Chamblee54

Sammy Snoutfair was given to pussyvans over his wonder-wench, Gnarlene. The latest set him to lunting crack, over the tortured realization that Gnarlene was a California widow. Sammy did not own the key to Gnarlene’s heart, just a weekend lease. He would groak as she ate a roadkill souffle’, and jirble a drink of the rankest rotgut. After dinner, Sammy tried to get Gnarlene into bed, and succeeded. He soon failed ignominiously in his manly duties.
The hot water heater was broken when Sammy chose to clean up. The curglaff when he jumped in the bathtub made him question, once again, his excuse for living. Soon Sammy remembered the good times, at the bar, playing team trivia. Sammy’s talents as a spermolger won his teammates, the men who say ni, pitcher after pitcher of beer. Since the bar was in the back of a pizza parlor, with a penchant for home made cheese, Sammy could add tyromancy to his talents. Sammy was so beef witted that he thought getting to cut the cheese was an honor.
The men who say ni lost at team trivia the night that Sammy learned the truth about Gnarlene. They became a crew of queerplungers, and all were duly rescued. The lake next to the pizza parlor was not very deep, and only the most beef witted would drown in it.
The same could be said about those concerned about their well being of the men who say ni. The people who rescued them were the Englishable gentry of the village. They were all as queer as a showroom of crochet bathtubs. The men who say ni were not without sex appeal, to a certain category of degenerate. It makes you proud to be British.
After the bout of queerplunging, Sammy was taken in by Armistead. When they tried to get into Armistead’s attic dwelling, the lock on the door refused the charms of the key. This residentialism was not unexpected by Armistead, who made an impecunious living as a bookwright. It paid better than being a soda squirt, even if the bennies were slow.
Sammy was also a burglar, and was able to install himself in Armistead’s attic dwelling. This was a good thing. There was a text message for Sammy when he checked his I phone. Careless Gnarlene was with squirrel, and saying that the baby belonged to Sammy. Zafty Armistead eagerly took responsibility for the pregnancy, and started to call abortion clinics. Sodomizing Sammy would have to wait for Gnarlene’s honor to be restored.
The vocabulary for this story was supplied by Death and Taxes. The enabling post was 18 obsolete words, which never should have gone out of style. Pictures are from Gwinnett County.