Chamblee54

PG stumbled onto some “killer” writing, courtesy of the Bloggingheads.tv comments. The tome is My Name is Betsy. I’m a Killer. It is a reaction to the reaction, of some, to the shooting in Tucson AZ. People say that violent imagery in politics is not a good idea, and may influence unhinged people with access to firearms.
The reaction from Betsy was similar to other conservatives. PG saw the claim of persecution, as punishment for virtue. There was one paragraph that pushed PG into action.
“We’re called greedy, stupid, and racist. We’re ridiculed with snide “slurpee” innuendos and called lewd and malicious names, such as “teabaggers.” Ordinary citizens are maligned by their own government while the pious, liberal elite get a free pass on reason and truth, while Islamists invoke their religious cloak, while the ideologue professes his moral superiority, while the media uses the power of spin, and while leftists, including Robert Gibbs and Barack Obama, employ their bully pulpit.”
Now, “teabagger” is not exactly a malicious phrase. PG enjoys Kroger’s generic tea everyday. Coffeebeaner is probably politically incorrect.
The bit that got PG’s attention was “snide “slurpee” innuendos”. What on earth did Betsy mean by that? The first stop is the trusty urban dictionary. The first definition is “A frozen drink sold at 7-eleven in many different flavors. Dispensed by machines that are broken most of the time.” UD has 27 options for slurpee, most of which deal with convenience stores, sex, getting high, frozen drinks, or combinations thereof. This does not sound like Rush Limbaugh.
A trip to Google city had a few thousand results. PG found a tribute to slurpees at some guy’s website. After a list of rules for slurpees, there was a page where people told their slurpee stories.
Elvis Presley Slurpee Hey Brad…..I’ve got a slurpee cup from 1972 that Elvis Presley autographed. My girlfriend and I walked up behind his mansion and knocked on his back door. He thought it was funny that we had done this and talked to us for about 20 minutes while we sipped our Slurpees….. he signed the bottoms of the cups. I thought it would be a neat addition to your page. Vickey Kee Cooper
Ban fat women in their bras My friend was one day filling his slurpee innocently. When he was done, he turned and saw a three hundred pound woman (conflicting reports say more) in nothing but her bra. My friend puked all over the place instantly, and was not able to have his Slurpee. My point? BAN FAT WOMEN IN THEIR BRAS!! Oh yeah, another thing… whoever said pina coloda slurpees are bad in the “dos and don’ts” section needs a good smacken! I just can’t wait for banana and pina colada at the same time. Now there’s a mix! Sam
Beer Slurpees Have you ever tried a beer slurpee? I do mine by putting a beer in the freezer until it reaches the slurpee consistency, then I pound it out of the bottle and into a pewter mug (which I have already chilled in the freezer).
Different brews have different freezing points, depending in a large part upon their alcohol content. If you keep the bottle in the freezer too long, it will explode. That drives my wife ballistic, though it hasn’t happened since we moved to our new house and new refrigerator last August. As long as the beer doesn’t explode in the freezer, however, my wife doesn’t really care, as long as SHE doesn’t have to drink it (my mother-in-law, on the other hand, goes absolutely binko-banko-bonko bonkers whenever she sees me doing it).
Slurp the beer quickly and REALLY get the rush to your head! Kenneth H. Ryesky, Esq.
Green feces Was there ever a time in your life that you actually knew you could poop out colors? Well, on one horrific day, I finally found out. One sunny day, I went out and bought a green slurpee. I know what you’re thinking: “Hmmm, who would buy a slurpee resembling the color of fungus?”. But no, I didn’t put that into consideration at the time I was considering my purchase or at the time I was making my purchase. So I went out the door, happy with my decision and I walked down the sidewalk. I was so cheerful and happy as I slurped my slurpee. When I finally came home, my body numb from the immense slurpee consumption, I decided, “I have to take a dump”. Excuse me if the term “dump” offends any of our studio listeners out there. So I ran to the can (cool rhyme, eh?), sat on the toilet and did my business. When the whole ordeal was over, I went to flush the toilet, not expecting to be shocked over the color of my feces. But there it was, green poo. I nearly fainted. How could I have ever known that my feces would come out the color of my green friend? From that day on, I knew I would never consume a slurpee of any kind again. More or less. Melissa
Loitering Hey, I thought I’d tell everyone about my Slurpee adventures. I live in West Palm Beach, FL and we don’t have too many 7-11’s in our area, so we frequent the same one over and over, and of course only late at night. I’m an innovative (and thirsty) person so i can’t just settle for the large Slurpee cup, so I always get a Double Gulp cup and fill it to the top. That’s 64 ounces for only $1.05. Unfortunately, there is pretty much just Coke and red flavors (like watermelon, hawaiin Punch, cherry) and the occasional Blue Raz.
We don’t get such gourmet Slurpee flavors as Mt. Dew or Dr. Pepper, only crap like Surge or Penis Collosus (that Pina Colada for the non Dick Joke inclined). Every time I go, me and my friends Johnny and Cody talk to the clerk, Rick, who tells us about all the times he’s gotten laid. He also likes to flirt with our friend Marie. We normally stay there for hours just hangin out as if we are Beavis and Butthead, reading all the magazines (especially the stories in YM) and talking to Rick. Sometimes Cody gets me to waste my money on a scratch-off lottery ticket, but I never win. Cody thinks this is hilarious. Well, that’s it. I quit, I don’t give a shit. Patrick Lavery
Pictures are from The Library of Congress