Chamblee54

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I started with a column by Carl Hiassen.Mr. Hiassen is a great writer with an unpronounceable name. His novels make me scared to be living next to Florida, much less go there. He also writes a weekly (sometimes) column for the Miami Herald. He says that what goes in his novels is the watered down version of what he sees in real life.
Today’s feature is about the meltdown on Wall Street. A lot of people are writing about that. It is less painful than suicide, but without the happy ending. Mr. Hiassen ( HIGH as sin? hi ASS en’? There is a t shirt slogan there somewhere, and t shirt supercenters in Destin to sell them) blames the pecuniary melodrama on Cindy Crawford. You know, the supermodel, with an actor ex husband who left her for a gerbil. Miss Cindy designed a collection of yummy furniture, and went on TV to sell it. The couch potato to be could purchase this splendid stuff with no money down, and the rest of his life to pay for it. ( I have to take…Carl’s…word for this. I seldom watch TV, and turn the channel if Cher, or a supermodel, start selling stuff.
According to Mr. CH, these people needed a bigger house to put their furniture in. The banks decided that what works for furniture finance, is just dandy for a big house. All of a sudden, people who need eight years to pay for their sofa were buying MondoMansions in Dacula. They were not deterred by worry about how to pay for these splendid digs, or about buying gas for their SUV. They drive 40 miles one way to work. One day, the whole house of cards came tumbling down, lotsa smart people looked stupid, and a gerbil was smirking.
The fun is just starting. To get to this Cindyphilia, you get to navigate through a popup ad. Now, this machine has a pretty good popup blocker. Today, 51 monkeys got through. Yes, 51 animated monkeys, one for every state and the District of Columbia. That makes three even rows of 17. The primates are waving, and eating bananas. If you move your cursor over one, it turns a lighter shade of brown and waves the bananas. These critters are advertising a facility that offers free credit report scores.
This is poetry. A turbocharged popup, featuring 51 banana happy monkeys, who want to tell you your credit score. All before you read a column by ….HIM… about how a supermodel is responsible for the disaster in our country’s credit score. Does it get any better than this?
Spell check suggestions for this feature:
carl- carol, car, earl, call, curl, care, cart, carp
hiassen- baseness, unbiased, ashien, absentia
Destin- dustin, destiny
dacula-dracula, Dauchau, oracular, ejaculate
cindyphilia- necrophilia, anglophilia, syphilizing, pedophilia