Chamblee54

RD59—know why bears wash their fur in tide?
RD59—cause it’s too cold out tide
RD59—no charge for that one
Steve—A mortician was working late one night.
Steve—He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
Steve—So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
Steve—‘I have to show you something you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
Steve—‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed, ‘Schwartz is dead”
Steve— i left out a line
Steve—so much for me telling jokes
PG—this woman at the country club discovered a hole in the mens locker room wall which allowed them to see the men taking a shower
PG—she showed it to her friend….look at this , he is not my husband
PG—her friend looked at it, and said, mercy, that is not my husband either
PG—a third lady came up, took a look, and said, he is not even a member of the country club
PG—whose next?
Steve—A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Steve—The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
Steve—He told his wife, ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back
Steve—The wife smiled sweetly and replied, ‘Not this time!’
Steve—A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
Steve—One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
Steve—The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
Steve—He put on his shoes and drove home.
Steve—‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.
Steve—‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’
Steve—‘You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!’
PG—This kid had a gift. Once, he said a neighbor was going to have a car crash, and he did. Another time, the kid said his brother would break his leg, and he did.
PG—The man was very concerned, then, when the kid said his father would die that day. The man went to work, and worried about what his kid had said, and came home a wreck.
PG—His wife said, I don’t want to hear about it, the milkman dropped dead in the front yard this morning
Stalk—ha ha
PG—you can tuna guitar but you can’t tuna fish