Casting Call
Local Production needs talent.
Yassir Arafat look-a-like.
Great pair female Caucasian (age 20-27)
fake breasts that are willing to bounce
in a bikini top on camera.
Caucasian female 25 years old girl
looks like she is ready to have fun
and already had some last night.
House Bill 39
There is a proposed law at the Lesterslature to outlaw naughty photoshopping. Crusading blogger Andre Walker gives some examples. The page sometimes has a fundraising ad for Paul Broun, US Senate 2014.
The helpful illustration shows the lawmaker’s face, pasted on the body of an adult actor. The face, and body, are the same race. The naughty parts on the picture are pixillated, or so it is hoped. If the actor’s prop really looks like that, then he has worse problems than being involved in Georgia politics.
A Savannah newspaper has the 411 on this threat to our freedom, Nude photo spurs action on Georgia House bill. “An Augusta legislator has found himself the victim of the type of photo manipulation that he is working to outlaw. Rep. Earnest Smith is cosponsoring House Bill 39 that would make it a misdemeanor with a $1,000 fine. It is authored by fellow Democrat Pam Dickerson of Conyers who first introduced it last year in response to online attacks of a teenaged girl. “We need to do something.”
Smith said Monday that he learned last week that someone had digitally pasted his head on the body of a nude man, but he doesn’t know who did it. “I could not venture to give you an answer,” he said. The bill received no action last year, but Smith hopes this year will be different, perhaps because the picture targeting him illustrates how vulnerable all politicians are. “It can be done to anyone at any time.”
So far, he has heard no objections from free-speech advocates defending the Constitution’s First Amendment. “No one has a right to make fun of anyone. You have a right to speak, but no one has a right to disparage another person. It’s not a First Amendment right,” he said.”
It is not certain if Mr. Smith’s bill is even in consideration this year. If you google “georgia house bill 39,” you get this: “… declarations of intent and attendance records for home study programs are submitted to the Department of Education rather than local school superintendents; to provide that notice by local school systems to parents relating to unexcused absences may be made by United States mail;”
In Virginia, HB 39 has a different meaning. “Causing telephone to ring with intent to annoy. Provides that a second or subsequent conviction of the Class 3 misdemeanor of causing a telephone or digital pager to ring with intent to annoy is a Class 2 misdemeanor.”
This is written like David Foster Wallace.
Pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”
Happy Mardi Gras
It is fat tuesday again. For someone who lived most of his life in Georgia, it is just another day.
In 1990, PG went to carnival. He rented sleeping bag space in a house on Marigny Street, just outside the quarter. It was like nothing he had ever seen.
This was 14 months after PG quit drinking. If he had life to do over, he would have gone to Mardi Gras first. He did feel good about going through that much drinking without being tempted to participate.
By the end of the Rex Parade, PG was getting tired of the whole shebang, Mob scenes of drunks, in costume, can get old. PG has not been back.
Two years later, the Grateful Dead was playing at the Omni, and the camp followers were in the parking lot. PG would go on his lunch hour and observe. A young lady walked by, and PG said Happy Mardi Gras. She gave him a string of beads.
Five years after that, PG had a boss from New Orleans. He looked like the Grinch who stole Christmas. He also hated Mardi Gras. PG did not know this, and greeted him Tuesday morning with a cheerful Happy Mardi Gras. If looks could kill, PG would have dropped dead.
This is a repost. Pictures from The Library of Congress.
Candygate
There is a curious story today,Atlanta Hates Republicans: Political Correctness Bans Candy. It seems some members of Atlanta Young Republicans went to fire houses, giving candy to firemen for Valentine’s Day. It was intended as a gesture of appreciation, and was well received by some.
“That was, until, we were turned away because of political affiliation. Apparently one of the chiefs was concerned about accepting candy from a Republican group because they did not want to appear partisan. This prompted an email to a supervisor that resulted in a city-wide candy delivery shut down. I’m sorry, sir, but when did accepting candy from young professionals who wanted to solely express gratitude become a political statement? Would you have done the same thing from the Young Democrats? How about if we had been handing out steak dinners with baked potatoes and pecan pie? I’m calling you out, because I don’t think you would. It’s interesting that the further south we went into the city, the less receptive people became. (I thought liberals liked free stuff???) I could understand if we were bringing around voter registration information or pushing a certain candidate, asking for donations or had something to gain from our actions…but delivering candy? What the heck has the world come to?”
The part that gets the bells ringing here is “It’s interesting that the further south we went into the city, the less receptive people became. (I thought liberals liked free stuff???) “. Is the candypasser trying to use code words here? Does “liberal” really mean “black”? Inquiring minds want to know.
The blog that tells this story is a grammar challenged facility The Perspicacious Conservative. The conservative movement seems to have degenerated to making jokes about anyone they consider “liberal”. Evidently, not being bought off with VD candy is a liberal trait.
HT to Peach Pundit. Pictures are from big government liberals The Library of Congress. The spell check suggestion for candypasser is canvasser. This is written like Raymond Chandler.
Ramen Recipe
take an almost empty bottle of salsa
add five ounces of water
put the lid on the bottle
shake
boil the water
add the water
to crushed ramen noodles
in a bowl
put the lid on the bowl
wait five minutes
eat
clean up
Twenty More Words
PG saw the absent housemate.
who said “you didn’t like Bear Bergman’
sometimes you write stuff
people take the wrong way
spell check has limits
comprehension check is not invented
there are only twenty more words
and then you can look at the pictures
Six Letter Label
There is yet another blog post about Shirley Q. Liquor, I’m Tired of Explaining Why I’m Offended by a Racist Drag Queen. SQL is a comic character, a black woman played by Charles Knipp, who is white. The concept is not pleasing to many people.
There is a sentence in the post which needs to be broken down. “Here’s my question: When people like me say that something is potentially racist, why do we have to defend ourselves to White people who act as the final jurist of the opinion?”
To begin, people very seldom say anything as restrained as potentially racist. The judgment is made with great force and certainty. The accuser appoints herself judge, jury, and hangwoman. There is a rush to be seen denouncing the so called racist, usually at top volume.
Racist is a six letter label, just like the N word. It is a word that gets attention. Racist is casually tossed around, and is filtered out by many people. Maybe, just maybe, there are better ways to deal with situations without using this six letter judgment.
Last summer, PG received a mailer that had some questionable content. It discussed the creation of a city of Brookhaven. The mailer was displayed, and the racially obnoxious aspects of it were discussed. Six letter labels were not used.
On election day, the voters chose to create a new city. PG’s protest did not do any good. Would using a six letter label have made any difference? Probably not. This blog does not have that large of a readership. Also, some people who were troubled by the mailer felt that a new city was the correct thing to do. PG just wanted to let people know he was not pleased.
PG is white, and can only speak for himself. When he hears the word racist, his BS detector kicks into action. These arguments are rather one sided, with white people usually the bad guys. If you want to influence behavior, you might think twice before tossing a six letter label into your speech.
There is a bit of logical fallacy in that sentence. You make a statement, go past considering whether or not it is true, and go directly to asking “why”. That would seem to be the case here. When is a person made to feel that “we have to defend ourselves to White people who act as the final jurist of the opinion?” Do these PWOC (People With Out Color) use a weapon to force this explanation? Why would you have to explain yourself anyway?
It is *racially specific* that she says white people in this sentence. Would it be better if a POC (Person of Color) didn’t automatically believe everything the author says? PG, the PWOC, could also add that he has observed POC, who generally act as the final jurist on racial matters. Maybe it is POC privilege.
When you google the phrase “what is racism?”, you get 156 million results. The definition is changing everyday. Certainly when you discuss so called reverse racism, or anti PWOC nastiness, there are many who say that racism is a society wide privilege for the PWOC, and that POC cannot be racist. Whatever.
The point is, when you hyperdefine a concept like racism, you run the risk of defining racism so narrowly that offensive entertainers do not fit the definition. Shirley Q. Liquor talking about her nineteen babydaddies does not affect the larger issues of white privilege. Or maybe racism is anything that annoys a POC. At some point, the six letter label does not mean very much.
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”.
Ventriloquism for Dummies
We had to have the garage door repaired. The &%&%&% repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one &%&%&% made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two.”
My daughter and I went through the #$#$#$’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’ She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What are blind people doing driving?!
My daughter went to a local @#@#@#@ and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealer shop to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already got that side.’
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’ This is a repost.
Hastings
Jimmy Breslin is a New York journalist. He was on BookNotes, promoting something he had written about Damon Runyan. At some point, he had a few things to say about handguns.
BRESLIN: I was thinking of that with the guns. We’ve got an enormous amount of empty hands in the city of New York — poor people with empty hands — and there is a whole lot of guns coming in and those empty hands pick them up. Now, we’ve been saying just a tiny, stupid, little thing. I never understood the argument. How can you have a semi-automatic weapon, period. I mean, what are they for? … Now, I’m thinking of that this morning when they hear this gun they used in Killeen, Texas. What did he kill — 22 — with a gun?
… What reason is there for a gun — a handgun? I mean, he gets it to kill somebody with, that’s all. There’s no other reason. I don’t know why they make them. They make them to kill people with.
We just lost that guy Hastings. There was bartender, a fellow by the name of Hastings, in the city of New York. He fought at Guadalcanal and Okinawa as a Marine. Pretty good. Been around a little action, I’d say, right? He did 20 years as a New York City policeman and a detective. The day he left the job he turned in all his guns and said, “I never want to look at one of them again. I know exactly what they are. I don’t like them. Goodbye.” He was tending bar the other night in the Garden Grove, which is one of those neighborhood places that generations of working people have known in the Woodside neighborhood of Queens, and he walks out at 3 in the morning carrying some Chinese food, no gun — gave those things up, hates them — and a guy thought it was the receipts from the bar and shot him in the head with a gun. Now, if Hastings, who was around guns at Guadalcanal, doesn’t like them, what are we doing making them today so somebody can walk up and shoot him in the head? We lost a magnificent human being that way. I think that that’s politics, and I think that’s where I would write quite a bit of politics. For anybody that doesn’t vote to stop the manufacture of guns, well, he’s just contributing to murder. That’s all there is to it. I think that’s political now.
Later in the chat, there was this exchange with interviewer Brian Lamb. LAMB: When are you absolutely the happiest? BRESLIN: You’re not put on this earth to be happy. You’re really not. Now you laugh — you’ll find that’s true before we’re through. The pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”. The spell check suggestion for Breslin is Breadline.
Dear Old Basil
much less than a friend.
A sort of brother, I suppose?
Oh, brothers! I don’t care for brothers.
My elder brother won’t die,
and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.
These 33 words are from “The Portrait of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde.
The text is from The Gutenberg Project.
The pasting project is facilitated by Trifecta.
This selection is written like Kurt Vonnegut.
The Only Country That Respects Human Rights
Democracy Now is reporting on the confirmation hearings of John Brennan as Director of the Central Intelligence Agency. He is replacing David Petraeus, who resigned after a bimbo problem. Some say the real aim of the Petraeus scandal was to get Mr. Brennan into the Director’s job.
During the Global War on Terror, the United States used a method called extraordinary rendition. This is where suspects are taken to another country, where they are assumed to be tortured. Mr. Brennan was involved in this practice during the administration of George W. Bush. The quote that follows is from a PBS interview in 2005.
MARGARET WARNER: Why would you not … keep him in the United States’ custody? Is it because we want another country to do the dirty work?
JOHN BRENNAN: No, I don’t think that’s it at all. Also, I think it’s rather arrogant to think that we’re the only country that respects human rights I think that we have a lot of assurances from these countries that we hand over terrorists to that they will in fact respect human rights. And there are different ways to gain those assurances. But also, let’s say an individual goes to Egypt, because they’re an Egyptian citizen. And Egyptians then have a longer history in terms of dealing with them, and they have family members and others that they can bring in, in fact, to be part of the whole interrogation process.
Sen. Ron Wyden of Oregon is leading the opposition to Mr. Brennan. “Every American has the right to know when their government believes it’s allowed to kill them. I don’t think that, as one person said, that is too much to ask.”
You can’t make this stuff up. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Banana Slicer
Those fun loving merchandise mongers at Amazon have an amazing new product for the home, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. It is a piece of plastic, shaped like yellow fruit, with a row of teeth that separate all kinds of fruit into slices. The advertising above the fold says ” Faster, safer than using a knife, Great for cereal, Plastic, dishwasher safe, Slice your banana with one quick motion, Kids love slicing their own bananas.”
Of course, not everyone believes the hype. Don’t believe the lie January 3, 2013 r3ronald “Description clearly states “Great for cereal.” However, my experience subjecting cereal to the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer left me with nothing more than a milk-sodden shirt and bitter remorse.”
Some feel betrayed by this product. This product ruined my marriage August 29, 2012 Doubtful Divorcee “I met my husband years ago on a blind date at a tropical fruit convention. We instantly hit it off and he soon fell in love with my banana slicing skills, and we were quickly married. Every morning there were perfectly sliced bananas to top his waffles, his cereal, even as garnishes for his eggs. That’s why he loved me. My perfectly sliced bananas. We were in wedded bliss. But I was a fraud, I had been using this banana slicer instead of cutting up his bananas perfectly with a knife. Before he woke up I would sneak downstairs and use the Victorio 571B on the bananas, put them on a cutting board, and place a knife next to them and quickly hide the slicer. I loved how he would praise my banana slicing skills to everyone, anytime, even during our romantic embraces. One morning I came into the kitchen and he was already there, holding the slicer. He asked how long I had been faking my slicing skills, and told me I had betrayed him, our marriage, and everything that our relationship was based on. He called a divorce attorney that morning, and now I am alone and working three jobs to make ends meet.”
For every sad tale like that told by Doubtful Divorcee, there is an upbeat success story. Saved my marriage July 30, 2012 Mrs Toledo “What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!”
There are two more five star reviews on the front page of this ad, the fabled “Most Helpful Customer Reviews.” There are 2827 reviews of this product, with more written as we speak. Clearly, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer has made an impact on the quality of American lives. The use of reviewer stage names makes it impossible to know if Lorena Bobbit endorses this device.
GREAT Gift August 3, 2012 Uncle Pookie “Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using – it works much better. Ordering one for my nephew who’s in the air force in California. He’s been using an old slinky to slice his banana’s. He should really enjoy this product!”
Such a time saver September 24, 2012 lloydravn “No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!”
Outright fraud September 26, 2012 M. Heiss (REAL NAME) “This banana slicer comes with no bananas. The photograph clearly shows bananas. You mean it costs 5 bucks and I still have to go to the grocery store for bananas? Outrageous greedy 1%ers. The revolution can’t come soon enough.”
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011 SW3K “For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.”
Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”.
This is written like Vladimir Nabokov.
Chamblee54 
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