Chamblee54

LostMissing is a public art project. The distributor is Matillda. This is chapter 18.

Tonight after the rain stopped I walked all the way up the hill to the top and it was so beautiful I could look down in three directions, the streets were already dry I guess because the rain just rolled right down them and everything was clear and still and I realized I could never ever ever give up this time of night, beautiful deserted clear gorgeous night and then I realized maybe you’re turning 40 this year, and I wondered what that means to you so I called and left this message. But then I remembered wait, you turned 40 last year or maybe it was two years ago and it’s so strange how six months without talking to someone you’re so close to for so long makes you forget these simple things I mean I remember the date but I don’t remember how many years, and maybe that’s good because I don’t think about that kind of thing so much. From the top of the hill everything glowed and I used to live here for people like you but now I guess I live here for the views, the air blowing in cooler and fresher through the darkness. Later I was leaving the house, daytime now and I glanced into the residence hotel at the end of the block and there you were, or someone like you, taller actually but you know how when you haven’t seen someone for a while you start seeing them in other people I saw your tattoos on his arms and the cigarette in his mouth gaunt face obviously tweaking I wondered if you had gone in a different direction than I’d imagined. I mean I imagined many things, but I never imagined I’d lose you to AA. I guess drugs didn’t make you inhale a different worldview they made you forget, and then remember. I wonder what you remember now.

1976 was two hundred years after the Declaration of Independence. That event usually considered the start of the United States of America. 1976 was the Bicentennial.
We were in the age of too much media for too little message. The manufactured event was one of the answers. The Bicentennial was a manufactured event.
If you watched tv, or read newspapers, you could not get away from this event. And, by July8, the entire thing was forgotten. People were over the Bicentennial.
There is a median strip on a road in Brookhaven. It is between Oglethorpe University and Patterson’s Funeral Home, with a Christian Church as the referee. Someone had the idea of planting bushes on this strip of land, and calling it a Bicentennial Project. Governor George Busbee came out for the Dedication.
The Bicentennial is mostly forgotten today.

PG called Uzi at a bit after 3, or a bit after 2, depending on how seriously you take this time change business. They agreed to meet behind the waffle house, and drive to L5P for a walk.
Driving past the pay parking lots on Moreland, the plan was to look for something free out Euclid. Before they could make the turn, they had to wait through a second light cycle. It seems like someone went into the intersection before they could clear it, and were caught by the red light. Uzi had some unkind things to say about this.
The plan was to take a leisurely stroll down Euclid, and the let Uzi get some health food at Zestos. PG went for a walk during this procedure. He was taking pictures of two dogs chained to a tree, when one started to bark. A lady with tattoos/ink all over her anatomy came outside and calmed down the animals.
PG got back to Zestos too late, and Uzi gave into temptation to order an ice cream cone. It was 4:20, and PG was four years de toxed. Life is not fair.
Proceeding down Moreland, the pair walked by the Vortex. PG did not want to challenge the no idiot policy, which was no doubt strictly enforced today. A man in the smoking bullpen was heard to say ” This is what daylight looks like”.
There was a large, festive crowd in L5P for the first warm Sunday of the new spring. The dunwoody crowd was in full shopping mode, and the skateboarders were taking no prisoners.

Ok, this is the last installment of this series. Promise. This is part four reviewing ” Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something”. Of course, PG has only seen about a dozen of the first 75. In the last batch, PG has seen three, and two were non you tube.
The way youtube works, there will probably be a few thousand videos posted in the time it takes to do this review. People, you want to know the truth….your cat isn’t that funny, your baby isn’t that cute, and takeoffs on gangsta rap videos are boring. Add quasi pornography with the f word bleeped out, and you eliminate a big chunk of the youtube library. What was Al Gore thinking of when he invented the internet?
PG has a puzzled look on his old loser face. Why do southern white people say fo-wer, and black people say fo? When we have our dialog on race relations, that issue should get high priority.
80 Best Man Trips is the first of the last batch that PG has seen. The concept of having a wedding in front of a swimming pool always seemed a bit esoteric. We now have evidence that this really is a bad idea…especially when the best man has started the reception before the ceremony.
YouTube is now owned by Google. There is now advertising streaming across the bottom of the image. For 82 Kitten Surprise, the message is “Cat Urine Behavior Problems? Products and advice that really work at CatFaeries.com.” The kittens are adorable.
85 La Pequena Prohibida is a return to the internet we all know and love. An insanely ugly hispanic of uncertain gender is reportedly dancing here. The appropriately numbered 86, Angry German Kid, is more of the same.
92 Most T shirts worn at once gets points for using ” The ride of the Valkyries” for the score.94 Cuppy Cakes song uses different music, but is funnier. Both actors are too big. 99 Reporter gets a fly in the mouth is a web favorite. The cuss words are not deleted, and PG has seen this.
As a reward for reading through to the end, Chamblee54 has a bonus tract.  Listen to a Georgia State Senator accused of not paying his taxes. It takes a few minutes, but is worth the wait. HT to griftdrift.

Every year it comes up. Every year it is defeated. The idea is to allow Alcohol to be sold in stores on Sunday, in Georgia.
Alcohol is legal. It is also a deadly, addictive drug. It kills more people than all illegal drugs combined.
Marijuana is illegal. It’s proven effects are much milder than alcohol. If you are caught with 420 in your possession, you not only go to jail, you can lose ownership of your car or house. If you have cannabis residue in your urine, you can lose your job.
None of these penalties are in effect for alcohol. Alcohol is legal.
Alcohol users get a sweet deal by being legal. Alcohol producers get to advertise, and buy influence in the corporate monopoly media. The corporate media wages a war on drugs except alcohol.
Alcohol users don’t appreciate their sweet deal, and whine about not being able to cop on sunday. They should appreciate the special privileges they do have.

Welcome to part three of the 99 internet things you are required to view. The total title is “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something” 22 of 25 reviewed today are on youtube. PG has seen four of them.
Part three starts off…or maybe that is starts eff…with 51 “Bill O’Reilly Flips Out”. It is an old piece of video, back when his hair was brown without chemicals. Yes, he does have a temper.
52 Don’t tase me bro is another marvel of the viral age. John Kerry continues to answer the man’s question while chaos goes digital in the back of the hall. PG used to know the name of the arrested student. The F word is censored. 56 Miss Teen Age South Carolina is another classic. There is speculation that she is acting, giving a performance to get attention and kick start her modeling career. Or, maybe she really is like this. She does not say the F word, although we cannot be sure.
57 I’m f**cking Matt Damon is censored. For some reason, Funny or Die doesn’t think the internet can handle the F word. It is so, so obvious what the word is, but for some reason there is an annoying tone after the f every time. PG sincerely hopes they used protection.
68 Aussie Party A kid invites a few hundred friends over for a party when his parents are on vacation. The fuddy duddy neighbors and police get offended. The lady on TV is judgemental. And the glasses are famous. The kid appears to have a pierced nipple.
You may notice by now that only a few of the videos get mentioned in this series. 72 Asian Backstreet Boys is an example of one that deserves to be forgotten. Two asian men, in Houston Rockets tank tops, lip syncing to the Backstreet boys. This has gotten 2.3 million views. Are people that hard up for entertainment?
74 Pinky the Cat is a good one. An unsuspecting policeman holds up a cat named pinky,which is cat of the month at the animal shelter. He is likely to stay unadopted.
75 Monkey Finger Sniff is only fifteen seconds. Maybe Warhol’s fifteen minutes has been downsized to fifteen seconds. The primate does funny/disgusting things in that fifteen seconds. In today’s political climate, this will probably be seen as an insult to BHO.

PG is listening to a tape of Matillda reading at a bookstore. He says that his kitchen sink smells really bad, and mentions some places in San Francisco. PG goes to the yahoo page to look for the maps. Before he hits the map tab, he sees an article about Rush Limbaugh.
Mattilda has a bed that is tearing up, but he cannot return it to the store. PG thinks about how he does the sleep thing, When PG tore up his back, the only thing that worked for sleep was a foam rubber pad on the floor. When the first one wore out, he went to the Wal Mart in Tucker and got another one. This was the first thing he bought at Wal Mart, twenty years after the rest of America went Wallyhappy.
PG remembers that stream of consciousness writing is more fun to write than to read. Just put it in the yellow paragraph and no one bother.
Rush Hudson Limbaugh III was born in Cape Giradeau, Missouri. Cape Giradeau is the home of the man who drew the Popeye comic books. There is a statue of Popeye downtown.
PG stops by a Jesus Worship blog called twenty two words. The question of the day is “What small fears of yours are all the more dreadful because they’re inevitable?” PG wants to answer Jesus, because that is what he feels. He hesitates, because he is on good terms with the folks at twenty two words. There should be a better forum to express his fear and loathing for Jesus.
Being curious by nature…or is it nurture…PG looks at the comments about irrational fears. He learns a new word…Emetophobia, which is the fear of vomiting. PG does not fear hurling, although the taste afterwards is dreadful. There was one great comment… “Alzheimers or dementia, I forget which?”

It is time for part two of the 99 things you must see on the internet. The full name is “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something”. As for the stats on 26-50, PG has seen two, and all but four are on youtube.
27 Cute Overload is a bunch of pictures of dogs and cats. PG is of the opinion that all dogs are camera shy, and is jealous of some of the poses this person got.
36 Where the hell is Matt? This is a neat concept. This guy does a goofy dance, in locales all over the world. Supposedly some candy company is paying for this.
40 Scarlet takes a tumble You are not supposed to laugh, but sometimes you can’t help it. An obese young lady is standing on a table, making sounds that resemble singing. She slides off the front of the table and lands on her shoulders behind her. PG hopes she is not hurt, and  will choose a more sturdy table.
45 Tron Guy is another piece of youtube tripe, but PG sees something interesting. When a youtube video is over, there are suggestions on the screen for your next viewing. Five of the suggestions after TronGuy are in the Ruttner99…and most are garbage.
46 LeaveBritneyAlone is a classic. 24,403,033 views. 359,464 comments. It still packs a punch. And yes, PG has seen this marvel.
50 Takeonme This non youtube music video is pretty good. It tells a story, and has lots of snappy graphics. Part two is not a total loss.

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

1. Grape lady falls. This is number one of the list of things that PG is supposed to have seen on the internet. A lady stomps grapes in a bucket, while listening to another lady describe the wonders of Chateau Elan. Then, lady number one falls off the stand, and lands on the ground three feet below. The word of the announcers is that she is seriously hurt. There is no way to find out.
The official title of the list is “Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something” PG is insufficient, and has only seen a few familiar titles. ( Four of the twenty five reviewed today) Today is part one of a projected four part series. Of the 25 features reviewed in this segment, 19 are on youtube.
Videos 2, 3, and 4 all had different sound levels. To hear 2 you had to turn the volume up full blast, which was very, very loud when number 3 came on. Number 4 is a baby dancing to a song. The song was used in “Reservoir Dogs” as background for the brutal torture of a policeman.
5- Post Secret This is the first non you tube entry on the list. “PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.”
6- Charlie the Unicorn is the first one on the list that PG had seen. He had repressed the memory. CTU is not better the second time.
10- George Lucas in Love is pretty funny. A takeoff on “Shakesphere in Love”, it is about the college days of the geek behind the curtain.
15- The flying spaghetti monster is the fist thingie to deal with religion. Unless 12-Yatta is singing about G-d, which they might be. 16- Dramatic Chipmunk is only five seconds long. 19- Failblog is a blog about itself. 20- Skateboard dog is a bulldog taking a ride. It is a lot funnier than a yellow jacket on a skateboard.
24 Icanhascheezburger is a bunch of pictures of cats. They have clever captions. 25 Gansta Barney is a purple dragon singing gangsta rap. As with many of the other selections here, there are a lot of cuss words used.

PG may need to go to town today. Normally, he would go down Clairmont Road to I85. But, it is the day after snowjam09, and the temperature is below freezing.
Flash back to the day after Christmas 2002. PG normally took the train to work, but decided to drive this day. Going past Buford hiway, he noticed a car ahead of him skid. That pavement sure does look funny, kinda like black ice. A car was stopped in front of him a hundred yards down. The Buick goes into a skid, and there is nothing PG can do.
There is a place on Clairmont where there is no curb, just the dirt of a front yard meeting the pavement. The Buick slid to the right, and the wheels stopped in this front yard. PG’s life quit going in front of his eyes.
No, there are lots of ways to get to town. One ride on black ice per lifetime is enough.

The official portrait of First Lady Michelle Obama was recently released. She is the prettiest First Lady in quite a while.  Unlike her husband, she is a full blooded African American.  Her father’s great grandfather, Jim Robinson, was a slave in South Carolina.
The First Lady is an important person. Laura Bush stayed in the background, which was a welcome change from the mediamania for Hillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan. It remains to be seen what sort of role Mrs. Obama will play in the next few years.
There is a bit of controversy over the choice of a sleeveless gown for this portrait. The second amendment does say something about the right to bare arms.
HT to transgriot, who has an interesting comment. It seems that looking over MLRO’s shoulder is a portrait of Thomas Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson was a slave owner. He apparently had a romantic relationship with one of his properties, a lady named Sally Hemmings. Yes, the image is ironic.