Chamblee54

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, ‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’
‘Yes I am’ replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, ‘Brother have you found Jesus?’
The drunk replies, ‘No, I haven’t.’ The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time.. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, ‘Have you found Jesus, my brother?’
The drunk again answers, ‘No, I have not found Jesus.’
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, ‘For the love of God, have you found Jesus?’
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, ‘Are you sure this is where he fell in?’

PG is a recovering Baptist. However, he was never baptized.
The Baptists like to pressure pre adolescent children into making a “Profession of Faith”. Every Sunday, the mob would sing “Just as I am” and the kids would walk down the aisle, shake the preachers hand, and be recruited into the Baptist way of life.
Every few weeks, the Church would fire up the Baptismal pool, and go to work. The house lights would dim, and the young Baptists were dunked in the pool.
A while back, the wiring was carelessly installed in a Baptist building. The Preacher was electrocuted when he used the microphone in the Baptismal Facility.
Now, the British have an answer. The Church of England goes for infant baptism, using the civilized sprinkle on the noggin. This is too much for some, who object to the symbolic indoctrination into the cult of Jesus Worship, made before a person is eating solid food. The Answer is “Certificate of Debaptism”.
The certificate is the work of the National Secular Society, which suggests hanging it in the loo. The various churches involved thus far decline to remove the baptized from any church records. The certificate is purely symbolic.
HT to JoeMyG-d.

It is fat tuesday again. For someone who lived most of his life in Georgia, it is just another day.
In 1990, PG went to carnival. He rented sleeping bag space in a house on Marigny Street, just outside the quarter. It was like nothing he had ever seen.
This was 14 months after PG quit drinking. If he had life to do over, he would have gone to Mardi Gras first. He did feel good about going through that much drinking without being tempted to participate.
Truth be told, he was getting tired of the whole shebang by the end of the Rex Parade. Mob scenes of drunks in costume can get old, and PG has not been back.
Two years later, the Grateful Dead was playing at the Omni, and the camp followers were in the parking lot. PG would go on his lunch hour and observe. A young lady walked by, and PG said Happy Mardi Gras. She gave him a string of beads.
Five years after that, PG had a boss from New Orleans. He was not a nice man, and looked like the Grinch who stole Christmas. He also hated Mardi Gras. PG did not know this, and greeted him Tuesday morning with a cheerful Happy Mardi Gras. If looks could kill, PG would have dropped dead.

PG has long suspected that people will believe anything you say, as long as it is the result of a survey or study. Just ask Miss Teen Age South Carolina. More evidence was released Friday. The Harris poll released a study of who is the most admired person in America.
People were not shown a list of names. They were asked to say who came to mind when asked ” “Now I’d like to ask you some questions about heroes. First of all, please tell me who you admire enough to call a hero?” (UP TO THREE ANSWERS)”
First place was President Barack H. Obama. He was not well known enough to be included when the survey was done in 2001. The winner in 2001 was Jesus, who snagged second place this time around. John Lennon was heard rock and rolling in his grave.
The rest of the top twenty ( with a few ties, so there are more than twenty total) are Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Abraham Lincoln, John McCain, John F. Kennedy, Chesley Sullenberger, Mother Teresa, God, Hillary Clinton ,Billy Graham, Franklin Delano Roosevelt ,Mahatma Gandhi, Colin Powell, George Washington, Bill Clinton, Condoleeza Rice, Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Palin ,General George S. Patton, Bill Gates.
There are five African Americans in the top twenty, and six women. No athletes made the cut, and Ronald Reagan was the only Hollywood Actor.
Perhaps Chesley Sullenberger should rank number two. All Jesus did was walk on water.
A few people were mentioned in 2001, but did not make the cut this time. They are John Wayne (was 8th), Michael Jordan (was 9th), John Glenn (was 11th), Norman Schwartzkopf(was 12th), Princess Diana (was 16th), Dwight Eisenhower (was 17th), Pope John Paul (was 18th),Jimmy Carter (was 20th), Nelson Mandela (was 21st), Jess Jackson (was 22nd), Tiger Woods (was 23rd), Malcolm X (was 24th), Thomas Jefferson (was 25th), Eleanor Roosevelt (was 26th),Muhammad Ali (was 27th), Venus Williams (was 28th), Neil Armstrong (was 30th)
People were asked why someone is no longer an admired hero. The top five answers were: Do not demonstrate leadership,Became too concerned about getting personal recognition,Conduct themselves in an immoral or unethical way, Are no longer interested in helping others, Are no longer setting goals for themselves. It is interesting to note nine deceased people on the top twenty.
Harris Interactive does supply some information about their methodology. ” This Harris Poll® was conducted online within the United States between January 12 and19, 2009, among 2,634 adults (aged 18 and over). Figures for age, sex, race/ethnicity, education, region and household income were weighted where necessary to bring them into line with their actual proportions in the population. Propensity score weighting was also used to adjust for respondents’ propensity to be online.” Anyone understanding “Propensity Score Weighting” is smarter than PG.
HT to JoemyG-d. He is not the G person in the top twenty.

TwentyTwoWords had a post today about blogging and seminaries. The post was : “If I ran a seminary, I’d make blogging a requirement. What better way to practice finding something worthwhile to say every day?”
22W is blessed with commenters. Whenever Abraham says anything, there are going to be people with something to say. A few of them follow the 22 word rule, and they are appreciated.
One regular commenter is Frank Turk. His contribution today was: “Yeah, but only 22 words? It sounds like something which would cause sermons to become sermonettes.”
Chamblee54 replied: “Frank Turk…And the problem with that is?”
Mr. Turk replied: ” Can’t explain it to you, Chamblee. The point of reference is something you reject as useful, let alone authoritative.”
Chamblee54 is a bit puzzled by this. The “problem” to him is preachers who fall in love with the sound of their voice. Over and over, every sunday the same basic message comes out the preachers. The Bible is the word of G-d, and the only verse that we really need to know is John 3:16. The obsession with life after death is delivered commodity fashion every sunday at 11 am.
If this is the “point of reference”, then maybe Scent has a point. When Chamblee54 made his comment, he was referring to the wonders of brevity. With a message as slender as that of the Jesus Worship church, there is no need to hear it over and over every week.
But, the audiences at these performances are already converted. They are “Saved”, and if you believe it just ask. They are going to heaven, and if you disagree, you are going to hell. For some reason, the pew warmers enjoy hearing “the message”. It makes them feel good to hear this commodity more, longer, and louder. To Chamblee54, this is neither useful nor authoritative. It does not relate to whether or not he agrees with this message, just that he is not entertained by hearing it.
If you have decided that you do not agree with the basic message, It doesn’t matter how long the preacher talks. If you do agree with the message, and are entertained by the constant repetition, then you might want that quantity discount.
spell check suggestions for this feature:
sermonettes- marionettes, maisonettes, luncheonettes

There has been talk lately about The Flying Spaghetti Monster. The FSM was originally created in response to the Kansas State Board of Education. The KSBE ruled that alternatives to evolution needed to be taught in public schools, including some contraption known as intelligent design. There was talk about whirlwinds rampaging through warehouses and creating jet engines.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster soon appeared, in all it’s saucy glory. The FSM is a satire religion, in the footsteps of the invisible pink unicorn. Bertrand Russell wrote of an interplanetary teapot, which will provide the beverage for the spaghetti supper.
FSM is often used as a substitute for the G word, or G-d. Whether or not Mr. Dammit approves is uncertain.
In this rumble for the hearts and minds of the unwashed masses, G-d has an advantage over The Flying Spaghetti Monster. The G word is a marketing dream. It is short, easy to say, and understood by almost everyone who speaks English. While people mean different things when they say G-d, almost everyone knows about the concept.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster, on the other hand, has eight syllables. Spaghetti is notoriously tough to spell, and has a silent letter. Unless you have heard about the antics of the FSM, you can expect some empty stares when you talk about her.
When PG was in school, he wrote a restaurant article. He did not know how to spell spaghetti. The dictionary showed nothing of value in under spe and spi, where logic tells you to look. Finally, PG got the yellow pages out, and looked for a spaghetti restaurant.
No one claims that The Flying Spaghetti Monster got a virgin pregnant.

PG put a pot of water on the stove to boil, and set the timer for five minutes. He decides to write a blog post in that five minutes.
The sky is bright blue out the window, even though the air is cold. Winter is mild in Georgia, usually.
There is a mirror in front of the work station. It reflects a TV, which allows PG to watch while on the computer. The third week of the playoffs are coming up, and the NFL is a mess. Pittsburgh is the only firstweekbye team to make the conference championships.
This is a year of odd things, already, even more than last year. PG is going for the longshot and saying that Arizona wins it all.
The face in the mirror is relentless. PG is harassed for not having a happy face, but he is used to it. It is the rest of the world that has to look. Today, PG does not care.
The screen on the TV is blank. PG …..ding….
Spell check suggestion for this feature:
firstweekbye- headfirst

PG was trolling the blogosphere, looking for good words to put between pictures. He was tired of a number of subjects. None of these subjects were going to go away, although others can be expected to tire of reading about them. Then he found a post in Making Chutney about the ultimate subject that will not go away…life after death.
PG decided a while back that life after death is a better descriptive than “eternal life” or, G-d forbid, “Salvation”. Jesus Worshipers are obsessed with life after death. It is mentioned at almost all gatherings of Jesus Worshipers. PG finds the whole matter annoying.
So anyway, the New York Times published an op ed piece, written by Charles Blow.  It seems as though the “Pew Forum”…which may or may not comment on deodorants…published a survey. The bottom line of the study is that 70 percent of Americans said that they believed religions other than theirs could lead to eternal life.
Gee, thats big of them.
Who says that life after death is a proper matter for a religion to discuss? And even if it is, why do Jesus Worshipers talk about life after death ALL THE TIME? Also, does a belief in life after death justify the rudeness and shouting that Jesus Worship is known for?
Jesus Worship is the dominant religion in our culture. Many people see other religions through the priorities of Jesus Worship. It is a surprise to many to learn that not everyone is as concerned about life after death as they are. Or, that many simply do not agree with the Jesus Worship plan for life after death.
PG decided a long time ago that the correct answer to the question ” Where will you spend eternity?” is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. The use of cusswords is optional.

Maybe the problem is Jesus.
Like many other issues, there are semantics involved. There is the historic Jesus. The legend is he was born in a manger of a virgin mother. He grew to be a carpenter, until he took time off the give talks about G-d. He was too much trouble for the powers that be, so he was killed. The story is that he rose from the dead.
There is also the spirit today, which many call Jesus. This spirit has little in common with the historic Jesus, except for using the name. The best way to know this spirit is through those who believe in it.
There is some dispute when the historic Jesus was born. As another blogger put it: ” Israeli meteorologists best guess places the real date of Christ’s birth on September 29th, 5 B.C.
The Catholic writer Mario Righetti candidly admit that, “to facilitate the acceptance of the faith by the pagan masses, the Church of Rome found it convenient to institute the 25th of December as the feast of the birth of Christ to divert them from the pagan feast, celebrated on the same day in honor of the ‘Invincible Sun’ Mithras, the conqueror of darkness” (Manual of Liturgical History, 1955, Vol. 2, P. 67).” The truth is, we don’t know when Historic Jesus was born. Four days after the winter solstice just seemed like a good time for a celebration.
There is also the Spirit Jesus to think about. Since it doesn’t exist outside of the hearts of the believers, it can have any “birthday” it wants. December 25 works just fine.
The idea for this post was a rant about the hurt that Spirit Jesus has put in my life. About the harm done to our society by the leadership of the Jesus worship church, and their followers. About the debasement of our government by exploiting religion. ( For a recent example, see BHO and Slick Rick)
This will not change anyone’s mind, and will only make me feel worse.
I would like to suggest to the Xmas lovers out there, the simple fact that not everyone shares your joy. Jesus is a source of misery to me. His birthday…spirit or historic… is nothing to celebrate.

A great deal has been said recently about BHO and his choice of a player pray-er for the inauguration.
A bit of perspective is in order. BHO has been dogged by rumors that he is a Muslim. He claimed as his “spiritual mentor” a man who entertains his church by screaming rude things about the United States. When it was no longer to his advantage to associate with Jeremiah Wright, BHO dumped him.
BHO won the election. It is time for his inauguration. He chooses Rick Warren to offer a prayer.
Rick rhymes with slick. He has built a empire church, sold millions of books, and is frequently photographed without a tie. He condemned gay marriage, and told a few lies in the process. His choice as the First Pray-er is rather controversial.
Throughout the controversy, very few seem to think about Jesus. What sort of statement does Rick Warren praying for BHO make about Jesus?

The day after thanksgiving is the official start of the christmas season. The last few years, PG has been weary of the turf fighting of the Jesus worshipers The jws like to think that they are the only ones entitled to a holiday celebration. It gets nasty.
The truth is, as long as PG remembers, Christmas has been a secular holiday with a religious element. The parties and gift giving are a great way to wind up the year. The so called birth of Jesus really has very little to do with it.
In the early days of christianism, the pagan romans had a major celebration around the winter solstice. This is the longest night, and the end of the annual cycle of birth, death, and revival. The early Jesus worshipers decided to have a comparable celebration. It is uncertain when Jesus was technically born, and many scholars today believe that it was sometime in the spring.
For a long time, PG was able to ignore the religious hoopla, and focus on the joy of the season. In recent years, the Jesus Worshipers have made more of an issue out of the “War on Christmas”. Bill O’Reilly, with his instinct for a divisive issue, has been a ringleader. Where once the secular and religious people could celebrate a happy season together…and, truth be told, many still do… there is a now a conflict. The Jesus worshipers make an exclusive claim to the festivities, and those who don’t agree with them are out of luck. It has become a fighting issue whether to say happy holidays or merry christmas.
PG would like to get back to peace on earth, and good will towards men.

This being sunday, PG and Uzi went walking. Today the scene was the Clyde Shepherd Nature Preserve, near Decatur. The land is not a virgin forest. It looks like it was cultivated land until a few years ago. The most aggressive weeds took command at this time. Do not come here if privet makes you nervous.
PG and Uzi came to the end of a trail, and saw that the car was a hundred yards down a road. They went back into the forest, hoping to find a path running parallel to the road. Instead, they went back around a swamp, which was dried by the drought. There were a couple of observation overlooks, including a lifeguard chair. Finally, they made it back to the vehicle.
It was a bit after 4 at this point, which is too early for dinner, but not enough time to go home and then meet for dinner. PG took a variety of back roads, and came out by the S&S cafeteria. After dinner, the cashier was talking to a man about cremation. The lady started to talk to PG about cremation. ” I talked to Charles Stanley about it, I asked him if there was anything in the bible about it, it just doesn’t seem right”. PG thinks that cremation would be a good idea for Charles Stanley.