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The Facebook friend took a test to see “What drunk author are you?” His answer was Edgar Allan Poe. ( The FB man spelled it Allen. There seems to be a consensus for two Ls.) While Mr. Poe was a talented writer, he did not have a healthy lifestyle. Getting back to WDAAA (writers don’t attend alcoholics anonymous), PG decided to consult the firm of Google Associates.
The first choice was indeed a quiz. AOL answers has one self evaluating question, what drunk author are you quiz? PG is short of imagination, so he is going to borrow an anonymous writer from the early 20th century. He reported that Shoeless Joe Jackson was leaving a courtroom, and some kid looked at him and said “say it ain’t so, Joe”. In the days before video cameras, reporters took a bit more license. For this bit of creativity, PG claims the legacy of this anonymous drunk.
The next answer is from the scandal mongering Gawker. Their story is What Drunk Boulder, Colorado Author Tried Stealing His Own Book? Suspects include Jon Krakauer and Jello Biafra.
The Gawker story was inspired by a story in the New York Times called Steal These Books. No, this is not about Hollywood plots or creative bookkeeping on royalty statements. It is about five finger discounts at your local bookseller. This quote grabs your attention: “Although there’s no hard statistical evidence on most-stolen titles, The Telegraph of London reported last year that Jeffrey Eugenides’s novel “The Virgin Suicides” was said to be “the most shoplifted book of modern times.” Eugenides had heard this for many years. “I just assumed that the book appealed to the young and sticky-fingered to a certain extent,” he told me, with some amusement. Years ago, Eugenides was at a literary conference with Paul Auster, another top choice among literary thieves. “Paul and I argued about whose book was stolen more,” Eugenides said. “He claimed he was stolen a lot, I claimed I was stolen a lot. Back and forth. It was one of those deep intellectual conversations.”
These days, every body and every subject has a blog. DrunkWriterTalk tries to fill this need for the 86 proof Hemingway. The most recent post is “We all need a little honesty“. Oscar Wilde had something to say about a little honesty, and it was correct.
Yes, this post is going downhill in a hurry, and you are still reading it. The next stop on this downward spiral is Things to do in Chicago When you are Drunk! This feature sinks to giving advice, like “don’t try to save your marriage with orgies!” and “don’t get drunk and buy drugs by yourself in the hood when you are white!.”
A facility called Wikinut chimes in with Writing While Inebriated (or, How to Be a Drunk-Writer) . This feature has a coupon for a product called Nylabone, a chewable merchandise that is designed for dogs. The headlines include “Keep alcohol on hand, Pour yourself a drink and minimize distractions, Allow inspiration to kick in ” and “Ignore the naysayers“.
The bottom of page one on google is the seminal FB quiz. In the best Zuckerman tradition, it asks you to agree to access information and post it on your wall. PG does not like to do this. He also drinking 22 years ago, and would make a lousy drunk author.
The pictures for this entertainment are from The Library of Congress. These images are a primitive form of photography known as Daguerreotypes. Most of the images shown today are unknown people, and were taken between 1840 and 1860.