Chamblee54

There idea of a holiday party is coke and lots of cupcakes…..somebody’s gonna puke and colorful it will be! (fb) /// It has come to my attention that everyone except for me hates candy corn. If you encounter any candy corn, please send it to me. SEND ME YOUR CANDY CORN. (fb) /// A Jewish sailor was shipwrecked on a desert island and the first thing he did was build two synagogues. Years later when he was rescued people were bewildered and asked him why he built two synagogues, to which he replied: “Oh that other one… I would NEVER go there!” /// “Let those who have been fighting against their brothers and relatives now fight in a proper way against the barbarians.” – Urban II /// My “Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don’t Hook Up With Another Fat Chick” lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet. (tln) /// So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. (tln) /// He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages. (tln) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE : You can’t date food (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE your female friend who told you your bf was no good is with him now (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE: Yue b3 textn lik diz :( (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE – Nobody likes you. (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE ; These No Good Niqqa’s ! (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE: Earth Men are Boring and you’re waiting for the right tentacle monster to sweep you off your feet and simultaneously (tw) /// Reasons youre single – cuz your such a hoe that when you die they gonna have to burry you in a’ Y’ shaped coffin. R-T if you get it. (tw) /// Lindsay Lohan’s line of coke #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage (tw) /// I use to fight everyday to prove I wasn’t a stereotype. Now I just think you’re a douchenozzle if you see me as one. #dowhatIwant (fb) /// One never truly finishes an essay, but yet we publish them anyway. (Aph) /// Ambition is the cancer of happiness. (Aph) /// We’re all victims of someone’s beliefs, namely our own. (Aph) /// I don’t want to be associated with any academic discipline that allows people like me to be members of it. (Aph) /// Man is the only beast that tries to deny his beastliness. (Aph) /// Marketing: it gets people to buy new things that look used and used things that look new. (Aph) ///this bartender needs to lay off the meth but damn thats a strong drink (fb) /// I think some people wasted to much money on Philosophy classes. (fb) /// “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”-John Milton, Paradise Lost (fb) /// “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.” – Richard Feynman (fb) /// Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those (tln) /// Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn’t live up to her costume. (tln) /// He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn’t stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away. (tln) /// I feel like I just tasted lung cancer. (tln) /// Automated bus service announcement, in loud cheerful voice: Thank you for riding the MTA! Bus driver, grumbling: They don’t really mean it… (ony) /// Administrative assistant: I just wanted to touch bases with you before I touch base with you later. (ony) /// Boss: We used to have this character come over to clean out our septic tank and he would be eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the same time. Coworker, pushing lunch plate away: I guess I’m through with this. (ony) /// who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage (tln) /// You tried to initiate “Occupy McDonald’s” when the cashier didn’t give you enough ketchup. (tln) /// “If you think you understand it, that is surely a sign that you don’t” (fb) /// #thingslongerthankimsmarriage The time a black person gets to live in a horror film. (tw) /// #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage The line of trick or treaters outside Casey Anthony’s house. (tw) /// #thingslongerthankimsmarriage ………. Do you want me tweet about that?? (tw) /// #thingslongerthankimsmarriage needs to stop trending… only thing shes done for society is let a mediocre sextape get leeked.. (tw) /// #thingslongerthankimsmarriage LeBron’s lonely ring finger! (tw) /// My first ride without training wheels on my bike #thingslongerthankimsmarriage (tw) /// Passwords must be at least ten characters long, contain both upper- and lower-case letters, contain at least one numeral, and must contain non-alphanumeric characters. Passwords must be changed every sixty days. TRANSLATION: We’d really just rather you forget your password each time you try to log in. (fb) /// “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin fb Procrastination is underrated. (fb) /// my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. (tln) /// I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can. (tln) /// halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt (tln) /// My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween (tln) /// WARNING!!!! some photos will be offensive. If you do not have a sense of political correctness or silliness, or lack the potential to poke fun at the USA, gender or cultural icons, these photos are not for you!! (fb) /// “A good conscience is a continual Christmas.” — Ben Franklin (fucl) /// Newton was born the year that Galileo died. (fucl) /// Cole Porter’s summer home was called No Trespassing. (fucl) /// The #thingsonmymind could probably get me locked up. (tw) /// I often thought of killing myself but then I wanted lunch. – Paula Fox (tw) /// All my thoughts are second thoughts. – Aldous Huxley (tw) /// REASONS YOURE SINGLE GOD HATES YOU (tw) /// if women also participated in #NoShaveNovember there would be a huge drop in November pregnancies. (tw) /// The cheapest is rarely the least expensive. (Aph) /// Amassing an easy fortune often becomes a great misfortune. (Aph) /// Reality wears many different masks. (Aph) /// The trouble with reality is that it doesn’t seem all that real. (Aph)/// When all else fails, wax epistemic. (Aph) ///“The popular mind often pictures gigantic flying machines speeding across the Atlantic and carrying innumerable passengers. … It seems safe to say that such ideas are wholly visionary.” — Harvard College Observatory astronomer William Henry Pickering, 1908 (fucl) /// Not everyone agrees with me. I don’t know why but not everyone agrees with me. Eventually they will.” –Michele Bachmann /// I think there’s a fine line between being a slut and being classy. I walk in between that line. /// Yikes! Should I alert our neighbors? (fb) /// Men are like the letter Q, and they are all zeros with a small tail to it ! (fb) /// “You are lame and having sex with you is like going to the dentist, sit back, relax, and you won’t feel a thing” (fb) /// NOTE: The incorrect spelling was done intentionally as a means of better expressing the message. (fb) when someone’s talking too much, ask them, “is my pants zipper down?” when they say no, tell them, “then why is your mouth open?” (fb) /// Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. (fb) /// “I long ago realized that if everybody likes you, you’re really not even close to maximizing your true Heartless Bitch potential.” (fb) /// “The law makes the silliest damned fuss about death. People die by the thousands every day; but simply because someone has had the energy and enterprise to assist old D’Courtney to his demise, the law insists upon turning him into an enemy of the people. I think it’s idiotic, but please don’t quote me.” Alfred Bester, The Demolished Man (fb) /// These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fucl), All Aphorisms, All The Time  (Aph), Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York, (ony). /// selah.