United States Of Amnesia
I stumbled onto a podcast of Allan Gurganus speaking at a literary event in Key West. Mr. Gurganus, bless his heart, is a good writer. As a public speaker, the jury is not sure.
This particular literary event concerned historical fiction. Tom Robbins went on a tear once, comparing animal husbandry to history. With one, you combine blood lines to create a superior breed. With the other, you mix “facts” to create an inspiring story. With both animal husbandry and history, you are frequently up to your ankles in shit.
Mr. Gurganus trotted out a bunch of quotable lines. ”Liars like historians and politicians tend to overdocument.” ”Myth is gossip grown old.” ” … the term historical fiction sounds as pitifully redundant as, say, creative writing. … It’s like having ‘oxygen breather’ stamped on your driver’s license.” ”History is agreed-upon hearsay granted tenure.”
The first time PG tried to listen to the Gurganus speech, the cliche slinging got too thick, and the player triangle was turned into the parallel lines. Or maybe it was the parallel lines turned into the triangle. In any event, the speakers quit making sounds. This option is not available live.
The second time PG tried to listen to the Gurganus speech, the line about hearsay granted tenure stuck. Mr. Google was consulted, and found a nice website for the literary event. Another speaker at said event was Gore Vidal. When Mr. Gurganus, once again, wore out the patience of PG, it was time to download the appearance by Mr. Vidal.
The emcee said, “I don’t want to steal your jokes, but you said that this is the United States of Amnesia.” Mr. Vidal said, “I don’t remember that.” This is going to be fun. Photographs today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Yes Great Work
Someone on facebook had a link to a grammar test. It seemed like a good excuse for some text. The first question is about the its/it’s quandary. This is one where the logical answer is incorrect. The second question is the same thing for who’s/whose. In this matchup, what you think should be correct actually is. Questions three (whether/weather) and four (your/you’re) were easy. You get the results immediately after submission. When you are correct, the test says “Yes! Great work!”
Five was a bit tougher. “The car beeped at Jon and I/me. Karen and I/me went on holiday.” In third grade, PG was taught to use I, rather than me. Could the placement of the nouns, before or after the verb, affect this choice? The only way to learn is to answer the question. PG answered I for both, It seems as though the correct answer, for the first sentence, is Jon and me. The site explains: “A simple way to test whether you’re using the right one is to think about whether a statement would still make sense if you removed the other person. You wouldn’t say, “The car beeped at I” so the correct pronoun is ‘me’.” When you are incorrect, the test says “Sorry, wrong answer!”
Six (years/year’s) and seven (that/which) required a bit of thought, but were answered correctly. By now, the test had a pattern. If the first sentence used one word, the second sentence used another. In question eight (have/of,) the test threw a curve ball. The logical answer for both sentences was have. However, the previous test questions had called for a split answer, that is to say, using a different word for both sentences. PG answered with of for the first sentence, which was the incorrect answer.
Nine (less/fewer,) ten (there/they’re/their,) and eleven (affect/effect) were easy. Twelve (i.e./e.g) was a bit of a struggle. PG seldom uses i.e., and cannot remember even reading e.g. The sentences were: “Some animals are really cute, e.g. kittens and puppies.The primary colours (i.e. red, yellow and blue) are my favorites.” PG made a lucky guess, and was correct.
Thirteen (hear/here) was a gimme. Fourteen (whom/who) is one of the things that drive writers crazy. The logical answer is to make both sentences use who. On a whim, PG answered one with whom. The sentences were: “Whom did you see at the bar last night? I can’t think who would have eaten all the doughnuts.” The explanation offered: ‘Whom’ is used when referring to the object of a sentence. Use ‘who’ when referring to the subject of a sentence. There’s a trick to help you remember: If you can answer with ‘he’, use ‘who’ (e.g. ‘he ate all the doughnuts’). If you can answer with ‘him’ use ‘whom’ (e.g. ‘I saw him at the bar’). Just remember that ‘him’ and ‘whom’ both end in the letter m.”
Fifteen (lie/lay) was a gimme. Sixteen (bored of, bored by, or bored with) was a lucky guess. PG used with and by, because they sound like correct usage. This gives a final score of 94. If credit is given for the curve ball on question eight, the score would be 97. The test is sponsored by Staples Canada. Various electronic devices are displayed at the bottom of the last page. “This Web site is intended only for use by Canadian residents. See International Sites. See our delivery policy for full details.” It is not known whether the rules of grammar are different south of the border. Pictures, from the lower forty eight, are from The Library of Congress.
Mental Age Test
It was six am on thanksgiving wednesday morning. PG was eating breakfast. In an hour and forty five minutes, it would be time to get on the road. This should be time to take the Mental Age Test, write about the test and the results, and do the other human chores needed to function in polite society. If not, then the post will be there this evening.
The test is multiple choice. The first question asked what birthdays are for. PG tries to ignore this day, and that was an option. The next four questions had no good answers, and required the least bad answer. If you recognize this, you get ten years added to your score.
Question five is whether baseball hats look better with the bill in front, or in the back. There is no qualification. If it it is raining water, then the bill keeps rain out of your eyes. If a flock of birds is overhead, then the bill keeps the droppings off a red neck. It is a case of situational ethics.
Politically, you are …Select from… Conservative ~ Green ~ Liberal ~ Socialist.
This is number six. What if you think these labels are dishonest red herrings? There is no good answer. For politics, this is appropriate.
You see someone fall over in the street. Do you … Select from… Laugh ~ Run over to make sure they are OK ~ Thank the heavens it wasn’t you ~ Shake your head and think ‘muppet’
There is not enough information given. You don’t know who the person is, how much they weigh, why he/she fell over, or what street it is. If it is I 85, then the person will be smushed into the pavement before you get to the side of the road. If it is Culduhsack Drive, then you pick them up, and ask if they are ok. If they don’t answer the situation is probably more serious than most people can deal with.
Before you skip over this, and go look at the pictures, (from The Library of Congress.) we will not be discussing all twenty questions. If you want to see them, there is a link above to the test. Question thirteen is something you might expect from a british test. It’s hot. You want an ice cream. You buy … Select from… A magnum ~ A cone with a chocolate flake ~ An ice lolly.
The ad below this question is for McCormick seasoning. When you click on the ad, a window comes up. It has a recipe for Italian meat loaf. Something says this would not go well with an ice lolly.
And so on and so forth. The final screen gives the answer. The device says “The My Mental Age Test Your mental age is 42.” The option to share on facebook is respectfully declined.
Knockout
One saturday morning, PG was editing pictures from The Library of Congress, and enjoying himself. (The pictures illustrate this post.) He made the mistake of looking at facebook. He saw a post about a new teenage game, knockout.
It seems like some young men like to go up to strangers and hit them on the jaw. It they are hit hard enough the fall to the ground unconscious. This is called a knockout. The young men have a good time.
While watching the video, PG remembered an incident from when he worked at redo blue. A professional Jesus worshiper shouted down and humiliated PG. When it was over, the preacher got a phone call. He picked up the phone and screamed “I never felt better in my life.”
There are many reasons why the young men like to attack strangers. Violence is glamorized, glorified, commodified and celebrated. The pain of the person attacked is not a concern.
One of the institutions distributing verbal violence is the Jesus worship church. Many believers see it as their christian duty to shout down those who disagree with them. Even the sunday morning faithful are yelled at. This verbal violence has an effect on our society.
After PG saw the video, he took a look at the rest of the page. A screen shot is included today. An ad for gospel music was next to the knockout video. You can’t get away from Jesus.
Broke In Three Places
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
A man goes into the doctor.He says, “Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something’s wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear it!”The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh, only to hear, “Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.””I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?” The doctor asked.”That’s nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee.”The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say, “Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!””Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.” The doctor was dumbfounded.”Wait Doc, that’s not all. There’s more, just put your ear up to my ankle,” the man urged him.The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.””I have no idea what to tell you. There’s nothing about it in my books,” he said, as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.”I can make a well educated guess though,” he continued. “Based on life and all my previous experience, I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places.”
This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Are My Attitudes About Race Any Of Your Business?
PG was living his life when see saw something on facebook: “And another thing: if you are going to claim NOT to be racist, I feel like you should familiarize yourself with some contemporary writings and definitions of racism, not just what Mirriam Webster says.” The first reaction was to ignore this. If you reply to a comment about racism on facebook, you are asking for trouble. Life is too short to be wasting time on such unpleasantness.
But the thought engine had been kickstarted, and continued to idle in the background. When PG pulled into the Kroger parking lot, the idea hit full force. Maybe whether you are, or are not, a racist, is no one else’s business.
Some people say that a PWOC is not affected by racism. If this is the case, then why should the racial attitudes of a PWOC affect another PWOC? If a person treats you fairly, do you really need to know this person’s attitudes about race?
The fbf does not say what the context of this claim is. Did anyone ask you whether or not you were a racist? If not, are you assuming that they are interested? Maybe someone assumed the listener was interested. Is the proper response to look bored, and say TMI?
PG was filling out a profile once, and was using some questioned borrowed from another blog profile. One of the questions was, are you a racist? “It depends on who is doing the judging”.
The comment mentioned “contemporary writings and definitions of racism”. Who are the people who set themselves up as arbiters about what we should think about race? What are the qualifications? Who asked them what they thought? How do we know that these people are dependable?.
Maybe the answer is to show compassion and kindness to your neighbor, and don’t judge them about their racial attitudes. If you are proud of your racial attitudes, please refrain from boasting. Not everyone is interested in what you think about race.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
































































































































































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