Is Sarah Silverman Funny? Part Two
There was a “promoted” tweet yesterday. @Scribd New on our blog! Laugh So Hard You’ll Pee, The 15 Funniest Lines From Sarah Silverman’s Book http://ow.ly/xGwYG. Usually annoucements like this include the word new. The book, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, was published April 20, 2010. That fact may be the funnier than the 15 lines.
Most of the lines were embedded in pictures, which means a blogger would have to retype them. This is too much work. The few in text form were not very funny. But then, neither is Sarah Silverman.
At this point life interrupts. A facility called yeah write had a contest. They wanted 42 words answering the question “What’s that sound?” The chamblee54 answer was Is Sarah Silverman Funny? The contest opened for entries at midnight sunday. PG was dealing with food poisoning, and in no shape to enter a writing contest. By the time he was better, the contest was full of entries.
Miss Silverman gave a TED talk. The big dog at TT said it was “G-d awful,” and did not allow it to be officially released. As part of his research for this project, PG saw the video. The last seven words of the poem: “don’t make me listen to it again.”
The publisher has a survey “to see if this is the book for you.” The only way PG gets books is at yard sales and the library. It will be interesting to see if the survey mentions those venues.
“1. Which of the following do you appreciate? (a) Women with somewhat horse-ish facial features. (b) Women who, while not super Jew-y, are more identifiably Jewish than, say, Natalie Portman. (c) Frequent discussion of unwanted body hair.
2. Are you offended by the following behavior? (a) Instructing one’s grandmother to place baked goods in her rectal cavity. (b) Stripping naked in public—eleven times in a row. (c) Stabbing one’s boss in the head with a writing implement.
3. The best way to treat an emotionally fragile young girl is: (a) Murder the main course of her Thanksgiving dinner before her very eyes. (b) Tell her that her older sister is prettier than she, and then immediately die. (c) Prevent her suicide by recommending she stay away from open windows.
If you read the above questions without getting nauseous or forming a hate Web site, you are ready to buy this book! Please proceed to the cashier.”
The survey did not indicate whether the book would be at the library, or a yard sale, soon. After four years, it is probably available in discount bins. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Inspiration Porn
There is a lovely TED talk in the weekly email. The title is “I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much.” The speaker, Stella Young, delivers the message while sitting in a wheelchair.
The concept here is that *disabled* people are people. They are not here to inspire you. They are not intended to show you how bad your life could be, so you should appreciate what you have.
Ms. Young has a talent for words. She says some things much better than this slack blogger. TED talks include a transcript, aka the lazy bloggers friend. Laziness is not considered a disability.
…these images, there are lots of them out there, they are what we call inspiration porn. And I use the term porn deliberately, because they objectify one group of people for the benefit of another group of people. So in this case, we’re objectifying disabled people for the benefit of nondisabled people. … I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve been approached by strangers wanting to tell me that they think I’m brave or inspirational, and this was long before my work had any kind of public profile. They were just kind of congratulating me for managing to get up in the morning and remember my own name. And it is objectifying. These images, those images objectify disabled people for the benefit of nondisabled people. They are there so that you can look at them and think that things aren’t so bad for you, to put your worries into perspective. …
I really think that this lie that we’ve been sold about disability is the greatest injustice. It makes life hard for us. And that quote, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude,” the reason that that’s bullshit is because it’s just not true, because of the social model of disability. No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp. Never. (Laughter) (Applause) Smiling at a television screen isn’t going to make closed captions appear for people who are deaf. No amount of standing in the middle of a bookshop and radiating a positive attitude is going to turn all those books into braille. It’s just not going to happen.”
EMIT (Educate Motivate Inspire Tripe) is in your inbox everyday. Yesterday, this tweet sent PG down the rabbit hole. @chescaleigh “There’s a nasty rumor about racism, and it needs to die. Thankfully @the1janitor is here to help (via @Upworthy)” There was a link to Here’s What Morgan Freeman Had To Say About Racism, And Here’s A Guy Explaining What He Got Wrong.
The intro to the video said, among other things, “Every black person is going to have a different opinion/experience/perspective when it comes to racism.” This sentence got PG in a twitter exchange.
@chamblee54 @chescaleigh @the1janitor @Upworthy the intro said every black person has a different take on racism. so does every white person
@chescaleigh @chamblee54 didn’t deny that. but a white person’s perspective on racism lacks experiencing racism. so that’s a very different convo
@chamblee54 @chescaleigh i agree and disagree ~ white ppl experience prejudice ~ the semantics get in the way of understanding other people
@chescaleigh @chamblee54 white ppl experience prejudice not racism. They’re both shitty but not the same. Sounds like u need to read the link I posted
@chamblee54 @chescaleigh have glanced over article ~ re:#2, have been the only pwoc ~ i could go point by point, and might later on blog ~ thx 4 reply
PG saw the Upworthy video. A young man said that people need to talk about racism. He said nothing about listening. A poster for the University of Alabama football team was in the background. The exploitation of young black men, by college athletics, was not mentioned.
The article @chescaleigh linked to was 18 Things White People Should Know/Do Before Discussing Racism. It is poorly written, and full of logical fallacies. Here is item 3. “3. Oprah’s success does not mean the end of racism. The singular success of a Black man or woman (i.e. Oprah, or Tiger Woods, or President Obama) is never a valid argument against the existence of racism. By this logic, the success of Frederick Douglas or Amanda America Dickson during the 19th century would be grounds for disproving slavery.”
There was one last tweet. It was deleted a little while after being sent. Sometimes, it is best to use discretion. @chamblee54 @chescaleigh I read “18 things…” it was not very helpful.
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”. UPDATE: Here is the reply post, The Problem with 18 things. UPDATE: Stella Young died December 7, 2014.
Rebellion Against G-d
A popular blogger put up a post yesterday, We can’t end ‘rape culture’ if we don’t end hook-up culture. Now, RC/HUC are dodgy concepts. Just last week, PG saw a post about RC, that started “If you are a man, you are part of rape culture.”
On the other hand, the “blogger, writer, and professional sayer of truths” has a wide audience. Any trickle down to this slack blog would be appreciated. The BWPST also answers comments, using a psuedonym. He is easily provoked. If you don’t want trolls to start trouble, then you should not answer them. Some people are easily amused.
The fun started when BWPST said “Just like every other problem in the culture, it’s ALL about rebellion against God.” When a Jesus worshiper talks about G-d, he means something very different from PG. One of the few things that PG believes is G-d does not write books. PG made a comment, and the fun began. Entertainment is not what it used to be.
chamblee54 “Just like every other problem in the culture, it’s ALL about rebellion against God.” The first commandment says to hold no other G-d before you. This does not mean a book. When you declare a book, compiled by a Catholic committee, to be the word of G-d, then you are violating this common sense rule. Violating this rule causes problems. Mo, are you Matt?
Mo @ chamblee54 “The first commandment says to hold no other G-d before you. This does not mean a book.”What on EARTH are you talking about? “When you declare a book, compiled by a Catholic committee, to be the word of G-d, then you are violating this common sense rule.” I haven’t declared anything, especially anything regarding Catholicism, as I am not Catholic. Show me where I mentioned anything about Catholicism? Nor did Catholics compile the Word of God. Take your nonsense elsewhere. I have zero time or patience for it.
chamblee54 Mo, are you Matt?
Mo @ chamblee54 “Mo, are you Matt?” How about addressing the POINTS I made to you and the questions I asked? Another troll, capable of nothing but repeating the same nonsense over and over.
chamblee54 Ok, I don’t know where, or if, you said anything about the Roman Catholic Church. My point was about the Bible. The canon of the Christian church was compiled by a group of men. I might be mistaken on this point, but I believe they were Catholics. Whether of not the compilers of the bible were, or were not, Catholic is beside the point I want to make. That point is that the bible is not the word of G-d. G-d does not write books. When you confuse a book for G-d, you violate the first commandment. “How about addressing the POINTS I made to you and the questions I asked?” “Take your nonsense elsewhere. I have zero time or patience for it.” This is a contradiction.
Mo @ chamblee54 “Ok, I don’t know where, or if, you said anything about the Roman Catholic Church.” Okay, then your comment has no point since that’s what’s your crabbing about. Go troll someone else. Do not waste my time.
That is the end of the dialog. There is not much more to say. If you want to skip ahead, and look at the pictures (from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”,) you probably won’t miss much.
It is about the idea of “rebellion against G-d.” When you assume that a book contains the “word of G-d,” and use that assumption as a weapon to attack other people, that would seem to be “rebellion against G-d.” When you believe that a soveriegn deity is interested in your petty quarells, that might be “rebellion against G-d.” When you spend your time arguing with “trolls,” that might not be “rebellion against G-d,” but it looks foolish to those who don’t share your beliefs. Maybe it is time for both “Mo” and chamblee54 to find a better use of the talent that somebody gave them.
Buying Water In Kenya
One part of life taken for granted in America is indoor running water. You turn on a faucet, and get what you need. There are concerns about the future, and fussing about water rights. In Kenya, a person walks to a water vendor to buy a 20 liter supply of water.
Kibera is euphemistically known as an informal settlement. It is located in Nairobi, Kenya. A land mass 75% the size of New York’s Central Park is home to a lot of people. “More accurately, Kibera turned into an unauthorized settlement after Kenya gained independence in 1963 and the new government made illegal certain forms of housing. Nonetheless, landlords rented out cheap properties to impoverished Kenyans who could not afford legal housing, and has since earned the reputation of being one of Africa’s largest urban slums. Importantly, the precise population of Kibera is hotly debated and remains uncertain. Some estimates are as high as one million and others as low as 170,000 (e.g, 2009 Kenya Census). Estimates are difficult because Kibera is made up of residents who are extremely mobile, and often prefer to remain in the shadow of the law.”
Very few of the residents have running water. Every day, people have to carry a 20 liter jerrycan to a water vendor. Often, there are shortages, and the price goes up. The water is often contaminated. There are water mafias, which create artificial shortages to boost the price.
“If the root of water problems in Kibera centered on price and supply it may be more manageable, but issues of water quality substantially complicate clean water delivery systems. Most water pipes in Kibera run above ground and are made of plastic (due to issues with theft of steel pipes), which are highly fragile and easily manipulated. These pipes will often crack or break (either accidentally due to traffic or intentionally by competitors), allowing sewage to seep into drinking water. Indeed, water sources that are generally clean can easily become contaminated without notice. This is reflected in public health data—infant mortality rates and bloody diarrheal infection rates in Kibera are more than three times the average of Nairobi as a whole (UNDP 2006).”
Stanford University is setting up a program to use mobile telephones to help people find water. Evidently, mobile phones are more common is the slums of Kenya than clean water. The program is called M-Maji, which is Swahili for mobile water. A database will have information about who has water for sale, the price, and the quality of the water. This information will be available to water users via mobile phones.
HT to Bloggingheads.tv. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. The spell check suggestion for Kibera is Liberace. This is a repost.
Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Caro, Necie, Teensy, and Vivi are the Ya-Ya sisters. They were kids together in Louisiana when the local movie theater had a Shirley Temple look-a-like contest. The Ya-Yas were kicked out for misbehaving. It was not the only time they got in trouble.
Sidda, the daughter of Vivi, is working on a play. Her mother is not speaking to her. Sidda wants to know about female bonding, and asks one of the ya-yas for help. A scrapbook arrives. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood: A Novel is about what happens when Sidda looks through the book.
The book is like life… it is short, but deep. If G-d is hiding in the details, maybe people can as well. sometimes the best thing to do is tell one of the stories.
It was the last week that PG would be working at the retail giant headquarters. The cafeteria quit serving at two p.m. The morning chores had lasted past the cutoff time. The break room was full of loud people. PG decided to get out, and found the Waffle House on Atlanta Road.
After ordering lunch, PG stepped back in time. The Ya-Ya girls took a train to Atlanta. They were going to the world premiere of “Gone With The Wind.” They stayed at the house of a wealthy relative. Ginger, a maid, was the chaperone. She had to ride in the “colored” car.
The premiere of GWTW was a big deal. There was a costume ball at the municipal auditorium, which was not exactly a grand place. There was a choir from Ebenezer Baptist Church singing spirituals. One of the singers was ten year old Martin Luther King Jr.
One day, during breakfast, an Atlanta cousin said something rude to Ginger. Vivi threw a plate of food at the Atlanta cousin. The Atlanta relatives were glad to see the Ya-Yas leaving. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
______ Telling _____ What Is Racist
Womanist Musings recently republished the internet classic 10 Conversations On Racism I’m Sick Of Having With White People. PG turned off his BS detector, and read. In addition to the ten convos of the title, there are five chats that the author would like to have. Apparently, the author likes to talk. Listening might be something else.
PG learned a long time ago that conversations about race are dangerous. If you say the wrong thing, you might wind up in the hospital. It is much easier to hold your piece, and live another day. The bottom line is, PG cannot remember ever discussing any of these matters, especially with a person of color (POC). He decided to leave a comment, and the fun started.
chamblee54 I am a person of non color. I have never had any of these fifteen conversations.
womanistmusings Do you want a cookie?
RVCBard Here’s a cookie you can make at home!
Siah WTF is a person of non-color? Transparent are ya?
miga Perhaps why ze’s never had that conversation before? No one notices hir?
PG felt it was important to make his ethnicity known. The image illustrating the comment has a brown paper bag over a head. You cannot tell if it is a person without color (PWOC), or POC. When talking about race, this is an important distinction.
Person of non-color might be a silly label. But then, what about POC? It is a mystery why “colored people” is offensive, but POC is PC. The skin on PG’s neck might be red, but red is a color.
And so it goes. People love to talk about race in America. The problem is finding someone who will listen. Before ending the text, and moving on to the pictures (courtesy of The Library of Congress), we are going to share something from facebook. This message has been edited. PWOC and POC have been replaced by blank spaces. This is a repost.
This is what I have seen a lot of recently: _____ telling _____ what is racist and what is not. Trust me, _____ of the world, _____ have been thinking about this for a LONG time, and it would be a good idea to LISTEN to what they say — I think that, most of the time, they’re probably right and you’re probably wrong about racism.
Maybe even do some reading and research, so the _____ don’t bear the burden of actively taking the time to educate you about racism in only face-to-face interactions and only when they’re calling you out for saying or doing something racist.
Can we just start with the assumption that you, _______ , are racist? That your actions, most likely, perpetuate or benefit from racism? Maybe that’s not true — I’m sure you’re a good person, but maybe you’re also racist. I don’t want you to feel guilty about it, but just live with it for a little bit as if it were true. Accept, for a moment, that, unless you are actively engaged in something that is ANTI-racist, you’re being racist. Now there’s nowhere to go but up! Now you can feel EXCELLENT about every anti-racist thing you do!
And you’ve been doing a lot of those anti-racist things recently, right?
Heather Has A Mommy And A Daddy
Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy
Deep in the heart of Dullsville, at the end of a cul-de-sac, behind a lawn of scratchy brown grass dotted with giant plastic butterflies, three flaking cement deer, and a philodendron the size of Bob Hoskins though with fewer decorative parts, lives Heather Thompson. Heather has a mommy and a daddy. Heather’s daddy is an accountant. Her mommy is a homemaker. Before Heather was born they met, fell in love, and got married. “I love you very much and I’m having your child,” Heather’s mom said.
Danitra is Heather’s best friend. One of Danitra’s dads is an empowerment facilitator. The other is an aura consultant. Danitra doesn’t know what they do at work, except they don’t need briefcases. Before Danitra was born her daddies met and fell in love, and after seventeen years spent discussing caring and support, handling acceptance, and negotiating intimacy, they had a commitment ceremony. “I love you very much and I’m designing the rings,” Danitra’s Daddy Mike said.
One day in school Heather’s teacher, Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez, tells the class to draw pictures of their families. Danitra draws two men, Julio draws two women, and Heather draws a man and a woman. Keanu points at the woman Heather drew, with squiggly yellow hair, a crude red dress and simple brown shoes. “This dad here’s got some ugly drag going on,” he says.
At lunchtime Danitra sits on the bench next to Heather and pulls a sandwich out of a brown paper bag.“Want to trade?” Danitra asks. “I’ve got grilled eggplant and goat cheese on marjoram foccacia.” “Um, I didn’t bring lunch,” Heather stammers, kicking her brown paper bag out of sight. “I’m … uh … on a diet.”
“Diet?” Danitra asks. “Haven’t your dads told you not to buy into that patriarchal looks-based chauvinism? And anyway, what’s this then?” she asks, holding up the bag with “HAVE A SUPER DAY!” written in sparkle marker on it.
Julio, who was listening nearby, runs up and grabs Heather’s lunch. “Yeah, what’s this? It’s somebody’s lunch!” Heather jumps at the bag but Julio holds it out of reach. “You give that back!” Heather yells. “Try and make me!” Julio chides. He pulls Heather’s sandwich apart and drops it like it was electrified. He wobbles away, holding his stomach.
“Oh my God!” he cries. “There’s like dead stuff in there!” Danitra looks at the sandwich lying on the cement. “Is that MEAT? Is that like SPAM?” Claudia, sitting quietly at the other end of the bench, bursts into tears. “Heather’s eating BAMBI!” “It’s friggin’ Wonder Bread!” Julio scoffs. Keanu walks toward the bread and peers at it. “And it’s got LUBE all over it!” “You idiot, that’s MAYONNAISE.” “What’s mayonnaise?” “It’s like goat cheese for heterosexuals.”
“Heterosexuals?” Keanu asks. “Heather’s mommy and daddy are heterosexuals?” Heather starts to yell. “No! I don’t have a mommy and a daddy. I’ve got two daddies!” “Hell-OOOO!” Danitra says, drawing the word out to twelve syllables. “We can see your clothes!” “Um . . . “ Heather stalls, “then I’ve got two mommies.” “And we’ve seen you play baseball,” Julio answers.
Heather, unable to think of a response, sits on the bench and starts to cry. Danitra pulls a robin’s egg blue bandana from her pocket and dabs at Heather’s face. “Maybe your mom’s not really a woman,” Danitra offers. “Well,” Heather says, sniffing, “she cleans the house, and cooks, and does the laundry.” Danitra fumes. “We’re trying to establish that she’s female, not that she’s an idiot.”
“Maybe your dad’s not really a man,” Julio suggests.“Well,” Heather answers, wiping her nose. “He’s big and strong and he’s got a mustache.” Several of the children wonder what this proves but nobody says anything.
“So let’s say you’ve got a mom and a dad,” Keanu says. “Then where did you come from?”Heather thinks for a minute. “They went to bed together, and then I was born.” Some of her friends express further interest, but Heather doesn’t have a brochure. “Daddy put his thing in mommy — “
“Oh, man,” Keanu interjects. “Is that legal?” “HelLLLLO!” sings Danitra, who gets the word up to eighteen syllables this time. “We’re in CaliFORnia!”
“And nine months later I came out of my mommy’s tummy,” Heather adds. Several of the children wonder why they didn’t hire a surrogate with a vagina but nobody says anything.
Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy, Part Two
One night there’s a dance at Heather’s school and her parents offer to chaperone. While Heather’s dancing with Danitra she sees from the corner of her eye her mom and dad moving onto the dance floor. She watches in horror as her mom just sort of stands there swaying, her gingham granny dress limply hanging to the floor. She grimaces as her dad starts chopping at the air like Jackie Chan being attacked by locusts.
Occasionally their movements coincide with the beat. Heather runs to the bathroom crying.“Heather, don’t feel so bad,” Danitra says. “Lots of kids have embarrassing parents.” She starts to lead Heather out of the bathroom, then stops. “Um, maybe we should stay in here a while longer. They just started doing the Bump.”
One day the class projects are due. Heather brings in the model she’s made. It’s a lump of brown Play-Doh with ketchup poured over it and dotted with marshmellows stuck on with toothpicks. She sets it on the table as her teacher comes over to look.
“Why, Heather! That’s . . . nice! Very very nice!”“What the hell is it?” Tommy asks. “TOMMY! Heather’s parents had me over for dinner once. This is what they call ‘Salisbury steak.’” Heather bursts into tears. “NO IT’S NOT! It’s a VOLCANO! That’s lava, and that’s steam coming out.”
Danitra enters and places her project next to Heather’s on the table. “Why, Danitra, what’s this?” Danitra delicately removes the sheet protecting her project. “Versailles.”
Heather takes one look at the tiny replica of Louis XIV’s summer home, constructed by Danitra and her two dads out of two hundred cubic yards of teak plank, thirty square feet of gold leaf, sixty pounds of Italian travertine marble from the same quarry Michelangelo used, tiny topiary and functional miniature fountains, and cries even harder.
“Why did I have to have a mom and a dad?” Heather sobs. “Why can’t my family be like all the rest?”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez pulls Heather close. “Children,” she says,”every family is special, including those conforming to the rigid, stereotypical standard of male domination.” She starts to tell the class about her own family, including her hearing-impaired Hispanic mother, her height-challenged Israeli father, and her Gypsy recovering-substance-abusing brother-in-law and Armenian sex-addict half-sister, but stops, realizing the school year is only 4,074 hours long.
“Just because Heather’s parents are heterosexual doesn’t mean they’re slow-witted philistines, though there are strong correlations you don’t need a PhD in statistics to understand. But Heather is lucky to have a sweet mom and a wonderful dad and a dog named Molly and a hamster named Samson, and they all live together in a lovely house. They’ve got interesting avocado-colored appliances, carpet as long as your hair, and furniture that‘s by-and-large wood that must have taken them hours to assemble. There’s a big plastic sofa that turns into a bed, and a La-Z-Boy — ”
“A what?” Keanu asks. “A La-Z-Boy,” Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez repeats. “It’s a big vinyl chair that reclines.” “Oh, man!” exclaims Keanu, covering his face with his hands. “And I thought our Herman Miller reproductions were embarrassing!”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez continues. “But the important thing is, they’re a family. They’re a group united for a common purpose, where each individual is given a sense of empowerment and their shared bonds are formalized in a ritualistic manner.” “Oh,” the students respond in unison. Everybody hugs.
THE END
The story was borrowed from World Class Stupid.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
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