Chamblee54

Something called the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is happening. A lot of comedians are performing. Here is a list of jokes. Sources include I news, The Mirror, and The Standard. The pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.
A professional magician never reveals his tricks, or that he still lives with his parents. Pete Firman
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’ Paddy Lennox
I’m sure wherever my dad is; he’s looking down on us.
He’s not dead, just very condescending. Jack Whitehall
Being lactose intolerant is my nightmare.
I’d hate to wake up knowing that I was what the Laughing Cow was laughing at. Ben Pope
Have you been to a protest march?
It’s like spending three hours exiting a sporting event. Christian Finnegan
I didn’t like getting lost on a campsite in the dark. I was feeling tents. Charlie Partridge
I didn’t start experimenting with drugs until I was in my 40s.
Prior to that I was just enjoying them. Roman Fraden
I don’t like marijuana. If I want to be hungry and think all my friends hate me,
all I need to do is wake up. John Hastings
I have too much free time so I’ve started smoking. If you smoke ten a day, that’s an hour of free time used up. Also, it shortens your life overall. Rory O’Keeffe
I like my coffee like I like my women. Unintentionally neglected while I deal with some admin and eventually going cold on me. Christian Talbot
I like to ring libraries, just to shush whoever answers the phone,
and see how they like it. Colin Chadwick
I remember my first date with my wife. She gave me butterflies, which was an odd gift. Scott Bennett
I saw my optometrist the other day. Which made him a bit redundant. Alice Fraser
I saw two male giraffes having sex and got envious of their freedom.
It took me another ten years to be free enough to have sex in a zoo. Mawaan Rizwan
I thought I was a communist,
and then I had to use the same toilets as everyone else at a festival. Lou Sanders
I threw my hands in the air, which was a shame,
because I had nothing to catch them with on the way down. Paul Mayhew-Archer
I told my mother I’ve got this dead bee in my sink: what do I do? “Get a spoon and flush it down the toilet.” Then I said, ‘I’ve done that – now, what about the bee?’ Mark Watson
I went to go see a psychotherapist about my commitment issues. Which was going fine until they asked me to return the next week and not see any other therapists. Robin Clyfan
I’m entering the world’s tightest hat competition. I just hope I can pull it off. William Andrews
I’m no good at talking to women. I’m 28, and recently my Grandmother and I
had the “are you gay?” conversation. She isn’t. Matt Rees
Me and my girlfriend are doing great. We’re in a serious relationship!
I know that because she told me. Archie Maddocks
Middle class people talk about dark chocolate like it’s heroin.
“Do you want some dark chocolate?” “What percentage is it?”. Henry Paker
My boss has finally recognised my potential and reduced my wages accordingly. Richard Todd
My dad caught me curing a piece of salmon …
to teach me a lesson he made me smoke the whole packet. Olaf Falafel
My family massively disapprove of my new girlfriend.
By family I mean my wife and two kids. Aatif Nawaz
My mum met my dad in a gay bar. Eleven years into their marriage. George Lewis
My wife said she wanted to meet new people. I took her to the maternity ward. Ismo Leikola
Show me a man wearing too much camouflage, and I won’t be able to see him. David McIver
The Tory Education Minister goes into a bar, and orders a whiskey.
Bartender: “Teachers OK?”. Minister: “Do I look like I give a s**t?” The Thinking Drinkers
There are many ways to sexually please a snake. But I won’t rattle them off. Nick Elleray
This vodka is drunk by the rapper Sean Combs. P Diddy?
Only when he drank a whole bottle. Ben McFarland
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head,
as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax. Bush wasn’t that bad. Angela Barnes
When you’re newly married, people always ask you the same question: do you guys feel different now? And I’m like, “Yes, we feel very poor”. Felicity Ward
Why does everybody call our Catholic priest “Father” except his own children.
They call him uncle. Vince Ebert
Yoko Ono’s full name is Yoko Or Nearest Offer. Olaf Falafel