Chamblee54

If I Had A Hammer

Posted in GSU photo archive, Undogegorized, Writing Contest by chamblee54 on November 1, 2022

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@itstimetowrite “#writingprompt Pick 3 objects around you at random. The first item is a character’s portal, the other their prize, the last is their crutch. Interpret this, figuratively or literally, into the genre of your choice. #amwriting #writingcommmunity” The first object that PG picked up was an orange. It was sitting on the desk. Since PG was going to eat the orange, he substituted a paper clip. Since the instructions say “around you,” the many promising items on the desk will be ignored.

PG turns 270 degrees, and finds a “QUICK START GUIDE” on the shelf. It is a booklet, 2″ x 5″, with basic instructions for JBL TUNE 215 TWS ear buds. This has sat on the shelf since the device was purchased, and will probably be discarded once this exercise is complete.

The utility shelf on the wall behind PG is the next stop. A tube of equate athlete’s foot cream cream is chosen. 95% of the product has been removed from the container. A flat object has rubbed the side of the tube, driving the remaining Clotrimazole in the direction of the dispensing orifice. It is not known how many more applications of the prophylactic compound remain in the tube.

The character today is Paulie DePape, a California hammer enthusiast. Paulie was so excited about his latest purchase that he went to see his mentor. Unfortunately, it was 2:30 am, and the mentor was busy putting his cell phone in the bathroom to charge. Paulie tried to get into the San Francisco mansion, using the paper clip as a portal. It did not work, and Paulie broke into the residence with his new hammer. The new device was magical indeed … when Paulie broke the laminated glass on the back door, the glass fell back on the patio.

Paulie looked in his pockets, and found the “QUICK START GUIDE.” In his hammer-headed state of mind, Paulie opened the QSG, and realized that he already knew what it said. He turned the QSG over, and saw the fine print instructions in a variety of exotic languages. This was not much of a prize. Paulie held his mentor’s domineering wife responsible. Paulie grabbed his hammer, screamed “Where’s Nancy,” and ran up the stairs.

At this point, Paulie tripped over his hammer, and injured his leg. He would need a crutch to complete his mission, but all he had was an 95% empty tube of Walmart Athlete’s foot goo. Paulie quickly realized that the tube would be useless as a crutch.

By this time, the police had been notified. The mentor answered the door, and then tried to grab the hammer away from Paulie. He was very proud of his new hammer, and angry at Nancy for giving him a QSG as a prize. Paulie snatched the hammer away, and proceeded to brain the mentor. The police interrupted this procedure, and took Paulie into custody. Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library.”

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  1. If I Had A Hammer | Chamblee54 said, on November 13, 2025 at 9:51 am

    […] content was published November 1, 2022. … @itstimetowrite “#writingprompt Pick 3 objects around you at random. The first item is a […]


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