Chamblee54

PG was being kept prisoner, in the basement of an bankrupt department store in Alpharetta. Some movie company wanted to film a scene in the parking lot. The cheapest way to get a bunch of cars is to hire extras, and then have them do nothing. PG was happy to oblige. He felt better about the whole thing when he found his car, in the same space, at 4am.
One of the first rules of movie work is to bring a book. On the busiest days, there are long stretches where the background sits around, waiting for something to do. The ideal book is a thin paperback, in the standard 4.25″x 6.875″ format. Such a volume will fit neatly in the back pocket, eliminating the need to tote it around. Such books are popular at yard sales and discount racks, so that it is no tragedy if the book is lost.
After a bit of experimenting, PG found a place to sit. It had a good source of light, and a table to write on. This was on the table with the tubs of water and coffee. There was a jug of lemonade on the table, but the craft services man decided that it was not good quality, and did not put it out. The rest of the night, people asked PG which cooler had water, and which one was lemonade. (When life gives you lemons, you are supposed to make lemonade. What do you do if someone gives you bad lemonade?)
The day before, PG had been in another mall, working on the same movie. His book that day had been “ The Subterraneans” by By Jack Kerouac. For some reason, the typing did not amuse PG. He wound up looking at a advertisement for a new type of shoe. The ad had a picture of Joe Montana, looking like he was going to throw a sneaker for a touchdown. PG looked at the ad, trying to find the hidden messages. It turns out that the signature of Joe Montana, in the top left corner of the image, had two phalluses, and a pair of boobs. PG suspects that Joe Montana’s signature does not look like that.
For the all nighter in Alpharetta, PG chose ” Black Humor “. It was a collection of short stories and novel excerpts, with some sort of connection. According to an interview Mr. Friedman gave a few years ago, this was where the term “black humor” was coined. The phrase is not as popular now as it once was, probably because of the racial toes that seem to get stepped on.
The racial angle works for the first story PG read. It was written by Terry Southern, and he goes to a baton twirling camp at the University of Mississippi. It was written in 1963, which was a different time. When Mr. Southern got to town, he asked the taxi driver where he could get some booze. Before you could say batons on fire, Mr. Southern was at a shack out in the country. A nine year old black kid sold him two bottles of “n*****r pot”, aka moonshine.
Between staring at high school girls learning how to twirl and strut, Mr. Southern got into a chat with two law students. “We never had no Negra problem here. There just weren’t no problem – wasn’t till those agitators came down here started all the problem business”.
The collection came out in 1965. In the introduction, Mr. Friedman talks about the rapidly fading line between fiction and “reality”, how it was tough to tell which is more bizarre. He made some comments about our high tech air force dropping napalm on Vietnamese peasants, and how Red China was about to get involved. At the time, there were 35,000 “advisers” in Vietnam.
The next story PG chose was by John Rechy , and was an exerpt from ” City of Night “. Mr. Rechy is somewhat of a legend. He wrote about hustlers, and did his research on Santa Monica Boulevard. The story is that he never did quit, but was out on the streets when he was fifty years old.
A british interview gets a bit more specific. Rechy didn’t clean up for a while. “The last time I hustled was when I was 55 years old. It was more of a symbolic act than anything – just to prove to myself that I could still do it. I actually gave the guy his money back, much to his astonishment. I didn’t put that story in the book. There’s a limit to how far you can stretch people’s belief.”
The story PG read, between questions about lemonade, was about a drag queen named Miss Destiny. In her night to night life in downtown Los Angeles, Miss Destiny…who will correct you, if you forget the Miss, and call her Destiny… longs to get married. We see her in a couple of nights on the town, with a motley collection of queens, trade, fruits, pushers, and police.
The author gets tired of the scene, and leaves for San Diego. When he gets back to town, Miss Destiny has vanished. It seems like everyone heard about her wedding, but no one attended. At the end, someone gets a letter saying that Miss Destiny had gone straight, married a real girl, and had kids. The author does not believe it.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

This story is borrowed from Gartalker, who borrowed it from someone else. The pictures are from The Library of Congress
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern “seat covers” (invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn’t – so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume” The Stance.”
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold”The Stance”. To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, “Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday – the one that’s still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. “Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, ”You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get”.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too At this point, you give up.. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pock! et and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, …..so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly,”Here, you just might need this”.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men’s restroom. Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?” … This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms.It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This is a borrowed post. It was originally posted at A Merrier World . PG does not bake or write in first person. He has never had kids. He does borrow other peoples ideas, and introduces them to the rainbow. This is a repost
At the end of her birthday party last year, M announced that she would be having a unicorn party for her next birthday. I didn’t realise that she was absolutely serious about this. I thought, “It’s a whole year away – she’s bound to change her mind.” But no, for a whole year M has stuck to her original intention and has been counting down the days until her unicorn party.
You could argue that I’ve had a whole year to prepare, so why the sudden rush to get everything ready last week? Well, M may have had a solidly clear idea of the grand theme for her party, but she left the finer details entirely up to me. Not wanting to disappoint, I threw myself into turning our house into an enchanted forest in the hope that any passing unicorns might be tempted to pop in on the big day. We made glittery trees and rainbow streamers while M’s big sister created a  welcoming poster for the front door.
Last year, M set her heart on a cake she saw in a book by Debbie Brown (here’s a warning to parents – only ever let your children see pictures of cakes that you’re happy to make yourself). Four being so much more grownupperer than three, M has now  entered the chocolate frosting and smarties stage.
I’m not so very far removed from the icing sugar cloud of despair that I miss those fondant modelling sessions yet … I’m quite happy to be doing chocolate and smarties. I couldn’t resist giving the birthday girl a little surprise, though. From the outside, M’s cake looked perfectly normal (in a homemade sort of way) – a magical plastic unicorn standing amid swirls of white chocolate buttercream and scattered smarties. M’s seven little party guests looked on dutifully as M blew out her candles and I took a knife to cut into the cake.
Hesitating before plunging in to make the first slice, I asked them all, “Do you know what happens when a unicorn stands on top of a birthday cake?” “No,” they whispered with wide eyes. “He makes a rainbow,” I told them, cutting into the cake. The next day, M sidled up to me and asked, “Mummy, how did the unicorn do that to my cake?”
Well, if there’s by any chance anyone left in the blogosphere who hasn’t come across a rainbow cake before now, I’ll explain my own take on the concept … just in case a unicorn happens to pass by and stand on another little girl’s birthday cake ;-) . I’m not sure who had the original idea – there’s a box-mix version doing the rounds that appears to have started with this thread in the dubiously-named ‘Something Awful’ forums. Rejecting the layered box-mix and diet soda variety however, I based my own rainbow cake recipe on Farida’s beautiful Zebra Cake.
I followed Farida’s instructions to make a yellow cake batter (whichever basic cake recipe you choose, it’s important that it’s one in which the batter doesn’t mix about too much during baking or you’ll end up with a muddy brown cake instead of a rainbow).
Then, instead of dividing it into two parts and colouring one part with cocoa as Farida did, I divided the mixture between seven bowls (roughly 4 tablespoons of batter in each) and used my fondant paste dyes to colour each portion a different colour of the rainbow.
I then poured each rainbow batter in turn (starting with red) into the centre of my prepared cake pan. As Farida says, don’t wait for each colour to spread out before starting with the next – just pour the batter into the centre of the pan, then pour the next colour right on top and then the colour after that without waiting for each to spread fully.
The weight of each batter pushes the previous colour out further and, as long as you keep a steady hand with the pouring, they all sort themselves out. And it’s as simple as that.
I found out in the school playground this morning that one of the guests has kept her special piece of rainbow cake carefully wrapped up since the party so that she can show it to everyone who visits.

If I had more energy maybe I’d show up for one of your weekend afternoons in the park dressed in layers of mourning, head-to-toe black lace complete with a gorgeous embroidered veil, and out of a fuchsia rolling suitcase I’d remove seven huge three-dimensional letters made of glass and lay them out on the ground in front of you. Through the glass you would see the grass, but also the reflection of the sky and maybe your eyes — G-O-O-D-B-Y-E — and then I would take a tiny metal hammer with an enamel surface covered in elaborate flowers and smash each letter, one at a time the grass the sky your eyes the sky the grass the sky the sky, and then when I was done I would take out a tiny pink vacuum cleaner to remove every glass shard even the tiniest remnant and then I’d walk slowly down or up the hill through the crowd whichever felt more dramatic in head-to-toe black lace with my fuchsia rolling suitcase. Of course, if I had more energy maybe I wouldn’t think about you at all, not even when wondering what kind of vacuum I could find that would be so small, and cordless, and that I could be certain would remove any traces of the glass, so as not to hurt anyone, and of course you would be the person I would ask such a crazy question. And you would say: here’s what you should get. Or: that’s a crazy question. Once I asked you whether chickpeas would ever lose their shape and you said no, you’d have to put them in a blender. I didn’t realize that would be one of the last questions I’d get to ask. But I just cooked chickpeas for seven hours and they lost their shape, a small victory. Sometimes I feel better when I don’t think about you, and sometimes I feel better when I think about you, because maybe that will mean that eventually I won’t think about you, and sometimes I actually don’t think about you. The other night I went to some huge public event and I thought maybe this is the time — I saw so many people from so many different parts of my life even our life and it was kind of fun, I almost thought it would be okay to see you too but then I worried that would mean I wasn’t really expressing myself. So then I thought about the glass letters again, everyone smashes windows. Right now I actually feel calm. _ _A few days later someone came up to me, one of your old roommates from around when we first met and she said she couldn’t believe you were in nursing school, you’d make a good nurse. A good nurse. That interrupted the narrative arc I was building here. I don’t feel calm anymore. _ _ Lostmissing is a public art project — I’d love it if you’d participate. And here’s what lostmissing #36 says: Sometimes I think I’m done thinking about you, but then I end up thinking about you again, so I’m not done. Maybe it’s because I still haven’t run into you — 10 months now, is that really true? Everyone says this is such a small town, I guess I should be grateful that it’s not as small as they say, not grateful that I haven’t run into you because I need to run into you at some point. I guess the city is smaller if you believe. I still think about my hair, it’s longer now and I wait as much time as possible before washing it — otherwise it gets too dry. It gets too dry anyway, but at least it looks healthy. By day three or four it starts to get a bit greasy, but it mostly just looks like a styling product although it’s not the styling product I would use — day one or two might be a better time to run into you. Although that’s also when the wind blows my hair all over the place. Sometimes I wish I could use hairspray, but then that would dry it out more. The other day, one of the days when I thought I might run into you because I went somewhere where I knew I would run into a lot of people but it was kind of fun, it wouldn’t have been fun if I saw you so I guess I’m glad I didn’t. Someone I haven’t seen for almost as long as I haven’t seen you came up to me and said: you look amazing. I’m pretty sure he meant my hair, that was day two or no maybe day one because I remember leaving the conditioner in for a half-hour. Today I left the conditioner in for over an hour, but still my hair was too dry when I rinsed it out, so I put on more conditioner, a second kind. I wonder how I’d feel if I ran into you and you said: you look amazing. Sometimes I think about your therapist, when he kept giving you all those meds even though they made things worse he would just say try this one now and one time I said if you need someone to tell him not to give you those fucking meds I’d be glad to come in and talk to him and of course you told him that, and took the prescription anyway, and later your therapist said he was afraid of me. I don’t know how that came up but of course you told me and I thought it was funny but you didn’t tell me what he thought about that. I wanted to blame your therapist. Sometimes I hate you, I really do but then today I thought about calling you to tell you where to get something you were always looking for, something mundane but now I can’t even remember what it was. I thought about what it would feel like to call you and give you this tip, maybe it would seem like I was okay with losing you and I’m not. I don’t want to be okay, I mean I want to be okay but I don’t want to be okay with losing you. _ _And, just in case you can’t view it, here’s what lostmissing #42 says: Snap this attempt at narrative closure — I think about you less, but when I do think about you it hurts just as much. I almost walked to your house the other day, I mean the other day two months ago. I arrived early to meet someone nearby and I thought okay, I’ll walk around. Maybe I’ll even walk in that direction, just to see your front steps.But why would I want to see your front steps? So then I walked in the other direction.All those times when you said oh, this is something new, I need time to think about this. And then I gave you time, at least two years’ time, but you never brought anything up again, I had to ask you what you thought. You thought these were old issues, old issues you didn’t need to think about.Or when you said that I knew this was a hard time, a hard time for you, you were going through a hard time. Of course two years can be a hard time, no question about that, but then shouldn’t there be time in a difficult time for thinking about issues that might matter?I wish you didn’t matter, that’s what I’m thinking now — it’s been a year and I still haven’t seen you and I saw your old roommate again, this time she didn’t say anything, but maybe the music was too loud. We waved. Then I thought about you anyway, in the middle of the night I got all manic and decided maybe we should get together to say goodbye, even if we did it in silence. We could meet somewhere in public, stand there and look at each other and then leave. Just for some kind of closure. Maybe I would feel it._ _Then I was on the train, the train that goes right by your house, and for the first time I didn’t get all tense when we passed by the places where you might get on, instead I was thinking: go ahead, get on the fucking train, get on the fucking train and I’ll kick you in the face. I don’t mean literally — I don’t want to kick you in the face. But I was ready, finally ready. At least for a few minutes. _ _ Text today is from mattilda . Pictures are from The Library of Congress. Video is from live apartment fire.

Text is from twitter. . Pictures are from the The Library of Congress Results: my top pick was Bud Light and last pick was Coors Light…interesting http://lockerz.com/s/ Blue Sq Bet Premier bluesqbetprem Blue Sq Bet Premier Histon Football Club | News Results Fixtures – Scores From Histon …: Hodgson shines as Giants go top. NCRunners Jeff George Late results (battery): Wakefield girls and Knightdale boys run well for top-5 finishes in 4×4. Burkheart Ellis Jr is the truth! 1 hour ago Brooks Graff BG_Baseball Brooks Graff 2011 College Baseball World Series: 5 Thoughts on Texas–Florida Game: Kid’s one of the top college pitchers in t… democracy101.ca democracy101ca democracy101.ca Less than 24 hrs after we posted the angry email he sent us, our site is now one of the top Google results for “Blogging Tories Craig Smith” 1 hour ago Make Money Online eman529 Make Money Online Effective Link Building Tactics that Can Power Your Website on Top of the Search Results: Effective Link Buildin… Shaun Jamison shaunjamison Shaun Jamison Lake Minnetonka #Triathlon Race Results In: I was in the top 1/2 of my group – not back of the pack anymore! 2 hours ago Becky Carter beccarter28 Becky Carter Strikeforce World Grand Prix Heavyweight Josh Barnett: Top of the Food Chain: The amount of credentials coming i… http://bit.ly/m91pmO 2 hours ago Amber Lewi AmberLewis321 Amber Lewis Strikeforce Overeem vs. Werdum: Top 5 YouTube Videos of Alistair Overeem: With every fight Alistair Overeem has … Matt Dickson MattDickson Matt Dickson Strikeforce Overeem vs. Werdum: Top 5 YouTube Videos of Alistair Overeem Become a SEO expert and get top results with this software, seo firms don’t want you to know that they use this: – some young guns near the top of the stats at today’s Guelph Lake Sprint, led by the Forbes brothers. Well done! sportstats.ca/display-result…Congrats to Julie Stockwell for her top 20 finish at the Alaska Mayor’s Marathon. Check out the results below. Jinny Wong asfabas Jinny Wong Top 20 Fitness Trends in 2011. The results May Surprise you …: Top 20 Fitness Trends in 2011. The results May rssnews_mma Rsnw MMA News Armageddon FC 6 Live Results – Top MMA News at topmmanews.com >> Armageddon is putting on its sixth show in Victor… #SYTYCD Season 8 (Top 20 Results) Race two coming up at 0905am Local – grid set from race one results so Winslow, Lindbom, Moore and Gilmour the top four. View from the top: Sir Gus O’Donnell’s perspectives on delivering results during “fiscal constraint”:WWE House show results 6-17 Lowell MA by Joe Gagne Strikeforce: Overeem vs Werdum Weigh-in Results – Top MMA News at topmmanews.com >> Strikeforce is in Dallas tonig… Strikeforce World Grand Prix Heavyweight Josh Barnett: Top of the Food Chain: The amount of credentials coming i… WONF4W Wrestling Observer TNA Impact Wrestling House Show Results London Ontario That results moves us up one place to fourth and still 5 points off top. Bottom line in e-business? RESULTS! See what dozens of websites in the top 3% of their niches have in common; Marian Rivera reclaims top spot in the partial, unofficial results of FHM 100 … – Philippine Entertainment Portal Happy Trails 5K results: Evan Gaynor of Delta, 15:30, and Tamara Masters of Sylvania, 19:06, top male/female finishers today at Wildwood. maitlandnyla Maitland Ward Baxter Thats great! RT @dj_akt1: @maitlandnyla @GraciousWolf top 3 videos are ones I made of Boy meets world youtube.com/results?search…Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent – Right Here – Top 3 Results Show – American Idol 2011 – 05/19/11 watch an: For the top 5, yes. Malema re-relected. Nomination for additional underway RT @jjtabane: @carienduplessis @bayanda results out? Qualifying Results for Race 2 of the WTCC at Brno – The top 10 from Q1 are reversed so Engstler is on pole: touring-cars.net/results/wtcc/2…Veni. Vidi. Vici. iamKennard Veni. Vidi. Vici. *looks up Frank Ocean on iTunes top 200 list* no, I’m sorry, no results found here. I’ll try 

Luther Campbell McKinnon Sr. was born February 22, 1916, on a farm in Rowland, North Carolina. Europe was stuck in a war that would change the world, and not until The United States got involved. This didn’t happen for another year.
Luke was the youngest of four children. After life as a farm boy, he went to Wake Forest University, and then came back when his Daddy died. He ran a family dairy for a few years, and went to live in New Jersey. He lived near a prison, and saw the lights in the neighborhood dim when the electric chair was used.
In the early fifties, he came to Atlanta to live. This was where his sister Sarah stayed, with her husband and two daughters. One day he went into the C&S bank on 10th street, and took notice of one of the tellers. On October 6, 1951, he married her. Jean Dunaway was his devoted wife for the rest of his life.
At some point in this era he started selling shoes. He would go to warehouses, gas stations, and wherever barefoot men needed shoes. He was “The Shoe Man” .
Before long there were two boys, and he bought a house, then another. The second house is the current residence of my brother and myself, and is probably worth 15 times what he paid for it. He had the good fortune to not buy in an area that was “blockbusted”, as  many neighborhoods were.
And this was his life. He tended a garden, went to the gym, and was in the Lions Club for many years. When he met Mom, she let him know that going to church with her was part of the deal. They found a church that was good for their needs, and made many friends there. The Pastor at Briarcliff Baptist, Glen Waldrop, was his friend.
When I think of the character of this man, there is one night, which stands out. My brother was away at the time. The day before, Mom had discovered she had a detached retina, and was in the hospital awaiting surgery. Her job had arranged a “leaf tour” by train in North Georgia, and she got one of her friends at work to take me. There was some mechanical trouble on the train, and it did not get back into town until 3am Monday morning. And yet, Daddy stayed at home, did not panic, and had faith that all of us would be back soon, which we were.
Through all the struggles of his life, Dad was cheerful, laughed a lot, and was good company. He left me with a rich repertoire of country sayings, and had many stories to tell. He was surprising mellow about black people, if a bit old fashioned. (In the south when I grew up, this was highly unusual).
Dad was always in good, vigorous health, and I thought he would be with us for a long time. Well, that is not how things work. A cancer developed in his liver, and spread to his lungs (he did not smoke). After a mercifully brief illness, we lost him on February 7, 1992.

About this time two years ago, PG went on a rules for living binge. Today, as he sat contemplating writing yet another post  about religion, the title that adorns this piece came to him. There will be more posts about man’s co dependent relationship with G-d. The internet will get over it. But a title like that is too good to waste, so we are going to repeat all four posts about rules for living. Pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”. As always, if you get tired of the text it is alright to skip ahead and look at the pictures.
The wallowing in wisdom began when PG got a chain email from a former stupidvisor. The title was 7%. Written By Regina Britt , 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio , it begins : “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.” My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more: 1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. 8. It’s OK to get angry with G-d. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. 12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it. 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; G-d never blinks. 16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. 18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. 19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple. 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’ 27. Always choose life. 28. Forgive everyone everything. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 33. Believe in miracles. 34. G-d loves you because of who G-d is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do. 35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young. 37. Your children get only one childhood. 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. 41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 42. The best is yet to come. 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 44. Yield. 45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Those of you who clicked on the link for Regina Britt may have noticed that she is not ninety years old. Either that, or she has the world’s best plastic surgeon. This was the spark for the second fire of this cycle, Seven Percent Younger. ( As of today, Regina Britt is still going strong.)
A couple of weeks ago, Chamblee54 recycled an email. It was a list of life lessons, written by a lady named Regina Britt . It was reported that she was 90 years old. As it turns out, the chain email industry got that wrong. Regina Britt is 53. Mrs. Britt survived a bout with breast cancer, and is happy for the life she enjoys. She has a book coming out.
The chain email got a couple of other things wrong. The original list of 45 RFL was printed. In her nifty at fifty column, Mrs. Britt had fifty thoughts. Since PG cares about his reader(s), he has compared the two lists, and determined which five were not included. Maybe it is the email monger who is 90 years old, or living in North Ohio.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying. 17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today. 18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write. 38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion. 48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
The email distributor did not think that what Mrs. Britt wrote was sufficient. The following postscript was added: “Its estimated 93% won’t forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title ’7%’. I’m in the 7%. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you! Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.” Regina Britt is not a statistician. She tells the truth.
Thank you Capri , for leaving a comment at the Chamblee54 post. Capri gave the correct age for Regina Britt. Its not everyday you can take 37 years off a persons age.

PG has always considered himself an amateur wisdommonger. After the original Regina Britt feature went up, PG started to keep a list of clever sayings. Before long, he posted Forty five more.
Yesterday, Chamblee 54 printed a guide to life . It was written by a lady in Cleveland, OH. PG got to thinking about the list. If you saw a mushroom cloud over Peachtree Industrial Boulevard, that is what it was. He decided to write his own list, inspired by the original, but different enough to avoid copyright issues. As with all speculation, the following list is best read with an open mind and a negative attitude.
01- Fair is when a baseball is hit between first and third base. Sometimes it is a controversial call. 02- When in Georgia, just take a drink. 03-Life is too hateful to waste time on religion.04- Family and friends might help, your job might help, insurance might pay the bills, and the government might bail out the insurance company. 05- Interest on credit card debt is a bad investment. 06- Only argue when it is worthwhile. Don’t argue just to have fun. Better yet, don’t argue. 07-Cry because you are happy. 08- Getting angry with G-d is like getting angry with standard time. 09- You don’t have to spend all your money at once. Save a bit now and then, and think of a reason later. 10-The sugar and chemicals in commercial chocolate covers up much of the taste. The real thing cannot hurt you. 11- Make pizza with your pasta so it wont screw up your salad. 12- It’s OK to let your children see you watch TV. 13- There once was a band called Journey. They played corporate rock and made lots of money. That is not a life to compare yours to. 14-There was a TV game show, “I’ve Got A Secret”. It did not relate to anything. 15- If you turn your back on G-d, she will still be looking you in the eyes. 16- Take a deep mind, it calms the breath. If that fails, use mouthwash. 17- Politicians, like diapers, should be changed frequently. 18- Some sayings should be outlawed. They have been used too much, and no longer mean anything. 19- The trouble is, some people are on the third and fourth childhood. 20-Show compassion for your neighbor. Sometimes what you want is more pain to him that pleasure to you. 21-Burn the fancy lingerie and wear the candles. One size fits all. 22- A river goes with the flow without preparation. The water is still polluted. 23- If you have to ask permission, you probably don’t need to. 24- Elbows, armpits, and neck scruff disagree with claims made about the brain. 25- If you charge your happiness, pay the bill at the end of the month. 26- Your reaction to the disaster cannot wait five years. Act now, using the best judgment you have. 27- Cheerios taste better than Life cereal, and People magazine has better pictures than Life. 28- Jesus Worshipers are like teenage boys…the more they talk about forgiveness the less they practice it. 29-If you don’t want someone to hear what you say, keep your voice down. 30- Time wounds all heels. This is especially true in North Carolina. 31- There was a man from Mississippi who went to New Orleans. He took a ten dollar bill and a white shirt. He did not change either one. 32-Mr. Roebuck did not take his partner Sears-iously. 33-The middle three letters of the word Believe is LIE. 34- G-d is a neutral. She loves and hates in equal measure. 35- Show up, Stay awake, and don’t kill anybody. 36-If youth is wasted on the young, is maturity wasted on the mature? 37-When you make a list like this, don’t worry about contradicting yourself. 38- The hokey pokey really is what it’s all about. 39- Never wrestle with an pig. You will get dirty, and the pig will enjoy it. 40- Be careful when you ask for something, you might get it. 41- A man thought he was green with envy once. It was really gangrene. 42- The pest is yet to come, but she will go away later. 43- Put your pants on one leg at a time, and put on a dress the same way. 44- Smile, and people will wonder what you are up to. 45- Use spell check, and try to use correct grammar. You will sound smarter than you are.

The fourth leg on this table comes from Adam Avitable. Like Regina Britt, he is still in the game.
PG has been on a rules of life bender lately. Today, the facilitator is Avitable. He left ten rules for life . He had 94 comments, many of whom offered their own RFL. PG has read them, so you don’t have to. The best of the best is below. They are in the order in which they appeared.
01 Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It’s when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life. (Avitable) 02 Words only have as much power as you give them. If you ignore them, they will lose all effectiveness. (Avitable) 03 No matter how bad things are for you, there’s always someone else out there who is worse. Look for the positive aspects first. (Avitable) 04 TV does not rot your brain. If someone says it does, they aren’t watching enough. (Shamelessly Sassy) 05 If someone/life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt them in their eyes. Lemons make awesome weapons. (Shamelessly Sassy) 06 While you should respect your elders, you should not respect elderly assholes. (Shamelessly Sassy) 07 There is no room in my life for toxic friends or people without a sense of humor. (Shamelessly Sassy) 08 Be nice to stupid people. They really just have no idea. (Shamelessly Sassy) 09 Being yourself is easier than keeping up with the masks. (harmzie) 10 Even if you’re not stupid or ignorant, you’re going to fuck up something. It’s best to have someone there who will tolerate it. (harmzie) 11 People are more inclined to like you if you make them laugh a little. (harmzie) 12 Respect and likability are not mutually exclusive. (harmzie) 13 Fear and respect are not the same thing. (harmzie) 14 Don’t take yourself too seriously. (Jay) 15 You’re responsible for raising your own kids. (Jay) 16 If you don’t like something don’t watch/read/listen to it. (Jay) 17 If you screw up, it doesn’t make you weak to admit to it and apologize to anyone you might have hurt. (Jay) 18 Buy low and sell high. (Jay)

There were seven candidates in the Republican Presidential debate the other night. Just for fun, PG decided to look at their military records, or lack of same. If anyone is interested, PG discusses his experience with the military at the link.
The only candidate with military service is Ron Paul. (He is also the only candidate to discuss military service on his website.) Mr. Paul was a flight surgeon in the U.S. Air Force from 1963 to 1965, and was in the Air National Guard from 1965 to 1968. Ironically, Mr. Paul voted against the war in Iraq, and is opposed to the promiscuous use of U.S. military power.
Three of the candidates, Rick Santorum , Tim Pawlenty, and Michele Bachmann. were too young to be affected by selective service. None of the three enlisted, and none of the three discuss the issue online. In the case of Mrs. Bachmann, getting drafted for combat duty is a man thing.
The other three candidates…Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, and Herman Cain… were prime cannon fodder age during the Vietnam War. None of them served, nor do they discuss the issue on the web. In the case of Gingrich, a Republican fact sheet has this story: “Gingrich received a draft deferment during the Vietnam War owing to the fact that he was studying at the time in Tulane University and he had children. In addition, he was also impaired with short-sightedness and had flat feet . “
A PBS story about Mr.Gingrich tells the story of his decision to go into politics. “I got active in this business of politics and self-government in 1958, when my father, who was serving in the U.S. Army, took us to the battlefield of Verdun.” The boy stared at the bone pile left by the great battle, and “over the course of the weekend, it convinced me that civilizations live and die by, and that the ultimate margin in a free society of our fate is provided more by, elected political leadership than by any other group. That in the end it’s the elected politicians that decide where we fight and when we fight and what the terms of engagement are, and what weapons systems are available.”
Later in that same story is this quote. “In 1985, he told Jane Mayer of The Wall Street Journal that he still believed that “Vietnam was the right battlefield at the right time.” Why didn’t he go? “Given everything I believe in, a large part of me thinks I should have gone over,” he allowed. But, recovering, he added, “Part of the question I had to ask myself was what difference I would have made.”
The GOP fact sheet tells the following story about Mitt Romney: “Before joining college, Romney had received a deferment from the draft as a Mormon ‘minister of religion’ for the duration of his missionary work in France, which lasted two and a half years. At the time, there was an agreement of sorts between the church and the Selective Service allowing exemptions from the draft for missionaries. Before and after his missionary deferment, Romney also received nearly three years of deferments for his academic studies. In April 1965, Romney registered with the Selective Service but was not considered readily available for military service until December 1970. When he became eligible for military service in 1970, he drew a high number (300) in the annual draft lottery, and at that time no one drawing higher than 195 was drafted.
Mr. Romney has five sons, none of which has served in the military. Mr. “Romney said that his sons were showing their patriotism by “helping me get elected”.
Herman Cain graduated from Morehouse University in 1967. He went to work for the Department of the Navy, and went to graduate school at Purdue University. It is not known what his story with the draft was. It is likely that he got a deferment for his job at the Department of the Navy.
UPDATE: Here is some information about Herman Cain’s Draft Lottery Number .

To this day, there is confusion about why the United States fought a war in Vietnam. There is talk about communism. There was a dominoes theory. (The delivery took more than thirty minutes.) The one which aroused PG’s curiosity was the urge to “nail that coonskin to the wall.”
According to the History News Network , President Lyndon B. Johnson made three trips to Vietnam. “In 1961 Johnson, then vice president, visited Saigon. He assured the South Vietnamese the United States would stand by them … LBJ called South Vietnamese leader Diem the “Churchill of Asia.”
On October 26, 1966 Johnson visited Vietnam on his first trip as president. The week before anti-war protests had been held in 40 cities in the United States. At the end of December 1967 LBJ worked in another trip to Vietnam while traveling to Australia for the funeral of Prime Minister Harold Holt, who had died in a drowning accident. Visiting Cam Ranh Bay, LBJ urged the soldiers to”nail that coonskin to the wall.”
While researching this post, PG found a feature comparing BHO in Afghanistan to LBJ in Vietnam. (Lebron James is not taking his talents to Hanoi.) The story is that LBJ had serious doubts about whether we could win in Vietnam, but did not want to appear weak. (He may also have been influenced by the fate of JFK, who had started to withdraw troops from Vietnam.) There is a pungent paragraph: “In this narrative, Johnson sent up to 1,000 Americans a month to their deaths because he didn’t “want the political fallout that would come from not fighting” Vietnam. Others have argued that, contrary to Blankney’s assertion, LBJ really wanted “to nail that coonskin to the wall” in Southeast Asia; that he fought it from strategic principle not political expediency. But many will concede that whether LBJ wanted to win it or not, he fought it with one eye to the public relations polls and the reactions of his own left wing. He imposed so many restrictions, introduced so many rules that perhaps whether LBJ ‘wanted to win’ or not, his objective strategic behavior was in the end indistinguishable from someone who wanted to lose. And he lost.”
Most of the soldiers in Vietnam were drafted. This means that the government told you that you were going into the service, or going to jail. (Young readers might be unfamiliar with the concept. When you ask your elders about communism, you can ask them about Selective Service.) While the government was dithering in it’s approach to the war, the men who were sent to fight were ordered to make a total commitment. Many did not come home alive.
Another online feature about Obama’s challenging war options shows up a difference in attitudes about war today. “Publicly, Johnson said it was a war we had to fight and that we would win it. Now, of course, we know that he believed we couldn’t win even before he sent the first of those 57,992 American boys over there to die.”
Whether you agree or disagree with a war, it is preposterous to say that the soldiers are boys. If anyone deserves to be called a man, it is those troops. Today, we have more women in our armed forces than we did in Vietnam. (This page of statistics lists, by name, eight American service women who died in Vietnam.) It simply isn’t said, of this war, that the soldiers are our boys and girls. While the dirty business of war goes on, it is an improvement to not call our soldiers boys.
Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.

The Facebook post was simple…So and So’s name is 91% sexy (which is D*** sexy!). PG is all about hot and trendy, so he went to Google City to investigate “How Hot is Your Name”. It is the full moon in June, in Atlanta GA. It is as hot as a preacher who has been caught. Pictures for this feature are from The Library of Congress .
As some of you already know, PG’s “real” name is Luther. It was an easy decision for his folks, since it is a copy of the handle his father used. The original plan was to call PG a nickname, Cam. The plan was in effect for 56 years. Change is a good thing, especially with socks and motor oil.
The first result today is from Quibblo . You get what you pay for. The ad is a picture of a lady who wants to meet you. The result of the quiz is Pretty. Your name is probably something that you don’t hear a lot. That doesnt mean its not popular. Sweetie, you’re special! You’re name shows that you’re from a very important backround.
The next stop on the tour is the imaginatively named Ismynamehot.com. In an ironic bit of digital synchronicity, the sidebar ad is for a box set of Ozzy Osbourne product. Included in this package is an “iconic Ozzy replica cross”, The results are “Luther is 44% hot Not bad, but not great “. Since this is a free service, PG decided to look up his other “real” name. “Sorry, “Cam” is not in the database. Please check your spelling and gender selection.” Spelling correction does not require surgical reassignment.
Militaryphotos is the next stop on our journey. The Ozzy collector’s edition box set is advertised here, as well as Ashford University ( Distinctive benefits for the military community. Duty, Honor, Education.) Here, the only thing that matters is the first letter of your name. The writeups read like a horoscope, which may be where they copied the prose.
Quizazz is a frequent flyer at the internet airport. They have six questions, with multiple choice answers. Number two is a doozie…Do you think your hottr than anyone in your Grade? 1-no but kinda one boy liked me befor e but i dont think that matters 2-What kind of questin is this! Its R A CiST! Of cource im HO TT! 3-No 4-YES. The answer: 33% You answered 2 out of 6 questions correctly. Gotta get it good. Get your style commin up wit your friends. and go shoppin and gotta get it good. your almost hot but you still have half away to go nice tryin to bee so cool! XD Your still Awsome!
Hulchul is a “true family forum”. There is a header ad for the Ozzy package. They have a number based approach…”HOW HOT IS YOUR NAME? add the letters in your first name using the numbers below =) And Write it at the bottom! And re-post it with “H0W HOT & Spicy UR NAME””. Luther is 1071, which is “beyond 600= beyond verry verry verry HOT & Spicy!!!! “
Parenting does not have an ad for Ozzy’s boxset. This result is the digital version of those little books about, the meaning of names for your baby. Luther is a German word for warrior. Cam is short for camera, or a part from an automobile engine.
The next result is a gamer forum, “How HOT was your Name Grab? What cool ones did you get ??.” Some of the handles were goddess, doc, Louie, Dr. Horrible, and phobia. One post was “ps – if you haven’t seen dr horrible’s sing-a-long blog…i recommend watching it. It is on netflix streaming.” There are no ads for Ozzy’s iconic cross.
The bottom result on page one is The sexy name decoder. There is an ad for the Ozzybox, as well as a new tv show called “Necessary Roughness”. The plan is to enter your name and gender, select an icon, and be awarded a sexy name. Luther is “L.U.T.H.E.R.: Lover Undertaking Touches and Hot, Erotic Recreation.

This is a double  repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress
You’re An EXTREME Redneck When….. 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’ 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines. 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 18. An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

This is a two part post. The first part is a list of 15. It is fun facts about the commode. These are borrowed from a site called Listserve. LS has lots of lists. The Chamblee 54 addendum is part two. 1. The film “Psycho” was the first movie to show a toilet flushing – the scene caused an inpouring of complaints about indecency 2. Pomegranates studded with cloves were used as the first attempt at making toilet air-freshner 3. Hermann Goering refused to use regulation toilet paper – instead he bought soft white handkerchiefs in bulk and used them 4. Over $100,000 US dollars was spent on a study to determine whether most people put their toilet paper on the holder with the flap in front or behind; the answer: three out of four people have the flap in the front 5. King George II of Great Britain died falling off a toilet on the 25th of October 1760 6. The average person spends three whole years of their life sitting on the toilet 7. The first toilet cubicle in a row is the least used (and consequently cleanest) 8. An estimated 2.6 billion people worldwide do not have access to proper toilet facilities, particularly in rural areas of China and India. 9. The Roman army didn’t have toilet paper so they used a water soaked sponge on the end of a stick instead! 10. The toilet is flushed more times during the super bowl halftime than at any time during the year. 11. 90% of pharmaceuticals taken by people are excreted through urination. Therefore our sewer systems contain heavy doses of drugs. A recent study by the EPA has found fish containing trace amounts of estrogen, cholesterol-lowering drugs, pain relievers, antibiotics, caffeine and even anti-depressants. Modern urine is expensive. 12. Lack of suitable toilets and sanitation kills approximately 1.8 million people a year, many of them children. 13. The toilet handle in a public restroom can have up to 40,000 germs per square inch. 14. While he didn’t invent the toilet, Thomas Crapper perfected the siphon flush system we use today. He was born in the village of Thorne – which is an anagram of throne. 15. In a 1992 survey, British public toilets were voted the worst in the world. Following quickly behind were Thailand, Greece, and France. Add.1-An amusing feature of the water closet is the tendency of people to die there. Elvis comes to mind immediately. There is some debate about this, as some say he was stricken on the throne, fell off, and perished on the floor. Judy Garland is also known to have met her maker while doing number two. Add.2- It seems that this is a real problem with older people that have constipation issues. When you are in delivery mode, and you push too hard, you can cause something called Valsalva’s maneuver. To make a long story short, all that squeezing can pinch the arteries going into the heart. This is not good for you. According to a commenter here, it is .06% of all deaths.

PG read I Am Ozzy, the autobiography of Ozzy Osbourne. (The copyright is given to “Ozzy Osbourne”.) The ghostwriter is Chris Ayers, who PG suspects did the majority of the writing. John Michael Osbourne is dyslexic, among other things. Honestly doctor, I thought the bottle said six pills every hour, and now you say it was one pill every six hours.
This is quite a story. John grew up poor in Aston, England. When he was through with school at 15, he faced a life of manual labor, or prison. The first few jobs he had were horrible, and a stretch behind bars made an impression on him. He put an ad up, saying he wanted to be a vocalist, and was about to give up when Tony Iommi (spell check suggestions:Mommie, Commie) came knocking on his door.
Mr. Iommi was well known in Aston as a musician, but he had to keep a day job. Before he left the factory to become a star, an accident cut off the ends of some of his fingers. He had to change his style, and developed his own, unique way of playing guitar.
The original name of the band was the Polka Tulk Blues Band. They were named after a brand of cheap talcum powder Mrs. Osbourne used. They would load their gear into a vehicle, and hang out by arenas where famous bands played, in case the headliner didn’t show up. One night, Jethro Tull’s truck broke down, and Earth (as the band was then known) played the gig.
Soon, the band…Osbourne, Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward… settled into the business of playing heavy music, with satanic themes. They never took the black magic business seriously, but the combination of a good gimmick and ….their music….clicked, and they began to make buckets of money.
Or rather, somebody was making buckets of money. There was the management, which were typical rock and roll crooks. A few cocaine merchants got some of the revenue, as well as liquor merchants. Ozzy was off on a forty year bender, taking every substance in sight. Supposedly he is clean today.
So Black Sabbath fired Ozzy, and he started a solo career. Ozzy divorced his first wife, and married the daughter of a management heavyweight, Sharon. The alcoholic escapades got more and more bizarre. One night, someone handed him something that looked like a plastic bird. Ozzy bit the head off, and went into rock and roll infamy. (Leviticus Chapter 11:13 And these ye shall have in detestation among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are a detestable thing: … 19 and the stork, and the heron after its kinds, and the hoopoe, and the bat.)
The stories come one right after another. After a while your bs detector sends out a warning, but the stories are so much fun to read. Besides, many of these stories were headlines, and can be easily verified. How many people would claim to be arrested for pissing on the Alamo, while wearing his wife’s nightgown? Before long, he is starring in his own reality TV show.
A lot of the credit for this book goes to Chris Ayers, and whoever helped him. Mr. Ayers has a keen ear for British slang, and keeps the action zipping along. Once you get started with these stories, they are tough to put down.
When PG was young enough, he didn’t think it was cool to like Black Sabbath. He was able to ignore them for a while, until that night in 1980 when PG stood outside a stadium in Seattle WA, and listened to Sabbath ( with Ronnie James Dio) play inside. Two years later, he pulled up to the triangle building in Century Center. 96 rock was in this building, and a man was standing outside giving away something. By the time PG got to him, he had run out of free tickets to the Black Sabbath concert, at the Omni. The next encounter with the band was at a job. There was an eight track tape player, and a copy of Paranoid. PG played that tape once, and a square salesman immediately left the building.