Meet Oliver Anthony
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What if Your Neighbor Asks You to Call Her a Him? Andy Naselli
Journalism fails miserably at explaining what is really happening to America
I’m so sorry for psychology’s loss, whatever it is plane crashed nobody checked the bodies
Meet Oliver Anthony: The New Voice of America’s Working Class
No Nobel Prize for Math … mathematician carrying on an affair with Alfred Nobel’s wife?
Vous dites que je suis une énigme de l’attribution des prix Nobel de 2014
Understanding Gender Radicalism and White Racial Guilt as Ersatz Religious Movements
Ram Dass | Methods to Consciousness Part 2 [Black Screen/No Music]
A crackdown on ‘woke’ coverage is tearing Atlanta magazine apart
Backroom deals and elasticity clause increase public cost of Cop City
history of anti-immigrant bias, starting with Benjamin Franklin’s hatred of Germans
The Supreme Court Is Infected With the ‘Most Damaging’ Human Bias
wendell wilkie ~ jre nobel ~ abb ~ briarcliff rd ~ burning nan
lgf ~ fracking ~ guide to tom waits ~ mermaids ~ Philology
lexicographer ~ aphotic ~ paranoid ~ mantra ~ maja nin
Anaïs Nin ~ Anaïs Nin ~ oliver anthony ~ quotidian ~ nobel
nobel ~ gadsen flag ~ oxycodone ~ peter berg ~ nyc
cannabis ~ dear colton ~ cop city ~ diane vail ~ commentary
ar15 ~ quotidian ~ merchant of death ~ Peter Berg ~ nobel ~ nobel
o’connor on mccullers ~ carson mccullers ~ lift him up ~ abpw ~ jimmy buffet
cary grant ~ Miss Welch ~ Mister Ed ~ nobel obituary ~ nobel prize
nobel prize ~ alfred nobel’s will ~ waits ~ idiotie ~ wokeism flaw ~ famous people ~ blusky
The problem with the Alfred Nobel Story The story about Nobel has a problem. The newspaper clipping is from a publication called “L’Idiotie Quotadine” The headline is in English. reddit rejected this twice ~ galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” ~ is the Bible #nonbinary ? Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” ~ @MasterTimBlais Let me tell you the story of this still of stephen colbert wearing meat goggles, my buddy Frank, and how I learned to distrust science journalism 1/ ~ the “AR” in AR-15 stands for “ArmaLite Rifle” … The AR-15 is closely related to the military M16 and M4 Carbine rifles, which all share the same core design. Invented by infantry rifle designer Eugene Stoner in 1956 …in 1956 for use in the 7.62 NATO caliber ArmaLite AR-10 battle rifle Jesse “do they mean giving rides to furry events, or rides on a furry horse” Katie “that’s your fantasy Jesse” ~ SPAM Filtering – Karma and Account Age Minimums You must meet Karma and account age minimums to post to this subreddit. This rule is in response to massive amounts of SPAM we’ve been receiving. WE DO NOT DISCLOSE THE MINIMUMS FOR ACCOUNT AGE OR KARMA. When we did disclose those numbers, spammers simply bought accounts that met those requirements and continued to spam the subreddit. Increase your karma by visiting other subreddits that do not have minimum requirements and make posts and comments that contribute positively to that forum. ~ L’Idiotie Quotadine ~ “The causes and consequences of America’s opioid epidemic unfold in this drama following its perpetrators, victims and an investigator seeking the truth.” ~ quotadine The word you’ve entered isn’t in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above. ~ quotadine Sorry, no results for “Quotadine” in the French-English Dictionary. ~ Suggestions proposées par le correcteur quotidien aquitaine aquitain quatrain quittaient quotidienne quêtaient quittai quota quêtai ~ Apparently, the word quotadine, with that spelling, does not exist in either french or english ~ pictures are from The Library of Congress ~ selah
How To Start A Fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift… The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.” “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.”
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.”
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds .” I bought her a bathroom scale.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house… When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.” The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and then I discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.” My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
These human interest stories are borrowed from Expressing Myself. This is a repost, with pictures from The Library of Congress. “Halloween party at Shafter Camp for migrant agricultural workers. Shafter, California.” November 1938. Photographer: Dorothea Lange.
Was Mae West A Man?
August 17 is birthday 130 for Mary Jane “Mae” West. Of course, she died in 1980, so the party is off. PG saw a note on facebook, and made the comment “She was rumored to be a man.” One right click google search later, this post started to take shape. This is a repost.
There is a blogspot site, maewest.blogspot.com. It is still published. Five years ago there was a post, Mae West: Penis Rumors. It seems as though Miss West liked to say, to the press, “When I die, you are going to be very surprised!”
A hollywood gossipmonger had a story, Was Mae West … A Man?! Much of her information comes from the tasteful findadeath site. The story here is that Mae West died in 1950, and the death was kept quiet. Her brother made appearances in her place, until the final death in 1980. This would have been quite a feat, considering that John Edwin West died in 1964. That doesn’t stop people from talking.
“…the real Mae West died somewhere around 1950, give or take a couple years, and rather than let the show stop, it was announced that not Mae, but her brother, died. Of course, the brother then became Mae West and carried on until November 1980. If you look carefully at photos from around 1950 on it definitely looks like a different person not to mention the big hands and masculine features, bone structure, etc. I may not have all the details 100% correct but I would almost put money on the fact that the ‘Mae West’ ‘who died in 1980 had a weenie!!”
The hands were mentioned by Raquel Welch. The two were in Myra Breckinridge, the first movie Miss West had made in 27 years. (Miss West appeared on Mister Ed in 1964.) Miss Welch appeared at a film festival in 2012, and had stories to tell.
“When I went over to say hello to her (one day) I said, ‘Hi, it’s Raquel, remember?’ She sort of extended her hand to me and I went to kiss the ring and one false fingernail painted silver fell to the floor. I looked at the hand and I thought, ‘Oh, I’m getting a vibe.’ I really think she’s a man! At this point in her life all bets are off and you’re not going to be able to doll it up that much. I would say it’s pretty accurate that she resembled a dock worker in drag.” …
“I had this beautiful dress and it was black with a big white ruffle around the neck and a black velvet hat … Apparently Mae got wind of the fact that I was wearing this exquisite dress and I went to the studio that day for our scene together. I got coiffed, got my hair done and went to the closet to get the dress and it wasn’t there. I asked my dresser what happened to the dress and she said, ‘It’s been confiscated. Mae does not want you to wear that dress. You can wear the red dress that you wore in the last scene!’ … Welch was so outraged that she stormed off the set and refused to return until the dress was back in her closet. … “For the scene, we never appeared in a two-shot together. She left after she did her lines and I had someone off-camera reading her lines and I had to pretend she was there.”
Pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Intellectual Bulimia
One of the touted TED talks in the weekly email is Color blind or color brave? It is by Mellody Hobson, a POC in the investment business. It is the standard call to talk more about race. Talk, talk, talk, and talk some more. The word listen is not used.
At the 3:13 mark, Mrs. Hobson makes a remarkable statement. “Now I know there are people out there who will say that the election of Barack Obama meant that it was the end of racial discrimination for all eternity, right?” (Yes, this is a TED talk.) It is possible that someone has said that. There are also people who say the earth is flat.
PG asked Mr. Google about this. The top two results are about the TED talk. The third result is an article in Forbes magazine, Racism In America Is Over. It is written by John McWhorter, one of the “black guys at Bloggingheads.tv.” Dr. McWhorter does say racism is over, sort of. The problems that remain are a lot worse. Too much food for thought, for a population with intellectual bulimia.
There is a quote in the Forbes article that is pure gold. “When decrying racism opens no door and teaches no skill, it becomes a schoolroom tattletale affair. It is unworthy of all of us: “He’s just a racist” intoned like “nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!””
There are a lot more results. PG is getting tired of looking. If you want to see for yourself, google “the election of Barack Obama meant that it was the end of racial discrimination for all eternity.” Except for a rogue title editor at Forbes, almost nobody has said that. This is a repost. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
L’Idiotie Quotadine
Peter Berg told a story on the Joe Rogan Experience. A newspaper printed an obituary, saying Alfred Nobel had died. (It was Ludvig Nobel, Alfred’s brother, who died.) Alfred Nobel had accumulated a fortune by inventing dynamite. The obituary called him a “merchant of death.” Mr. Nobel decided he wanted to be known for something else, and established the Nobel prize. Alfred Nobel died December 10, 1896, eight years after Ludvig died.
I was in skeptic mode, and decided to talk to Mr. Google. A story came up. It had a photograph of the headline … in English … in a newspaper called L’Idiotie Quotadine (Quotadine Idiocy.) History.com has another take. “The newspaper incident is often cited as the driving force behind Nobel’s philanthropy, but historians have yet to find an original copy of the “Merchant of Death” obituary.”
A google search for Quotadine led me to Kathy “Kathy Loves Physics” Joseph. She has an article, and two videos, (one two) about the Nobel urban legend. Apparently, the word quotadine, with that spelling, does not exist in either french or english.
The short version: The term “Merchants of Death” was coined in 1932, 43 years after the death of Ludwig Nobel. “The term seems to have been coined by an author of an article written in 1932 about a real character named Basil Zaharoff who was known for his ruthlessness, selling munitions to anyone who had enough money. In fact, Zaharoff was even known to encourage conflict and then sell arms to both sides! This article was poetically titled, “Zaharoff, Merchant of Death”
In later years, a pair of biographies (Fant Halasz) applied the MOD tag to Mr. Nobel, along with the festive origin story. The truth seems to be a bit more romantic. Mr. Nobel befriended a lady named Bertha Von Suttner, who seems to be a be a bit of a character. As time moved on, Mrs. Von Suttner became involved in a peace movement, and recruited Mr. Nobel to the cause. “In 1905, Bertha von Suttner was awarded the 4th Nobel Peace prize.”
Peter Berg is the JRE guest who told this tale. Mr. Berg is promoting a tv show, Painkiller, about the Oxycontin tragedy. At least some of what he is saying about opioids is the truth. It is a shame he needs to embellish that tale with Quotadine Idiocy. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
#NationalTellAJokeDay Part Two
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog? It was a shih tzu
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica … it was dreadful
How can a woman terrify her gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquists.
How do you circumcise a whale? A: Send down 4 skin divers.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?……………………………………………..
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I entered 10 puns into a contest. I hoped one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
I hate going to abortion clinics cause there’s never anything to hang your coat
I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
Randy once told a joke to the ruler of China. They didn’t get it because it wasn’t metric
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
The guy who invented a place to put symbols on a map, what a legend!
This guy walked into a bar one day. He should have looked in front of him
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal said to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
What concert cost 45 cents? 50 cents featuring Nickelback.
What did number 0 say to number 8? ….nice belt!
What did the policeman say to his stomach ….. you’re under a vest
What did the taxi driver say to the wolf? Where Wolf?
What do doctors give sick birds…. Tweetment
What do you call a bee born in May? A Maybe!
What do you call a guy with a spade in his head? Dug
What do you call a man with a tiny penis? Justin
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie. Happy #nationaljokeday
What do you call nasal sex? Fuck nose….
what’s the difference between a pregnant women and a lightbulb…. You can unscrew a lightbulb
Where do the Polish keep their armies ? in their sleevies
Where’s the best place to hide a dead body? Page 2 of Google search results.
Why are there gates around graveyards? Because people are just dying to get in.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!
Why did the duck cross the road …. to prove he wasn’t a chicken
Why did the duck get arrested?? Because he was selling quack
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn’t have an ear for music. ;)
Why do many bars not allow neutrons to enter? Cause they always refuse to be charged..
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
Why was the mermaid wearing seashells? Because she outgrew her B shells
Why was there guitar teacher arrested….. For fingering a minor
This is a repost. Pictures are from Georgia State University Library.
082723
On December 31, 1988, my life was at a crossroads. While not physiologically addicted, I was not comfortable with my alcohol consumption. It was 34 years & 238 days into my life. At a few minutes after midnight, I finished the last beer.
Today is August 27, 2023. I am 69 years & 113 days old. It is, approximately, 34 years & 238 days since I finished that last beer.
I made a promise to not be a preachy jerk. For the most part, I have kept this promise. In a perfect life, I would have learned moderation, and social skills. I could enjoy drinking with friends. Unfortunately, this was not part of the plan. While I do not have a perfect life, I have a life. If I did not quit drinking, I probably would not. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
One History Of Religion
I was a southern baptist all my life. Arguably, I became a baptist when my mother converted in 1938, but really didn’t get with the program until I was born in 1954. The story is that Daddy called the choir director at six in the morning to sign me up.
First Baptist in Atlanta was a big church on Peachtree street, about a mile north of downtown. (A few years ago, they sold the land to a developer, and moved to the suburbs. I was working a block away when they tore down the building, and got some chips of brick as a souvenir.) I sang in the “cherub” choir. This was quite an experience when we performed in front of a full house. I have good memories of Sunday school, vacation bible school, and the choir program.
One thing I did not like, even at that young age, was the preacher. He was a greasy haired man who shouted a lot, and had a mean streak. Years later, I heard persistent rumors that he was gay. (I should note that this is not Charles Stanley. It is the man who preceded him.) One Sunday, we were watching him preach, and he shouted, “this is the word of G-d”. He then waved a Bible in the air, and slammed it into the pulpit. I thought, if that is the word of G-d, maybe he shouldn’t slam it down like that.
In 1962, mom and dad decided to move to a church closer to home. I liked Briarcliff Baptist. About this time, I first heard about being “saved from sin”, and thought it was a pretty cool idea. I also was in the cub scouts, and since their meetings were the same day as choir practice, I quit the choir. I attended church regularly the next few years, but never did join the church, and get baptized. The custom of pressuring children to make a “commitment of faith”, and get baptized, reflects poorly on Jesus. There are some other family issues that came up about this time. They are too personal to get into here, but they affected my attitude towards the church.
After a while, I was 17 years old, and working in a restaurant that was open until 1am on Saturday night. I decided one Sunday that I didn’t want to get up for church. I have only been back to that building once in the intervening 50 years. This is a repost, with pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2023 Part Two
Part Two of the 2020 chamblee54 report on The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is here. Part one is there. Pictures for this affair are from The Library of Congress.
Sitting on the saloon stool, Cody quickly downed some liquid courage before reading what he thought would be grim news about his brother at the Battle of Shiloh, but the telegram turned out to be from that mysterious company who kept offering to extend his horse warranty.
Douglas Purdy, Roseville, CA
I stared out at the crepuscular finish to the day, considering all of the factors, all of the options, all of the consequences, my brain twitching in much the same manner as my colon had following my last feast of convenience store sushi. Timbo Gillespie, Orange, CA
The oyster slid down his throat, leaving it raw and scratchy, and for my sake, thought Pete, why people considered them delicious was mysterious, though as a case in point he noticed his companions had pried theirs open and were eating only what was inside.
Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ
“Admitting the need for change is the first step toward recovery—I’m really proud of you,” said the first-year psych student, moonlighting as a supercilious clerk at the mini-mart, and Jane responded, “I’m really just trying to break a twenty and get some ones.” John Tracy, Palm Desert, CA
Having sent his wife Rosemary to their cabin (for it was an unlit and turbulent night at sea), Basil maintained his position at the helm while the driving rain peppered his graying ginger hair, and the old salt thought sagely that it was a good thing he was a well-seasoned sailor.
Donna Parsons, Tulsa, OK
That night she looked a million dollars, which, when considering the sum of her lifetime outlay on her cosmetic surgery ($456,783), her wardrobe ($893,324), her hair and make-up ($379,330) and her jewelry ($432,339), was a poor return, indeed a hefty deficit. Joseph Williams, Devizes, Wiltshire, UK
It wasn’t the way that she moved that first caught Edward’s attention but rather that she didn’t move at all, and her cold porcelain-like skin set his heart aflame because after all, she was the most beautiful corpse he had ever laid eyes on. Ryan Hanaway, Dearborn, MI
While she had no regrets about throwing the lever to douse her husband’s mistress in molten gold, Blanche did feel a pang of conscience for the innocent bystanders whose proximity had caused them to suffer gilt by association. Adam Chmelka, Olathe, KS
Half of Rome was ablaze, but the emperor Nero reclined in his palace, plinking out a disconsolate tune on his lyre, when the door flew open, and in charged his favorite mistress (barking mad but delightfully zaftig) with a knife in each hand, and evidently set on regime change, forcing Nero to leap to his feet and snarl “Come on, baby, fight my lyre!” Daniel Smith, Centennial, CO
“Brawl, grapple, battle, spar, roughhouse, clash, combat, altercation, dust up”, the drunken cowpoke grunted at the lawman, a wobbly hand dangling above his pistol like a spider waiting to descend upon on a helpless fly but Sheriff Thesaurus only stared him down coldly and responded through gritted teeth: “Mister, them’s fightin’ words.” Donald J. Hicks, Manchester, NJ
“Wagon’s Ho!”, shouted Sweaty Mike the trail boss, waving his hat dramatically over his head, and though his grammatical error remained effective at directing the wagon train to begin the day’s travel, he failed to recognize that he had just given Lumpy Maude, the caravan’s only “working girl,” a new nickname in the process. Eric Williamson, Nine Mile Falls, WA
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2023
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has announced the results of the 2023 competition. Every year, B-LFC solicits opening sentences for bad novels. The “winners” of this competition receive heartfelt condolences from all concerned. Chamblee54 uses B-LFC as an excuse for text to go between pictures every year, like this. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
As a “value added service,” chamblee54 compiles a list of noteworthy author names and locations. This years notables: Adam Chmelka, Olathe, KS, Ananya Benegal, St. Louis, MO, Candy Mosley, Hydro, OK, Clark Snodgrass, Huntington Beach, CA, David Snook, Berkeley, CA, Frederick Ankowski, Santa Monica, CA, Gary Funk, Sacramento, CA, Gloria Glau Burkstaller, Rome, Italy, Haley Shirley, Greensboro NC, Jaya Basu, Chestertown, MD, Joran Boersma, Drachten, The Netherlands, Julian Calvin, Atlanta, GA, Jyri And, Estonia, Larry Nixon, Qualicum Beach, Canada, Maya Pasic, New York, NY, Mugdhaa Ranade, Mumbai, India, Oliver Mauserthan, Jacksonville, FL, Rob Greer, Queen Creek, AZ, Wilhelmina Lyre, Hausen, Germany
The tall, slender seductress had Tom Pauley wrapped around her little finger, and she had James McGee hanging from a necklace, but the police were still waiting for the lab results to determine whose body parts she had used to make her earrings and that stunning tennis bracelet.
Julian Calvin, Atlanta, GA
As Snow White met with her new, cheaper, replacement dwarfs for the first time, shaking hands in turn with the likes of Sweaty, Greasy, and Flabby, aptly named identical twins Grabby and Gropy, and proud owner-of-a-joy-buzzer Scabby, she found herself wondering if the savings would prove to be worth it, and she was about to learn why the others were so afraid of the seventh new dwarf, the oddly named Uzi. David Snook, Berkeley, CA
After the unfortunate events involving the wicked stepmothers of Cinderella, Snow White, and Hansel and Gretel, the city council set out to ban all men from remarrying until further notice. Ezra Greenhill, Portland, OR
Having attended Oktoberfest, taken in the beautiful foliage of New England, gone apple-picking, roamed through a corn maze, and visited a pumpkin patch, one thing was certain—Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall. Mark Meiches, Dallas, TX
For the third time this week, Lassie dragged Timmy from the well, and while she performed CPR wondered when the Martins would have the good sense to connect to the public water supply instead of living in their libertarian fantasy-world of self-reliance. Joel Phillips, Weston Trenton, NJ
Officer Meyer Briggs burst into the bedroom and saw Professor Rorschach standing over the body of his mother, bloody knife in hand, “I swear it’s not what it looks like!” Rorschach exclaimed. Justin C. McCarthy, Cranston, RI
She waltzed into the place like a spring thaw, all flushed and bursting with promises of warm and cloying things to come but I stopped her in her tracks with a dream-grounding “This is a detective agency sweetcakes, not a dance studio.” Larry Nixon, Qualicum Beach, Canada
It was a dark and stormy night when I decided that opening was far too clichéd for my erudite, scintillating novel, so I withdrew my indispensable, adroit thesaurus and compelled my readers to penetrate a tenebrific, aphotic, tempestuous, acrimonious nightertale. Jaya Basu, Chestertown, MD It was a dark and stormy night a few weeks before this story began, and since ‘damp and drizzly’ and ‘slightly breezy’ aren’t very atmospheric, let’s fudge the dates and start there instead. Vanessa Bullock, Earby, Lancashire, UK
It was a dark and stormy night and, having only cans of chili, corn, and sauerkraut in my meager larder, I mixed my supper, knowing that if the electricity went out I, at least, would have gas. Michael Karasik, Novato, CA
None of the soldiers, their reddened faces wet from boutonnière squirts, their bodies covered in feathers hurled from buckets, wanted to admit the 102nd Clown Infantry Division had routed them at the Battle of Little Big Top. Brent Guernsey, Springfield, VA
Famous Last Words
The elephant in the room is a popular internet cliche. In this picture, the elephant looks like the ghastly wallpaper, both of which are best ignored. PG wanted to make a comment. The only appropriate thing to do, in a situation involving wallpaper and an elephant, is to quote Oscar Wilde, on his deathbed. “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.”
When discussing Oscar Wilde, elephants, and wallpaper, it is important to get the correct quote. Mr. Google has a great deal to say, on the subject of last words. Peggy Lee sang about it. Unfortunately, the chanteuse was in very bad health at the end of her life. Peggy Lee probably did not say “Is that all there is?” on her deathbed.
On October 14, 1977, Bing Crosby “… finished 18 holes of golf carding an 85 … After his final putt Bing … remarked “It was a great game.” As he was walking to the clubhouse … he collapsed from a massive heart attack. … “We thought he had just slipped,” said one of his golfing companions.”
Adelaide Eugenia Bankhead “… first child, daughter Ada Eugenia, was born on January 24, 1901. The following year, Tallulah was born on their anniversary. Ada died tragically of blood poisoning just three weeks following Tallulah’s birth. On her deathbed, she told her sister-in-law to “take care of Eugenia, Tallulah will always be able to take care of herself”. This, like many other legendary last words, may too good to be true.
The Atlantic had a tasteful feature, “What Are the Best Last Words Ever?” Here are a few.
John Adams July 4, 1826 “Thomas Jefferson survives.”
Unbeknownst to Mr. Adams, Mr. Jefferson had died about five hours earlier.
Richard Feynman “I’d hate to die twice—it’s so boring”
O. Henry appeared to have stopped breathing, but was he really dead? Touch his feet, suggested one of the mourners clustered around his bed: Nobody ever died with warm feet. Whereupon, the short-story writer raised his head from the pillow, mumbled “Joan of Arc did,” and fell back dead.
Dylan Thomas “I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys. I think that’s the record.”
Union Major General John Sedgwick “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Said while reprimanding his men for ducking for cover, just before he was killed at the Battle of Spotsylvania.
Ludwig Von Beethoven “I shall hear in heaven.”
An unverified tumblr contributes a few more zingers.
Edgar Allan Poe “Lord help my poor soul.”
Thomas Hobbes “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark.”
Alfred Jarry “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
Washington Irving “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
Leo Tolstoy “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “More light.”
Karl Marx “Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!”
Voltaire “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”
François-Marie Arouet was asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
James Joyce “Does nobody understand?”
A certain popup crazy website has a few more last words. Some of these were really said. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
James Dean “That guy’s gotta stop… He’ll see us.”
Henry James “So here it is at last, the expected thing.”
Marie Antoinette “Pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose.”
George Appel “Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.” Mr. Appel was executed by electric chair in 1928; these were his last words. Here’s two more: “Gents, this is an educational project. You are about to witness the damaging effect electricity has on Wood.” Said by Fredrick Charles Wood before he was electrocuted in 1951. “Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries!’” James French, 1966.
Chuck Palahniuk And Joe Rogan
Joe Rogan Experience #1158 – Chuck Palahniuk hit the internet recently. Mr. Palahniuk (Paula Neek) writes trendy books, most famously Fight Club. Mr. Palahniuk is pleased to hear people say “the first rule of…” It makes him think he has had an impact on the culture. This is a repost.
Inevitably, authors talk about their writing habits. Mr. Palahniuk fills up notebooks in longhand. When he gets bored, or is killing time in an airport, he begins to type these notes. To quote Truman Capote, this is not writing, this is typing.
One of the themes of this conversation is what offends people. The author of Guts knows about giving offense. Often, people are not especially offended themselves, but are offended on behalf of other people. Mr. Palahniuk uses the phrase “white knighting,” to describe this protective umbrage taking. Per urban dictionary: “White knighting Defending someone who does not wish to be defended.” White knighting is woke whitesplaining.
Two especially tasteful stories were told. If you are inclined to get offended, for any reason at all, you probably should skip over these two stories. The pictures, by The Library of Congress, are safe. Both of these stories are by well known authors, who are named in the interview. If you want to know who they are, you will have to listen to the interview. Once again, these stories are hard core, and you should take great caution in reading them. If you like these stories, there are more in the podcast.
Upon further consideration, it has been determined that one of the stories is too much. If you want to hear it, you can listen to the podcast. … The break room at a hospital was next to the room where autopsies were performed, with a glass window looking in. A twelve year old boy was on the slab, having died in a bicycle accident. The Pathologist cut away the boy’s face, and peeled it back, so that it hung over his jaw. This exposed a dark red layer of muscle, covering the face. The man looked at this, and said “that’s the color I want to paint my den.”
Mr. Palahniuk has had a lively career. A crooked business manager stole a great deal of money from him. Since he is no longer filthy rich, but merely filthy minded, he continues to produce books. Fight Club 3 is in the pipeline. It will probably be accompanied by a promotional tour, with more grossout stories for the clamoring public.
Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Paul Carter, 1903-1938, photographer Date Created/Published: Sept. 1936 Untitled photo, possibly related to: Negro workers on Newport News Homesteads, Virginia Untitled photo, possibly related to: Negroes on a picnic, Newport News, Virginia Lunch hour at Newport News Homesteads, Virginia
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