Chamblee54

PG collects bits and pieces of “stuff” from the bargain bin of the internet. When these documents begin to clutter his desktop, it is time to combine a few into a post. The first two stories were a spam deposit on a yahoo group. Those hackers in Belarus are doing outstanding work. Numbers three, four, five, and six are  from the joke page  of a Jesus worship  forum,  Rapture Ready. Any copyrights will expire when the rapture happens. The pictures are from The Library of Congress
Last weekend I had a bad experience in a wine bar my wife and I had been going to for 2 months now. The owner is gay and was always extremely pleasant. Last Saturday night my wife and I walked in around 8PM and we were the only ones there. The owner was pleasant as usual. We ordered our wine and bopped around on the dance floor to a few tunes. after we sat down he started chatting with us on how he was was going to improve his business to bring in more people, at the same time he was drinking his beer with us. He though we were married or a couple and we confirmed that for him. He starting badgering my wife and I saying that she needs a real man in her life, that our marriage was over, just look at him, a guy in a dress, he can’t give you what you want! I should let her go and we should both move on. He amused a guy in a dress was looking for other action and suggested I tell her the truth and let her go. This made us both feel very uncomfortable. I know he was drinking and he may have had one to many but I could also see the hate in his eyes. I’m really good at judging people, so when my wife left the go to the ladies room he got in my face and said “I need to tell she the truth,” I told him “We loved each other” he kept shouting “STOP! STOP! we were nose to nose. Being in fem and having someone pick a fight with me was very unsettling. As a male I never backed down from a fight and I’m sure if push came to shove Joe would have emerged. When my wife came back we looked at one another and said lets go. I was calm, collected and talked softly trying to neutralize the situation. Dressed the was I was I felt this was the best approach. Thank God I was able to leave there with my dignity as a woman.
Thanks Amber, I can so understand your situation more than I can explain in detail through one email. My story starts off similarly, where I had gone to a gay dance bar that I had been going to for several years.The bar was unusually empty for a Friday night, long story short, the bar manager, Ray Collins, assaulted me, only I was arrested and seen as the perpetrator after he attacked me. This all occurred within a 5 minute timetable of my arrival. Needless to say, it changed my life a lot, in that, I have not looked at the gay community as a safe, inclusive place for me since. You never know who is going to turn on you for “no reason at all”. But when alcohol or drugs are involved, peoples’ true personalities come out in a big way. You can’t change a person’s hate of you, but you can stay away from those personality types which need psychiatric/therapeutic intervention. Some gay drinkers show their internalized conflicted selves when they have had too much to drink! Bless their hearts!…-& now just go away!
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”
George said, “Okay.” He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now.” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief. A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half. “That is very impressive!”
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, “That is very impressive!”
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, “Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?” The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, “Circumcision is not meant to kill.”
A census taker went up to a house and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, “There’s Sally and Billy, they’re eighteen. They’re twins. And there’s Seth & Beth, they’re fourteen. They’re twins. And then there’s, Penny and Jenny, they’re ten. They’re twins. And then there’s the babies, Leo and Leah. They’re two. Theyre twins…”– “Hold on!” said the census taker, “Did you get twins every time?” The woman looked at him as if he was crazy and answered, “Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin’!”
Following the death of Quasimodo, the Bishop of the Cathedral Church of Notre Dame sent word throughout the streets of Paris that a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post. The Bishop declared, ” My Son, you have no arms!” ” No matter” replied the man. “I play the bells with my face”. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody on the carillon. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had indeed found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, stunned rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beauty of the music they had heard a moment before. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one in the crowd asked ” Bishop, who was this man?” ” I don’t know his name” replied the Bishop sadly, ” But his face sure rings a bell.” SO THE NEXT DAY……despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart, the Bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer. The first man to approach addressed him, “Your Grace, I am the twin brother of the poor armless man who fell to his death from this belfry yesterday. I pray that you will allow me to play a dirge to honour my dear brother.” The Bishop agreed but asked “You don’t play with your face, do you?” “No, no, replied the man. I play in the traditional way”. With this he proceeded to play a deeply moving dirge, but as he finished he groaned, clutched at his chest, collapsed, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the cries of grief from the Bishop at the tragedy, rushed up the stairs…… “What has happened? Who is this man? ” they cried. ” I don’t know his name” exclaimed the distraught Bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”