Chamblee54

This is a repost from 2017. @JonathanLKrohn “This is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever read. The person who wrote this should be barred from ever writing again. If you could burn emails, I would recommend burning this one with a blow-torch, and scattering the ashes deep in the heart of the Atlantic Ocean.” This pastel performance got PG’s attention on a boring Saturday. It actually was value added comment to a re-tweet.
“The PR email for Meghan Trainor’s new album is absolutely insane” was the seminal offering. @WizzKhaleesi had a screen shot of the special text. “”hot newlywed sex Meghan and Daryl Sa-BAE-ra are having (did you see what we did there?). Which is why you’ll love the banging’ single “All The Ways.” Billboard was wet for “All The Ways,” calling it “another fun, danceable track to fall in love with.” And would Billboard lie to you, girl?
But perhaps the piece de resistance (that’s French for “Wig Snatch”) is “Marry Me,” a romantic acoustic guitar and ukulele-tinged Awww Fest which delivers all the feels (and then more feels). Meghan wrote the song thirty days after meeting Daryl, and it was so good that she walked down the aisle to it. We know, it’s a little bit #Vomworthy, but also, am I chopping onions right now or are those tears rolling down my face?”
PG saw this purple prose, and felt the need to make a statement. The result was a blackout poem. “But Wig Snatch all the feels We know chopping onions.” As a wise man once said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
Who is Meghan Trainor? Why Is This Meghan Trainor Press Release So Horny? has the text of the PR sensation. The first sentence will live forever. “Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and whether you’re planning on smashing bae’s junk to smithereens or making out with a pint of Phish Food, you need some fresh Valentine’s Day bops to get you in the mood for L♡VE.”
Help, This Meghan Trainor Press Release Is Haunting My Nightmares piles on with glee. “This happened with Thinx underwear’s deranged series of press releases, which used phrases like “Hey squirrelfran” and “astronaughty booty” in an effort to sell period underwear.”
Caroline Goldfarb claims to have written the Trainor train wreck. (Don’t let your mouse hover over the background of that page.) @hairoline A lot of people absolutely HATE the press release I wrote for Meghan Trainor and claim it seems like “a horny 12 year old with no writing experience” must have written it. Jokes on them because I’m actually a horny 28 year old with *some* writing experience @hairoline Trivia: The original draft had a line about Meghan buying sex toys with the ginger from Spy Kids but they took it out @hairoline I just had to block someone who said I deserved the electric chair for writing the horny Meghan Trainor press release, but jokes on them, cause I’m the one who got paid to say “smash bae’s junk to smithereens”
Jonathan L. Krohn had fifteen minutes of fame before he was fifteen years old. He is a journalist now, living in “Iraq and ATL, mostly.” Pictures for this post are from The Library of Congress. Jack Delano took the pictures in April, 1941. “Singing “Trying to Make a Hundred, Ninety-Nine and a Half Won’t Do” during the collection at Negro church in Heard County, Georgia”