Chamblee54

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Pick a cod, any cod!
What’s stucco? What happens when you step in bubblegummo.
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
Because it was a weapon of math disruption.
What’s the Internet’s favorite animal? The lynx.
What is the Karate experts favorite beverage? Kara-tea.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!
Where do Floridians wash their clothes? In Fort Launderdale.
What’s a frog’s favorite drink? Croaka Cola.
What bone will a dog never eat? A trombone.
What does a wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs.
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? Get bent!
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.
Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard…
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock.
Mary had a little lamb, Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread…
Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son…
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man, ‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon, ‘Pies, you dumb ass’…
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses, And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again…
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad……..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
The jokes on this site are believed to be in the public domain. All other textual and graphical material at this site is Copyright © 1999-2008 by Samuel Stoddard. Neither I nor RinkWorks are liable if you keel over and die from reading these jokes. The updated nursery rhymes are from a chain email. The source is not known, and is probably hiding in shame. The pictures are from The Library of Congress. The video is from WTF Japan Seriously.