Chamblee54

Dear Irene: Thank you for fulfilling all my expectations of being a blissful non-event, except for making a few friends and my parrot manic. /// I had friends over for a hurricane party last night. One of them said, “Hey, why’s your bathtub full of water?” “It’s for the toilet,” I said. “Who knows if the water is gonna be be shut off?” “Oh,” he said, like that settled it. And then two hours later, when everybody went home, I saw a turd floating in it. /// I can’t believe that this much earwax is coming out of my body … that’s a TMI, isn’t it? /// Sexauer is an ordinary German name referring to one who came from Sexau, in Germany. Looking for a Mr. Sexauer, a man in Washington called at the Senate Interstate and Foreign Commerce Committee. Helping him, a girl employee called the Banking and Currency Committee by telephone to check, and inquired politely, ‘Do you have a Sexauer over there?’ ‘Listen,’ the girl switchboard operator snapped, ‘We don’t even have a ten-minute coffee break anymore.’ – Elsdon C. Smith, Treasury of Name Lore, 1967 /// “Men without souls don’t cry.” #TrueBlood /// “you lived up there like an insane squirrel” #TrueBlood /// Irene threw my guitar WAY out of tune. ./// “I’ll think about that tomorrow……after all tomorrow is another day”. Scarlett O’Hara /// “The worst part about being in the homosexual mafia is that awkward moment after the kiss of death.” /// “I’d like to have a word with anyone who thinks I’m argumentative!” /// “Study nature. Love nature. Stay close to nature. It will never fail you.” ~ Frank Lloyd Wright /// “If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.” — Socrates /// “Legislators have no right to torture living creatures who are subject to the drives nature gave them.” Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, 1870, /// “We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don’t know what to do, we never give up.” – Captain America? /// René Descartes is sitting in a bar. The bartender asks him if he’d like another drink. He says, “I think not” — and vanishes. /// When you speak and or complain of past encounters and experiences, what you say, true or false, positive or negative, reveals more about your attitude and you as a person than about the topic of which you are speaking. /// If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. -Albert Einstein /// THOMAS, I was at work and had my phone on vibrate when you first called, it was late and I was in bed with wife the second time you called, I answered, but I could not talk. I would love to talk to you. I remember the hot time we had together. M-F 10AM-7PM are the best times to call. Hope to hear from you baby boy. /// Take care and remember that tomorrow will come. Dont stress, relax, let life roll off your back. Except for death and paying taxes everything in life….. is only for now. – Avenue Q /// We cast away priceless time in dreams… born upon imagination, fed upon illusion, and put to death by reality. -Judy /// No good opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible. -W.H //./ Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. /// This is for all the strong ladies, who have been through a lot in life and survived!!!! I am strong because I know weakness, I am compassionate because I have experienced suffering, I am alive because I am a fighter, I am wise because I’ve been foolish, I can laugh because I have known sadness. I can love because I ‘ve known loss. Repost if you are a strong woman who has weathered the storm but still love to dance in the rain!!! /// Today in depressing realizations: I am old now than Norma Desmond was in “Sunset Boulevard.”/// Criminal Records is only good for condescending stares from the employees cause you’ve never heard their favorite band and high prices. /// What Do You Mean, My Birth Certificate Expired? /// Others campers called 911 Sunday morning after realizing the man was unresponsive, Dickey said. The man had been slumped over his chair in the same position for several hours, police said. The man was transported to a local hospital, where he was pronounced dead. /// The days of leaving class at late thirty, sitting in the library all alone studying, countless smoke breaks, and the rewarding masturbation have commenced. /// “In literature, as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.” — André Maurois /// “I know a professor of philosophy whose hobby is to quietly crush biscuit boxes in a supermarket.” /// A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say,Jesus is watching you”. Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again, Jesus is watching you”. He turned his flashlight around, saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot said yes. He asked the parrot his name, the parrot said,”Moses” The burglar asked What kind of people would name a parrot Moses? The parrot says “The same kind of people who would name their pitbull Jesus /// “Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” —- Isaac Asimov /// Mirrors don’t talk … and lucky for me they don’t laugh either! /// Bertrand Russell’s 20 favorite words , given in response to a reader’s inquiry in 1958: alabaster, alembic, apocalyptic, astrolabe, begrime, chorasmean, chrysoprase, diapason, ecstacy, fulminate, golden, heath, incarnadine, ineluctable, inspissated, pilgrim, quagmire, sublunary, terraqueous, wind. Alphabetization by Chamblee54. /// Liberals need a subgroup as unstable and badly dressed as the Tea Party. They would be called the Donner Party, after the 19th-century cannibals, and they would demand 100 percent taxes on the rich and free abortions at McDonald’s. /// “Angry people want you to see how powerful they are…loving people want you to see how powerful You are.” – Chief Red Eagle /// Me: “Cats do not drink Gator-Ade. They do not stick their noses in my glass.” Cats: “Whatever. Meow.” /// Is it against the law to eat ice cream in hell? /// No one can think clearly who thinks only with their head. /// Selah