Chamblee54

PG walked down New Peachtree Road. This is Atlanta, where there are a couple of hundred roads named Peachtree. No one seems to mind that most of the peach farms are south of Macon. The peaches grow a lot better there. They fuzz comes in heavier, and the pits are pittier. One time Dagwood Bumstead asked why peaches have fuzz. His wife Blondie said, if they has arms they could shave. PG was walking down the road in the rain, with a freight train going down the tracks in a southern direction. This is forty percent of the ingredients for the perfect country and western song.
When PG was younger and drunker, there was a place on Clairmont Road called the watering hole. He would go there, drink beer, play pool, and have a good old time. As was the custom in such facilities, there was a jukebox. The patrons put money in the box and played the songs that they wanted to hear. A favorite was “you never even called me by my name” There is a little spoken part, where David Allan Coe talks about the perfect country and western song. This song must talk about rain, Momma, trains, trucks, prison, and gettin’ drunk.
New Peachtree Road has this gravel yard where the eighteen wheelers come and go. There was a big rig backing into place when PG walked by, and he may have heard the truck bump into a trailer. PG walked in the rain, between the train, and a big rig going bump against the trailer. The problem was, Momma’s gone, PG doesn’t get drunk, and prison is too much work. So much for the perfect country western song.
The songwriter is Steve Goodman. He gave a show at the Last Resort in Athens GA, that a friend of PG attended. Mr. Goodman tells a story about performing on a train, during a series of concerts supporting Hubert Humphrey. It seems like Mr. Goodman had to use the restroom on the train. Now, in those days, the trains did not use holding tanks, but just ejected the matter by the tracks as they rode by. Mr. Goodman was told, do not flush the commode while the train is in the station. Mr. Goodman forgot the instructions. Mr. Humphrey said ” I am going to give the people of this country what they deserve”, Mr. Goodman flushed the commode, and sprayed the crowd. PG is not sure if he believes this, but it is a good story.

The novel PG is writing is now known as “ The Confessions of Gnarlene Widget. This is more commercial than “ Novel with No Plot”. The role model is “Trout Fishing in America”. When PG runs out of things to say, he reads a bit in TFIA, and is inspired.
The next chapter is a little story that takes two pages and change to tell. Some people were going camping, and looking for a good place. While on the road they pass a parade. The parade was a shepherd who looks like Adolph Hitler, only friendly. Following him were a thousand sheep, three horses and a wagon. The sheep left organic souvenirs, lots of them.
The campers decided they didn’t like the first site, and went back up the road to another place, The sheep souvenirs were everywhere. Before long the parade was on the road again. They gave the Hitler look alike a beer for his trouble. Finally, the campers found an acceptable place to camp. They caught some trout that looked like leaves for dinner.
As PG types this, the computer music player has a concert by Roger Waters playing. The song on the machine now is “Sheep”. Mr. Waters used to be a key member of Pink Floyd, but had issues with some of the others. They went on without him, and even did a stadium tour under the PF name. The keyboard player recently passed away. He was friendly with Mr. Waters, who reportedly did not like onstage improvisation. PG found the playing of “Sheep” at this moment to be an incident of synchronicity and simultaneity.
Back to the story in TFIA. The campers had a happy camper night in the acceptable place, and looked down the valley to see the sheep, the shepherd that looked like Hitler, and the wagon.
Under the borco bookmark, across the page from the first part of this story…Which was titled “the message”…is a yellowed newspaper clipping. It was written by the Associated Press, and was on page 3a of The Atlanta Constitution, Fri. Oct. 26, 1984. The Headline reads ” Novelist Brautigan found dead in home”. It seems like the 49 year old author had found life to be troubling, and ended it with a gunshot wound. There was a quote from Tom McGuane…” When the sixties ended, he was the baby thrown out with the bathwater”.
Sometimes it is best to enjoy the product of a craftsman, and not use his life as an example.
The other side of the piece of yellowed newsprint is a picture of a whiskey bottle. The paper around the neck of the bottle says Canadian Mist. It must be from the english speaking part, or it would be spelled Canadien. Under the brand name, in fancy letters, it says Eighty Proof. The bottle is lit from the left side, with a bit of a crest visible atop the storage part of the bottle. A four legged animal is standing guard for a coat of arms. Under the watchful animal, The word IMPORTED is in all caps, in the same font as Canadian Mist. The word Canada is in little letters below that,just above the place where scissors separated the clipping from the rest of page 3a.
The message in the title of the sheep/Hitler lookalike story has a meaning. The camper received a one word message that night. The word was Stalingrad.

PG settled back in the frankenstein chair and looked out onto the street. The leaves that were yellow last week are orange and brown now. They are drying, and will be on the ground soon. The tree behind this tree is closer to the next yard, and not visible from the frankenstein chair. The leaves on it are just beginning to turn yellow. It always does this. When those leaves dry out and fall, there will be a lot of organic matter in the yard. This will not happen until turkey day.
When PG was a kid, he liked to climb this tree. It had branches low enough to grab, and pull yourself up into the body of the tree. One new years day, PG took a portable radio up in that tree and listened to the gator bowl. Florida was playing Missouri. Florida had a quarterback named Steve Spurrier. He won the heisman the next year, was a so so pro quarterback, and won a few games as a coach. On this new years day, he chunked a few touchdowns while PG listened in the tree, but Missouri won the game anyway. There is a thing called defense.
There is a story about bowl games from that era. NBC was bidding on the Olympics. At the time, the new years day triple header was the centerpiece of their sports coverage. They gave the presentation, and they talked about the Sugar Bowl, the Rose Bowl, and the Orange Bowl. They did not get the contract to broadcast the Olympic games. After the presentation, one of the Europeans at the Olympic committee had a chat with the NBC representative. Some people thought that the talk about bowel games was in bad taste.
The Spell check suggestions for this feature:
heisman..pantheism, atheism, helmsman, herdsman
spurrier… spurring, slurried, furrier

Back to empathy for a minute. The word always takes PG back to an auditorium in Clarkston GA in 1971. PG was in his first quarter at Dekalb College. Today,the institution is known as Georgia Perimeter College. One of the selling points of college has always been the outside speakers that were brought to campus. This day, the subject was abortion.
A note on set and setting is appropriate. In 1971, New York state had legalized the abortion procedure. Roe vs. Wade was in the pipeline that would lead to the Supreme Court. That ruling would not be issued for another fifteen months. In the meantime, abortion was illegal in 49 states, including Georgia. The debate about abortions was not as politicized as today. The nomenclature of choice and life had not entered the vocabulary.
The Vietnam war was still being fought, although with fewer Americans in combat. The withdrawal of US forces took most of the steam out of the anti war movement. The modern spectacle of a person supporting a war, while claiming to be pro life, did not happen.
PG walked into the auditorium and found a seat. The lady began her presentation. After a few minutes of talk…she said something about a woman who was artificially inseminated with masturbated semen… the house lights were dimmed. A black and white film of an abortion was shown. It was noted when the fetus went into the vacuum cleaner attachment. The house lights were brought back up. They should have remained dim, as the woman was not kind on the eyes.
The closing part of her presentation was a song she wrote. She sang acapella. The song was written out of empathy with the not to be born baby. The song was titled ” My mother My grave”.
PG left the auditorium, and went to world history class.

PG found himself in a blog battle. It started with the passage of Proposition 8 in California. PG was not surprised at the result, nor was he surprised that an estimated seventy percent of black people voted against the measure.
Next, some people in LA had a protest outside a Mormon facility. The Mormon church financed a large chunk of the ad campaign in favor of Prop8. At the rally, according to reports, some protesters expressed their displeasure at black people to some African Americans in attendance. The n word was heard. People were not pleased.
PG first heard of this at a local blog. He left this comment:
“Two wrongs do not make a right. The African American Jesus Worship Church has been spewing out hatred of Gays and Lesbians for years. They were a big factor in the passage of proposition 8. This does not justify what allegedly happened at that rally.
I say allegedly because I was not there. I take what Jasmyne Cannick says with a grain of salt. While a handful of people shouting the n word is too much, I can’t help but wonder if it was really as bad as these reports say.”
PG thought he would hear more. He was correct.
Neo-Prodigy has butted heads with PG before. Neo-P pulled out the rhetorical artillery on this one. The rally was a “glorified klan rally” with “pink robed cross burners”. There were comments about the “Gay Mafia” , why Prop 8 lost, and a lot of other things. If you follow the link, you can read to your heart’s content.
The one comment that caught PG’s eye was “Operation: Blame The Negroes rages on as gay leaders continue to scapegoat blacks for the passing of Prop 8 in California. Among those leading the charge are columnists Andrew Sullivan and Dan Savage“. PG was curious what Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Savage had said, and he was curious as to who Dan Savage was. The commentary by Neo-P did not have links back to the comments by Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Savage. PG went wading through Mr. Sullivan’s blog, which was quite a chore. Andrew Sullivan posts a lot of material. Finally, PG found a reference to a column by Dan Savage. It turns out Mr. Savage writes a sex advice column for a Seattle Gay Newspaper. PG wonders who appointed him a community leader.
PG made a comment, using the name Chamblee54. The first comment listed the links to Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Savage. He added “As for the rally in Westwood, what I am reading sets off my b.s. detector. While shouting race slurs is wrong, I was not at the rally. I have to take the word of the reports on the internet. Frankly, I don’t believe the race baiting at that rally was more than a few fringe performers. I could be wrong, and there is really no way to find out for sure.
The point is, you cannot believe everything you read. You should do a bit of research, and not just paste in verbatim from other sources.”
Neo-P was not amused. ” First of all, what happened in Westwood has been covered extensively by everyone from Jasmyne Cannick to the Huffington Post. Those people aren’t making up what happened….Fourth of all don’t f*****g tell me about researching my sources just because you don’t want to hear the truth that the gay community is filled with some bottom-feeding bigots. It’s that blind-eye mentality which is why shit is so f****d up now. Next time you tell somebody to do more research, take your own f*****g advice.” He did not offer any more links.
PG replied “If you are going to say that “Among those leading the charge are columnists Andrew Sullivan and Dan Savage.”, then you should supply links so we can say what they said.” He also asked for a link to a post at the Huffington Post about the rally in Westwood. PG went looking at the HuffPo, but could not find anything about the rally in Westwood with the race baiting. PG did find a report of a rally in San Diego, where the crowd protested the passage of Prop 8 without apparent incident.
Neo-P replied “And once again, still full of fail. Go read Racialicious to read Savage’s bigoted comments blaming black people for the passing of Prop 8. Because we’re all homophobic and we’re all racist…I’ve got the links and I’ve done my research but since you’re so hellbent on defending these bigots regardless, you can look it up yourself as you’re going to believe what you want in spite of what the facts say.”
PG replied ” I am paying you a compliment by paying attention. When you quote someone, or accuse them of “leading the charge”, it is not too much to ask to provide a link so the reader can see for themselves what was said.”
To PG, this is no longer about protesters shouting racial slurs at African Americans. He does not doubt that it happened, although he suspects it was a tiny part of the overall crowd. To PG, the issue is basic journalism. When you say someone is “leading the charge”, you should provide a link to the original comments. The reader can judge what the person says. The reader can also decide whether to get upset about the comments of a sex advice columnist.
The final reply was by Neo-P. He said “fair enough”, and listed a series of links. There was not a link to Huffington Post.
The moral of this story is that you should not believe everything you read. And, when you go telling tales on the internet, it is easy enough to show links to the source of your information. You should do it. If you give a teacher a term paper, you are expected to use footnotes to show where you got your information. When you go posting on your blog, you should use the same standard.
PG strongly condemns the use of racial slurs. PG also condemns the branding of bystanders as bigots, because someone in the same crowd uses a racial slur.

Ben told Mrs. Robinson the room number
It was number five hundred sixty eight.
It was a good idea to tell her that.
Soon Ben was in the pool
Ben knew he was a different man
Simon and Garfunkel
could not express the silence of the moment

PG looked out the window, and saw the yellow leaves in front of the gray sky. Autumn was in full bloom, the election is over, and the turkeys were nervous. The skies are teasing the parched humans with the suggestion of rain. Only the gullible are buying. Perhaps it is the day to talk about Nanowrimo.
Nanowrimo is the thing where you agree to write a novel in one month. The goal is 50,000 words. November is for word counts and a first draft, and editing is for December. PG is into day seven, and his word count is 14,920. The pace for 50k calls for 11,167 by day seven. Another motto of nanowrimo…and the title of the handbook…is “No Plot, No Problem”. Of the books that PG has enjoyed, most do feature plots. The concept of developing a plot on the fly does have its appeals. If a room full of monkeys can produce the works of Shakesphere…
The first role model is “Trout Fishing in America”. The product moved two million units for Richard Brautigan, but it did not make him happy. Written in the early sixties by a poet living in beatnik California, it is a curious lighthouse for a detoxed Georgia pothead. Each chapter in TFIA is like a prose poem. They stand on their own, and as of yet, no plot is apparent.
The last chapter is about this guy drinking wine in a San Francisco park. He is hanging with two broken down artists, who talk about getting committed to a nuthouse for the winter. This is noble savage thinking…it sounds good on the surface, but,any acquaintance with the ha ha hilton will tell you that it is a bad idea. Even for a bunch of nineteen sixty winos, under the statue of Ben Franklin, in a north beach park.
The idea of editing this mess is terrifying. The working title is “Novel With No Plot”( or “ The Confessions of Gnarlene Widget”) The idea that anyone would wade through this donkey flogging is beyond adjectives. Even adverbs and conjunctive clauses fail to assess the damage done to the language. PG is having a grand time, and sees it as mental jogging. The Marathon will go down Peachtree on thanksgiving morning. Last year PG took pictures, including a teenager who ran barefoot. This could be a plot opening.
Nanowrimo has a younger brother now, Nablopomo. The idea of Nablopomo is to agree to post something to your blog every day in November. Nablo is not nearly as organized as Nano, and sounds a lot like Nambla. PG signed up for Nanowrimo and Nablopomo, but will pass on door number three.
Spell check suggestions for this feature:
nanowrimo…unanimous, matrimony, patrimony, nanometer, acrimony
Brautigan… Brigantine, Beautician, litigant, brigand
nuthouse….outhouse
nablopomo…aboninable, abloom, personable
nambla…gamble, ramble, ambler

The party was just that. PG was busy, tore himself away to go, which is how a lot of saturday nights happen. He made a wrong turn somewhere, and got lost, with an suv motivating him to go faster. This happens a lot north of the river. He finally made it to the house and was warmly greeted by the hosts.
Guod was wearing a caveman outfit, and Liberty had on a handmedown red dress. Holly/Diane/Sasha, the original owner of the red dress, is in California now. Last PG had heard, Sasha fits into L.A.,after being out of place in Vegas. Diane was a stocky construction worker. He started trying on his wife’s outfits, and discovered that he looked better in them. Soon, David was cast aside, and Diane emerged. While the surgery is too expensive to contemplate, Diane is now a she.
PG commented to Liberty that fitting a man’s body into woman sized clothes can be a problem. They agreed that with Diane…who could have played linebacker back in the boy days…this was not a problem.
The food and costumes were lovely, and the people were nice to PG. He wore a Ralph Lauren shirt with a matching Red tie, which got comments from people used to a more casual PG. No one knew that PG had worn the same outfit to another party the previous saturday. A few costumes that were too efficient…the ghoul would know PG, who did not have a clue who it was. Just don’t say anything bad about anyone, you might be talking to that person.
The role model for this novel to be is “Trout Fishing in America”. Or maybe that is a biscuit model, round and lumpy with a flat top. The party had these half sized biscuits, which PG tore in half and put chunks of roast beef in. .
The first chapter in TFIA is about the cover. Mr. Brautigan and a female cohort are in front of a statue of Ben Franklin. Mister F was born in 1706. He would be 302 if he was still alive. He could have done that, if he had been a vampire. However, he would not have gone out in a thunderstorm and watched the lightening cascade off the key under his kite.
Was Ben Franklin at that party last night?
Once when he was a kid, PG took the 23 Oglethorpe bus into town . His neighbor Eric was with him. On the way back, some wino started talking to the two boys. The wino said “ What did Ben Franklin say when he touched the key that had been struck by lightening?…Ouch”. The wino had some work waiting on him at the end of the line, and the two boys went home.

After finishing breakfast, PG made a pot of coffee and went to look at the battery. Prying the cover off with a screwdriver, he saw that there was almost no water inside. He went to the toolshed to get the distilled water, and saw the sun rising over the trees in the backyard. He put what seemed like three cups of water in the battery, and tried to start the car. The car did not start, but did make more noise than it did last night. PG pulled the battery off the car and hooked it up to the charger.
Back to the dialog about war and peace. The only Tolstoy PG had read was a short story about a man called Ivan Ilyitch. It was so long ago that about all he remembers is that he read it. Still, war and peace are two constants of man’s existence. There had been a feature about this in The Aquarian Drunkard. AD is a blog written by a former Dunwoody resident who now exists in LA. The feature focused on Pete Seeger, and the song “Turn, Turn, Turn”.
TTT is taken almost verbatim from the book of Ecclesiastes. The only change that Mr. Seeger made, when he adapted the poem, was in the last line. “There is a time for peace, I swear its not too late”. TTT is about the dualities of life, and how there is a place for all these things. When PG was collecting rocks three years ago, he kept thinking “ there is a time to gather stones together”.
Wikipedia notes that the adaptation was made “in the fifties”, which was both a time of war…both hot and cold… and a time of peace. It became a hit for the Byrds in the fall of 1965, as the escalation of the Vietnam war was in full bloom.

Pete Seeger is still alive, at the age of 89. PG first heard of him when he was on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. It was during Vietnam, and Mr. Seeger did a song…”Waist deep in the big muddy”… about how “The big fool said to push on, push on”. The CBS censors did not allow this the first time he was on, but eventually he did perform it. Many thought he was talking about Lyndon Johnson.
Two more items about Mr. Seeger, and it is time to push on. He used the stage name “Pete Bowers” as a young man to avoid making trouble for his father. And a band he played in, the Weavers, popularized a gullah spiritual, “Kumbaya”.We are the flow, we are the ebb. We are the weaver, we are the web.
PG checked the fishwrapper to see when the Georgia Florida game began. While he was there, he looked in on his other alma mater, Cross Keys High School. CK is riding a 28 game losing streak. Halloween night, they lost to Greater Atlanta Christian 66-7.
Spell check suggestions for this feature:
Ilyitch- Bitchily, glitch, twitchy
Seeger- Seeder, seeker
Byrds- birds, bards
Kumbaya- lumbago, lumbar

Ten Clues you are too old to Trick or Treat:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. You keep having to go home to pee.
6. People say: “Great Boris Karloff Mask,”And you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…”And can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night,you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,you lose your balance and fall over.