Chamblee54

These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fucl) , All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph) , Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York (ony) . Attempts to maintain a no profanity blog will be suspended for this post. // The meeting of two personas is similar to the interaction between two natural elements; by chance, if there is any reaction both are transformed. (fb) // Girl to gay friend, after conversation about pretty girls in their grade: She’s not ugly, but her mustache is starting to piss me off. Loud woman on cell: I swear, his mustache just fell off! 10-year-old girl with fake mustache to brother: When you wear the mustache, the mustache possesses you. Girl walking her dog: So I call my brother this morning and tell him “I don’t know what happened last night, but I woke up with dice in my ass.” (ony) // G-d, please keep me clean and sober today. G-d please help me to remember that other people may be spiritually sick. Help me to remember that I may act the exact same way in their situation. Help me to be accepting of them. Please help me to not be judgmental, to remember we are all human. G-d, thank you for this day and the many opportunities that lie inherent within in it. Give me wisdom and strength to embrace these opportunities. Thank you for a life that is far better than what I imagined for myself. (fb) // On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I’m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won’t stop inboxing meeee! (fb) // A loving heart is the truest wisdom. Charles Dickens Madeleine (fb) // Destiny is not a matter of chance; but a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, It is a thing to be achieved. William Jennings Bryan (fb) // I hate how women are spoken about in recent times. I just saw at least ten tweets with guys using the word “bitch”. It’s disgusting (tw) // First they were muslim. Then they were anti-religion. Now the Obamas are being trashed for liking Christmas too much. http://t.co/4K3Qugue (tw) // Newt decrying meanness and harshness in politics . . . I mean honestly (tw) // Are the GOP candidates running for president of the United States or prime minister of Israel? (tw) // “Generally speaking anybody is more interesting doing nothing than doing anything.” — Gertrude Stein (fucl) // “Teaching science without evolution is like teaching sentence structure without the alphabet,” // A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times. He finally asks her why they do not eat almonds themselves. Whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth. They are not able to chew them. “Why do you buy them then?” he asks puzzled. The old lady answers: “We just love the chocolate around them.” (fb) // you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said “now bow your heads in prayer” as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. (tln) // Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line. (tln) // @bennycdoze The incident happened somewhere in Maryland. She is human, that’s the police force we’ve got. She died in custody (tw) // @tejucole I have been robbed at gunpoint and attacked another time. i suggest you talk about it. If you don’t, it sticks in your head. (tw) // RT @tejucole: Children in Osogbo were spared the horrors of education thanks to unknown do-gooders who burned a few thousand schoolbooks. (tw) // True words from @kanyewest- “I’m on the pursuit of awesomeness. Excellence is the bare minimum” Watch at http://jol.ly/0rsG #voyrlife #ad (tw) // Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined… (fb) // Your life is such a sacred journey. And it’s also about change… Continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path, of exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here on in, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of beauty, of wisdom, of power and of love ~ (fb) // give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. give a man a bank and he can rob the world. (fb) // “DREAMS” get you into the future and add excitement to the present. So dream away, and dream often, and dream big. and never let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Dreams are the Holding Place of God. The bigger the dream the more of God you let in. (fb) // Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401ks, took trillions in taxpayer funded bail outs, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid not taxes? Yea, me neither… (fb) //Chase said Ashley’s got to be better at praying than photography. Here here. #alistdallas (tw) // #AlistDallas…absolutely disgusting seeing ann coulter spew her ignorance & taylor laps it up. #VaginalVespa (tw) // no idea what that means, maybe becaues both are useless to me #vaginalVespa (tw) //It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me. (fb) // I hate two faced people. It’s hard to decide which face to slap first. (fb) // What the hell? I went outside there was a couch on my new neighbors lawn close to the house like it was airing out. I guess they left to get another load. I went back in the, then ten minutes later went back out to take out the trash and the couch was gone. They are not back home yet. If they were not getting rid of the couch, and I doubt it since it wasn’t on the curb but next to the porch,…ooops, and… Welcome to the hood! (fb) // He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick (tln) // And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex (tln) // I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. (tln) // …oh my god that’s like anal suicide … I’m aware. I’m writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak. (tln) // Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn’t open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open. (tln) // I haven’t found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he’s getting better with the drinking. (tln) // Guy to friend: You can’t expect to get away with killing someone when everyone knows who you’s is. Guy: Remember when we found that dead body? Boyfriend, to girlfriend: Look, the train is coming. You better stop or I’m gonna murder-suicide yo’ ass. Teenage preppy catholic schoolgirl on pink bedazzled iPhone: Oh, please, like I’m gonna wait for that bitch to roll over and die and hope she wills it to me. I want her Prada, and I want it now. I’m a New Yorker–I know how to get what I want! (ony) // Did yall hear about the girl who got Drake name tatted on her forehead? Its big as hell, it covers her whole forehead. (tw) // “Will you try to keep bribes down if you are elected President” (tw) // @ChrisRBarron GOP political consultant, homocon, fitness junkie, GOProud Board Chair, Firebird owner, married, like all things Pittsburgh related, I annoy the left. (tw) // Unlike some political whores my soul isn’t for sale. I value basic decency over a paycheck. I will never apologize for that. (tw) //I wasn’t concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a ” big glass” for his 151 and coke. (tln) // Saw a license plate frame that said “only the best moms get promoted to grandma.” That’s not entirely true; some have slutty daughters and they get promoted anyway. (fb) // Teenage Girl: “Mom, Is it true that babies come out of where boys put their dicks in?” Mom: “Yes. dear, that’s true.” Teenage Girl: “But won’t that break my jaw?” (fb) //@michaelberliner Wicked – I will try to find my old school portrait now, quality might not be perfect: taken with blackberry camera. B nice! (tw) // @TheRealGriff Me too. The bag was a lot smaller in size than they said as well. (tw) // hello all im back sorry i was off for so long just needed some time away from the twitter but in back nothing much has changed in the life!! (tw) // “A man ought to read just as inclination leads him; for what he reads as a task will do him little good.” — Samuel Johnson (fucl) // “Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.” — Plato (fucl) // “Oh! it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn’t. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn’t read.” — Oscar Wilde (fucl) // @KLSoltis Bloggers: I look forward to the first use of “How The Gingrich Stole Christmas” as the title of a post/article about Newt’s ascent. (tw) // Your olive oil is lying to you (tw) // for some reason old white men still feel comfortable being racist on da ol radio. #nealboortz u r no @talkmaster but u could b a CUMDUMPSTER (tw) // Im bored, which I had someone to chat on the phone with & laugh & just chat about shit (tw) // @BjCosbyJackson I have a grown man phone, you have a phone that wants to be grown but isnt. I just texted you, did you get a new number? (tw) // Mother to her daughter: Melanie, you want a punch in your face? Daughter: Not again! (ony) // Crackhead female: You wanna know how I know it’s Friday? Crackhead male: How? Crackhead female: Cause I get ma foostamps on Thursdays. (ony) // Teenage girl: I’ve been arrested eight times this year, but I didn’t nothing wrong. Guy on cell: But how is she on parole again? Every time she gets out on parole she does another felony. I don’t understand it. Man on public pay phone: No, they own my ass for the next two years. That’s what parole means! Thug on cell: I pleaded not guilty to postpone the trial… (ony) // Selah