Chamblee54

These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fc), All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph), Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York (ony). Attempts to maintain a no profanity blog will be suspended for this post. ~ “A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.” — Brander Matthews ~ The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club. ~ “And lo, did Phillip make bacon for breakfast! And he smelt the bacon, and he spake unto the kitchen, This bacon needs tofu. And so he added tofu, and it was really really good.” ~ I misspoke when I said, “Have a great day!”– what I really meant to say was, “I’m so glad you’re leaving!” (fb) ~ “Don’t get discouraged because there’s a lot of mechanical work to writing. … I rewrote the first part of A Farewell to Arms at least fifty times. … The first draft of anything is shit. When you first start to write you get all the kick and the reader gets none, but after you learn to work it’s your object to convey everything to the reader so that he remembers it not as a story he has read but something that has happened to himself. That’s the true test of writing.” — Ernest Hemingway (fc) ~ A footnote in Byron’s Don Juan mentions a rhyming contest between John Sylvester and Ben Jonson: “I, John Sylvester, lay with your sister.” “I, Ben Jonson, lay with your wife.” “That is not rhyme.” “No, but it is true.” (fc) ~ “Whoever in discussion adduces authority uses not intellect but rather memory.” — Leonardo (fc) ~ “Winerip says that what worries him is that if automated readers become the standard way of grading essays, then teachers will begin teaching to them, removing a lot of the “juice” of the English language. “If you’re not allowed to use a sentence fragment … [or] a short paragraph … then you’re going to get a very homogenized form of writing,” he says. “The joy of writing is surprise.” ~ Is there anything more beautiful and filled with simple joy than watching onions slowly caramelize in a pan? Don’t say childbirth. I’ve seen childbirth, and it’s nasty. (fb) ~ “It must be obvious… that there is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is momentariness and fluidity.” ~ Alan Watts(fb) ~ I wonder how much water and energy would be saved if we all gave up our various caffeine addictions. Let’s try it. You start. (fb) ~ Apparently, all members of Morons Anonymous are required to drive on Fridays. I encountered quite a few members in good standing while I was out running errands today. (fb) ~ @BorowitzReport No one used to read crazy people’s diary entries, but Twitter fixed that problem. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport On the eve of Facebook’s IPO, Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg published the following letter to potential investors: Dear Potential Investor: For years, you’ve wasted your time on Facebook. Now here’s your chance to waste your money on it, too ~ @BorowitzReport Romney’s business experience makes him uniquely qualified to be President. Of Greece. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport If Cory Booker keeps changing his position he will be qualified to run the Romney campaign. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport Instead of turning them into a game, we should be trying to find the root causes of why the birds are angry. (tw) ~ Why didn’t the skeleton cross the street? He didn’t have any guts. ~ It’s so sad when cute girls are Christians (fb) ~ Eddie This comment was flagged for review. – Don_Bacon Eddie, you should be blown away.~ Should have fought for your right to have more frequent cancer screenings (fb) ~ This e-mail message (including any attachments) is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this message (including any attachments) is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, please contact the sender by reply e-mail message and destroy all copies of the original message (including attachments).~ a kitchen timer only works if you use it. ~ Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Author Unknown ~ @tejucole While performing in Williamsburg, Edward Morris, 50, comedian with the Reeves burlesque company, became mentally unbalanced. (tw) ~ @tejucole On purpose or not, Mrs Heickemrath, 38, of 201 West 105th Street ingested something fatal. (tw) ~ @tejucoleThe books of Harry Elkins Widener, 27, a zealous bibliophile who sank with the Titanic, were donated to Harvard University. (tw) ~ @tejucole “I am happy with my gender, but pure masculinity, which I have been exposed to a lot in life, is tedious and inadequate.”—James Salter (tw) ~ @tejucoleCaptain George Kimmitte, whom Fate had deprived of eyesight, nevertheless found his way to the East River, and jumped. (tw) ~ @alaindebottonIt’s now impossible to write a sentence that won’t offend someone. (tw) ~ @alaindebottonAcquiring enemies doesn’t have to mean one’s life has gone wrong: it may just be a sign one has found things to believe in. (tw) ~ Remember that you are our guests. We will, at our discretion, delete comments that we find off-topic, derailing, un-civil, slanderous, trollish or troll-feeding, petulant, pestiferous, and/or otherwise obnoxious and non-constructive. If we warn you, stop it. After no more than three warnings, you will find yourself banned, and all your future comments will be immediately deleted~ PREMISE: DO NOT comment at all if you think the “right way” to handle Christian disagreement is to make an appointment and chat over coffee first. The vortex of irony you will create by commenting will sap the hair-care products off your stylish bed-head, and we do not want to be responsible for that. ~ “One great idea of the biblical revelation is that God is manifest in the ordinary, in the actual, in the daily, in the now, in the concrete incarnations of life, and not through purity codes and moral achievement contests, which are seldom achieved anyway… We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking… The most courageous thing we will ever do is to bear humbly the mystery of our own reality.” ~ Richard Rohr (fb) ~ “Wandering in a vast forest at night, I have only a faint light to guide me. A stranger appears and says to me: ‘My friend, you should blow out your candle in order to find your way more clearly.’ This stranger is a theologian.” — Diderot (fc) ~ The world is so strange sometimes. I know almost instantly when a celebrity dies, but don’t realize for 3 weeks that an actual acquaintance of mine has passed. I never got to meet him in person (another strange side effect of social networking) but I got to interact with and watch his compassion and activism, and he was regularly changing the world for the better. Farewell, Alex. (fb) ~ What happens when your soul Begins to awaken Your eyes And your heart And the cells of your body To the great Journey of Love? First there is wonderful laughter And probably precious tears And a hundred sweet promises And those heroic vows No one can ever keep. But still God is delighted and amused You once tried to be a saint. What happens when your soul Begins to awake in this world To our deep need to love And serve the Friend? O the Beloved Will send you One of His wonderful, wild companions (fb) ~ We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others. The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door. ~ @tejucole God is love. In Ogdensburg, Miss Donlan, a Catholic with strict parents, was shot by her Protestant lover Hodgins, who drowned himself. (tw) ~ I am tired of being the center of controversy. chamblee54 ~ Now to all those who had so much to say on my post that mentioned religion, since you had so much to say then please have that same spirit when I talk about black on black crime, the economy, education, brothers in jail, single parents or any of the various topics that I discuss on my page.My point of view will always stay honest and I don’t care who doesn’t like it. As a poet I expres myself and I will continue to do so. I don’t agree with everyone and everyone will not agree with me and I accept that. I’m almost positive they don’t pay attention to all those posts that anyone who is my friend can tell you that I regularly make, they just wanted to speak when they felt attacked. Let me say this if you are saved and secure as you claim to be with God then the opinion of Rico Revels should mean nothing to you but obviously truth does still strike a nerve. (fb) ~ So, I see why suburban moms slowly kill themselves with wine and sleeping medications. If the important subjects of conversation in my life were how to get my home owner’s insurance to pay for medical bills for my kid’s poison ivy, pre-school curriculum, and fabric softener… I would want to kill myself too. (fb) ~ The bible is NOT the constitution!!! It’s funny how people try to run other people’s lives by that book. Most of the people who use it in attempt to persecute others tend to be some of the biggest rule breakers. Of course a lot of Christians think all SIN is wrong except for the SIN that they personally commit. This country will be much better when people realize that G-d is not a forced standard but an option and no one should be made to live by the rules of his book. Our laws should be based off the good of the common man and that’s any man not just a Christian one. (fb) ~ @BorowitzReport The fact that the brutal Syrian regime is still in power means that not enough of us have changed our profile pictures. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport Thanks to Facebook, it’s easier than ever to share things no one cares about with people you barely know. (tw) ~ Here is how people become gay ~ @DONGLORD69 To clarify, he was asking if I get up at night to do a poop. Which I do not. You needed to know this. (tw) ~ @MaraWritesStuff AND THAT’S NOT EVEN A FUNNY JOKE MY MOUTH JUST KEPT DOING THAT BECAUSE I WAS NERVOUS AND CAFFEINATED. (tw) ~ In 1879 Thérèse Humbert was traveling by railway through France when she met an ailing American millionaire named Robert Crawford. She sought medical care for him, and he showed his gratitude with a handsome bequest, which she kept in a sealed safe. Or so she said. Humbert and her husband lived luxuriously in Paris for two decades, borrowing money against Crawford’s unseen gift. When suspicious creditors finally sued her, they discovered that Crawford didn’t exist and the safe contained a handful of worthless papers. She was sentenced to five years in prison. (fc) ~ In 1897 Ohio con artist Cassie Chadwick “confessed” to a Cleveland lawyer that she was the illegitimate daughter of Andrew Carnegie and stood to inherit $10 million on his death. She parlayed his sympathy into a series of bank loans and lived lavishly until 1904, when she was unable to repay a Massachusetts banker. Carnegie, who denied her story, attended the trial and saw her sentenced to 10 years in prison. She died two years later in the Ohio State Penitentiary. (fc) ~ “Dancing is a sweat job. … When you’re experimenting you have to try so many things before you choose what you want, that you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion. This search for what you want is like tracking something that doesn’t want to be tracked. It takes time to get a dance right, to create something memorable. There must be a certain amount of polish to it. I don’t want it to look anything but accomplished, and if I can’t make it look that way, then I’m not ready yet. I always try to get to know my routine so well that I don’t have to think, ‘What comes next?’ Everything should fall right into line, and then I know I’ve got control of the bloody floor.” — Fred Astaire (fc) ~ Even going forward, wearing flat shoes ~ “How to hit home runs: I swing as hard as I can, and I try to swing right through the ball. In boxing, your fist usually stops when you hit a man, but it’s possible to hit so hard that your fist doesn’t stop. I try to follow through in the same way. The harder you grip the bat, the more you can swing it through the ball, and the farther the ball will go. I swing big, with everything I’ve got. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can.” — Babe Ruth (fc) ~ I have been deleted at least six times by this person….why the friend request? AGAIN? I will always be queer and I will almost always be inappropriate and I think that’s why you deleted me the first six times….. but I’m thinking about it! (fb) ~ Some movies cut into trailers better than others, but by and large you can tell from those two minutes of sample images and dialogue whether or not you want to see it, which is what a trailer is for, of course. And that has to be the most ‘duh’ sentence I’ve ever written in this blog. ~ “It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake” – Frederick Douglas (fb) ~ “Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine” – Patti Smith (fb) ~ “Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison. The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy” – Paracelsus (one of history’s greatest alchemists) (fb) ~ Selah