Turn It Off
PG listens to Risk. People tell stories in front of an audience, which is usually drunk and rowdy. Sometimes, the stories are strong medicine. Two weeks ago, a story about a dying father pushed a few buttons, and PG turned the show off.
@chamblee54 Notice to all RISK listeners: It is OK to turn the show off. If It hits too close, shut it down. It is just a show.
@TheKevinAllison We keep 60% from reaching listeners’ ears. If we get more kid-glovesy, the “ok to speak like I speak here” thing will be lost.
@chamblee54 I would prefer to have it too strong I just think listeners should know that it is not a contest, and if it is too much…
The next week, PG made it through the show. It got heavy, but someone else’s buttons were being pushed. What disturbs one person might not bother someone else. Motivational bullies have a tough time understanding this.
@chamblee54 made it all the way through this weeks episode_thanks for giving me a challenge, even when i don’t make it through
@TheKevinAllison What kinda stories usually make you turn the show off?
@chamblee54 (1) the last one was about conversation w. dying father-it brought back memories-it is subjective, often dealing with my
@chamblee54 (2)mood when i listen_ my friend had an alzheimers mom, & i doubt i would have wanted to relive that experience
@chamblee54 (3) just do what you are doing- if i can’t take the heat i know how to get out of kitchen- this might make good blog post
@TheKevinAllison Gotcha. Yeah, many times, people are triggered or tailspun from stuff even we couldn’t predict.
This week’s show is Confrontation #709. It begins with Kevin singing a commercial for stamps.com. There are three stories. A man works for a tour bus company in New York. A lady hears strangers trashing her en español. The strangers are surprised at what happens next. Finally, a lady learns that her wonderful bf is a blackout alcoholic.
Finishing the show can be a challenge. The first obstacle came seventeen minutes in. PG ran out of coffee, and put the show on pause. (PG likes to download the file, and listen on a desktop. Pause privilege is not guaranteed on all devices.) This is a common moment on most podcasts, and there is a decision to be made. Is the rest of this show worth listening to?
The decision to quit listening to a show is not fair. Often, if PG’s body chemistry is telling him to be unhappy, any number of things can make him hit stop. Even if the mood is right, the more personal the show, the more chances there are for the content to ruffle PG’s feathers.
The story about the dying father is an example. The speaker was in the hospital, trying to think of the right thing to say. In PG’s case, it was all too human. “I love you dad.” “I love you too Mac, I mean Cam.” Many people get confused for their brother.
Yesterday was the San Bernardino shooting. There were a lot of people expressing opinions. Many of these people did not know what they were talking about, which meant they talk louder. It was a good day to ignore the ignorant. It was a few hours before PG returned to the show. He did finish.
There was one more show yesterday. PG only got halfway through, and does not know if he will go back. The show was Full Disclosure. This is a “sex positive” show based in Chicago. The episode was Episode 163: James Deen Rape Accusations and Affirmative Consent. It featured the host, Eric Barry, and a few female friends. They are having a good time.
This is something that will often make PG turn off the show. It simply is not fun to listen to a studio full of people laughing. It is the conversational version of pornography… it might be ok to observe, but it is more fun to participate.
There was one story, which seems like a good match for San Bernardino day. It is at the 1:06 point of the show. A lady is married to a man. They don’t get along, but are staying together for the kids. One day, the lady tells teen age daughter that daddy forced mommy to have sex. Teen age girl is outraged, and convinces mommy that it is time for a divorce. A few months later, neighbors want to know what is going on. Mommy decided to get a nose job. Wealthy daddy agreed to pay for a nose job, which mommy got instead of a divorce.
Pictures are from“The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Tibetan Peach Pie Part Three
When PG last saw Thomas Eugene Robbins, he was living in Richmond VA. This was around the time Mary Lou, aka the human wrecking ball, went into a crowded bar and yelled “Anyone here want to fuck?” This was the Eisenhower era version. Thirty years before this, Babe Ruth stood up on a chair. “Any girl that doesn’t want to fuck can leave now.”
Fifteen pages later, TER marries another young lady. The proposal came after knowing each other five minutes. Four and a half minutes of that time was TER denouncing her for having the bad manners to walk out of a TER poetry reading. At the time, TER was dating an art student with protective parents. When the young lady was in the hospital, TER decides to impersonate a doctor, so he could give the lady a private exam. To perform this maneuver, TER stole a white jacket that was too big for him. The jacket was so ill fitting as to resemble “a horse blanket draped over a poodle.”
TER worked for a newspaper. One job was editing Earl Wilson’s column, and choosing photographs. This was an entertainment column, about who was doing what where and how. Why was left to the reader’s imagination. Mr. Wilson wrote a three b report, for booze, bosoms, and behinds.
Sometimes, Mr. Wilson wrote about entertainers of color. In many southern establishments, this part was edited out. TER went against the tide, and chose black and white pictures of a sepia trinity: Louis Armstrong, Pearl Bailey, and Sammy Davis. The collective drawers of Richmond twisted into an painful puppy pile. TER hastily moved to Seattle.
Arriving in the Northwest, TER stumbled into a job as a concert reviewer for the Seattle Times. This was despite not knowing what he was talking about. The prose was “colorful,” though not in the Earl Wilson way. TER got into mushroom hunting, and heard tales about magic mushrooms. A bit of checking around ensued, and some learned man told TER to take LSD instead. This substance was still legal, and had yet to develop notoriety. Diane Linkletter kept the window shut.
Here is a bit of confusion. In High Times and Rolling Stone, the date of the first TER trip was July 16, 1963. Tibetan Peach Pie, the book that inspires this orgy of quote abuse, says it was July 1964. Who to believe? Does it make a difference? Actually, it does. In those 366 leap year inclusive days, Martin Luther King had a dream, John Kennedy met his maker, The Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan show, and Cassius Clay whipped Sonny Liston. The world was a differnt, less innocent. but more musical place. Ed Sullivan wore a Beatle wig, taking really big shoe tonight into unknown territory.
The psychedelic experience is aggressively non verbal. (p.197) “…even a professional novelist can scarcely write about it it without swathing his observations in the purple cloak of woo woo.” At one point, TER went inside a flower. “The crown of the daisy is a perfect logarithmic helix. My eyes followed that spiral, around and around, until — pop! — I actually went into the flower. What was it like in there? It was a subterranean cathedral made out of mathematics and honey, and occupied — this is the amazing part — by an almost palpable intelligence… Now, a man-made bean can is hardly a living plant, but what I’ve come to appreciate about inanimate objects, aside from their utilitarian beauty, is the whisper of the Infinite in each and every one of them. I’d better shut up now before the woo-woo alarms go off.”
A can of beans was one of the players in Skinny Legs And All. PG read SLAA while working in an architect’s office. A can of baked beans was placed on a shelf for motivation. After he finished reading SLAA, PG ate the contents of the can of beans. A young lady heard about the use of baked beans as a grounding device, and did not understand. After finishing SLAA, PG told the young lady that he had eaten the can of beans. She was not amused.
After that fateful LSD afternoon, TER had little interest in reading or writing. This can be inconvenient for a music critic expecting to get paid. This printed word hiatus was broken when TER read Steppenwolf. This was probably before the band shipped out “born to be wild.” Steppenwolf is a book to read at twnty one, and think you are changed forever, then read again at fifty one, and realize you need to change your underwear.
This business of expanding consciousness is not conducive to the real world. Eventually, TER left Seattle, and took his wife back to Richmond. TER went to live in New York. At a LEMAR protest … something to do with legalize marijuana … TER met Allen Ginsberg. “I glanced around with increasing nervousness as the cameras of a half-dozen law-enforcement agencies flashed amidst the snowflakes like orbs of mad polar bears. … Ginsberg, that magnificent pothead of the godhead, laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about it.” … “In the long run, these fuzzy shots in some cop’s folder will do you more honor than the cover of Newsweek.” The poet then kissed TER, who was back in Seattle before you could say Tetra Hydra Cannabinol.
Maybe it was a sermon about mammon. The other day on facebook, someone was ranting about something, and calling his output a sermon. PG wrote a comment… “is there a gender neutral replacement for sermon and mammon.” (PG forgot to hit post, which is why there was no snarky reply.) When Mr. Ginsberg was Howling his way to fame, mammon was regarded as “wealth regarded as an evil influence or false object of worship and devotion.” Money is not only the root of all evil, but the stalk, leaves, and, last but not least, the fruit.
Alas, there is no connection between mammon and ma’am. There is no commingled origin for sir and sermon, or, for that matter, amen and men. They are already non binary, and fit for use by both cis and trans. Some people just have to make everything about sex.
Maybe this is a good time to adjourn this meeting. This is part three, of the chamblee54 certification of Tibetan Peach Pie. Parts one and two have already been distributed. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
Celebrating A Championship
18 Very Sweary British Words You Need To Use Right Now ~ shitpouch. bawbag, wazzock, fuckwit, tosspot, twatface, jebend, piss stain, wankstain, cock womble, fucknugget, jizzmonger, spunktrumpet, arsebadger, fanny flaps, cunt puddle, cuntybollocks, fuckety bye ~ Thomas Jefferson was in France during the Constitutional Convention, engaged in the pursuit of Sally Hemmings. ~ I was walking back from the drug store. It was getting a bit warm, so I took my tobaggan hat off. I looked for a pocket to put it in, and realized that my baseball hat had fallen out of my pocket. I thought of retracing my steps to find the baseball hat, but decided that it was not worth the trouble to look for an old worn out hat. I then looked up, and saw the baseball hat sitting on the sidewalk, in the place where it had fallen out a few minutes earlier. ~ Every now and then, I look in my email and see another comment to my post on the GSEMH ~ just caught the 50th anniversary! of Alice’s restaurant masacree on pbs. Brought back the memory of seeing Arlo at the Great Southeast Music Hall. I was drunk(and maybe other) and it was my birthday, so my bf said I should try to talk to Arlo because my name is Guthrie! I was just drunk and young enough to do just that. I finagled my way to the tourbus door(was pretty good at talking my way into things back then), announced that I was a cousin, and ended up sitting at the little bus table, smoking and talking with Arlo and fam. Pretty sure all I added to the conversation was a shit-eating grin, but it was one of the highlights of my youthful escapades. Loved going to the Music Hall! Ah…youth and happy times. I also lived at Bordeaux apts for a while! Peace:) ~ I did not see the exchange that led to this “unfriending.” The “nuclear option” may have been justified. I would like to urge caution in using the “unfriend” option. If you are tired of a persons opinions, you can choose “unfollow.” You will not see the person’s posts, but they will remain in your friend collection. I have been unfriended a few times. It can really hurt your feelings. Sometimes it was for trivial offenses. Other times, I honestly don’t have a clue what the problem was. People see something that they do not like. They feel like they need to take action. The act of telling someone they are no longer your friend is just a click away. I wonder if any of these people regret this action later. You can pretend that it never happened, but this “unfriending” will be in the background of your interactions with this person. No matter how friendly this person is to your face, you will always know that they “unfriended” you. The same thing applies to blocking someone on twitter. You can say that you are better off without this person in your life. I don’t like the way this creation of barriers feels. I would rather get along with, and respect, other people. If they say something that you are “offended” by, maybe you are too sensitive. Not everything you hear is going to agree with you. ~ @whitman632 Never ever get behind a zombie at a men’s room urinal. ~ strange fruit ~ If you were north of I85 … ~ Or whining about other peoples racial attitudes. ~ Self righteous mouth running about what other people say. ~ when your idea of taking action is to unfriend a social media contact you take the side of the oppressor ~ Maybe he was a sports fan celebrating a championship ~ Are there gender neutral alternatives to sermon and mammon? ~ Maybe we can quit using labels and two-wrongs-make-a-right logic. ~I was wondering when the snarky response was coming. Then I realized I did not click send. ~ Our addiction to fossil fuels is a problem. Global warming may be the least of our problems. ~ Maybe it is an opportunity to write something. ~ 1- Maybe it is an opportunity to write something. 2- Sometimes an ideological argument is just an excuse for a petty playground fight. You may think you are arguing about _____ but what is really going on is “you are a poopyhead” “are not” “are too” ~ Any holiday that can lead to a picture like this can’t be all bad. Yes, there are lots of issues involved in the treatment of Native Americans. That should not stop us from enjoying this holiday. ~ fancy ~ mice ~ Brian Keith Terrel ~ Marcus Ray Johnson ~ more polite about it ~ GSEMH ~ Hippie Heyday: The Ultimate Flower Power Quiz ~ @chamblee54 made it all the way through this weeks episode_thanks for giving me a challenge, even when i don’t make it through @TheKevinAllison What kinda stories usually make you turn the show off? @chamblee54 (1) the last one was about conversation w. dying father-it brought back memories-it is subjective, often dealing with my @chamblee54 (2)mood when i listen_ my friend had an alzheimers mom, & i doubt i would have wanted to relive that experience @chamblee54 (3) just do what you are doing- if i can’t take the heat i know how to get out of kitchen- this might make good blog post @TheKevinAllison Gotcha. Yeah, many times, people are triggered or tailspun from stuff even we couldn’t predict. ~ this is not a good year for football in georgia ~ pictures from The Library of Congress. ~ selah
Stage Names
SheLia Twatt ~ Anne Tissipation ~ Sharon Sharalike ~ Bertha DaBlues ~ Dee Boner ~ Sue Nahmi
Amanda Hugankiss ~ Amanda Shagg ~ Davida Loca ~ Unita Muzzle ~ Cincy DeFlesh ~ Kay Keenitet
Lucy Lastic ~ Phyllis Steen ~ Shelita Hamm ~ Dale Neverknow ~ Natalie Attired ~ Gladys Overnow
Dora Jarr ~ Eileen Dover ~ Emma Roydz ~ Helen Wait ~ Helen Wheels ~ Jenny Tull ~ Anita Dump
Ophelia Balls ~ Mysha Long ~ Eileen Dover ~ Fannie O’Rear ~ Sue E. Generis ~ Ida Nevernoedit
Tara Newassle ~ Ester Diefor ~ Maude Lynn ~ Lois Steam ~ Viola Fuss ~ Fay Tality ~ Eda Bagel
Lilly Pad ~ Magnolia Blossom ~ Rhoda Dendron ~ Jacklyn Hyde ~ Amanda Ryder ~ Kay O. Pectate
Anna Palumbo ~ Ivy Drip ~ Frieda Gogh ~ Vera Lee Isay ~ Hope Anna Prayer ~ Huda Thunkit
Marge Inavera ~ Polly Glott ~ Clare Voyant ~ Wanda Lattary ~ Tara Bull ~ Billie Rubin
Nevah Hoidovit ~ Ima B. Leaver ~ Miss Konstrude ~ Miss Ann Thrope ~ Misty Meaner
Holly Ween ~ Jillian Dollars ~ Sue Veneer ~ Robin Cradles ~ Jenny Taylia ~ Colleen Allcars
Farrah Moans ~ Pandora Spocks ~ Candace B. Real ~ Lois Commondenominator ~ Marsha Dimes
Lilly Screams ~ Tulita Pepsi ~ Erasmus B Dragon ~ Ivana Uranus ~ Lovee Uranus ~ Anita Uranus
Irma Gedden ~ Eileen Wright ~ Lisa Carr ~ Bella Aiche ~ Anna Conda ~ Tessie Tura ~ Rose Above
Constance Sweat ~ Freida Katz ~ Anita Amanda Luv ~ Imelda Ledder ~ Ouida Peeples
Gia Dunno ~ Jenny Saykwah ~ Cienda Light ~ Aida Biggun ~ Barbara Seville ~ Mary Jo Figaro
Pita Ann deWuff ~ Polly Morfuss ~ Karen Fernaught ~ Leticia Papers ~ Hedda Lettis ~ Nana Yabiz
Jean Poole ~ Ginger Snapp ~ Queen Obnoxia the III ~ Helen DaBed ~ Ms. Sitona Mai Feze
This repost, written like Stephen King, has pictures from The Library of Congress.
Adding Text With GIMP
UPDATE 2015 This is another update. New things are learned all the time. I use this method primarily to create graphic poems. It can be used for all sorts of graphic mischief. It also works for single color text… just anchor the text in place when you are happy with it.
UPDATE The original version of this tutorial was written using an older version of GIMP. If you have an older copy of the program, you can use the link to find this tutorial. This edition of the tutorial is based on GIMP 2.8.10.
This tutorial is about using GIMP to put borders around text. If you are making graphic images, this step allows you to use almost any image as a background. This tutorial is based on the embedded video. There are a few things different in the version in this post. The video has some jivvy music, which some of you will enjoy. Pictures today were created using the methods described in this tutorial. One poem uses non standard size images.
This process does not always make sense. It is not always logical. Just follow the instructions. If you make a mistake, and something does not work, just close out the window and start over. Keep these instructions handy the first few times you do this. After a while it will be easy.
This tutorial uses GIMP. If you use photoshop, you probably already know how to do this, or how to find someone to show you. If you need to download GIMP, use the link. This tutorial was written for the PC. Mac users can find help on their own.
If you go in the Edit menu of GIMP, you see an option, Keyboard Shortcuts. There are user created Shortcuts used in this process. 400% enlargement is selected using 3. Tool Options is ctrl + d. Scale layer is shift + a. Crop to selection is w. Using the menu is always an option.
Create a template for the text. Open a new window. (ctrl + n) Set the size. For pictures at chamblee54, the standard size is 720 x 447, pixels. Under Advanced Options, Fill with, choose Transparency. Save this template using the .xcf format. The chamblee54 name is 720447t.xcf. You are going to use this file again. (If you like, you can create the text directly onto the background image, and skip this step.)
01 Create a folder for your project. Create this folder in a place where you can find it easily. Create a sub folder, and name the sub folder “old”. When you finish working with a picture, drag the background picture into the “old” folder. Copy the text template file, and paste it into the project folder. If you do this, when you Export the file, the renamed file will go in your project folder.
02 Open GIMP. If you double click on the text template file, the program will open. Open the Toolbox, (ctrl + b) Tool Options, (ctrl + d) and Layers dialog window. (ctrl + L) In the Move tool (m), make sure that under Move, you have layers selected. (This is the icon on the far left.) Under Tool Toggle, choose “Move the active layer.” You will probably need to select this at the start of the project.
03 Compose the text in a word document. Try to make all revisions before starting to create the images. Copy the selected line of test into the window when appropriate.
04 Choose a font. Choose foreground, and background, colors. There are fonts other than Impact. There are colors other than black and white. Copy the longest line of text. Paste it into the text rectangle. (See step 06) Go to the triangles next to the size window, in the Tool Options. Click on the up triangle as many times as you can. When the text is too big for one line, hit the down triangle. This is the size of the text. Note this number, and the font used, in the text word document. If you have to leave and come back, you will want to know how big to make the text. Close the window, and select Discard Changes. Start working with the first line of text.
05 Before performing the next few steps, click on the status bar of the text template window. You want to perform this action in the selected window. and you want the text template window to be selected. If you choose a command, and apply it to the wrong window, it will mess things up. You want as little frustration as possible.
06 Select Text. (t) Draw a rectangle on the picture. Try to start the rectangle as close to the left edge as possible, and go all the way to the right edge. Make sure it is tall enough for the letters. Paste the text into the rectangle. Before pasting in the text, hit the space bar one time. With some fonts, you will need to hit enter, to avoid cutting off the top of the text. When you make this image larger, it will need room to grow. Paste the selected text into the text window. (ctrl + v)
07 Select text from path. Choose “Text to Path” from the Layer menu. (alt+L, p)
08 Select “From Path” from Select menu. (alt + s, o) The text is now coated in flashing dash marks. This has something to do with being selected.
09 Select “Grow” from Select menu. (alt + s, g) The “Grow Selection” window will appear. Type 3 in the highlighted field. If you want to have a bigger border, put a larger number in. Click OK. (enter)
10 Select “Fill with BG Color” from Edit menu. (ctrl + .) The Text Editor window should go away now. If the Text Editor window does not go away, something is wrong.
11 Select “None” from Select menu. (ctrl + shift + a) As we mentioned earlier, some of these steps don’t make sense. This is one of those steps.
12 Click anywhere on text. The “Confirm Text Editing” window will appear. Select “Create New Layer”. (alt + n) The new layer of text is automatically centered on the enlarged layer of text. Try to click towards the left side of the text. If the new layer of text does not appear in the center, hit undo, (ctrl + z) and try again.
13 Select the Toolbox. (ctrl + b) If you leave the text window selected, you will continue to add text when you hit d, 3, and m. On some machines, you need to select the layers dialog. (ctrl + L)
14 Select “Merge Down” from the Layer menu. (d) Where you once had three layers, you will now have two. Enlarge the text to 400%. (3) Select Move. (m) Make sure that under Move, you have layers selected. (This is the icon on the far left.) Under Tool Toggle, choose “Move the active layer.” You will probably need to select this at the start of the project.
15 Move the finished text into place. If it goes at the bottom of the picture, move it to the bottom right hand corner. Place the baseline a few pixels off the bottom. If you are doing multiple images, make sure the bottom line is the same for all the panels. (Most chamblee54 images are 720×447 pixels. The baseline of the text is resting on 431 pixels. The baseline is the bottom part of the word bottom. The descender of g,j,p, or q, is going to be below the baseline.)
16 Position the right edge of the text flush against the right edge of the picture. Scroll to the left side of the text. Place the cursor over the left edge of the text, and see what the pixel counter says. The first number will be width, the second number is height. Note the position of the left edge of the text. See the location in pixels. Divide the first number in half. Move the edge of the text to this number. Scroll to the right side of the text, and confirm that the distance to the edge of the picture is the same on both sides. Confirm that the bottom of the text is on 431, or the correct level.
17 Anchor the two layers of text. (d) Reduce text to 100%. (1) Drag the rectangle tool (r) around the outside the file. Select “Crop to selection.” (w, alt. + i, c) This will make the file size 720 x 447. This will be helpful when you drag the file onto a background image.
18 Save the line of text. Select “Save as”. (cntrl + shift + s) The file will be saved as an .xcf file. This is peculiar to GIMP. You can paste it onto as many backgrounds as you need to.
19 You can also use this .xcf file while cropping the background image. Open the background image. Drag the .xcf file on top. Open Scale Layer (shift + a, alt.+ L, s) Adjust the size of the text to fit your needs. Trace the outline of the .xcf file with the rectangle tool (r.) Go to the Layers dialog, click the .xcf file, and click on the trash can. Scale the image (z) to the same size as the .xcf file (720 x 447.) Type 720 into the Width field. If the Height field is not 447, click on the chain link symbol to the right. The chain will now have a spce in it. You can type 447, or anything else you want, in the Height field. Select “Export as”. (cntrl + shift + e) Give the finished product a name. If you like, you can hit the left shift key, and type in an x. The image will now be named x001.
20 Hit delete. This will clear the line of text from the template. Repeat steps 06-18. Some people like to make all the text files before adding backgrounds. I like to do a few text files, and then add the backgrounds. If the font, and colors, don’t work, change them.
21 Drag a background picture into the text template window, or drag the text template window into the background picture. Its all good. In the Layers dialog, select Background. Click on the little green arrow going up. If you are happy with the results, anchor the text onto the picture. (d) If you are not happy with the results, select the picture, and click on the garbage can in the lower right corner. Drag another picture into the text template window. Repeat process until you are happy with the results.
22 Export the picture. You may be used to using Save. In GIMP, you do not Save the final product, you Export. Select “Export as”. (cntrl + shift + e) Give the finished product a name. Drag the background picture, and the text file, into the “old” folder. Close the window. (alt + F4) (Be careful not to close Toolbox.) Select Discard Changes. (alt + d) Start another image.
Here is a quick reference for the basic steps.
01 Paste text into text template window.
02 “Text to Path” (alt+L, p)
03 “Select “From Path” (alt + s, o)
04 “Grow” (alt + s, g) (enter)
05 “Fill with BG Color” (ctrl + .)
06 “None” (ctrl + shift + A)
07 Click anywhere on text. “Create New Layer”. (alt + n)
08 Toolbox (ctrl + b) Merge Down (d) Enlarge 400% (3) Move (m)
09 Center text at bottom of window. Merge Down (d)
10 Reduce 100% (1) Drag rectangle tool around file. (r) Crop excess (w)
11 Save text template file as line number. (ctrl + shift + S)
12 Hit delete, repeat steps 01-10 with next line of text.
13 Combine background image with text template window. Put text in front. Merge Down. (d) Export image. (cntrl + shift + e)
Tibetan Peach Pie Part Two
In 1977, Rolling Stone did a piece about a “counterculture writer” named Tom Robbins. This should not be confused for Harold Robbins, a mainstream wordchunker who died in 1997. “Tommy Rotten,” is known for colorful phrasing. It is as if Vladimir Nabokov caught butterflies with psychedelic juice in their wings, and made a lepidopterist stew that allowed him behind the looking glass. As it is, we have, through the magic of internet cut and paste, a stylistic seraphim from the time of the Carter administration. “You can tell people that my goal is to write novels that are like a basket of cherry tomatoes—when you bite into a paragraph, you don’t know which way the juice is going to squirt.”
Part one of the chamblee54 regurgitation of Tibetan Peach Pie: A True Account of an Imaginative Life hit the ether nine days ago. Since then, PG has taken to writing down the page number of phrases that catch his eye, tickle his ears, pull his leg, and punch him in the gut. Since a Tom Robbins book is an anarchic army of swinging sentences, only nominally regulated by the discipline of plot, this may be the best way to approach this subject.
On page 25, TER (the E stands for Eugene) was on an asian honeymoon. A Sing snake crossed their path. A guide invited the snake to dinner. The reptile was prepared with enough red chili paste to give heartburn to the human blowtorch. TER felt as though he had gargled napalm. Later, on page 145, TER would describe “many a hot, sticky summer night, when a restless Richmond felt like the interior of a napalmed watermelon.”
Page 63 sees TER at thirteen years old. He has not joined the church, given his soul to Jesus, and been assured of salvation. These are important items on the Southern Baptist bucket list. PG went through sunday after painful sunday, every time the congregation sang “Just as I am” as an invitation to eternal life with Jesus. PG never did take that walk down the aisle, and has come to see the Baptist ritual of pressuring pre pubescent youth as being just a little bit weird. Yes, this is better than what the Roman Pedophile Church likes to do with little boys, but that’s a technicality.
The man assigned to win the soul of TER was Dr. Peters. “tall, gaunt, and pale, with a weak damp smile and cold damp palms: shaking hands with him was like being forced to grasp the flaccid penis of a hypothermic zombie….more creepy than refrigerated possum slobber.”
By page 125, TER is out of school, married, and has a son. This is the early fifties, and PG will not appear on planet earth for a little while. In those days, there was a war going on in Korea. TER decided that the Air Force would be more pleasant than the army. If he had waited much longer Uncle Sam would have made the choice for him.
TER at some point is on a ship, and editing a newspaper. “…the paper’s adviser, a Roman Catholic chaplain who possessed the purplish physiognomy and perpetually petulant pucker of the overly zealous censor.” Soon TER is in Nebraska, and buys his first automobile, a “1947 Kaiser … looked like the illegitimate child of a sperm whale and a pizza oven.” TER did not specify the gender.
Six pages later, TER is out of the service, about the divorce wife number one, and living in a hood called the Fan. This was the hippie district of Richmond VA, although the 1954 version was considerably tamer than the summer of love variety. (This is roughly the time when PG burst onto the landscape of Atlanta GA) TER was reading books about zen. Learning zen, by reading a book, was similar to learning how to swim by reading a magazine. Or telling time by reading a newspaper. As Ben Hecht put it, “Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.”
The convergence of zen, swimming, and reading material made TER think of a poem by William Blake. Mr. Blake was a hallucinatory inspiration on Allen Ginsberg, who would later be the only man to ever kiss TER on the lips. (PG has doubts about that one, but will have to take the word of TER) Anyway, the poem has the Southern Baptist approved title of “Eternity.” “He who binds to himself a joy, Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies, Lives in eternity’s sun rise.”
Maybe this is a good time to edit this, insert pictures from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”, and go forth into the world. Or go second, or third, but not in a Southern Baptist lifetime should PG go fifth. As TER said in High Times, “I’d better shut up now before the woo-woo alarms go off.”
Eighty Percent
It is a T shirt treasure, and a coffee cup classic. “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” This gem is blamed on Allan Steward Konigsberg, better known as Woody Allen. The percentage goes up and down, and life is sometimes substituted for success.
The quote was recently featured at WIST, or Wish I’d Said That. This quote site is known for giving a source, unlike the sites featuring purring platitudes in front of a cultural kitten. The current top offering is “Bach almost persuades me to be a Christian.” Virginia Woolf attributes the baroque comment to Roger Fry who was not afraid of the author.
Getting back to Mr. Allen and success statistics. He accepts full responsibility for the remark. In 1989, notorious conservative columnist William Safire asked Mr. Allen about whether he said life or success. The answer was rather surprising.
“The quote you refer to is a quote of mine which occurred during an interview while we were discussing advice to young writers, and more specifically young playwrights. My observation was that once a person actually completed a play or a novel he was well on his way to getting it produced or published, as opposed to a vast majority of people who tell me their ambition is to write, but who strike out on the very first level and indeed never write the play or book.”
In other words, you don’t just show up empty handed. If you have an idea, you have to employ the writing formula, ass + chair. You have to turn the tv off, leave the beer in the refrigerator, sit down, and push buttons on the keyboard.
The second part of today’s entertainment is an encore presentation, Inspiration Is For Amateurs. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.
PG was listening to an interview with a fiction writer. Someone said “Inspiration is for amateurs.” PG has always been more impressed by action than beliefs, and this phrase made sense. This repost is a good excuse to post some more pictures from The Library of Congress.
The phrase is from a painter named Chuck Close. His output is expensive, and widely enjoyed. A spinal injury left him paralyzed, but did not stop him from producing. Here is the full quote:
“The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case.”
A man once made pottery. It was said that the man only worked with passion, and that if he didn’t feel this passion he did not work. When PG heard that, his thought was that if PG worked that way, he would never finish anything. Most of the sticker pictures take a while to finish. PG always gets tired of the picture before it is through. The idea is to go to the studio, start to do stuff, and before long the enthusiasm will return. Any image requires a certain amount of time with the belly pressed against the work table, or the digital equivalent.
The formula for writing is ass plus chair. A teacher once said to not stare at the blank page, waiting for a bolt of lightening. Start to write something, and the ideas will start to sputter out of the pipeline.
It is not enough to have a bright idea. You have to work the problems out. Sometimes, you spend more time finding out what does not work, than what does. You have to do it wrong before you can do it right. Genius is ninety nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration. If any cliches have been overlooked, please add them to the comments.
One thing that is helpful is to be focused. The internet can be a problem. When you should be thinking about your product, it is very tempting to see the latest on Facebook or Twitter.
Theology Is Worse
If you don’t like the text, skip over it and look at the pictures ~ The adjective “white” does not need to be there. ~ statistics ~ 01:05:11 PM so i try to delete an empty folder and the machine totally wigs out the only way to restart is to cut the power off which leads to a cranky startup ~ @lucygabs i now realise i should have used a comma ~ if a woman wants to be a poet she must dwell in the house of the tomato ~ The forum is no longer. ~ a racist is someone who calls their neighbor a racist we are all G-d’s children ~ @SlavojTweezek Workers of the World, ignite! You have nothing to lose so inflame! ~ the anagram for narcissism is racism sins ~ @Mchankins hasn’t tweeted yet. ~ @Milbank Gutsy Republican leaders strike Islamic State with lethal barrage of clichés. ~ @lucygabs If you can differentiate between white christians and the kkk/westboro, then you can differentiate between muslims and isis. ~ Luther Mckinnon The adjective “white” does not need to be there. ~ Katie Brown I strongly strongly disagree. White Muslims are rarely mistaken for members of ISIS. Black Christians are rarely mistake for members of the KKK. The whole meme is based on a more complex discussion of assumptions based on the intersection of skin color in relation to religious ideology – and the way that these relationships can be misconstrued by the uneducated. ~ Luther Mckinnon Arabs and Persians are caucasian. ~ Tyler Wallace It’s not a meme. It’s a tweet. ~ @lucygabs ICYMI: http://bit.ly/1MbHH2D Stop telling me Fashion isn’t a ‘real’ degree, written by yours truly. ~ JOHNNY SAID THE N WORD ~ racial privilege of cows ~ @EricaJong @BarnardCollege today is #internationalMensDay #WorldToiletDay Gettysburg address was Nov 19,1983 ~ This user’s activity is private ~ “Your ignorance is profound, though typical of the standard brainwashed college graduate in the United States today…. I like to throw Libtard terminology right back in their faces. ~ @JordynPhelps Trump says he’s been described as Ernest Hemingway of Twitter ~ @RaymondMcDaniel I don’t trust anything that explains everything. ~ I was listening to a podcast about a lady with a broken vagina when I saw this. I had to pause the podcast to read this story. ~ In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point. ~ Four labels to avoid: liberal, conservative, racist, terrorist ~ What does this refer to? ~ “Philosophy is useless theology is worse” Mark Knopfler ~ What you say about Jesus says more about you than it does about Jesus. ~ – I’m going to pray for you ~ We need to quit judging people on their racial attitudes. Just because you consider someone to be “racist” does not give you license to trash talk them. ~ @pourmecoffee “500 phrases from scientific publications that are correlated with bullshit” ~ Sicko Manhattan dentist busted for child porn, selling meth after he told informant he attended bestiality parties in NYC: officials ~ Find out which Beatles song are you? ~ How to Grieve Over Black Celebrities’ Stupid Comments About Race and Racism ~ show them these 5 paragraphs ~ bounce house ~ dogmatic ~ pictures are from The Library of Congress. ~ selah
The White Privilege Of Cows
Episode 37708 of Bloggingheads.tv features those fun loving POC professors, Glenn Loury and John McWhorter. PG enjoys their shows, even knowing that he will have to interrupt his multi tasking to make a video clip. Sure enough, at 21:29, Dr. McWhorter says the N-word. Eight and one half minutes later, Dr. Loury was talking about a column, the racial privilege of cows.
The published title was Maier ’17: The white privilege of cows. It appeared in the Brown Daily Herald, which has something to do with Brown University. The column was, to put it mildly, poorly written. It is tough to discern exactly what the young lady was trying to say. As best this slack blogger can figure out, PWOC were better at agriculture than POC. If the column didn’t have a catchy title, it might have been ignored. The world would not be affected either way.
The column seems to say that there are some differences between PWOC and POC. This goes against the prevailing orthodoxy-that-must-not-be-questioned. If you type the phrase “race is a construct” into google, you get 87.1 million results. The top choice, from the New York Times, says Race and Racial Identity Are Social Constructs. “Race is not biological. It is a social construct. There is no gene or cluster of genes common to all blacks or all whites.” This piece was written by “Angela Onwuachi-Willig, a professor of law at the University of Iowa College of Law.” AO-W is a law professor, not a geneticist.
The real fun starts in the comments. You get people with more education than intelligence, too much free time, and a capacity for rhetoric. They start posting comments, replies to these comments, and replies to the replies. The reader waits for someone to scream “JANE YOU IGNORANT SLUT!!!”
Actually, that does happen here. Albert Wesker, who will be quoted in a minute, makes at least two comments on the level of JYIS. “Your ignorance is profound, though typical of the standard brainwashed college graduate in the United States today…. I like to throw Libtard terminology right back in their faces.” Libtard is a contraction of liberal retard, and is considered politically incorrect. The spell check suggestion for Libtard is Billiard.
Albert Wesker Speaking as a biologist, it pains me to read the absurdities that ignoramuses write as if it were scientific truth. Let’s ignore whether this article said anything “offensive,” and instead focus on this: (From the editors note that precedes the column) “The column relied on the repeatedly disproven premise that race is a biological category.” First of all, any scientist will tell you that “proof” is a “no-no” word in science. There is no proof, only increasing degrees of confidence in particular ideas. Second, both of the articles in the links do not provide even ONE reference for their statements of “fact.” That’s a big red flag for any scientist. Even more importantly, neither article provides a definition of the word they claim does not exist. …
Race-deniers are very fond of stating that all people, regardless of “race” are 99.9% identical. Sounds impressive, but that figure is simply a reflection of how young the human species is. …..We know evolution can occur rapidly by observing Man’s best friend. It is not widely reported but all breeds of dog are also 99.9% identical, but I doubt even the most delusional egalitarian would claim there is no significant difference between a Chihuahua and a Great Dane.
Pictures from The Library of Congress.
World Toilet Day
World Toilet Day is celebrated November 19 this year. A billion people, mostly in third world countries, do not have access to commodes. They are forced to defecate in the open. This does not help people lead healthy lives.
An article about commodes was found in the chamblee54 archive. It is presented today for your enjoyment. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
This is a two part post. The first part is a list of 15. It is fun facts about the commode. These are borrowed from a site called Listserve. LS has lots of lists. The Chamblee 54 addendum is part two.
01 The film “Psycho” was the first movie to show a toilet flushing – the scene caused an inpouring of complaints about indecency.
02 Pomegranates studded with cloves were used as the first attempt at making toilet air-freshner.
03 Hermann Goering refused to use regulation toilet paper – instead he bought soft white handkerchiefs in bulk and used them.
04 Over $100,000 was spent on a study to determine whether most people put their toilet paper on the holder with the flap in front or behind. Three out of four people have the flap in the front.
05 King George II of Great Britain died falling off a toilet on the 25th of October 1760.
06 The average person spends three whole years of their life sitting on the toilet
07 The first toilet cubicle in a row is the least used (and consequently cleanest.)
08 An estimated 2.6 billion people worldwide do not have access to proper toilet facilities, particularly in rural areas of China and India.
09 The Roman army didn’t have toilet paper. They used a water soaked sponge on the end of a stick.
10 The toilet is flushed more times during the super bowl halftime than at any time during the year.
11 90% of pharmaceuticals taken by people are excreted through urination. Therefore our sewer systems contain heavy doses of drugs. A recent study by the EPA has found fish containing trace amounts of estrogen, cholesterol-lowering drugs, pain relievers, antibiotics, caffeine and even anti-depressants. Modern urine is expensive.
12 Lack of suitable sanitation kills approximately 1.8 million people a year, many of them children.
13 The toilet handle in a public restroom can have up to 40,000 germs per square inch.
14 While he didn’t invent the toilet, Thomas Crapper perfected the siphon flush system we use today. He was born in the village of Thorne – which is an anagram of throne.
15 In a 1992 survey, British public toilets were voted the worst in the world. Following quickly behind were Thailand, Greece, and France.
Add.1 An amusing feature of the water closet is the tendency of people to die there. Elvis comes to mind immediately. Some say he was stricken on the throne, fell off, and perished on the floor. Judy Garland is also known to have met her maker while doing number two.
Add.2 It seems that this is a real problem with older people that have constipation issues. When you are in delivery mode, and you push too hard, you can cause something called Valsalva’s maneuver. To make a long story short, all that squeezing can pinch the arteries going into the heart. This is not good for you. According to a commenter here, it is .06% of all deaths.
Tibetan Peach Pie Part One
There is a quote on page sixty nine of Tibetan Peach Pie: A True Account of an Imaginative Life, by Tom Robbins. Yes, that magic number, representing mutual oral gratification when it is not the product of twenty three skiddoo times three. The line is from a poem, “Fruits and Vegetables,” by Erica Jong. Before we get much further, maybe we should hear the line. If a woman wants to be a poet, she must dwell in the house of the tomato.
This is synchronicity in living color. Tom Robbins and Erica Jong have been two of PG’s favorite authors for thirty seven plus years. They gave readings in a converted auto dealership on Pharr Road in the early nineties. PG was at both, even if all he saw of Mr. Robbins was the author sitting down autographing books. The thought that these two confirmed heterosexuals might have performed reproductive acts sends literary gossipmongers into zipless fits. And to have this quote dropping on page 69, about a red juicy fruit/vegetable/berry… it just takes the pizza pie prize.
The humble tomato is a much written about food product . A disagreement over pronunciation provides lyrics for a hit song. It is dandy for throwing. Some say it is easy to grow. (PG has tall trees surrounding his backyard, and no luck at all with ‘maters.)
The structure of the word… to, as in direction, ma, as in mother, another two letter to… tomato has a symmetry unknown to chocolate or pineapple. The oh sound at the end makes tomato easy to rhyme. Tomato spelled backwards is otamot, which is total nonsense. Whatever it’s other virtues, tomato is neither a palindrome nor a weapon of mass destruction.
When PG saw the tomato quote, he asked Mr. Google for more information. One of the results was a page by Jason Webley. This is a musician, who used to write about oddities on his web page. Mr. Webley is currently on tour in Europe, which might not be the comfortable thing to do at this very moment. His commentary was instructional.
“The tomato does have a funny history. It, like many of the vegetables we eat is a New World plant. Somehow the Itallians made do without tomato paste until realtively recently (likewise with the Irish and their potatos.) When the plant was first discovered by Europeans in South America is was believed to be deadly (a member of the Nightshade family) but pretty. Rumor has it, the tomato was believed to be the apple of forbidden knowledge from the Garden of Eden. It was brought back to Europe purely as a decorative plant and actually made it all the way around the Mediteranean and back across the Atlantic to North America before people got up the courage to eat the thing.”
Mr. Webley is full of arcane knowledge, From him we learn: Lahnaphobia: Fear of vegetables. (spell check suggestion:Islamophobia) ~ The difference between a fruit and a vegetable: In accordance with a US Supreme Court ruling in 1893, the difference between a fruit and a vegetable is as follows: ‘Any plant or part thereof eaten during the main dish is a vegetable. If it is eaten at any other part of the meal, it is a fruit.’ ~ Have you ever noticed that the Bible is full of references to corn? Doesn’t this seem a bit unusual, considering that corn is a new world grain developed in the region now known as Guatemala and was completely unknown to Europe and the Middle East until at least 500 years ago? Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
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