ocracy. ~ Your cynicism is less than accurate and certainly less than appealing. ~ Luther, just don’t vote and stay out of discussions about voting. OK?
The current WTF Podcast features Moon Zappa. At no time does she say grody, gag me with a spoon, or boofoos. Today, she is the divorced mother of an eight year old, and buys quality apple butter.
Moon is the daughter of the late Frank Zappa. FZ did not do drugs, smoked Winston cigarettes, and spent all his time working on music. The four children, Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva, called the parents Frank and Gail. Mrs. Zappa stays busy these days selling her husbands music.
Once, Moon broke a finger in school. She called Gail, and waited. Eventually, the family Rolls Royce pulled up. Gail was driving, with Frank in the passenger seat. Frank quit driving when his first drivers license expired. Before taking Moon to the ER, they stopped to get Frank a burrito.
Gail and Moon were walking to the store one day, when Moon was very little. A car stopped, and tried to pick up Gail. Moon screamed “Fuck off pervert.”
Captain Beefheart was at the Zappa house one time. He had made a hole in the side of his nose with a pencil. When a finger was put over the other nostril, the nose became a whistle.
While listening to this show, PG was editing pictures from The Library of Congress. Some of these images appear with this feature.
January Gun Fun
Parents Against Gun Violence have done it again. They issued a report, A few of the reasons people shot people in January, 2016. There are only 10 stories this month. In the cases where the actor is identified, 3 are white, and 3 are black. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
The fun starts in Oklahoma, on New Years Morning. Some kids were ringing doorbells, and running away, a custom called Ding Dong Ditching. You know what happened. “The shooter has not been arrested and the Mayes County district attorney is looking into whether the shooting was lawful.”
A few days later, a young man in Memphis set off a handgun. The bullet went downstairs, and killed a 13 year old girl. Her brother got revenge by killing the upstairs man. ” Memphis Police confirmed they are searching for 19-year-old Ovell Jones on voluntary manslaughter charges in the death of 20-year-old Daniel Lusk. Jones is the brother of 13-year-old LeTara Jones, who was killed when a gun accidentally went off and hit her on January 4.”
Charles Wayne Acklen was a “former Shreveport Police Officer and Vietnam veteran who’s been financially supporting his son for years. Charles Ray Acklen was a registered sex offender, convicted of forcible rape in 1993. Other neighbors said the two had a history of arguing.” A few states north, “Larry Lotz, 65, snapped after his wife, Karen, admonished him for leaving the coffee maker turned on in the couple’s Barrington, Ill., home.”
The law tries to regulate human behavior, with uneven results. In Massachusetts, Bruce O’Brien found himself behind a snow plow that was too slow. “O’Brien has been charged with firing a gun within 500 feet of a building, carrying a firearm while under the influence of liquor or drugs, disorderly conduct and assault with a dangerous weapon. He was not charged with drunk driving because his level of intoxication did not rise to the legal level.” This is a repost.
Rose McGowan Again
Brave is the book that Rose Arianna McGowan is promoting. Whenever there is a fresh controversy, there is usually product to sell. This blog has done it’s part, writing about RAM thrice: Rose McGowan Misogygate, A Rose By Any Other Blame, and The Rose And Bret Show. Recently,’ during a promotional event, push came to shove. RAM fought back, against the trans activist who verbally assaulted her from the audience. While RAM, and her opinions, can be highly annoying, it was fun to see someone push back at a troll. RAM said a few things about labelism.
“Don’t label me, sister. ’ Don’t put your labels on me. Don’t you f—ing do that. Do not put your labels on me. I don’t come from your planet. Leave me alone. I do not subscribe to your rules. I do not subscribe to your language. You will not put labels on me or anybody. Step the f— back. What I do for the f—ing world and you should be f—ing grateful. Shut the f— up. Get off my back. What have you done? I know what I’ve done, God dammit.”
Andi Dier is the trans activist who made a scene. There are unconfirmed rumors of bad behavior on their part. @PopCrave “Andi Dier the woman who heckled Rose McGowan at her book signing is now being accused of sexual assault by multiple women.”
Some reports on the B&N episode note trans-problematic comments made on RuPaul’s “What’s the Tee?” podcast. In the last part of the show, RAM makes comments about trans women not having periods as teenagers. Is that transphobic? Certified cis-male PG is the wrong person to ask.
The rest of the show was fun to listen to. RuPaul is a smart cookie, and made sage observations about the illusionary nature of just about everything. RAM made one comment, at 51:11, that is easily refuted. “60% of gun violence deaths are in this country are women.” The FBI issues a report every year. The homicide numbers for 2016: Total 15,070 male 11,821 female 3,208.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. “Mother and child, white migrants, Harlingen, Texas.” The photographer was Russell Lee. The pictures were taken in February, 1939.
Live Or Memorex
It started when PG got an email from a longtime friend. He has recently produced a book of photographs, something in my eye. On the last page is a statement: “All photographs in this photo journal are taken exactly as the Camera and I see them. Life is much more interesting without alteration.” The wheels of thought started to spin. If you saw a mushroom cloud rising over Peachtree Industrial Boulevard, that might have been it. This is a repost.
PG sent a reply, “I disagree with the concept that life is more interesting when it is not altered. The world is big enough to handle both points of view.” The next morning there was a reply. “your alteration is completely different and stands alone on its own excellent merit and as its own artform. I mean reversing pix, airbrushing etc. I would not even use the word altered on your artwork. Maybe surgically enhanced! but you know what I mean. Your stuff by altered becomes something that is creating something completely new and original.”
As the reader(s) of this blog know, PG likes to play with pictures. It is a good hobby. No talent or education is required. The software is a free download. Have fun, and don’t spill your beverage.
When the blogging thing started, PG had a dial up connection. When you upload 4kb a second, you like to keep the file size down. One way is to reduce the image to the size the blog has room for. The typical picture today starts at 2048×1536(pixels), with 666 kb of memory. If you reduce this to 720×540, the file size drops to 198kb.
The image size needs to be adjusted to go anywhere. Negatives have been replaced with code. If you are going to put out a dead tree book, you need to find a size for the image. The same goes for a blog.
You don’t have to use the entire image. Most raw images have parts that are not interesting. PG likes to use the golden rectangle (1612:1000) as a default when he crops images. This is usually more pleasing to the eye than the 4:3 ratio used by most cameras.
Most images can use some work in addition to cropping. Level adjustment and color balancing can add to almost every picture made. What the camera sees is often different from what the eye sees. The mechanical tool can use some help.
The camera has always been an adjustable tool. The settings, whether manual or automatic, play a role in how the device records the image. The way the image is rendered for viewing can change it’s content. Ansel Adams is as famous for his darkroom skills as he is for his photography.
Does anyone remember those memorex commercials? (The person who cleaned up the broken glass does.) The voice over says ” is it live, or is it memorex?.” When the commercial played on tv, it was a reel to reel tape, from an unknown manufacturer. The tape used was usually the one the producer got for the lowest price. The spell check suggestion for memorex is memorize.
The memorex ad is a bit quaint today. Cassettes have been replaced by compact discs, which were replaced by the MP3. A recording studio has all sorts of gizmos to corrupt correct the original. The recording studio has long been a creative instrument, rather than a facility for catching sound waves. The same is true of the camera.
There is nothing wrong with trying to get the reproduced image as close to natural as possible. The world is indeed an interesting place. It is just that the technology which is available to anyone with an internet connection, can change what the camera sees to more like what the human being saw. It can also create beautiful images that found their starting point in the original.
The pictures for this post are by chamblee54, and were taken March 18, 2011. The first four were taken on a walk through Chamblee GA. The second one illustrates where manipulation tools can give the illusion of reality. It is almost impossible to photograph a rectangular object and have all the lines come out evenly. This picture was cropped with the no smoking sign in the middle. GIMP has a tool which allows you to pull out the sides. This enables you to have the borders appear to be portrayed as flat lines with ninety degree angles.
These pictures are presented today in the order in which they are shot. This is another option the presenter has. That evening, PG went to a discussion group. The best comments were by a dog. After that, the group went to a bar. The facility next door had a drag show, with the performers waiting on the sidewalk before they went in. This adds a new dimension to the concept of real versus altered.
Coexist
The custom of expressing your innermost thoughts on the back of your vehicle has taken a curious turn. One popular emblem says coexist. The seven letters are equipped with symbols, both religious and secular. One hopes that no one receiving this message has forgotten to stop, and hit the car with the coexist symbol on the bumper.
When PG was young, there was a miniature golf course on Cheshire Bridge Road called Putt Putt. The first bumper sticker he saw said “I play Putt Putt.” Is coexist an improvement?
When this post was first conceived, the i in coexist was perceived to be unadorned. It was as if the religion of i was receiving due recognition. Upon closer examination, it seems as though the tittle has a five pointed star. This means that the i is a sorcerers wand. The i apparently stands for paganism.
The c, x, and t of coexist are pretty obvious. They are symbols for the three Abrahamic religions. O is a peace sign, and e has the male and female symbols. The religions they represent are not apparent. The s is a yin yang, which is somehow related to Taoism.
Buddhism, Atheism, Communism, and Hinduism are not represented. They spell out Bach. The composer Johann Sebastian Bach produced glorious music for the Lutheran church. Perhaps the e in coexist represents the left out denominations. If this E is combined with BACH, you can spell out BEACH. This is a repost. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
Obituary Mambo
Andrew Sullivan had an uplifting feature, the other day, about obituaries. As is his custom, he found an article at another site, threw out a juicy quote, and moved on. It is up to Chamblee54 to provide more detail, and put up pictures for the text averse. These pictures today are from the Pleasant Hill Baptist Church cemetery. This is a repost.
It is a common practice to look at the obituaries (aka “Irish sports page”) first thing in the morning. If the reader is not included, then the day can proceed as normal. This custom does not take into account the possibility that you have died, and your family it too cheap to purchase a notice.
The article in question is Ten things you don’t know about the obit biz It starts off by saying that the family members are usually happy to help the obit scribe. They have stories about the recently deceased, like ” Eddie “Bozo” Miller boasted of regularly drinking a dozen martinis before lunch, yet he lived to age eighty-nine.”
Newspapers take different approaches to obituaries. Some assign rookies, or use the death beat as punishment for troublemakers. Others give the job to their best writer. The paid notices are usually written by family members, with the help of the undertaker.
Of course, there is the occasional oddball. Alana Baranick, obituary writer for Cleveland’s The Plain Dealer and lead author of Life on the Death Beat: A Handbook for Obituary Writers , likes to visit every municipality in the United States named Cleveland.
One oft repeated saying is that obituaries are about life, not death. As the source puts it: “The British “quality” newspapers — The Times, The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, and The Independent, substantiate the old chestnut about obituaries being about life, not death. These papers rarely mention the cause of death, focusing instead on presenting a vivid account of a lived life. American papers have an unhealthy fixation on death. It’s common for “complications of chronic pulmonary disease” or “bile duct cancer” to show up in the story’s lede, never to resurface.”
Only one obituary has won a Pulitzer prize. ” Leonard Warren, a Metropolitan Opera baritone, dropped dead mid-performance in 1960. Sanche de Gramont (who changed his name to Ted Morgan), a young rewrite man at the New York Herald Tribune, banged out the obit in under an hour and won a 1961 Pulitzer in the Local Reporting, Edition Time, category.”
There is an The International Association of Obituarists The headquarters is in Dallas TX, presumably near a grassy knoll. They have an annual convention, which is said to be a lively affair. The 2005 conference was in Bath, England. The 2007 conference was in Alfred NY. There is also the Society of Professional Obituary Writers.
IAO was founded by Carolyn Gilbert, the lady who puts the bitch in obituary. Ms. Gilbert collaborates on a page, Remembering The Passed. RTP has a series of podcasts. They require an apple app to listen, which is too much work for PG.
Death is a part of life. Every language has a word for it, and English has a number of slang expressions. An incomplete list would include : ““passed on”, “are no more”, “have ceased to be”, “expired and gone to meet their Maker”, “are bereft of life”, “have ceased to be”, “rest in peace”, “push up daisies”, “whose metabolic processes are now history”, “are off the twig”, “have kicked the bucket”, “shuffled off their mortal coil”, “run down the curtain” or “joined the Choir Invisible”
Columbia Journalism Review (Motto: Strong Press, Strong Democracy) has a feature about Obit. “Krishna Andavolu is the managing editor of Obit an online magazine intended for those interested in obituaries, epitaphs, elegies, postludes, retrospectives, grave rubbings, widow’s weeds, and other such memorabilia of expiration. Part eulogistic clearinghouse, part cultural review, Obit purports to examine life through the prism of death. Founded in 2007 by a wealthy New Jersey architect who sensed an exploitable niche after seeing a middle-aged woman distraught over the death of Captain Kangaroo, the site is a locus for enlightened morbidity.”
OM is worth a visit. The top story features a picture of Betty Ford, who survived Breast Cancer, Alcoholism, and The White House, to die at 93. The site has an ad from Newlymaid.com, with the creative suggestion to Trade In Your Old Bridesmaid Dress & Get a New Little Black Dress.
OM has a popular feature called Died on the same day. Grim reaper recruits on January 30 include Betsy Ross (1936) Mohandas Gandhi (1948) Orville Wright (1948) Professor Longhair (1980) Lightnin’ Hopkins (1982) and Coretta Scott King (2006).
No google search is complete without someone trying to make money. Obituaries Professionally Written says ” … we believe in honoring a life with respect, dignity and integrity. When needed, euphemism is used liberally. “
OPW content provider Larken Bradley says “”Obituary writing is an honor, a privilege, and great fun … I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing.”… After she dies she expects her obit headline will read, “Obituary Writer, Six Feet Under.”
PG was going to repost an old favorite, Obituary Mambo. When you recycle something this often, it is a good idea to check the links. For OM, many do not work.
The story begins with a story at the digital home of Andrew Sullivan. This fine facility is now in paywall purgatory. When you click on the old link, you see a cartoon of a French borderguard, and the message “THIS CONNECTION IS UNTRUSTED You have asked Firefox to connect securely to andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com, but we can’t confirm that your connection is secure. …” The browser has this reaction to several of the links in the original story.
Monetization of obituaries seems to have run aground. Links to Obit Magazine give you a page of fine print HTML. The International Association of Obituarists is not on the internet. The NPR interview with Carolyn Gilbert, founder of the IAO, is still up. Presumably, she is still putting the bitch back in obituary. Maybe the 2005 convention in Bath, England was too much.
Another link gave this result: “Welcome to http://www.obituarywriters.com ! Our new web site, powered by EarthLink Web Hosting, is currently under construction.” In its place is The Society of Professional Obituary Writers, “Proudly powered by Weebly.”
SPOW hosted a contest in 2011 and 2012. “Each year, The Society of Professional Obituary Writers holds a competition to honor excellence in obituary writing. Obituaries are submitted by reporters and editors from all over the world, and blind-judged by a panel of our members. Winners receive trophies, known as the Grimmies, and are feted at the annual conference.” Grimmies were given for Best Obit, and Best Body of Work.
Chamblee54 
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