Chamblee54

This is a double repost from this time four years ago. They were originally posted in a red, white, and blue font. This is one mistake which will not be repeated, at least not today.
Both features are on the theme of patriotism for skeptics. America has given me a good life, and I appreciate this. The problem is crooks and liars who make patriotic noise while robbing you blind. They think that waving the flag will distract you from their thievery, and often they are right.
These features were originally posted forty eight months ago. A few things have happened in that time. The economy has gone from bad to horrific. Lots of carbon dioxide has been pumped into the atmosphere, which may not affect us for a while, but probably will. The Gulf of Mexico has been poisoned. Israel killed women and children in Gaza, and is threatening to do the same in Iran. Meanwhile, Iran had a crooked election, and the people fought back. This is similar to what is going on in Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, and Syria.
The US dollar, with all its problems, is still the preferred currency of the world. There was speculation a while back that the Euro would replace the dollar in this role. The Euro is in worse shape than the dollar these days. All is not hopeless.
The U S of A elected a dark skinned man POTUS. Many said that race relations would be different, but that has not worked out very well. The combat troops were withdrawn from Iraq, but Babylon is still in a world of hurt. The new POTUS discovered the wonders of robomurder eight time zones away, and has wasted many women and children. Nuclear armed Pakistan gets more edgy every day. Maybe the best thing to do is live in the past, and enjoy some repeat posts. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. These images are Union Soldiers from the War Between The States.

The following is a repost . It was originally published in a red, white, and blue font. As a service to the readers, today’s posting will be in green. Yellowdoggrannie is going strong, and has not forgiven W.
I read an item at yellowdoggrannie’s place this morning. It was a link to a video about the writing of the Star Spangled Banner. YDG said it made her cry. It set off my BS detector. I am not a history buff. I do know that the War of 1812 was not the most glorious part of American History.
In 1812, Napoleon was on a rampage, but about to screw up. He invaded Russia on June 24, just six days after the U.S. Congress gave approval to “Mr. Madison’s War”. According to St. Wikipedia, the declaration passed by the smallest margin of any war declaration in American History.
The War was caused by several things. The British were “impressing” sailors for duty in their Navy. Among the deserters and British subjects were some Americans. The British were supporting the Native Americans who were fighting the white man. There was also some talk ( in Washington) about annexing territory in Canada, either to keep, or to use as a bargaining chip with the British.
On the East side of the Atlantic, England had a change of government at this time, towards a regime that wanted peace with America. This being the early nineteenth century, word of this development did not make it to America in time to stop the War.
The War went on for a couple of years. It distracted the British from fighting Napoleon, and was a strain on the young American republic. In the Summer of 1814, negotiations were underway to end the conflict. The British launched a few military campaigns to put pressure on the U.S.A. Washington D.C. was captured and burned. The next move was the capture of Baltimore.
This is where the video begins its tale. Where the video said hundreds of British ships, Wikipedia says 19. An attorney, Francis Scott Key, was negotiating the release of an American POW. He secured his release, but they could not leave until the bombardment of Fort McHenry was complete.Here is an account of the story:At Fort McHenry, some 1,000 soldiers under the command of Major George Armistead awaited the British naval bombardment…. The attack began in the evening of September 13, as the British fleet of some nineteen ships began pounding the fort with Congreve rockets (from rocket vessel HMS Erebus) and mortar shells (from bomb vessels HMS Terror, HMS Volcano, HMS Meteor, HMS Devastation, and HMS Aetna). After an initial exchange of fire, the British fleet withdrew to just beyond the range of Fort McHenry’s cannons and continued to bombard the American redoubts for the next 25 hours.Although 1,500 to 1,800 cannonballs were launched at the fort, damage was minimal.
After nightfall, Cochrane ordered a landing to be made by medium boats to the shore just west of the fort, away from the harbor opening on which the fort’s defense was concentrated….Operating in darkness and in foul weather, the diversionary attack failed. On the morning of September 14, the 30 ft (9.1 m) × 42 ft oversized American flag, which had been made a few months before by local flagmaker Mary Pickersgill and her 13 year old daughter, flew over Fort McHenry, and Cochrane and Brooke knew that victory had eluded them
Mr. Key saw the flag the next day. He wrote a poem to the tune of a British drinking song, “To Anacreon in Heaven”. The song was made the National Anthem in 1931, and has been (badly) sung ever since. Two extra words, “Play Ball”, were added later.
On September 24, the Treaty of Ghent ended the conflict. The verdict was “status quo ante bellum”. In other words, nothing was changed by the death of those men. The war was, in effect, over when the Battle of Baltimore was fought. The word of the treaty did not reach America for a few weeks. (The Battle of New Orleans was fought after the end of the War.)
The video said the Flag at Fort McHenry was held up through the night by men, many of whom died. This might be true. It is also true that the negotiations were about to yield fruit. It would take a few weeks for word of the Battle of Baltimore to reach Europe, at which point the War was already over. Status Quo Ante Bellum.

Patriotism is one of the games that almost everyone plays. The rules seem to vary.
In 1967, JSM was flying planes in Nam, I was in the eighth grade, and BHO was in the first grade. He was in Hawaii, which might have been where JSM went for R&R if Hanoi did not have other ideas. America was about to hit a turning point about the Vietnam War. At first people were supportive, albeit without much enthusiasm. Opposition started to arise, and was frequently confused with treason. As the war dragged on, the homefront began to see things differently.
To this reporter, many of the patriots of 1967 were the ones who opposed the war. The conflict in Indochina was to cause many problems for the United States. Eventually, Richard Nixon got a fig leaf treaty that he called Peace with Honor. The early opposition was heard, but not after losing more than fifty eight thousand fine men.
That is the first way to be a patriot…to keep an eye on the government, and speak out in opposition when it is needed. Another way is to keep the United States strong and healthy. One way to do this is work hard and pay taxes. Now, the conservative windbags whine loudly about paying taxes. They want to pay for the current war by cutting taxes to make the economy grow. If we had no taxes at all the economy would grow even more.
The war in Babylon was an experiment in war without sacrifice. There was a tax cut when it was apparent we were planning an invasion. The national debt has gone out of control, and the federal reserve bank has cut the interest rates. The result is that the dollar is not worth as much as it once was. The oil market is based on the dollar. Oil is just as valuable as ever. The dollar is not, and it takes more dollars to buy a barrel of oil. This is an important factor in the rise of gas prices.
The way to keep America strong is to follow the three basic rules of the workplace: show up, stay awake, don’t kill anyone The citizens of the United States are a remarkable group of people. One way to be a patriot is to show respect for these people, and for yourself.
Another way to help America is to quit consuming so much. If we drove smarter, we would not need as much gasoline. We would not be so big if we didn’t eat as much. Maybe you can put a sweater on in the winter instead of turning up the thermostat. We are heading in this direction, but have a way to go.
Much of what you hear and read is not true. The so called conservatives are just as guilty as the so called mainstream media. Think for yourself. The freedom to think is a part of America that you are sometimes discouraged from exercising, but it is important.
This is a dangerous world, and we have a military to keep them away from our borders. We are also involved in a tough war of our own choosing. It is to be hoped that our next President will find an acceptable conclusion to this conflict.
Meanwhile, this is the fourth of july. It is a day to enjoy the good life we have here. America is a fine country. It has given me a good life. While I am not blind to the problems, there is no where else I would rather be.

One part of life taken for granted in America is indoor running water. You turn on a faucet, and get what you need. There are concerns about the future, and fussing about water rights. What does happen here is a person walking to a water vendor to buy a 20 liter supply of water. In Kenya, that is a way of life.
Kibera is euphemistically known as an informal settlement. It is located in Nairobi, Kenya. A land mass 75% the size of New York’s Central Park is home to a lot of people. “More accurately, Kibera turned into an unauthorized settlement after Kenya gained independence in 1963 and the new government made illegal certain forms of housing. Nonetheless, landlords rented out cheap properties to impoverished Kenyans who could not afford legal housing, and has since earned the reputation of being one of Africa’s largest urban slums. Importantly, the precise population of Kibera is hotly debated and remains uncertain. Some estimates are as high as one million and others as low as 170,000 (e.g, 2009 Kenya Census). Estimates are difficult because Kibera is made up of residents who are extremely mobile, and often prefer to remain in the shadow of the law.”
Very few of the residents have running water. Every day, people have to carry a 20 liter jerrycan to a water vendor. Often, there are shortages, and the price goes up. The water is often contaminated. There are water mafias, which create artificial shortages to boost the price.
“If the root of water problems in Kibera centered on price and supply it may be more manageable, but issues of water quality substantially complicate clean water delivery systems. Most water pipes in Kibera run above ground and are made of plastic (due to issues with theft of steel pipes), which are highly fragile and easily manipulated. These pipes will often crack or break (either accidentally due to traffic or intentionally by competitors), allowing sewage to seep into drinking water. Indeed, water sources that are generally clean can easily become contaminated without notice. This is reflected in public health data—infant mortality rates and bloody diarrheal infection rates in Kibera are more than three times the average of Nairobi as a whole (UNDP 2006).”
Stanford University is setting up a program to use mobile telephones to help people find water. Evidently, mobile phones are more common is the slums of Kenya than clean water. The program is called M-Maji, which is Swahili for mobile water. A database will have information about who has water for sale, the price, and the quality of the water. This information will be available to water users via mobile phones.
HT to Bloggingheads.tv. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”. The spell check suggestion for Kibera is Liberace.

The first mistake was reading Andrew Sullivan. There was a piece about a curious tale from Montana. It seems as though a man was hitchhiking through the state. He was going to write a book about “Kindness in America.” The plan came to a halt when his upper arm was shot. The various accounts do not say whether it was the right or left arm. The type of firearm is not indicated.
The shot man was Ray Dolin, of Julian WV. He owns a photography service, One Shot Impressions “From the minute you call me, to the moment you display our artwork on your wall, rest assured, you will enjoy the ultimate photography experience.” Perhaps what happened is “the ultimate photography experience”.
The following synopsis of Mr. Dolin’s ultimate experience is taken from a story in the Billings Gazette, Authorities say hitchhiker shot himself. The story was written by Matthew Brown, of Associated Press. It is available, verbatim, in dozens of web locations. The Billings version advertised Yoplait smoothies and the Montana lottery. The top five stories: 1 Authorities say hitchhiker shot himself, 2 Naked PETA demonstrators shower in downtown Billings, 3 Family pet dies of beating suffered during home burglary, 4 Reward fund grows in violent dog death, and 5 Patient at Billings Clinic arrested for assaulting employee.
A West Virginia man who claimed to be the victim of a drive-by shooting along a rural Montana highway while working on a memoir called “Kindness in America” has confessed to shooting himself, authorities said Friday. Valley County sheriff’s officials said they believe 39-year-old Ray Dolin shot himself as a desperate act of self-promotion, but they offered no further details. Dolin, of Julian, W.Va., acknowledged he concocted the tale about the random shooting after he was confronted by investigators at a Veterans Affairs hospital in Miles City where he is recovering, said Sheriff Glen Meier. Charges were pending, and the case remains under investigation. Dolin has not been arrested, but the weapon he allegedly used to carry out the scheme has been recovered, the sheriff said.
Dolin had claimed he was hitchhiking along U.S. Highway 2 west of Glasgow on Saturday when the driver of a maroon pickup pulled to a stop and shot him in the upper arm with no provocation. Authorities later arrested Lloyd Christopher Danielson III, 52, and charged him with felony assault. That charge was dropped Thursday, although Danielson remained in custody, accused of being under the influence of drugs or alcohol when he was arrested….
Dolin said no words were exchanged with the supposed gunman and that he never got a good look at the perpetrator. “He came up, pulls up at a normal speed, stops, points, shoots and drives off. It’s as simple as that,” Dolin said. “I did not get a good description.”
Authorities arrested Danielson — a Tumwater, Wash., man apparently in the region to work in the Bakken oil fields — based on a match between his vehicle and a description offered by Dolin. The arrest occurred near Culbertson, about 100 miles from where a passerby found Dolin wounded on the side of the road. He was exonerated after his vehicle was examined under a search warrant, Meier said, declining to give further details. Federal agents from the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives assisted in the case.”
There are a few things that don’t add up about the story. Was the self shooting story a cover up for something else? Was it a hand gun or rifle? What happened to the piece after the shot(s) was fired? Why was the upper arm chosen? Why was Mr. Danielson picked up, a hundred miles away, when Mr. Dolin did not get a good description?
The shooting took place in Eastern Montana, near North Dakota. The area is in an energy boom. (This paragraph was written when Mr. Dolin’s first story, of a random shooting by a stranger,  was operative.) “Ah, the Bakken—the shale formation in the Williston Basin that has turned eastern Montana and western Dakota into the best place in the country to see jacked-up Dodge Rams. If you are a man willing to work grueling hours for good wages, the Bakken is why you have been to Williston. If you are a sheriff in eastern Montana, the Bakken is a universal adaptor for crazy. Desperate 52 year-olds whom nobody knows pass through Glasgow because of the Bakken. The Bakken is responsible for much of the eastern Montana meth trade, too, like gas mining in Gillette. It may not be a causal relation, but you can see it nonetheless. In the rural west, petro-booms are the recent present, better known as the future. If you regard the future as a crueler place, monied if not richer—as small-town sheriffs are wont to do—the connection between senseless roadside shootings and the Bakken is implied.”
There is another side to this tale. PG was following links to the story. It was time to put dishes away, and brush his teeth. There was an awful noise coming from the back of the house. It was an auto start video ad on a webpage, Man hitchhiking crosscountry for memoir titled ‘The Kindness of America’ shot on side of highway. PG tried to leave a comment: “Lose the auto start player. I was writing about this incident, and had several windows opened. I left the room to brush my teeth, and suddenly this nasty music was coming out of somewhere. It was not the alarm clock. I looked at the computer, went through the tabs, and found some caught cat tail singer on this site. If I want to hear your music, I will hit the play button. You do not have to make this choice for me. ”
The comments were connected to facebook. “You previously turned off platform applications. To use this feature you need to turn platform back on, which will reset your “How people bring your info to apps they use” settings. Learn about your privacy settings.” Deathandtaxesmag will continue to auto start tragic country singers. Maybe horrible music is inevitable, like death and taxes.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

Luther Campbell McKinnon Sr. was born February 22, 1916, on a farm in Rowland, North Carolina. Europe was stuck in a war that would change the world, and not until The United States got involved. This didn’t happen for another year.
Luke was the youngest of four children. After life as a farm boy, he went to Wake Forest University, and then came back when his Daddy died. He ran a family dairy for a few years, and went to live in New Jersey. He lived near a prison, and saw the lights in the neighborhood dim when the electric chair was used.
In the early fifties, he came to Atlanta to live. This was where his sister Sarah stayed, with her husband and two daughters. One day he went into the C&S bank on 10th street, and took notice of one of the tellers. On October 6, 1951, he married her. Jean Dunaway was his devoted wife for the rest of his life.
At some point in this era he started selling shoes. He would go to warehouses, gas stations, and wherever barefoot men needed shoes. He was “The Shoe Man” .
Before long there were two boys, and he bought a house, then another. The second house is the current residence of my brother and myself, and is probably worth 15 times what he paid for it. He had the good fortune to not buy in an area that was “blockbusted”, as many neighborhoods were.
And this was his life. He tended a garden, went to the gym, and was in the Lions Club for many years. When he met Mom, she let him know that going to church with her was part of the deal. They found a church that was good for their needs, and made many friends there. The Pastor at Briarcliff Baptist, Glen Waldrop, was his friend.
When I think of the character of this man, there is one night, which stands out. My brother was away at the time. The day before, Mom had discovered she had a detached retina, and was in the hospital awaiting surgery. Her job had arranged a “leaf tour” by train in North Georgia, and she got one of her friends at work to take me. There was some mechanical trouble on the train, and it did not get back into town until 3am Monday morning. And yet, Daddy stayed at home, did not panic, and had faith that all of us would be back soon, which we were.
Through all the struggles of his life, Dad was cheerful, laughed a lot, and was good company. He left me with a rich repertoire of country sayings, and had many stories to tell. He was surprising mellow about black people, if a bit old fashioned. (In the south when I grew up, this was highly unusual).
Dad was always in good, vigorous health, and I thought he would be with us for a long time. Well, that is not how things work. A cancer developed in his liver, and spread to his lungs (he did not smoke). After a mercifully brief illness, we lost him on February 7, 1992.

To this day, there is confusion about why the United States fought a war in Vietnam. There is talk about communism. There was a dominoes theory. (The delivery took more than thirty minutes.) The one which aroused PG’s curiosity was the urge to “nail that coonskin to the wall.”
According to the History News Network , President Lyndon B. Johnson made three trips to Vietnam. “In 1961 Johnson, then vice president, visited Saigon. He assured the South Vietnamese the United States would stand by them … LBJ called South Vietnamese leader Diem the “Churchill of Asia.”
On October 26, 1966 Johnson visited Vietnam on his first trip as president. The week before anti-war protests had been held in 40 cities in the United States. At the end of December 1967 LBJ worked in another trip to Vietnam while traveling to Australia for the funeral of Prime Minister Harold Holt, who had died in a drowning accident. Visiting Cam Ranh Bay, LBJ urged the soldiers to”nail that coonskin to the wall.”
While researching this post, PG found a feature comparing BHO in Afghanistan to LBJ in Vietnam. (Lebron James is not taking his talents to Hanoi.) The story is that LBJ had serious doubts about whether we could win in Vietnam, but did not want to appear weak. (He may also have been influenced by the fate of JFK, who had started to withdraw troops from Vietnam.) There is a pungent paragraph: “In this narrative, Johnson sent up to 1,000 Americans a month to their deaths because he didn’t “want the political fallout that would come from not fighting” Vietnam. Others have argued that, contrary to Blankney’s assertion, LBJ really wanted “to nail that coonskin to the wall” in Southeast Asia; that he fought it from strategic principle not political expediency. But many will concede that whether LBJ wanted to win it or not, he fought it with one eye to the public relations polls and the reactions of his own left wing. He imposed so many restrictions, introduced so many rules that perhaps whether LBJ ‘wanted to win’ or not, his objective strategic behavior was in the end indistinguishable from someone who wanted to lose. And he lost.”
Many of the soldiers in Vietnam were drafted. This means that the government told you that you were going into the service, or going to jail. (Young readers might be unfamiliar with the concept. When you ask your elders about communism, you can ask them about Selective Service.) While the government was dithering in it’s approach to the war, the men who were sent to fight were ordered to make a total commitment. Many did not come home alive.
Another online feature about Obama’s challenging war options shows up a difference in attitudes about war today. “Publicly, Johnson said it was a war we had to fight and that we would win it. Now, of course, we know that he believed we couldn’t win even before he sent the first of those 57,992 American boys over there to die.”
Whether you agree or disagree with a war, it is preposterous to say that the soldiers are boys. If anyone deserves to be called a man, it is those troops. Today, we have more women in our armed forces than we did in Vietnam. (This page of statistics lists, by name, eight American service women who died in Vietnam.) It simply isn’t said, of this war, that the soldiers are our boys and girls. While the dirty business of war goes on, it is an improvement to not call our soldiers boys.

At the seven minute mark of his speech on Afghanistan , BHO starts a paragraph with the phrase “my fellow americans”. Those of a certain age will remember another democratic warpotus, Lyndon Johnson, who was fond of saying MFA. Whatever rude things were said about lightbulb Lyndon, no one ever asked to see his birth certificate. Perhaps that is what BHO meant by that phrase.
The paragraph that BHO starts with this bit of sixties nostalgia ( four year old Barry probably did not see the SOU message linked above) caught PG’s eye when reading the transcript . “My fellow Americans, this has been a difficult decade for our country. We have learned anew the profound cost of war — a cost that has been paid by the nearly 4,500 Americans who have given their lives in Iraq, and the over 1,500 who have done so in Afghanistan — men and women who will not live to enjoy the freedom that they defended.”
Are you sure, Barry? Over a million Iraqis live in exile in Syria as we speak. They may have jumped out of the frying pan, and into the fire. The reason they left was to escape the civil war that our “liberation” of Babylon set off. They have paid a price for our “mission accomplished”.
Are you sure Sean Hannity? Every day, you say to make the Bush tax cuts permanent. ( At least you were the last time PG was brave enough to listen to your show.) Historically, the profound cost of war has been paid, at least partially, by higher taxes. In world war two, people sold war bonds, and encouraged each other to invest in the defeat of the Nazis. In this war, the right wing wants to pay for it by lowering taxes. The result is a national debt that is going to burden our economy for decades.
Getting back to the message by BHO (It was made in an empty hall, with gilt edged chairs replacing the Seal of the Presidency. Not to worry, BHO was wearing a flag pin on his lapel.) … there was another Vietnam flashback at 7:53. “And even as there will be dark days ahead in Afghanistan, the light of a secure peace can be seen in the distance.” Is this light at the end of a tunnel?
At 8:58 comes this gem:“When innocents are being slaughtered and global security endangered, we don’t have to choose between standing idly by or acting on our own.” Since BHO has taken over as warpotus, the drone strikes over the third world have dramatically increased. This is air slaughter, against a helpless population, directed by remote control from a cave in Nevada. Many of the people killed in these raids are women and children, who are not members of Al Qaeda. (To be fair, some of the children would have been terrorists if they had been able to grow up.) We don’t have to choose, because the decision was made by warpotus BHO…we will use our high tech weapons to KILL, KILL, KILL.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a double repost

Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy
Deep in the heart of Dullsville, at the end of a cul-de-sac, behind a lawn of scratchy brown grass dotted with giant plastic butterflies, three flaking cement deer, and a philodendron the size of Bob Hoskins though with fewer decorative parts, lives Heather Thompson. Heather has a mommy and a daddy. Heather’s daddy is an accountant. Her mommy is a homemaker. Before Heather was born they met, fell in love, and got married. “I love you very much and I’m having your child,” Heather’s mom said.
Danitra is Heather’s best friend. One of Danitra’s dads is an empowerment facilitator. The other is an aura consultant. Danitra doesn’t know what they do at work, except they don’t need briefcases. Before Danitra was born her daddies met and fell in love, and after seventeen years spent discussing caring and support, handling acceptance, and negotiating intimacy, they had a commitment ceremony. “I love you very much and I’m designing the rings,” Danitra’s Daddy Mike said.
One day in school Heather’s teacher, Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez, tells the class to draw pictures of their families. Danitra draws two men, Julio draws two women, and Heather draws a man and a woman. Keanu points at the woman Heather drew, with squiggly yellow hair, a crude red dress and simple brown shoes. “This dad here’s got some ugly drag going on,” he says.
At lunchtime Danitra sits on the bench next to Heather and pulls a sandwich out of a brown paper bag.“Want to trade?” Danitra asks. “I’ve got grilled eggplant and goat cheese on marjoram foccacia.” “Um, I didn’t bring lunch,” Heather stammers, kicking her brown paper bag out of sight. “I’m … uh … on a diet.”
“Diet?” Danitra asks. “Haven’t your dads told you not to buy into that patriarchal looks-based chauvinism? And anyway, what’s this then?” she asks, holding up the bag with “HAVE A SUPER DAY!” written in sparkle marker on it.
Julio, who was listening nearby, runs up and grabs Heather’s lunch. “Yeah, what’s this? It’s somebody’s lunch!” Heather jumps at the bag but Julio holds it out of reach. “You give that back!” Heather yells. “Try and make me!” Julio chides. He pulls Heather’s sandwich apart and drops it like it was electrified. He wobbles away, holding his stomach.
“Oh my God!” he cries. “There’s like dead stuff in there!” Danitra looks at the sandwich lying on the cement. “Is that MEAT? Is that like SPAM?” Claudia, sitting quietly at the other end of the bench, bursts into tears. “Heather’s eating BAMBI!” “It’s friggin’ Wonder Bread!” Julio scoffs. Keanu walks toward the bread and peers at it. “And it’s got LUBE all over it!” “You idiot, that’s MAYONNAISE.” “What’s mayonnaise?” “It’s like goat cheese for heterosexuals.”
“Heterosexuals?” Keanu asks. “Heather’s mommy and daddy are heterosexuals?” Heather starts to yell. “No! I don’t have a mommy and a daddy. I’ve got two daddies!” “Hell-OOOO!” Danitra says, drawing the word out to twelve syllables. “We can see your clothes!” “Um . . . “ Heather stalls, “then I’ve got two mommies.” “And we’ve seen you play baseball,” Julio answers.
Heather, unable to think of a response, sits on the bench and starts to cry. Danitra pulls a robin’s egg blue bandana from her pocket and dabs at Heather’s face. “Maybe your mom’s not really a woman,” Danitra offers. “Well,” Heather says, sniffing, “she cleans the house, and cooks, and does the laundry.” Danitra fumes. “We’re trying to establish that she’s female, not that she’s an idiot.”
“Maybe your dad’s not really a man,” Julio suggests.“Well,” Heather answers, wiping her nose. “He’s big and strong and he’s got a mustache.” Several of the children wonder what this proves but nobody says anything.
“So let’s say you’ve got a mom and a dad,” Keanu says. “Then where did you come from?”Heather thinks for a minute. “They went to bed together, and then I was born.” Some of her friends express further interest, but Heather doesn’t have a brochure. “Daddy put his thing in mommy — “
“Oh, man,” Keanu interjects. “Is that legal?” “HelLLLLO!” sings Danitra, who gets the word up to eighteen syllables this time. “We’re in CaliFORnia!”
“And nine months later I came out of my mommy’s tummy,” Heather adds. Several of the children wonder why they didn’t hire a surrogate with a vagina but nobody says anything.

Heather Has a Mommy and a Daddy, Part Two
One night there’s a dance at Heather’s school and her parents offer to chaperone. While Heather’s dancing with Danitra she sees from the corner of her eye her mom and dad moving onto the dance floor. She watches in horror as her mom just sort of stands there swaying, her gingham granny dress limply hanging to the floor. She grimaces as her dad starts chopping at the air like Jackie Chan being attacked by locusts.
Occasionally their movements coincide with the beat. Heather runs to the bathroom crying.“Heather, don’t feel so bad,” Danitra says. “Lots of kids have embarrassing parents.” She starts to lead Heather out of the bathroom, then stops. “Um, maybe we should stay in here a while longer. They just started doing the Bump.”
One day the class projects are due. Heather brings in the model she’s made. It’s a lump of brown Play-Doh with ketchup poured over it and dotted with marshmellows stuck on with toothpicks. She sets it on the table as her teacher comes over to look.
“Why, Heather! That’s . . . nice! Very very nice!”“What the hell is it?” Tommy asks. “TOMMY! Heather’s parents had me over for dinner once. This is what they call ‘Salisbury steak.’” Heather bursts into tears. “NO IT’S NOT! It’s a VOLCANO! That’s lava, and that’s steam coming out.”
Danitra enters and places her project next to Heather’s on the table. “Why, Danitra, what’s this?” Danitra delicately removes the sheet protecting her project. “Versailles.”
Heather takes one look at the tiny replica of Louis XIV’s summer home, constructed by Danitra and her two dads out of two hundred cubic yards of teak plank, thirty square feet of gold leaf, sixty pounds of Italian travertine marble from the same quarry Michelangelo used, tiny topiary and functional miniature fountains, and cries even harder.
“Why did I have to have a mom and a dad?” Heather sobs. “Why can’t my family be like all the rest?”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez pulls Heather close. “Children,” she says,”every family is special, including those conforming to the rigid, stereotypical standard of male domination.” She starts to tell the class about her own family, including her hearing-impaired Hispanic mother, her height-challenged Israeli father, and her Gypsy recovering-substance-abusing brother-in-law and Armenian sex-addict half-sister, but stops, realizing the school year is only 4,074 hours long.
“Just because Heather’s parents are heterosexual doesn’t mean they’re slow-witted philistines, though there are strong correlations you don’t need a PhD in statistics to understand. But Heather is lucky to have a sweet mom and a wonderful dad and a dog named Molly and a hamster named Samson, and they all live together in a lovely house. They’ve got interesting avocado-colored appliances, carpet as long as your hair, and furniture that‘s by-and-large wood that must have taken them hours to assemble. There’s a big plastic sofa that turns into a bed, and a La-Z-Boy — ”
“A what?” Keanu asks. “A La-Z-Boy,” Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez repeats. “It’s a big vinyl chair that reclines.” “Oh, man!” exclaims Keanu, covering his face with his hands. “And I thought our Herman Miller reproductions were embarrassing!”
Mrs. Weinberg-Lopez continues. “But the important thing is, they’re a family. They’re a group united for a common purpose, where each individual is given a sense of empowerment and their shared bonds are formalized in a ritualistic manner.” “Oh,” the students respond in unison. Everybody hugs.
THE END
The story was borrowed from World Class Stupid.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.

Here is part seven of state laws that some might find peculiar. Parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight precede this feature. Today will will look at Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. These regulations are borrowed from Bored. This is the last installment in the series. Washington “It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election.” ~ A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.” ~ All lollipops are banned. ~ All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle. ~ An old Washington law sent duelists to jail for ten years, assuming they didn’t lose the duel. ~ A proposed Washington law protects sports referees from civil suit unless their actions were “willful, wanton, reckless, malicious or grossly negligent.” ~ Auburn: Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. ~ A Washington state law offers the presumption that youngsters will read comic books. ~ Bremerton: You may not shuck peanuts on the street. ~ Everett: It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window. ~ If the honey you are eating in Seattle is a blend of honey from or more types of flowers, it’s illegal for the honey to be labeled as having come from one type of flower. ~ In Electric City, WA, it is illegal to “keep[ ] or permit[ ] to remain, in any location . . . anything whatsoever in which flies or rats may breed or multiply.” ~ In Olympia, Wash., minors are prohibited from frequenting pool halls. ~ In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. ~ In Spokane, Wash., it used to be illegal to interrupt a religious meeting by having a horse race. ~ In the state of Washington it’s illegal to catch a fish by throwing a rock at it. ~ In Washington state it’s illegal to sleep in an outhouse without the owner’s permission. ~ In Washington state it’s illegal to sell to minors comics that might incite them to violence or depraved or immoral acts. ~ In Washington it’s illegal to pretend you’re the child of a rich person and entitled to his estate. ~ In Washington, anyone under the age of 18 must have parental permission to throw a tear gas canister. ~ In Washington state, until quite recently, you could have been fined up to $500 for removing or defacing the label on a pillow. ~ It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag. ~ Lynden: Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment. ~ People may not buy a mattress on Sunday. ~ Spokane: TV’s may not be bought on Sundays. ~ The state of Washington doesn’t allow marathon dancing–or marathon skipping, sliding, gliding, rolling or crawling. ~ Under the law of the state of Washington, any restroom with pay toilets has to have an equal number of free toilets. This law came to pass after the speaker of the state House of Representatives raced to an all-pay facility without a dime. ~ Waldron Island: No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. ~ Washington state doesn’t allow fake wrestling. ~ When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed. ~ Wilbur: You may not ride an ugly horse. ~ You are not allowed to breast feed in public. ~ You need a license to sell condoms in Washington state. West Virginia ~ According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag. ~ A person may not hold public office if they have ever taken part in a duel. A person may be jailed for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challenge. ~ Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present. ~ Huntington: Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse. It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps. ~ If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined. ~ In Alderson, West Virginia, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger or leopard in the city limits, even it is on a leash. ~ In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humerous stories from the pulpit during a church service. ~ In West Virginia it is illegal to dig for ginseng on your neighbor’s lawn without their permission. ~ In West Virginia, it is legal for one to take roadkill home for dinner ~ In West Virginia you cannot fly a red flag in front of your house if you are disappointed in your sherrif. ~ It is against the law for men to have sex with any animal over 40 pounds in weight. ~ It is illegal to put an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays. ~ It is illegal to snooze on a train. ~ It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down. ~ It is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8AM and after 4PM. ~ No children may attend school with their breath smelling of “wild onions.” ~ When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers. ~ Whistling underwater is prohibited. Wisconsin ~ As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. ~ At one time, margarine was illegal. ~ A Wisconsin legislator in the 1970s proposed a law providing that no woman over 21 be required to divulge her age. If age information were required by law, women could use an alphabetic code: women in their ’20s would use ~ A Wisconsin legislator recently introduced a bill making it illegal to tattoo someone under the age of 18. He was quoted as saying, “I’m going to save the buttocks of a few juveniles.” ~ Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. ~ Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday. ~ Cheese making requires a cheese maker’s license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license. ~ Citizens may not murder their enemies. ~ Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter~ In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm. ~ In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public. ~ In Wisconsin you are allowed to marry your house. ~ In Wisconsin, after 3:00 a.m., you have to send a rocket signal in the air after every mile you drive. ~ It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. ~ It is illegal to kiss on a train. ~ It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. ~ Kenosha: No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public. ~ La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip). It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. It is illegal to play checkers in public. You cannot “worry a squirrel.” ~ Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car. It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention. If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day. It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. ~ Next time you start a riot in Wisconsin remember that it i illegal to use a laser pointer to do so. ~ Racine: It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man. ~ State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. ~ Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. ~ Wisconsin law provides for a fine of $2 to $20 for anyone under age 17 caught jumping onto a railroad car while the train is in motion. ~ You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Wyoming ~ An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in meat freezer! ~ Cheyenne Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays. ~ In Wyoming it is illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner. ~ It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. ~ It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement. ~ Wyoming required that every inmate of the state’s training school for girls be issued crinoline bloomers. ~ You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

The internet is monitored in a number of ways. If our government takes the “war on terror” a step further, then citizens in this country may not be exempt for targeted killing. It is already going on in other countries. If this program of government sanctioned murder is imported to this country, then people reading dangerous blog posts may be targeted.
This last paragraph may be a bit over the top. This reminds PG of the time when a shop selling hydroponic growing supplies opened. It was suggested that you should park nearby, and walk over to the store. PG thought this was too much worry. It turns there was a donut shop across the street. The police hung out there to monitor traffic into the store. License plate numbers were recorded.
Glenn Greenwald has a post today about the air slaughter perpetrated by the US government abroad. A more comprehensive report on this matter is forthcoming at Chamblee54. (Mr. Greenwald takes seriously the concept of giving links to show where you get your information. Reading his posts, and following the links, is a time consuming affair.)
It was update III that inspired this post. “Some unknown citizens decided to use the White House petition system today to start a petition asking for the creation of a “Do-Not-Kill” list, “in which American citizens can sign up to avoid being put on the president’s ‘kill list’ and therefore avoid being executed without indictment, judge, jury, trial or due process of law.”
Here is the text of the petition: “The New York Times reports that President Obama has created an official “kill list” that he uses to personally order the assassination of American citizens. Considering that the government already has a “Do Not Call” list and a “No Fly” list, we hereby request that the White House create a “Do Not Kill” list in which American citizens can sign up to avoid being put on the president’s “kill list” and therefore avoid being executed without indictment, judge, jury, trial or due process of law.”
Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

There was a post at Chamblee54 a few days ago, Fungus Grows Hugely On A Corpse. It had a video of a speech made at a city council meeting in Lincoln, NE. A lady gave a vivid performance. In the past few days, we have learned a few things about Jane Svoboda, aka the Crazy Blue Protesting Lady.
In case you didn’t notice, the lady has serious issues. According to the Lincoln Journal Star, “Svoboda lives at an assisted-living facility in Lincoln and is listed as a protected person, according to court documents. Her brother, Patrick Svoboda of Ogallala, is her conservator because she is incompetent, the documents say. He was unaware of the video’s popularity, but wasn’t surprised — he knew it would be a matter of time before she got in trouble somewhere.
He said he’s disappointed the video garnered such attention and jokes without the whole story. “To me, it shows how little society really cares about people with mental health issues,” Patrick Svoboda said. “She does have a very tender heart … but anything she says is certifiably schizophrenic … she’s not some crazy conservative.” He said her family has tried to get her help multiple times, but unless she harms herself or others, there’s not much more they can do.”
Miss Svoboda is a fixture around Lincoln. She has distributed hundreds of flyers, and often goes on the University of Nebraska campus. Her activity is chronicled in a blog, Crazy Blue Protesting Lady. As the video above shows, in cold weather she wears a bright blue outfit.
The blog has hundreds of her flyers. Most have an all caps headline, PARADISE ON EARTH. The sub headline says KINDNESS IS THE ESSENTIAL BEHAVIOR TO SUSTAIN LIFE. The flyers cover a wide range of topics, many of which seem a bit nutty. But then, most everyone has some ideas, or beliefs, that seem nutty to others. Many find great enjoyment in expressing those ideas. Apparently, there is a line that is crossed when you unintentionally make a viral video.
It should be noted that the target of her abuse, in this video, is homosexuals. Apparently, this is ok. If she had made a speech like that about Jews, or African Americans, she might be in jail. or dead. Even a crazy lady knows who it is safe to pick on.
There were two people behind CBPL in her viral video. The expressive young man has hired an agent. The other old lady gave a moving speech to the city council, which is embedded in this post. HT to aksarbent. Pictures for this feature are from The Library of Congress. The spell check suggestion for Svoboda is Bodacious.

Here is part eight of state laws that some might find peculiar. Parts one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven precede this feature. Today will will look at Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, and Virginia. These regulations are borrowed from Bored. Tennessee ~ “Crimes against nature” are prohibited. ~ Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction. ~ Driving is not to be done while asleep. ~ Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. ~ Fayette County: You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property. ~ Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law. ~ Hollow logs may not be sold. ~ In Jonesboro, Tenn., a slingshot used to be classified by law as a deadly weapon. ~ It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso. ~ It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. ~ It is legal to gather and consume road kill ~ It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. ~ Knoxville: In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a “hitching post.” ~ Lenoir City: When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming. ~ Lexington: No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk. Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited. ~ Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. Panhandlers must first obtain a $10 permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises. ~ More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel. ~ Nashville: Males may not be sexually aroused in public. ~ Stealing a horse is punishable by hanging. ~ The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin. ~ You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. ~ Oneida: An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song “It Ain’t Goin’ To Rain No Mo’.” Texas ~ A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. ~ Abilene: It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing. ~ Austin: Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket. ~ Beaumont: Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. ~ Borger: It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. ~ Clarendon: It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster. ~ El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.” ~ Galveston: It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. ~ Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday. It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. ~ If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can’t move until the other does. ~ If you went to church in Texas years back, you’d better be recognized. An old law made it illegal to go to church in disguise. ~ In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor…and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine. ~ In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home. ~ In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length. ~ In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday. ~ In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property. ~ In Lefors, Texas it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing. ~ In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts. ~ In Texas criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. ~ In Texas it’s legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it’s illegal to reciprocate. ~ It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. ~ It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. ~ It is illegal to have an open container in a car. ~ It is illegal to have anything protruding from your bumper unless it is attached with a chain ~ It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. ~ It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo. ~ It is legal for a husband to beat his wife as long as he uses something no bigger than his thumb. ~ It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn’t blind. ~ It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them. ~ In San Antonio, Texas, you can’t honk a horn, run a generator, have a revival meeting or do anything else that disturbs the neighborhood and the city has a four-member noise police squad to enforce the law. ~ In Texas any artificial constructed underwater barrier reefs must come with an instruction booklet. ~ In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities. ~ It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. ~ Jasper: Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars. ~ Lubbock County: It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream. ~ Port Arthur: Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. ~ Richardson: It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street. It is illegal to do “U Turns”. ~ San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. ~ Temple: No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon. Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. ~ Texarkana: Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. ~ The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. ~ There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle. ~ You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. Utah ~ A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. ~ A Utah legislator proposed a resolution urging that each TV weather person be required to provide an ice cream cone to every member of the state House of Representatives whenever the forecast was wrong. The resolution failed, perhaps on First Amendment grounds. In addition to normal charges, the woman’s name will be published in the local newspaper.The man does not receive any punishment. ~ Birds have the right of way on all highways. ~ In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor. ~ In Utah when a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry their cousin. ~ It is against the law to fish from horseback. ~ It is considered an offense to hunt whales. ~ It is illegal not to drink milk. ~ It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can’t detonate them. ~ It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list. ~ Kaysville: You must have identification to enter a convenience store after dark. ~ Logan: Women may not swear. ~ No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed. ~ Provo: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine. ~ Salt Lake City: No one may walk down the street carrying a paper bag containing a violin. ~ The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (BAFT) bans the word “refreshing” to describe any alcohol beverage. ~ Trout Creek: Pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches. ~ You’re not allowed to sell beverages containing more than 3.2% alcohol. Vermont ~ As in most dairy states, Vermont does what it can to discourage the use of margarine. For example, it’s illegal to use colored margarine in restaurants unless the menu indicates you do–in letters two inches high. Colored margarine can only be served in triangle shaped patties. ~ At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. ~ Barre All residents shall bathe every Saturday night. ~ Call a Vermont court a “kangaroo court” or some similar moniker, and you might be looking at a $200 fine. It is illegal to defame a court. ~ In Vermont It’s against the law (not to mention impossible) to whistle under water. ~ In Vermont it is illegal to paint landscapes in times of war. ~ In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. ~ It is illegal to deny the existence of G-d ~ It’s against the law in Vermont for vagrants to procure food by force. Apparently if you have a good job and stable home life, it’s O.K. to procure food by force. Virginia ~ An old Virginia law was titled, “An Act to Prevent Corrupt Practices or Bribery by Any Person Other Than a Candidate.” ~ As in many towns, you need a permit to run a barbershop in Christiansburg, Va. But the wording of the town’s law indicates that the permit will be revoked if you’re caught operating without a permit. ~ A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept out in the yards, not inside the houses. ~ Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. ~ Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars. ~ Culpeper: No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk. ~ Dayton: A person of color may not be outside or within the city limits after 7 pm. ~ Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. ~ If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations. ~ If you are intoxicated but not driving your car, but the person who is driving your car is intoxicated, both you and the driver can be charged with DUI in Virginia Beach, Virginia. ~ In Christiansburg, Va., it’s illegal to imitate a police whistle. ~ In Christiansburg, Va., it’s illegal to “spit, expectorate or deposit any sputum, saliva or any form of saliva or sputum.” ~ In Newport it’s against the law to tickle a girl under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention. ~ In Norfolk a woman can’t go out without wearing a corset. ~ In Radford, VA you are not allowed to spit, loogie, puke or urinate on the streets. ~ In Richmond, Va., you must buy a license for 93 cents to sell song books on the street. ~ In Richmond, Virginia it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. ~ It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. ~ It is illegal to spit on sidewalk. ~ Lebanon: It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. ~ Norfolk: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated. A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone. ~ Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. ~ Perhaps anticipating telemarketing, the town fathers of Albany, Va., have for years prohibited peddlers from using the telephone to either sell things or raise funds. ~ Police radar detectors are illegal. ~ Stafford County: It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm. ~ Swearing at someone over the phone in virginia is punishable by a $100 fine. ~ There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.” ~ There was once a law in Salem Virginia that made it illegal to leave home without knowing where you were going. ~ Victoria: It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street. ~ Waynesboro: It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag. ~ You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday. ~ You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. ~ You may not have oral or anal sex. ~ You may not work on Sunday.