Chamblee54

These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fucl) , All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph) , Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York (ony) . Attempts to maintain a no profanity blog will be suspended for this post. // My nephew, the only black kid at his kindergarten, was chosen to wear the monkey costume in the school play, coincidentally” (tw) // To be fair, each organ does have a role to play in the body’s functions. *cough* Appendix *cough*” (tw) // You missed out Lily RT @tejucole: Obese, stained, slobbery, alcoholic. Not insulting you, Liver, just reading your CV. (tw) // Lmao “@tejucole: I hired a 30-year-old man as my driver last week. Today a quick surreptitious peek at his license confirmed that he’s 44.” (tw) // These are supposed to be the last words of certain people … “Peter, take good care of my horse.” — Winfield Scott “Have you brought the checkbook, Alfred?” — Samuel Butler “Take away those pillows — I shall need them no more.” — Lewis Carroll “You heard me, Mike.” — John Barrymore “I haven’t drunk champagne for a long time.” — Chekhov “I can’t sleep.” — James M. Barrie “Moose. Indian.” — Thoreau “I’ve never felt better.” — Douglas Fairbanks “The nourishment is palatable.” — Millard Fillmore (fucl) // Tweeted this morning by Greg Boyd before I had a chance to post it: “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was ‘Thank you,” that would suffice.” ~ my favorite quote from Meister Eckhart (fb) // Oh, what he go and do that for? The random dude tries to stare down the CatCoon (tallest cat you’ve ever seen, white body, pointy black ears and a ringed tail..oh yeah cats and raccoons get down or at least they did once). The CatCoon won the stare down then the dude stomped his foot at the animal. It didn’t flinch and looked at the dude like he was checking his credit. The guy smartly walked away and not in the direction he was traveling….. smart move! That abomination is phucking scary!!! (fb) // “Each of us is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” ~ Daniel Patrick Moynihan (1927-2003) (fb) // He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on. (tln) /// The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I’m leaving you (tln) /// And I’m not sure if that’s how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. (tln) /// Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament. (tln) /// Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. (tln) /// Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said “dinosaur tears of sadness”. Craziest roommate ever. (tln) /// You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish. (fb) // My mother made me a homosexual. If you buy the yarn, she’ll make you one too. (fb) // Take two. One will make you sick. (fb) // You know you had an interesting night when you wake up to five cats staring at you. (fb) // Re-examine all you have geen told. Dismiss what insults your soul. ~ Walt Whitman (fb) // Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn’t pay bar tabs for a month. – Challenge accepted. See you in hell. (tln) /// But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed. (tln) /// “You don’t have to chose, the only thing you have to chose is to be a complicated, modern human being” – @tejucole (tw) // How can I be so good at multi-chatting, but so bad at multi-tasking #BBMdiaries (tw) // #confusingthingsgirlsdo get a train ran on them, then months later they say “im not like THAT” anymore. What exactly is ‘THAT’ (tw) // #ConfusingThingsGirlsDo Go outta town wit a nigga… but pretend they aint kno the nigga was gonna want some ass!! (tw) // #ConfusingThingsGirlsDo Go to the STRIP CLUB.. and expect me not to atleast BELIEVE you MAY be Bisexual!! (tw) // My level of criminality has definitely dropped since my music career took off. (tw) // Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom cannot be passed from one having it to another not having it, Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof. ~ Walt Whitman (fb) // Forgiving people is the way to inner peace. When we forgive people who wrong us or others, it releases the anguish, and the animosity. We have to realise that whatever others do to us is not about us, it’s about them. They are either fearful or unsure of what they want or are seeking attention or love. When we can learn to forgive, we can truly free ourselves and not hold resentment. When we hold resentment for someone, we are connected to them in thought and mind. ~ Annette Katona (fb) // If you want to be forgiven, forgive others. // MT @tejucole: Twitter is unbeatable for aphorism, great for anecdote, decent for poetry, useless for analysis & eye of a newt for surrealism (tw) // @tejucole: A man in traffic selling a single wristwatch. I can’t decide if he’s a thief or simply a committed minimalist.” (tw) // A bunch of people just started following me on twitter. No need to buckle up newbies – it’s a smooth ride. (tw) // Why not just give the people on your list pepper spray so they can shop for their own Christmas gifts. (tw) // Well, that lasted for all of two minutes. Thanks for just about nothing (tw) // I’m okay with corrupting his young mind. Ew! He’s just a child! AND I’M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. (tln) /// I’m really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance. (tln) /// I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I’m a professional college kid. (tln) /// Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It’s so much easier to clean than this pudding. (tln) /// The most beautiful gift that you can ever give to life is your heart; your heart is your truth, your strength and your love. There is only one you and you must make the very best out of life for yourself always. You are strong never weak, you do not need crutches to help you walk the paths of life, you have your own two feet and you can stand tall and proud and walk on them moving forward in life. There is no such action as failure; it is nonsense to think negative and do not ever feel sorry for you. You have many gifts to give to life and you can find your gifts when you open up your eyes and see the beauty of life with your heart. ~ Lee Held (fb) // IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM FACE IT, DON’T FACEBOOK IT !!!! (fb) // I wouldn’t say I’m attached to my vibrator, but I’m gonna buy it 12 dozen roses for Christmas :-) (fb) // Start doing the things you think should be done, and start being what you think society should become. Do you believe in free speech? Then speak freely. Do you love the truth? Then tell it. Do you believe in an open society? Then act in the open. Do you believe in a decent and humane society? Then behave decently and humanely. (fb) // A guy asks “Why do wear a bra, you don’t have anything to put in it?” Girl answers “You wear pants don’t you?” (fb) // The myth of individuality keeps the herd together. (Aph) // Poverty is not a sin. It cannot be forgiven. (Aph) // An army’s best friend is its enemy. (Aph) // They pat you on the back, preferably with a knife. (Aph) // Why do women write so few aphorisms? he asked me. Why do men write so many? (Aph) // I tend to choose narcissists as my friends; that way I don’t worry that they’re talking about me behind my back. (Aph) // I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic (tln) /// Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. (tln) /// He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That’s the last time i’ll ever hook up with a freshman. (tln) /// I won’t be able to make it. Too hung over. Can’t hold down fluids. I’m in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight. (tln) /// He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her. (tln) /// Ah, reminds me of the famous saying “Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.” – Winston Churchill // Now remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper… the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes…so have fun, think good thoughts only, learn to laugh at yourself, and count your blessings!!! (fb) // “You must first be broken before you can become whole” ~ Lao Tzu (fb) // Hurt me with the truth but, never comfort with a lie … the comma is in the wrong place (fb) // Worrying is praying for that which you do not want. (fb) // Lexington Ave woman on cell: “And not ONCE did she say ‘Oh, I’m so sorry for fucking HURLING into your brand new Marc Jacobs.’ Not! Fucking! Once!” (fb) // If the lion can lay down with the lamb surely love can gently overcome even the fiercest of opponents. Look around as the tyrants fall while the greedy are running scared. But we must remember that the spirit of the lion and the lamb must become one at last, integrating the energies of each other into our collective spiritual consciousness so that we may be both fearless and humble in nature. (fb) // It’s a beautiful cosmic and spiritual symmetry when two people can see the beauty and the truth of a thing with the same eyes. (fb) // Selah