Chamblee54

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has announced the results of the 2020 competition. Every year, B-LFC solicits opening sentences for bad novels. The “winners” of this competition receive heartfelt condolences from all concerned. Chamblee54 uses B-LFC as an excuse for text to go between pictures every year, like this. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. There is a possibility of milking two posts out of this thing, in which case a link will be presented here.
As a “value added service,” chamblee54 compiles a list of noteworthy author names and locations. This years notables: Lisa Kluber, San Francisco, CA, DJ Hicks, Jr, Manchester, NJ, Jarrett Dement, Eau Claire, WI, Pete Zenz, Middleton, WI, Gideon Gordon, Boston, MA, Edward Covolo, Menlo Park, CA, Candy Mosely, Hydro, OK, Connie Kleinjans, Honolulu, HI, Sue Doenim, England, Gregory Feeley, Hamden, CT, Amy Torchinsky, Chapel Hill, NC, Jack Ciotti, The Villages, FL.
One of the contestants is from Georgia. Before the beginning God leaned forward from the Empyrean Throne and gazed at the heaps of OED fascicles littered in layers across the cloudy carpet, still uncertain just which Word was the perfect one with which to begin and seriously annoyed that She had decided to do the whole damn thing in English . . . Art Feenan, Kennesaw, GA
2020 Grand Prize Her Dear John missive flapped unambiguously in the windy breeze, hanging like a pizza menu on the doorknob of my mind. Lisa Kluber, San Francisco, CA
Sally loved Geoff so deeply that if he were a pirate on a dread pirate ship (and not an insurance adjuster), snarling and drinking, murdering and raping his way across the Caribbean (well, maybe not raping, it was the sentiment that counted) and he had a peg leg, she would have gladly sawed her own leg off and sewed it to his stump with silken threads, so he could dance again, holding her up since she was now a sudden amputee. David Lourne, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
None of us, not a single jack-tar of the ten poor souls consigned to the only surviving None lifeboat from our torpedoed freighter, the “S.S. Walter Jacob,” the noblest vessel that ever hauled the weapons of war across the Seven Seas and back again, had a nickel’s worth of life insurance.
John Hardi, Falls Church, VA
As the large wild turkey soared over him, propelled by the twin blasts from David’s shotgun, Michael gazed up at the cornbread-colored sky and thought, “What a blessed day to be a Christian!” Ed Buhrer, Louisa, VA
As Charlotte meticulously finished her egg sac on the lonely rafter at the county fairgrounds, she thought about the future day when her children would burrow into Wilbur’s flesh to consume him from the inside-out, and hummed her favorite song about the wheel of life rolling on.
Robert Greer, Gilbert, AZ
Dorothy and Toto got kicked out of Kansas just before that group had several hits back in the day but at least Toto achieved some success with his band, while poor Dorothy, penniless and insane, lived under a bridge, prostituting herself and screaming about rainbows.
DJ Hicks, Jr, Manchester, NJ
When she walked into my office on that bleak December day, she was like a breath of fresh air in a coal mine; she made my canary sing. Yale Abrams, Santa Rosa, CA
She sauntered into his smoke-filled office with legs that, although they didn’t go quite all the way to heaven, definitely went high enough for him to see that she was a giraffe.
Jarrett Dement, Eau Claire, WI
The Bulgars (Bulgaris), a 17th century semi-nomadic Turkic tribe, are often unfairly compared to the Vulgars, who invented the leather bikini in honor of Princess Urskika from Pacific Palisades.
John Holmes, St. Petersburg, FL