Chamblee54

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazillian.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way
So a squirrel living in a pine tree one day feels a shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel asks: “What are you doing climbing my tree?”
”Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears” “This is a pine tree, there are no pears.”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
Why can’t Ray Charles see his friends? Cause he’s married.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
When my Grandad was 65 he started running a mile a day to keep fit.
He’s 70 now and we have no idea where he is.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? …….because they’re really good at it.
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. it’s just something I could really see myself doing.
There are two monkeys in a bath tub. One says to another: oohoohahah!
The other says: Maybe add a little more cold water.
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean
So this guy walks into his bedroom with a chicken under his arm. His wife is laying in bed. The guy says, “This is the pig I fuck when you are not in the mood.”
”You fucking idiot. That’s not a pig!” “I was talking to the chicken.”
Two fish are in a tank. One is driving and the other one is operating the gun.
Two soldiers are in a tank. They both drown.
A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a bar. The priest says, “Well I believe Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God and my lord and savior, so I’ll have some wine.”
The rabbi says, “Well I don’t believe the messiah has yet walked the earth, so I’ll have Manischewitz wine.” The whale says “EEOONNHH”
What do you call a chicken coop with 4 doors? a chicken sedan.
Why aren’t there any knock knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings
What’s a hillbilly’s favorite thing to do on Halloween? pumpkin
What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.
Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store
What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish.
What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?
You’re just going to have to be a little patient.
A magician was driving down the road when he turned into a driveway.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
“I went to a zoo. It was completely empty, except for a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu.”
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.”
“I’m thirsty.” “Hi, Thursday, I’m Friday, let’s go out on a Saturday and have a Sunday.”
The only joke my dad ever told me was that he’d quit beating me. I was in stitches.
A man with carrots in his ears walks onto a bus, the bus driver says “Sir, why do you have carrots in your ears?” “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I HAVE CARROTS IN MY EARS!”
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? They say he had locomotives.
Nobody knows who to blame for these alleged jokes. Chamblee54 does not claim authorship, and would deny it if he did. This material was previously published. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.